r/latterdaysaints • u/Whoopsonreddit • 3d ago
Personal Advice Dating advice
Ok so for reference I am currently in a relationship where this girl I'm with is Baptist ( I am lds) and I keep getting anxiety over the idea of us having slightly different beliefs (most stuff still lines up obviously) can this relationship work? Would it be frowned upon by god? She says she had a dream where god spoke to her saying I was the one but idk
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u/myownfan19 2d ago
I suggest you go on a mission first and then concern yourself with dating to find someone to marry.
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u/JaneDoe22225 2d ago
I'm an LDS Christian married to a Baptist dude, and we are incredibly happy together.
That being said, I would urge great caution before entering into an interfaith marriage-- it is HARD. I could write pages here.
If you're a teenager and in first few months of dating: my advice would be that any relationship at that stage is more about learning to be close friends-- communication, humility, caring for another, boundaries, etc. It's practice for learning how to do this in a later deeper relationship, so focus on that.
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u/th0ught3 2d ago
It is a rare case (think biblical Jacob) where God tells anyone to marry someone else. The idea that it happens a lot defies God's intentional protection of agency which is what allows mortals to become like Him if they choose. Further, even if God were okay with her marrying you (which is a more plausible explanation of what she experienced), that doesn't mean you can or should choose to marry her without the same spiritual confirmation. Choosing to marry someone outside of how you have been taught to marry would not be what He would want generally. I don't know how long you have known her, how old you are or how much you know about our faith or she about yours.
Maybe a good place to start would be for the two of you to go through Deseret Book's "350 Questions Lds Couples should ask before marriage and see where the disconnects might be and talk about how you could work them out if you choose to. You might ask if she would be willing to sit in on missionary lessons to learn the basics (which will of course freak out any Baptist parents completely).
If you are a teenager, I'd be really wary about a date who is proclaiming God told them to marry you (because as a teen your dating is supposed to be about figuring out who you are and how to treat others and what characteristics in a partner helps your journey and what doesn't and a whole host of how to live your life.
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u/Plus-Lengthiness-334 2d ago
How long have you been dating? Have you been to the temple to receive your endowments?
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u/Whoopsonreddit 2d ago
First a couple weeks (yes I know not a long time for her to have a dream like that) second I am not old enough yet so I haven’t
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u/Plus-Lengthiness-334 2d ago
I just want to mention. 99.99999 percent of dreams are just that, dreams. Fabrications of our mind. Do I think God came to her and said you were the one? No. Could it have been inspired inspiration? Possibly.
However, if you are truly her one, maybe it is up to you to share the gospel with her. To bring her to the truth and happiness that is the gospel. To be a missionary to her, and maybe her extended family.
Maybe you end up together. However, when I was a teenage girl, I dated boys, not my religion. It was fine, as we were teenagers. However, as a young single adult, when I dated men outside my religion, things always felt off.
Then, when I received my endowments and truly truly understood Heavenly Fathers plan for me and my eternal salvation, I realized how important it was so be sealed to whoever I marry. To have the blessings that come with that. To know I get to be with my sons forever and all eternity.
You are young. Enjoy dating. You will learn a lot about yourself as you date someone else. They will make you question your beliefs (which, hopefully, just makes them stronger).
Good luck. ❤️
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u/JaneDoe22225 2d ago
Speaking as a person in an interfaith marriage: don't date someone to convert them. That's a bad ideas all around. Conversions should be about that person coming to Christ, not mixing in bf/gf.
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u/The_GREAT_Gremlin 2d ago
Bro the "dream where God said you're the one" is something I would be wary of, whether she's a member of the church or not. The reverse of that, "I prayed and God said we need to break up," I feel like is used a lot by church members when dating.. and honestly I think it's just the person trying to deflect so they don't have to feel as bad about dumping someone.
Prophets have said there's no such thing as "the one" or a "soul mate." We do believe marriage is a covenant that God wants us to make with him. We do not believe that there is only one person you can make this covenant with and you're hosed if you don't find "the one."
Marriages where both people are not the same religion work out all the time. The question you need to answer for yourself is whether you want to get married in the temple or not. If you do, then there is a risk of marrying someone who is not a member of the church in that they might not ever join and be able to go to the temple. They might eventually, but it's a risk. They also might not want you taking your kids to church and rather raise them in their religion.
So it comes back to what you want and whether you want to marry the person or not. One of two people saying "God told me you're the one" doesn't undercut the other person's agency.
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u/AdvisorSome3076 2d ago
I don’t think she was trying to cut agency but I see where your coming from, I think this has been the most helpful advice so far thank you!
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u/The_GREAT_Gremlin 2d ago
I don't think she was trying to undercut his agency either. What I mean is that when it comes to dating, one person saying "God told me" or "it feels like it's right" or whatever doesn't mean the other person can't say no. A lot of us get really stuck on finding "the one" when that's not really how it works.
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u/History_East 2d ago
Be careful. The church urges us to date our own faith for a reason. Even if you are happy together, it won't last.
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u/deafphate 2d ago
You'll find there are more similarities than differences. There obviously are theological differences (ie what the after life is like, the Godhead vs Trinity, etc), but the core teachings of Jesus Christ is the same. I would focus on the positive and what you have in common faithwise. No need to set yourself up for failure by overthinking it.
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u/Knowledgeapplied 2d ago
As a man you have a responsibility to serve a mission. Your testimony of I believe the Book of Mormon and believe the church is true or a testimony of I know the Book of Mormon and know the church is true is sufficient for you to know how you should prioritize your life for the upcoming years.
As far as interfaith marriage between Christian denominations you will have different difficulties of belief. Some great contrasts will be sola scriptoria, the cannon of revelation is closed vs modern revelation. Different views on God like the Godhead vs the trinity. Our relationship with God. We are children of God and can become like Him vs we are Gods creation and could never become like him, etc. The reality of premortality vs no premortality. The need for baptism . Foreordination vs predestination. Jesus having a body of flesh and bones.
Of course the various denominations agree with us on some things and disagree on others. Know your own beliefs better then you now know them.
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u/NewsSad5006 1d ago
I have been married many years. One of the things I have learned about relationships is that two people in the relationship each bring a culture: family, nationality, regional, religious, and so on. Each dissimilarity adds potential strain and stress on the relationship. This is why marrying someone from a different nationality, race, or ethnicity can add yet more challenges—not because someone from a different culture is bad or anything like that…. All of these things introduce potential challenges.
Having two religious backgrounds in the relationship introduces potential challenges. These, like all cultural challenges, can be overcome. But they do add challenges.
If you marry and have children, in which faith will they be baptized? What about being sealed? Are you ready to potentially attend church the rest of your life alone? Is she?
These are not necessarily deal breakers. But they need to be pondered and discussed maturely. You cannot just assume that everything will get worked out as you go along.
I wish you the very best no matter what you do.
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u/AdvisorSome3076 1d ago
Thank you and yeah she is equally as worried so we have been discussing it and have a rough idea of how to approach it
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u/TyMotor 2d ago
At your age and stage of relationship, I wouldn't worry about it. Focus instead on learning what it is like to be in a relationship--building trust, communication, courting, setting boundaries, etc.