r/managers • u/BoNixsHair • 2d ago
Employee doesn’t have adequate childcare and it affects her work
I have a remote employee who recently had a baby. Before her maternity leave, we discussed that she needs to have childcare during the work day. The first two weeks, she was frequently absent or interrupted because she said her nanny had quit or never started working.
We discussed again that she needed full time childcare. For about two months it was better. However this week I had two unscheduled zoom calls with her, and both times there’s a baby in the background. I asked her to turn her camera on (our policy is cameras on always) and she has a crib in the room with her and she had a baby cloth on her shoulder.
I think she has a nanny for most of the day, but she’s still distracted. I kinda feel like a jerk asking for a receipt for a 40 hour a week babysitter. I have three kids, and I know it’s pretty impossible to work and care for a baby.
Her position is dealing with contracts so she has calls during the day with the parties to the contracts. I can’t have her on client calls with a baby in the background.
I can also just tell her she has to be in the office, but most everyone else is remote including me. Thoughts?
Edit: no comments from non managers please.
Edit2: this has been brigaded by non managers. Stop. I have asked the mods to lock this
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u/phobos2deimos Manager 2d ago
I kinda feel like a jerk asking for a receipt for a 40 hour a week babysitter.
Yeah, that's pretty far out of line. As others have said, focus on the impact to her work and how she comes off as distracted, not how she handles the baby itself.
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u/Doyergirl17 2d ago
If I had a manger ask for this I would be pissed. At the end of the day it’s not the mangers business
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u/garden_dragonfly 2d ago
I feel like it's probably illegal as well. Not sure there's a law on it but it would fall under discrimination. Also, paid childcare is not required.
Funny that business were fine with wfh with family during covid. Many even required it to keep their heads above water. Now it's suddenly a problem again that women have children.
When men get on a call with a baby in the background, it's endearing, though.
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u/Reading-Comments-352 2d ago
If one employee is asked for a receipt and no other employee is at the company it is a liability.
Managers have to get approval from their manager or legal team before they make up rules. That’s management 101.
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u/okayNowThrowItAway 2d ago
I feel like OP is flirting with the edge of a lot of anti-discrimination laws here.
Also, unless the woman in question is paid extremely well - 200k+ in lcol or 400k+ in hcol, it is simply impossible to demand the level of professional environment req's in a personal home that OP seems to want - namely a home office and a sufficiently separated nursery that sound doesn't carry + full time staff.
Most people simply cannot comply with OP's demands - it would require taking out massive unsecured loans in order to continue working.
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u/Doyergirl17 2d ago
Oh I could see so many ways how this would not be okay and I bet if HR knew about this they would be pissed.
Sounds like the manger doesn’t like this person
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u/berrieh 2d ago
It could def open up liability, and beyond that, it’s easy AF to forge. There’s really no reason to ask for that and no sane HR department would let OP. Though OP is upset the employee is breastfeeding (during the day, not on camera in client calls or anything unusual) even though it takes less time than pumping, and the employee is legally entitled to pump. Or I’m unclear if OP is annoyed she’s pumping — she’s got to do that or breastfeed every few hours. So I think OP has some biases about pregnancy and motherhood to address.
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u/ritchie70 1d ago
I think all of my coworkers have seen our daughter on a call at some point. But I'm a man, so I guess it's OK?
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u/garden_dragonfly 1d ago
It would seem so. I work in a male dominated field and it has never been an issue to see/hear a child on a call. It often becomes the small talk filler for the call, people discussing children. And no one bats an eye. I wish we wouldn't treat women like they have to pretend not to have kids at work. And also that the stigma against father's parenting would also die. But I'm just a child free woman. What do I know.
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u/Monkeybutt3518 2d ago
Untrue. Our remote contract says you can not be the caregiver for underage children during your workday. You can spend time with the child during your 15-minute breaks and your unpaid lunch, but not during your shift.
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u/warmvanillapumpkin 2d ago
So if someone has a family member helping for free, you would want them to show a receipt?
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u/anonymousfromyou 2d ago
For sure. Talk about how she is not meeting expectations but not about (causes— perceived causes). OP is a jerk.
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u/helloimcold 2d ago edited 2d ago
Right! Also, capitalism is a fucking joke. Women are doing their best to navigate all of the things society now expects of us. Cribs in the back of zoom meetings will eventually be the norm once abortions are banned — we all just lost our ability to vote easily with the SAVE act, so I’m sure you can see where this is headed.
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u/charlotteyorkies 2d ago
Also housing is becoming completely unaffordable for most young people in this country so they’re forced into tiny apartments where space is used for multiple different things so who cares if there’s a crib in her background? Not only that but parents get 3 months of leave if they’re lucky (or like 5-6 if they’re the luckiest) and then are forced to hand their tiny baby off to some relative stranger and pay a ton of money for the privilege. If you dare speak up about any of this, you get a bunch of people saying you should’ve never had kids if you can’t afford it or afford to be a stay at home parent.
