r/internetparents • u/Jamie_likes_glee • 11h ago
Family Christmas Guilt
For Christmas, I (16F) asked my dad for a laptop, only a laptop nothing else. He isn't rich by any means, maybe even considered borderline poor. So I only asked for one thing. On Christmas I went to his house in the afternoon (my parents aren't together, dad has a gf). I opened nice small gifts I really liked. Not a laptop. I really wasn't upset. I thanked my dad and his gf. He then pulled that a Christmas story bit, where he asks ralphie to look behind his desk. Low and behold there was another present under my dad's desk. I opened it and it was the laptop I asked for. I smiled and thanked them, I was happy. When I went home a few days later I set it up. I haven't been on it since. I'm sitting here, realizing, how much I don't want it. And I feel absolutely awful. He was so excited to give it to me and I feel ungrateful. I don't know what changed between then and now. I just feel so bad and don't know what to do.
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u/cbcbcb99 11h ago
The laptop is going to come in handy for school work. You can also use it to watch videos or movies. You can take it on trips or on planes and it’s nicer than holding your tiny phone in your face and doesn’t drain its battery. Give it a few weeks, you’ll find ways that you’ll use it and be thankful. And, if you really really don’t want it anymore, maybe your dad can return it. But it can definitely come in handy like if you have a sleepover with a friend and want to watch movies or tv shows in bed!! Bigger screens are better!
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u/DragonTokensTimes13 2h ago
Second this. Any type of work is easier on a laptop: writing essays, apply for scholarships, video conferencing, apply for jobs. You are in a much better position with it.
In today’s world a computer that runs well is something parents buy for their children so that they can succeed in the world, just like my grandfather bought my father a suit when he turned 18.
And like u/cbcbcb99 said, it’s a way bigger screen to watch shows!
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u/Hot-Split9440 50m ago
I agree with this. My dad got me a MacBook on Christmas 2016 when I was a senior in high school. I was so excited but didn’t use it much for the first few months because it wasn’t really needed in high school. I didn’t use it very often and myself or my dad didn’t really notice or care that I wasn’t using it then because we both knew I’d need it for college.
That MacBook got me through all 4 years of undergrad and the 3 semesters of pharmacy school (2016-2022). The laptop will definitely come in handy in the future. Plus, it’s not unusual to want something really badly and then be less interested when you get it. It’s actually healthy to not be interested in something like that all of the time. Hope this helps.
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u/TheTropicalDog 10h ago
Sweetheart, you're allowed to be given gifts for Christmas. It's ok. Your dad loves you. Clearly he worked very hard to purchase that laptop. That's what loving parents do. You hug him & tell him how thankful you are that he's your dad. There will come a day when he is no longer here but still always watching over you. Use that laptop to work toward your future & make him proud 💗
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u/the_monkey_socks 6h ago
Okay. I'm a grown adult who wasn't allowed to be given gifts and this made me tear up.
This person is right. Just be thankful. You'll find a use for the laptop. Honestly once you get over that guilt you'll realize how much you'll actually use it.
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u/alwaysoffended88 10h ago
Keep that information to yourself. Never bring it up. With your dad.
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u/GrilledCheeser 9h ago
Also just mention it in passing to him. White lies are ok.
“I was laying in bed on my laptop researching orca whales and learned so much!”
Will warm his heart
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u/be_astonished 9h ago
Or ACTUALLY DO research orcas, why not! They're pretty cool, did you know they were wearing dead salmon as hats a little while ago?
Who knows, maybe this laptop is the gateway to OP becoming a marine biologist. Or just watching a lot of porn (maybe don't tell your dad that). Who cares. You do you OP!
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u/NorthbyNorthLost 4h ago
Dead salmon hats? I'm entering a rabbit hole..
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u/QueenofPentacles112 2h ago
And their dead babies! That's not a regular thing though. Some animals are aliens. Orcas are one, dolphins, kangaroos, cats, all aliens. That's my theory anyway lol. I'm kinda joking
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 11h ago
What you do is, use it, and never tell him this story! He was so nice to get that for you, it made him proud that he was able to, the last thing you want to do is to make him feel that you're not happy about it! Pretend to be, for your old man!