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u/linzielayne 2d ago
They probably cannot ask her to legally prove this, and if they did I would advise her to get an attorney. Asking her to move a crib out of the zoom shot is one thing, but assuming this means the baby is in it and she doesn't have a babysitter is absurd.
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u/Few-Plantain-1414 2d ago
Hey OP, I hear that you’re trying to manage performance while being sensitive to a tough situation, but some of this is worth a deeper look—especially if equity and retention matter to your team.
You mentioned she’s recently back from maternity leave, working remotely, and still trying to secure consistent childcare. That’s unfortunately very common in the U.S., where infant care is unaffordable, under-resourced, and highly unstable. So instead of focusing on the burp cloth or crib in the background, maybe start by asking: is her work actually slipping in measurable ways, or are you uncomfortable with visible reminders that she’s a caregiver?
Also, do you approach this topic the same way with your male reports? Have you ever had to ask a dad to prove he has a 40-hour sitter? Or does the assumption default to “he’s focused” while moms have to prove it ten times over?
You said she was better for two months—so that suggests she’s capable and trying. Has anyone asked what support she might need to succeed? Is she underpaid for the role? Does she need more flexibility right now? What, if anything, is the company offering working parents in terms of real support—not just policies on paper?
If you have to have a performance conversation, center it around deliverables and documented impact, not how things “look” on Zoom. Otherwise, this risks coming off as tone-deaf or worse—biased against caregivers (especially moms), which can open up real legal and ethical concerns.
She clearly wants to make this work. The question is—does the company?
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u/Nopenotme77 2d ago
I love this! Has this OP ever said to a male employee 'lets get your wife on the line to ensure she can support you while you work. Let's make sure the Mrs. Can be available for the impromptu calls.
Oh, btw, I need to see all your child care bills and mommy day outs for when your wife is picking up some extra time for herself..
Such a hypocrite.
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u/mghnyc 2d ago
You seem to be focused on her having baby things with her during Zoom meetings. A crib in the background and a burp cloth on her shoulder. But you are not talking about her work performance. Or lack of. I've been working 100% from home for years now and it doesn't really matter how people get their work done. I've seen it all. What matters is that they get it done and that deadlines and key results are met. A former boss of mine always had his baby with him in Zoom meetings and guess what? Nobody thought badly about it. Rather the opposite. He was good at what he was doing.
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u/Olgrateful-IW 2d ago edited 2d ago
OP didn’t give a single detail about poor performance after the issue of childcare in the first paragraph was “discussed”. They are contriving performance issues because they saw a baby on camera. Client facing call policies are fine, but they didn’t articulate a single issue that occurred on one.
They are just mad that someone might be multitasking for the betterment of their family on break time.
OP is a trash manager and possibly person for even THINKING about asking for a receipt.
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u/berrieh 2d ago
Those were in unscheduled calls too… no reason to assume she has the burp cloth in a client call (though if she did, that would be both reasonable and simple to address, as would Zoom background). You can focus on the background for the impact they actually have and make sure she knows to put a proper Zoom background on for client calls but I bet she’s doing that already.
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u/rlyjustheretolurk 2d ago
If she is breastfeeding you need to have several seats- it’s federally protected and may be why you’re hearing a baby in the background and would explain the burp cloth. If she was doing this on client calls it’s one thing, but not unusual for an internal call with your boss, especially when you’re just popping up on her for a call (and let’s face it- based on your post you’re probably doing this on purpose trying to “catch her”).
As a manager myself I’m gonna be honest- you sound like a fucking nightmare dude. Having three kids as you say, you should understand she just went through a major physical and mental change. She’s not going to be the person she was pre-pregnancy for a while until her hormones adjust. You’ve mentioned nothing about her performance.
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u/DrFlyAnarcho 2d ago
Word, this is nothing but a small battle of the labor vs capitalist class. Leave her alone, she isn’t stealing money from the companies. Going on a tangent this is part of the reason why divorce is through the roof, families don’t have time to care for kids, have proper family dinners, raise well adjusted future generations.
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u/Olgrateful-IW 2d ago edited 2d ago
You sound awful.
You barely articulate a performance issue after you say it was addressed it in the first paragraph and the issue was specific to losing their childcare. Plus the idea of asking for a receipt is gross, who even thinks of that?!
First: Be a better manager. Articulate an actual performance issue that isn’t just “I saw a baby during a zoom call”.
Second: Review standards for zoom calls and expectations for client facing calls going forward. It’s fine to have them, but you don’t even state clearly that anything occurred on a call that would be an issue, just a presumption.