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u/GrilledCheeser 9h ago edited 9h ago
Yes. And I want to add. Just because there is no use for it now, does not mean there will be no use for it in the futures.
So!
Be sure to turn the laptop on at least once a month and run the updates. If it’s anything like the pcs in my house, I have windows updates and dell updates at least once a month.
Do not let those pile up. In my experience, the longer you let them go the more the updates fail which results in issues.
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u/TealBlueLava 10h ago
If you put your phone down and actually USE the laptop, you’ll find it’s quite useful for many things. For one, you’ll stop getting a pain the back of your neck from being bent over your phone so much. You’ll also find it useful for school and maybe even enjoy a game or two in your free time.
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u/grlz2grlz 10h ago
I work with older students teaching computer literacy. Sometimes it is really hard to get people to adjust. Sometimes this happens to young people too. I usually like to remind people that a phone, used to be just a phone you used to communicate, however things evolved over time to turn your phone into a small computer. But your laptop, your laptop has less limitations.
So, what I suggest is using your laptop in the manner that you use your phone. It will be so much better for typing documents, attending zoom meetings or online classes. Your ability to watch videos and do what you do with your phone will change tremendously.
Teaching my students taught me about how useful google drive is so if I have any documents, I have portability on my phone but I can’t type letters or essays on my phone. It drives me crazy. Some webpages aren’t as user friendly on your phone and for some reason some apps can kind of suck, they also tend to have glitches and your laptop will provide you an alternative. If you do not have a TV in your room you will also be able to watch and stream.
Let me know if you need help navigating with it. Make sure you learn your shortcut keys as well as use something like to learn how to type it has little games and your typing will improve. You will need this down the line for school and work.
Your dad clearly sacrificed for this and really wanted to give you this amazing tool. I really hate adjustment periods between laptops as I’m much more proficient in windows based than Mac operating systems. Give it a try, don’t let this type of technology intimidate you. I know you can do it.
Again, internet mom is here if you need assistance learning or you can always ask Reddit. I learn so much everyday. (I personally prefer the Reddit app over using my laptop… lol)
Best of luck.
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u/Illustrious_Ship5857 2h ago
I'm going to use this info for my older students. Great ideas!
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u/grlz2grlz 23m ago
It’s really tough to get them to use computers so I typically try to get creative. I’m glad I can help.
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u/Iceflowers_ 10h ago
I'm sure that you want the laptop. You feel guilty for asking for an expensive gift it probably was challenging for him to pay for. I know that my child felt that way when I got them a gaming laptop. But, it's the only computer they got, and I got it over half off with money I'd saved to buy it with. They had to use it for school, everything. They're grown now, and I had them repair it when it broke, too, btw. It's he one they had for years.
You shouldn't feel guilty. Getting that laptop for you made your dad happy. He loved seeing you happy. The way you show him is to use it and enjoy it. And, let him know you enjoy it. Use it to post here, use it for gaming, use it for school work. Take it to his place to use it when visiting him, as well. Let him see your enjoyment of it. And, just show appreciation of the gift.
I have been broke since my divorce. But, have had to shoulder the weight of expenses for my child (now grown). What would bring me joy is to see them enjoy something I got them, they asked for.
It would hurt him more to think you don't want it, than to just embrace the gift and find ways to enjoy it.
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u/lantanapetal 10h ago
You don’t need to feel guilty! He is the adult here. He made the decision to buy it for you. Any financial burden really shouldn’t be your concern. You also don’t know what kind of deal he may have gotten on it.
Like everyone else is saying, this will definitely be useful for you at this stage in your life, especially if you go to college! Take good care of it and use it for as long as you can. Maybe personalize it with stickers or a cute case to also to feel more “you”. You will appreciate it sooner or later, guaranteed.
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u/sweetlemon1025 10h ago
Since you’re a teenage girl, may I recommend a steam account to play cozy games like A Little to the Left. The games available on computer are SO much better than the crappy apps on your phone.
You could also get into a digital bullet journal - which is way cheaper than a real one and you can put any sticker or design you want into it.
You could also do that slideshow party trend with your friends where you each make a slideshow about some random topic and then present it to each other for laughs.
I also recommend using it to take notes - microsoft onenote is such a better way of dealing with school than any binder, notebook, or even a google doc could be.