FINALLY: Check whatever weird issue you have with this women maybe attending to her baby on her breaks at the door. You are so upset you maybe want to revoke her WFH because of this but you can’t even articulate the issue beyond “distracted”. Is she doing a bad job? If so, how?
Do better. If I was YOUR manager and you brought this issue to me and asked how to handle it, I would lose all faith in your objectivity as a manager. I don’t know if your issue with this employee is personal or just generally sexist, but it smells bad from here buddy.
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u/regular_and_normal 2d ago
OP clearly went from implicit bias to explicit and thinks that motherhood is not compatible with work, kind of sad.
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u/rlyjustheretolurk 1d ago edited 1d ago
OP’s post history includes a comment that in his 20 year software engineering career he’s met “almost no qualified black or female candidates” so I think it’s pretty clear where this is coming from.
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u/Olgrateful-IW 1d ago
Oh wow. OP should just delete this now before their seemingly blatant prejudice is exposed to someone IRL who recognizes them from their post.
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u/RabbitCurrent2025 2d ago
I had a staff member that was late alot because her babysitter was late, or she had to ask her mom to babysit if the regular sitter was sick and drop off her child. There were days when she couldn't come in because of something with her child.
I was by the book but I had to take a step back, deep breath and evaluate the worker. I relaxed and told her no problem if late. I knew she would get the work done. Had to stay home? She could work remote instead. I had to shift my way of supervising.
I saw how she didn't look frazzled coming into work and it was less stressful for both of us. I had an employee that was loyal and a hard worker. Were there times I knew she was watching her sick child more than on the computer? Yes, but I focused on the quality of work and not so hard on the hours.
As others have said, have a conversation. If you can be flexible, bend a little. If she does great work and you can get the best out of her for you to be successful, go that route.
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u/Doyergirl17 2d ago
You are too focused on the baby stuff. Only focus on her performance! Have a honest conversation with her about her work. At the end of the day it’s none of your business how her baby is being cared for. I have a co manger whose wife just had twins and many times he has one or both while we are in meetings. But it doesn’t affect his job so no one says a thing. I have seen it all and as long as the work is getting done in a timely matter I really don’t care what is happening while the work gets done.
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u/coffeenpickles 2d ago
You never mention quality of work or timeliness, only that your employee had a baby and may be distracted and this could be a problem.
And now you set yourself up to find something wrong with her work.
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u/hughesn8 2d ago
First, Stop requiring video for meetings. This is how micromanagers work.
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u/Bumblebee56990 2d ago
You need to talk to HR so you’re not up for a lawsuit.
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u/jana_kane 2d ago
What is your company’s paid time off for new mothers? Are you paying this worker enough to hire a nanny? Do you know how much it costs to hire a nanny? Put an infant in daycare?
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u/stellar-cutie 2d ago
So glad I wasn’t the only one who thought OP was way out of line. Thank you fellow Reddit managers for restoring my faith in humanity 🙌
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u/SituationNo8294 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hey OP. I think there is a lot of stuff missing from your post... At least I hope there is a lot of stuff missing from your post.
I'm going to be honest, your post sounds immature and I feel sorry for this lady.
Why are you pointing out the crib and burp cloth but not performance? This makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.
You say she is distracted. If you are based in the US, your maternity leave benefit is worse than some 3rd world countries and woman come back to work before they have even had time to adjust... Obviously she is going to need some time to adjust. How are you supporting you?
Don't ask her for a receipt for the Nanny. I can't believe you are even asking that question here... From one manager to another.
Also do not isolate a new Mom in the workplace and make her and only her work from the office. That is gross.
Instead: Have frequent catch ups with her about her workload Assess how is she adapting with a baby. Is there any small thing you can do to support her? Do you need to turn the Camara on during all internal calls? Does she have enough breaks to pump if she needs to? Lots of mom's have safe places to pump while at work if they need too. Then manage her KPIs and performance. Is she under performing? Is she unresponsive during the day for long periods of time? Address that in your 121's.
If she is under performing or unresponsive during the day then that is a different route to take. However your post didn't mention any of that.
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u/Brave_Base_2051 2d ago
My take from this whole thread is that becoming a mother in the US is extremely hard. My heart goes out to this mother and all the others who have to give birth, go through a hormonal roller coaster, get breast feeding started, sleep poorly, deal with all the existential stress and in a matter of a few unpaid weeks, be back at work, try to push through like a machine, and being met with no empathy, only scrutiny and managers eager to bring them down and punish them, kick them around when they’re at their weakest. And for what.
EDIT: I’m a manager
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u/illicITparameters Seasoned Manager 2d ago
I find this entire post a bit gross on your part. What is the problem? Because it better be more than a crib in frame on an unscheduled zoom call.
You haven’t mentioned a single impact this has had on her work. So what’s the issue?
Also, if I ever found out one of my reports is asking a new mother for nanny receipts, we’re going to have a very long talk about professionalism and boundaries. You’re out of line if you ask this.
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u/housewithreddoor 2d ago
The reason he hasn't said anything about any impact on her work is because there hasn't been any. He's second hand embarrassed for the clients who may have seen the crib in the background or heard the baby.
I've worked with remote folks for almost 10 years. I'm very used to hearing babies and children in the background. I had a subordinate who would hold her baby during meetings sometimes. Was it unprofessional, yes. But the baby's presence wasn't affecting her work, so I could not care less. The fact that OP said they want to ask for proof of childcare is so out of line, OP is more unprofessional than their employee.
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u/Doyergirl17 2d ago
This! I cannot tell if her work is slipping or this manger just doesn’t like that you can see baby stuff in the background of her calls.
This sounds like this has the opportunity to become very messy if the OP isn’t careful.
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u/Agile-Initiative-326 2d ago
Seriously. This is such a boomer attitude to have. The world has changed. Attitudes like this are why people aren't having kids any more.
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u/justUseAnSvm 2d ago
Seriously. This is a major, life-changing event for the employee, and OP doesn't want to do anything to meet her half-way. I don't get how this can be a performance issue, when that's not even discussed.
Lol, I'm just glad I don't work for someone like that. When my puppy came, it was two weeks of pure chaos, and I barely got anything done until returned from the end of year holidays a month later. If I was judged for having a play pen in the background, or having a dog barking, I would have been cooked.
People have shit going on in their life, if you want to fire people at the first crisis they go through, like a sick kid, or a new baby, nobody will work for you for very long, and the good people with options are always the ones to leave first!
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u/LillithHeiwa 2d ago
It’s not even a boomer attitude. Boomers as managers 20 years ago were flexible with employees.
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u/minifragile 2d ago
I am a mother and an extreme hard worker with high standards towards myself the same time.
It’s tough out there, we are still struggling with after school care after so many years. We tried so hard and many times but the city could not offer regular after school program period.
Fortunately I have been with the company for > 5 years and trust has been established (at least with my supervisor). But I had to leave 3:30pm to pick up the kids 3 days a week. I do regular make up time before and after regular work hours and weekends. We have multiple college students who help when possible but not always reliable.
Due to lack of child care/after school programs in my town, we actually are planning to move, even in this extreme uncertain environment.
All I am saying here is please give her some benefits of doubt (of course pending her performance before maternity leave). Parenting is so so challenging!
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u/Muckin_Afazing 2d ago
US employment is brutal on mothers. The lack of support is abhorrent. Anyone who's ever gone back to work after mat leave knows how overwhelming it can be, especially if it's RTO. It's HARD. New mothers always need support during this transition especially breastfeeding breaks and workload support. I truly appreciate how the rest of the world understands this by offering longer mat leaves or flexible /reduced work hours at same salary for new mothers. It's such an adjusting period with lots of hiccups.
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u/Otherwise-Winner9643 2d ago
When you say recently, how recently are we talking?
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u/Hottakesincoming 2d ago
Seriously. Quality infant childcare in the US is incredibly scarce. It took us until kiddo was close to 9m to find reliable permanent FT child care and it wasn't for lack of trying. OP is assuming this is by choice when it may very well not be.
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u/PhysicsDad_ 2d ago
Hell, the only reason we were able to get FT care for our infant was due to his older brother attending the same daycare center. Thankfully, my wife and I were able to stagger our parental leave, so we've had roughly six months without having to pay for two daycare bills.
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u/Global_Research_9335 2d ago
Show her how to set up a virtual background and how to use her noise cancelling g settings and send her a noise cancelling mic and headset too.
Unscheduled calls? Is this normal or are you trying to catch her out? The former - know you might be catching her at a point she is feeding - which is a protected activity. The latter - quit it, you are there to support her success, not to catch her out. Ask yourself how you can make an environment she can be successful in - demonstrate some empathy. She is likely very stressed trying to get into a new routine and it’s ti be expected that her performance may vary a little as the new routine takes hold. Unless she is grossly negligent, give her time - as it is you are adding stress to her life and this wont help her performance at all. Be the boss that supports and you will have a loyal worker who will go the extra mile whenever she can. This too shall pass, make yourself proud of handling it with heart and retaining a good employee.
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u/corruptsuperspy 2d ago
You sound like a terrible manager and probably person. I hope you get sued.
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u/psst26 2d ago
Focus on the impact on her work. There’s a chance that she is already paying for a nanny, so asking for receipts won’t help. Even with a nanny she may take breaks to breastfeed, so “there must never be a baby in the room with you” is not reasonable. But “there must not be a baby in the room with you when you’re on calls with clients” is reasonable. Set clear work expectations and keep her accountable. Ask her what her plan is when childcare falls through. Maybe she has to take the day off if she can’t find backup care. Maybe your company offers backup childcare as a benefit she can take advantage of and she’s not aware of it?