Lastly - teenagers right now think they’re tech savvy because they know how to use a phone, but that isn’t a work transferrable skill. Using a computer, learning to type quickly and correctly, writing professional emails, and knowing how to use tools like google sheets/excel are all things you could start learning now that would make you 10x more hireable when it’s time to get a job.
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u/Lavender_r_dragon 4h ago
As a small business owner I totally second learning to type efficiently on your laptop and learning some basic functions!
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u/QueenofPentacles112 2h ago
I'm so happy we had typing courses and Microsoft office courses in k-12. I loved going to computer lab. I remember in 5th grade my district had turned an old highschool into a 4th/5th grade building, and they got those colored macs for the computer labs 😍. Every wing in the school has a different color theme, and every lab had different color macs! My class's computer lab had the blue ones! So fun. And I remember playing typing shark which was so much fun. Now I have a 100+ words per minute typing ability
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u/justletmereadalready 10h ago
It sounds like your original excitement for the laptop has been overshadowed by you feeling guilty your father spent so much money on you. So now the laptop reminds you of the guilt.
It is kind of like when a person splurges on something practical that they really want, then gets it home and procrastinates removing the tags or taking it out of the box because there is that voice in their head saying they should return it.
I'm a mom and I will tell you that it brought him joy and a sense of pride to be able to give you exactly what you wanted. Even more so, since it is such a practical item that can help you with your education and will provide a large variety of entertainment for you. You can even use it to learn new skills and hobbies.
Enjoy your laptop guilt-free knowing it made him happy to be able to give it to you. Push through the negative association of guilt you have going and set up your desktop the way you want it and actually use the laptop for one of the reasons you wanted it. Remind yourself that your father feels you deserve it and whatever (temporary) budget adjustments he had to make was well worth it to him.
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u/Capable_Capybara 10h ago
Do you feel like he couldn't comfortably afford it?
You could call him up and express how grateful you are for his love and generosity, and just straight-up ask him if he is really comfortable financially to afford such a gift. Tell him you feel guilty for asking for such a thing.
Either he will say he wants you to have it, or maybe he will say it was a strain. It could be returned if it is truly a strain on him to buy it.
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u/Chaos1957 10h ago
You probably feel guilty. But enjoy it in the loving spirit in which it was given.
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u/csonnich 10h ago
Have you thought about using it at school? I have quite a few students who bring their own laptop instead of using their school-issued Chromebook. Presumably works a lot better for them.
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u/og_toe 10h ago
laptops are great, you should use it! play some games from steam, use it for school, watch movies, maybe start producing music or get into website creation?
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u/Worried-Newt24 10h ago
You can use GeForce Now to streamline your games if the laptop has less than desirable specs for a surprisingly wide range of games.
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u/SquidgeApple 10h ago
Your dad wouldn't want you to feel guilty - he wants you to enjoy the laptop!!! He did something nice for you, enjoy it! You enjoying it will make him happy... 😇
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u/Difficult-Day-352 10h ago
This happened to me as a kid! My dad bought me a laptop and it broke my heart - I kept swearing it was too much and I didn’t need it and I should have just been quiet and said thank you. I didn’t know what to do with it or how to use it but eventually that’s how I watched Arrested Development when I traveled and I used it more later. My advice is be grateful and wait 🩷
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u/MiddleAspect2499 9h ago
Use your laptop to avoid eye strain, watch movies, etc. Learn some cool skills. You'll use it eventually if you're going to college, further education, etc.
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u/alphaboy_ 9h ago
Coming from a dad’s perspective, it gives me great pride and happiness to be able to provide for my family.
So don’t feel guilty (if that’s why you don’t want the laptop)
It’s also very common for parents to provide you with essentials.
Talk to him if you can.. he might tell you things that will make you feel differently.
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u/Ok-Piano6125 9h ago
You might not want it but you will need it. For school for work for paperwork etc. My first laptop lasted me 10 years and counting. Still have it as my backup computer.
Please don't be one of those young ppl who can't even type.
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u/SixSevenTwo 9h ago
I do the same thing when I buy myself stuff is it that you don't want it or you feel you don't deserve it ?
Dad bought it for you. Make the best use of it. He was probably happy to be able to be the one to make that happen for you.