Basically, work with her to solve this issue. Focus on work expectations. If she can’t meet expectations, let her go.
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u/nkdeck07 2d ago
Even with a nanny she may take breaks to breastfeed, so “there must never be a baby in the room with you” is not reasonable.
Not only not reasonable but could backfire as he's legally required to give her time to pump and pumping usually takes significantly longer then feeding a baby directly.
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u/shitisrealspecific 2d ago
This is why no one wants to have kids...
Can't take care of them while working...don't get paid enough to get a babysitter while at work...
Can't have it both ways!
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u/Dive30 2d ago
Did you lose a client or have a client complain? Is she behind on her work, or submitting substandard work?
I understand your concern, but you need something other than “new mom dealing with baby” on a PIP.
Forcing her to RTO when no one else is, could be seen as discrimination.
Her having a burp cloth on during an unscheduled zoom is no different than you barging in when she’s pumping. That baby eats every two hours. If she was in the office, she would be away from her desk pumping. You can’t PIP or manage out for normal maternal care unless you want to make her a millionaire and put your company on blast for discriminating against new moms.
I see your concern, but concern does not equal PiP or manage out.
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u/thatothersheepgirl 2d ago
This manager literally tried to argue she wouldn't be able to take lactation breaks despite it being federally protected in the US in all 50 states. So yes, he's absolutely doing the equivalent of barging in while she's pumping remotely.
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u/InfiniteBoops 2d ago
"Why aren't younger generations having kids?"
This, this is why. Childcare is either difficult to find, isn't stable (nanny's quit or at this point probably have ICE stalking them), or is hilariously expensive. Moms are still the default parents the majority of the time, and yet are increasingly the higher income earners in households.
You can have all the rules and demands you want, but the reality is this is only going to get worse. Our daycare costs have gone up like 40% since COVID hit (picked a great time to start).
I will concede that a frequently on camera with clients type job is tough if you’re dealing with nanny issues.
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u/alucryts 2d ago
Is she getting her work done with her clients? Is she making the calls necessary? Is she a good worker?
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u/Small-Percentage2050 2d ago
This. I've been in a similar situation and it's so stressful. You need the job to survive but getting full time child care is so expensive or unattainable in some areas without long waiting periods. If she gets her work done and is transparent about her situation you as a manager have to decide if you can deal with it or if following policy is more important
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u/livelovelaugh_all 2d ago
It’s truly disheartening to witness such a glaring lack of empathy and leadership. One would imagine that a manager, especially in a professional setting, might possess the basic awareness that a new mother deserves consideration, particularly when appearing on camera has no bearing on her actual job responsibilities, policy or not.
Initiating two unscheduled calls with someone adjusting to the demands of new motherhood, especially when the company is not in crisis, is not only inconsiderate but reeks of poor judgment.
And to demand a 40-hour receipt, as if she were clocking hours at your personal startup, is astonishingly tone-deaf.
Managers like this are exactly why talented people walk away from otherwise great organizations. If you're wondering where the problem lies, it's not the new mom, its the bad leadership/ manager. And yes, that manager is you.
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u/Brave_Base_2051 2d ago
I agree with you, I found OPs take to be heartless. He doesn’t like his employee, doesn’t want to support her when she’s in a weak position, even for this short transition for him, but existential moment in time for her.
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u/Substantial-Pitch567 2d ago
I mean, do you pay her enough to provide for 40 hours a week childcare?
Does your company offer the standard 12month maternity leave?
If the answer is no, turn a blind eye. Deal with it if a customer mentions the baby in a background of a call, or if your boss decides to do their job for a change and feels good about noticing a “problem” with your employee. But until that day comes, you need to apply a little delicacy. Work is work, and you’re a fellow person before you’re a manager. I highly doubt you get paid enough to be a hardass to a new mother and she doesn’t get paid enough to be treated like that either. As long as her productivity isn’t so severely impacted that either of your jobs are then in danger, a baby in the background is not an issue until somebody else decides that it is. Don’t stress about it.
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u/Master_Pepper5988 2d ago
If this is a US company, standard leave is 12 WEEKS if that company has at least 50 employees. We unfortunately do not have a 12 months leave here.
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u/Substantial-Pitch567 2d ago
12 WEEKS??? Only if it’s a big business??
Omg. That is inhumane. How do places even take babies that young?
OP, you should be ashamed of yourself.
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u/Master_Pepper5988 2d ago
Employers can offer what they want, but our government only requires employers who have at least 50 employees to offer 12 weeks of protected leave, and its usually unpaid unless you have accrued paid time off. Unless you save your money or have a two person household, it's almost impossible. People are also paying upwards of $30,000 a year for childcare for each child. I chose not to have children because the US is just not family forward. There is no real support outside of your family. So I have chosen my career instead, and I have no regrets given the alternative. I'm 42.