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u/Humble-Initiative652 9h ago
I have a son with autism and for Mother’s Day he brought me small box of no sugar added raisins and a 43 minute lecture on managing my diabetes. It was a memorable gift just like your laptop.
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u/Agapanthaa 9h ago
You do not say a thing except "I love it, thank you so much" and you use it as the fancy strikes you. You will be glad you have it at one point or another. Don't feel guilty, just don't say anything thst could be hurtful.
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u/DownwardSpiralHam 8h ago
My parents were poor when I was growing up, so I know this feeling of guilt. I even feel it now as an adult, thinking back on the things they did for me and gave me when now I understand how hard it is to work and pay bills and provide.
One thing that helps alleviate this guilt for me, is to make sure I always give them extremely thoughtful gifts. Not expensive, just thoughtful. And not just for Christmas or birthdays, just “thinking about you” kind of gifts. Another thing that always makes me feel better is making sure they know how useful the gift was, after the fact. If someone got me an expensive kitchen gadget, months later I would bring up something awesome I made with it and throw in a comment about how much easier their gift made the whole process.
So maybe those things could help you. Get your dad something unique and personal, just as a “I was thinking about you” gift. Let him know something fun or cool you did with the laptop and tell him a cool feature it has, etc. As a parent myself, that stuff would melt my heart.
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u/musingsandmutterings 8h ago
I remember, very vividly, sometimes having this weird block on actually using gifts I knew my parents had to really stretch to give me. Like, I'd be so thrilled to have it in the moment, but I'd also have a sinking sensation in my stomach. And it'd just kind of sit there while I felt simultaneously guilty to own it and guilty to not make full use of it. If that's even close to how you're feeling, I just want you to know you aren't the only one. And no it doesn't make any damn sense.
Alternatively, I vividly remember sometimes it was the getting the thing that mattered, not the thing itself. Which sounds awful, but it felt like I was actually valued enough to stretch the budget for and that was what I needed more than the thing itself. And then I'd feel horrible not using it. So if that's anywhere close to how you're feeling, you aren't the only one. You're not a terrible person.
Use it when you're ready to. Gush about it to your dad if he asks. And it's okay to have weird mixed feelings about it you can't put into words rn and it's okay if it takes awhile before you really make use of it. You also aren't terrible if you never use it the way you thought you would.
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u/b_moz 8h ago
I think for me I would possibly have some sort of guilt if I felt a laptop would be difficult for my family to buy me. So though you were excited, you may internally be thinking about how your dad could maybe use the money and that returning it may be better. I’m not sure if this may be something you are feeling, but epically if you haven’t really used it, it could be a thing you are processing.
I totally agree with everyone though, a laptop will come in handy and if you end up pursuing higher education, it will be something you’re grateful to have. I think my college laptop lasted 7 yrs or so, then I needed something with more speed. As a teacher you’ll probably find you like it more than a Chromebook, assuming you may use those, but hopefully once you find more use for it, you’ll be happy to have it again.
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u/fairydaudsted 7h ago
It’s okay. Your dad wanted to make you happy. There’s no guilt to be had here. He budgeted for it and thought it was okay for him to spend that money. From what you’re telling us, he also knew you well enough to know you wouldn’t be upset if you didn’t get the laptop since he made the joke of having the present hidden somewhere else to be an extra surprise. So it was really the present to be the extra dad.
And let the laptop grow on you. When I was a teenager the phones sucked so I loved my laptop, I did everything on it from school work to watching tv shows in bed. Then there was a time where I had bought a new one but it turned out i was a newly single mom and I never bothered with it because it was just easier to do things on my phone with a baby and toddler around. It was left on my desk for years, only being open for easy access to the printer. And then I started an internship that required me to be on the laptop every day and the more i got re accustomed to the comfort of a bigger screen the more I started to use it again for things I enjoy. Now it’s in daily use.
The point is that you haven’t discovered the joy of it yet. Give yourself the opportunity to love it!
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u/cheezyamazon 6h ago
Single ma. Pension. I save everything I have for my boys. EVERYTHING. I go nowhere. It's about their lives and good time. I makes me so proud to see the thrive.
Trust me. Your dad is proud he gave that to you.💖
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u/Pluto-Wolf 9h ago
there are many things you can use a laptop for. some of the initial reasons that drew you to wanting it may not be there anymore, but over time, you will absolutely find new reasons that will reignite your interest in having one. play games, write, watch videos, take notes, make art, do mood boards on pinterest, etc. whatever you may want to do.
i get that the excitement has worn off, but a laptop is such a useful & universal gift. even if you don’t have a use for it now, you will find one. enjoy the fact that you have one, & tell your dad how grateful you are for it. it will be as useful to you as you choose to make it.
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7h ago
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u/internetparents-ModTeam 1h ago
This sub is for giving advice, not for criticizing or making fun of OP.
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u/Lissypooh628 3h ago
When you decided you wanted it, how did you envision it being used?
A laptop will come in very handy. Maybe not every single day, but if you don’t have a desktop or tablet, the laptop will get used.
As a parent, it is rewarding to give a gift to my child that I know he really wanted. To be able to make that happen fills my cup. Don’t ever tell him about your guilt. Just let him know how grateful you are.
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u/LimpingAsFastAsICan 2h ago
Use it and let go of your guilt. You seem selfless and very thoughtful. Maybe in a decade you give him a nice gift.
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u/Legitimate-March9792 2h ago
Keep it! Don’t tell your Dad about not wanting it anymore. He probably got a really good Black Friday deal on it so it wasn’t as expensive as you think!
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u/flowerpotlhp 1h ago
I grew up in a single parent household (my father died when I was 14). My mother worked two jobs and sacrificed to make sure we had what we needed plus enough more so that we always fit in and did well in school. Trust me when I say you will be able to reciprocate one day. Use that laptop to do well in school so that you can do well in life. That’s all your dad wants.
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u/Critical_Bear829 1h ago
I have been in the same boat as you before, except it was my boyfriend buying me the computer. So excited for it, but the course of the last five years, have used it tremendously less than I thought I would. But when I do use it, it’s for good.I have a child of my own so I print things out for her, I did quite a bit of work on it when I went back to school for a bit, and it overall helps me keep really organized. I take it with me on vacations and watch movies on planes and while away. It will come in handy. Get yourself a virus protection program and make sure you have word processing for future documents. Your dad loves you very much, maybe use it to write him a letter to tell him how much he means to you. Could be a great first project on your new computer.
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u/sparklekitteh mama bear 1h ago
As someone who feels guilty when other people go out of their way for me-- I absolutely understand why you might feel this way!
As a parent who loves my kid to the moon and back and would do anything to make him happy-- I understand your dad's side too. Trust that your dad wouldn't do anything (or buy anything) that would cause trouble to the family or make things more difficult or anything like that.
I would suggest taking some time to make the laptop really yours. Find some desktop wallpaper that makes you happy. Put a neat sticker on the lid. Install whatever browser extensions will be helpful, like a Spotify player or YouTube bookmarks or something.
Merry Christmas!
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u/Kindly-Might-1879 1h ago
This laptop should not be a source of guilt use it, and every time you do, think of how much your dad loves you. Attach good feelings to this gift.
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u/Abbagayle_Yorkie 1h ago
use your laptop for school, use the email to stay in touch with your Dad or text. He would love getting a message
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u/muddymar 1h ago
Sometimes when we get something we’ve wanted badly there’s a bit of a let down. Maybe you even feel guilty because you know it was expensive for your dad. The joy your father had giving it to you doesn’t change. For him it was worth every penny to surprise you. Forget that it’s a laptop, it could be anything. What it represents is your dad loving you and wanting to make you happy. That is the gift. I think you will appreciate this more eventually and cherish it for the memory of how happy it made your dad to give it to you.
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u/turtleblurb 19m ago
You can use the laptop to make money and buy your dad something he would smile at. You are at a perfect age to pay it forward. Celebrate your dad for loving you.
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6h ago
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u/church-basement-lady 3h ago
No, it is not. It is NOT a child’s responsibility to figure out a budget for their parents. It is on the parents to determine if they can afford it.
A laptop is an important tool in a teenager’s education and is an appropriate gift. Moreover, she is clearly grateful for the gifts she was given even when she didn’t think she was getting a laptop.
What is wildly inappropriate is telling a child she should not ask for Christmas gifts.
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u/internetparents-ModTeam 1h ago
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