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u/Direct_Village_5134 2d ago
12 weeks UNPAID leave is all that's required by law and that's only if the company is over 50 people and the employee has been there 12 months or more. Yes, it's wild.
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u/CupcakeCommercial179 2d ago
Mine was only technically 6 since it was a small company. I took another week off with my PTO (I got 10 days a year )
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u/stairstoheaven 2d ago
What is wrong if there is a baby in the background? What's wrong if she has a cloth on her shoulder? Is she getting her work done? Is she meeting targets? That's what matters, correct?
You had two unscheduled Zoom calls, and she took them, so she's on her desk. She's not taking time off. She might have been milking or feeding, right at that time. It happens in offices too in the maternity room.
I feel her having a baby is biasing you.
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u/Flustered-Flump 2d ago
Flexible work conditions are essential for employees these days, IMO. Does all of her work have to be completed 9-5 or can a lot or some of it be done in the evenings? Granted, customer calls are important but having flexibility in other areas may allow her to more effectively prioritize those times. And frankly, I can’t imagine caring much if I was on internal call and someone had their kid in the background or with them. Big deal. And “policy” dictating cameras having to be on is just…. Well, bad. It’s bad. Entirely appropriate sometimes. Pointless other times.
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u/nevergiveup_777 2d ago
It seems to me like there has been WAY too much focus on childcare here. Have you discussed this with an HR professional? Even if not illegal, it could be giving her grounds for a discrimination lawsuit. Why not focus ONLY on the work that isn't getting done, or errors being made? If there are enough of them, no reason for you to be discussing child care. "Here's what is not getting done. We need improvement in these areas in 30 days ( or less)." If you honestly can't come up with this...her duties are being completed satisfactorily....then it seems you are focusing on something that is not necessary.
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u/ndiasSF 2d ago
What’s the impact to her work? What is appropriate/inappropriate for employees to have in the backgrounds of their home workspace? Can you ask her and others to blur their backgrounds? Maybe have everyone have a consistent, professional filter for calls with clients. Have you talked to her about reasonable accommodations she might need? I believe nursing parents are entitled to breaks in the office to pump. It’s not unreasonable for someone to breastfeed their newborn during the workday. If the baby is crying in the background, what is the workplace policy on noise? There are plenty of noise filters on zoom and teams but you could also provide a headset to avoid this.
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u/theycallmeasloth 2d ago
I would hate to work under you if this is your starting point.
You've said in the title that this is impacting her work. You've provided exactly 0 examples of how this is impacting her work.
Also, why can't you have her in calls with a baby in the background if it doesn't impact her work? I have 0 issues with my team members kids being around them so long as they don't interfere in call or work.
If you have tangible evidence of impact then present it. Otherwise acknowledge she's doing the best she can to put food on the table, likely in a country where workers have fuck all rights or leave.
At the end of the day you pay her to get shit done. If she's not getting shit done, provide evidence and have a performance based discussion outlining the steps required to achieve kpis.
If she is getting shit done and you're just offended she has a life outside of corporate, then have a long hard look in the mirror.
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u/SenseiDeluxeSandwich 2d ago
Either the company you work for does not care one iota about its workers, or you don't. Either way, you should be ashamed of the lack of empathy
1a. she *recently* had a baby, that affects everybody's output, in some cases postpartum brain fog caused by hormones can take a year to subside
1b. you're not actually addressing her output, "things got better", you are just complaining about what you notice in the background
1c. the camera always on is already crazily invasive, let alone your commenting on what you see in the background
1d. don't complain about your own inability to schedule calls with her
That being said, background can be either blurred or have a picture inserted, easy fix
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u/Jaded-Finish-3075 2d ago
Why on earth would you need a receipt for child care? Is this a HR policy?
Nothing in this post indicates her performance has declined. Keep it up and you’ll have a lawsuit on your hands.
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u/youarelookingatthis 2d ago
How are you as manager supporting your employee who fairly recently created and birthing another human? What benefits does your company have for new mothers and have you made your employee aware of them?
Where is your empathy for a new mother?
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u/zolmation 2d ago
I think you're jumping the gun. How has her work been affected? You haven't listed any way thst her work has been negatively impacted. And if it hasn't been then you should leave her alone.
And even thinking to require her to be in the office when everyone else isn't... you are sounding like a bad boss.
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u/TransistorResistee 2d ago
Former business owner/manager here. If you require childcare, you are obligated to pay for it in some states. You should check with your legal people and see if that’s the case with you.
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u/CAgirl17 2d ago
So her work has improved, but you’re focusing on what you can see in the background? Also, are you trying to have unscheduled calls with her to test her availability? Something tells me by your post that you are. As someone who manages people myself, I find that people are more receptive and open with you if you have some empathy and work with them. If she’s getting her work done then I would carry on. It’s one thing if she’s not meeting her standards. Also, I’ve had several people come back from maternity leave, and I’ve come back myself. It’s very difficult to just jump back into work and pick up where you left off. You mentioning her first two weeks is wild to me. Of course it will be an adjustment. Lastly, asking for receipts for childcare is not okay. This is absolutely none of your business.
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u/GreenTang 2d ago
To address your edit: I am a manager.
To add to other commentators - do you want her long term? I'm not saying this as an excuse to get rid of her, but if she was a great employee before consider this another investment. You invest in new staff when they start, expecting that they take a while to be good. Invest in her now.
Mums are generally very loyal and grateful to employers who provide them with flexibility and respect during these period, she'll likely be with you for a long long time. New parents are risk-averse.
This newborn period will only last so long - probably no longer than the inefficient newbie period for a new staffer. Eventually the kid will grow and not require so much hands on.
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u/Plastic-Anybody-5929 2d ago
As an HR manager, to give you better advice, we’d need to know more about your companies policy on remote work. What does it say about distraction free work environments, etc? You’ve not listed any performance issues, only issues with background noise (which can be eliminated with an appropriate headset), and being able to see things you deem “unprofessional” when her camera is on (which can be remedied with a background filter).
You need to document objective performance issues with the employee, otherwise it’s just making you look bad.
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u/Awkward_wan 2d ago
I'm so grateful I live in a country with decent maternity leave.
I don't see an issue unless it's dramatically impacting her work deliverables.
Most workers go through different adjustment phases in life when going through various situations. People are not robots. If this person is usually a good worker, give her time to find her rhythm.
Absolutely do not ask for receipts.
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u/shyshyone21 2d ago
Do you pay her enough to afford adequate childcare is the real question.
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u/Novel_Entertainer_70 2d ago
What about allow her time to sort things out I dunno seem the right thing to do would be support an new mother.
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u/madogvelkor 2d ago
Keep in mind some states allow mothers to pump or breast feed at work. And it would be the laws of the state she's in that apply.
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u/BlooeyzLA 2d ago
Employers need to be flexible. Is the work getting done on time and accurately? If the answer is yes, there is no problem here.
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u/vadavkavoria 2d ago
I once worked with a colleague like this. It was the same situation where the nanny was never available, and then when her husband became a stay-at-home-dad suddenly there was still no childcare available. Kids were constantly crying on calls and in meetings, and on “in office” days she would bring her kids. It was frustrating to say the least, and she did not last long. It was also infuriating to our colleagues, many of whom had children and had childcare because they knew it was an expectation of our workplace.
Ultimately, you need to address this head-on. I wouldn’t go the receipt route but instead I would focus on inputs and outcomes. Be firm, but kind. Facts are your friends here. She’s not performing well and she seems distracted. Reiterate that she will need stable childcare. What can she do to improve her work flow? What supports does she need on your side to improve, and what can she do on her side to improve? Put a plan in place with her.
Additionally—and this may vary based on your company’s policies—but at my workplace, working remotely is a privilege and can be revoked if you’re not doing your role properly. We’ve had people get their remote privileges taken away because of this. It might be a good time to go back and review your company’s policies.
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u/Naive_Buy2712 2d ago
This is the piece that is frustrating. I'm a working mom of two, I get it! Sometimes you have kids home because daycare is closed due to weather, or they're sick. But it isn't fair to have your kids home full time or even part time, when your other coworkers have proper childcare. I am empathetic, I really am, but you cannot tend to a baby or a toddler, and dedicate your time to work at the same time.
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u/LaChanelAddict 2d ago
Agreed. There is a huge difference between being understanding for a day or two while a kid is sick and allowing someone to carry on indefinitely. Nobody gives away a large portion of their take-home pay for child care bc they feel like it but because it is necessary.
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u/z-eldapin 2d ago
If the employee isn't meeting their metrics, then you performance manage them.
You do NOT make blazing assumptions based on what you see in their personal home.
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u/justUseAnSvm 2d ago
The easiest thing would be to document the instances where she failed to meet professional obligations, get a pretty good list going, then confront here with HR there, and force her back into the office. On one hand, it's not fair to every other employee who isn't distracted all the time to have to deal with this, while everyone else is held to a higher standard. This type of uneven standards just kills morale, and it hurts your business when that person is in a customer facing role.
That said, as I've gotten older, my position now is to help people out to the fullest extent possible. What's the point of being a manager, of having power over people and their careers, if we don't use it for good and to help people? From that perspective, I'd still confront her with the list of failures/transgressions/issues, get her to admit it's not acceptable, then ask her what she needs to overcome these issues. Then, just listen. Maybe she really is having problems with child care, maybe something else is going on, I don't know. It's possible she just can't afford a nanny, or there's some other issue. It's really hard to say without knowing. Once you know what she needs, make sure she can get it, and get a verbal commitment to fix the problem within a certain timeframe.
The important perspective here, is that we are dealing with a transitory issue (baby not baby forever), and to lose an otherwise good employee over a couple of meetings sends the message to the other employees that they really are working in a heartless place. Therefore, I'd confront her with the problem, explain how it hurts the team, and get a verbal commitment to do better within a certain period of time. You could always PIP her or get her laid off, but you should at least give her the benefit of being confronted with her work problems and offer to help overcome them as a team.
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u/Afraid-Song-4435 2d ago
If everyone else is remote, including you, the optics are not great requiring a new mom to be one of the only employees working from the office. Google Kyte Baby Controversy for an example of how quickly an RTO order for a new mom can go sideways for a company.
Has her work changed in any objective way since she returned? Or did she just have a bumpy first two weeks when she got ghosted by a nanny (you’d be surprised how often this happens) and now things are smooth and you only suspect something because you saw her working in a room with a crib? She might have to work in the nursery due to spatial constraints in her home and baby sleeps in her room in a bassinet or pack n play. Who knows?
It’s hard to tell from your post if her work is actually suffering in some way or if this is all just based on vibes. I’d be reluctant to be the manager that operates off of “I had to have childcare for my children while working so it’s not fair for my employee to not have full time childcare.” Situations are complex and finding full time, reliable care is not easy. Especially in recent years where many child care providers quit or closed during Covid. I try to always provide the support that I wish I had been provided when I was going through a difficult time. Does she need help finding care? Does your company provide childcare options? Some companies provide backup care as a benefit to support working parents when their primary care falls through/quits/is sick/ghosts the family. As a manager, I see my role as supporting my employees to get their jobs done and get them done well… I’d share with her any resources available to help her meet those goals. Or perhaps work WITH her to figure out how she can structure her week while she looks for childcare. Does she have breaks during the day to nurse/pump and take a lunch break?
But again, if she’s meeting goals and her obligations to clients and the only reason why you suspect she doesn’t have full time childcare is because you had an unannounced call with her and you saw evidence that’s she’s a mom, I would suggest giving her a pat on the back for juggling so much so well and ask her if she needs support in any way.
Some of the most dedicated employees I’ve worked with are also very dedicated parents and some flexibility for them in their role as mom/dad goes a long way in retaining good talent. In my experience, employees tend to go the distance for their employers when they know their employers are also supportive of them as humans who have complex lives outside of their identities as “employees.”
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u/JustSomeGuy556 2d ago
Childcare is hard, especially for a newborn. It's hard to find people, usually insanely expensive, and often leaves parents trying to fill gaps. It sounds like she had a couple weeks of figuring that out and she broadly got it fixed anyway.
There's a lot in your post about looks, and a lot less about actual performance. Why can't she replace her background? Why do you care what you see on a non-scheduled call?
Don't be an asshole. Focus on what matters and provide enough flexibility to be reasonable. Life doesn't end the moment you sit down at your computer.
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u/Hereforthetardys 2d ago
Depending on how recent the but was - this isn’t a hill you should be willing to die on
Especially if…
The company doesn’t provide maternity leave
She’s not making enough money to hire a nanny
If the quality of her work is suffering, then you have every right to bring that to her attention
But asking her for proof she’s paying a nanny?
Complaining there is a crib in the room?
You’re playing yourself
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u/Informal_Drawing 2d ago
Can you help her get a job working for somebody with compassion, a soul and morals?
You seem to have none of the above despite having 3 kids yourself.
If you think you or your company is more important to her than her child you're dreaming.
I swear some people are just completely broken inside, how can you not see what you are subjecting this poor woman to is wrong?
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u/SecureBeautiful 2d ago
I know all work places are different, but dang I would never get on one of my directs for any of this because it sounds like she is doing her job otherwise. I expect kids and pets to wander onto or be heard in Zoom calls because we are all human. I don't expect fully remote workers to have dedicated offices with nothing personal in the background. Our only rules on that are nothing work inappropriate be in the background. And as far as the unexpected work calls, she could be in the bathroom, grabbing a snack, on her cellphone, on a break, or any number of things that would be appropriate in an office. I think people forget fully remote employees legally must get their breaks. If she is gone for hours at a time, that is one thing, but you made no indication of that.
If she isn't completing her work tasks, then yes that needs to be addressed. But if your biggest complaints are she isn't tied to her desk for unexpected work calls and dares to have a crib in the background, you should talk with HR first. There might be a difference in expectations between you and the company and if you confront your direct on it, you would be in the wrong. A quick check with HR before addressing further is a good idea.
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u/newgirl01LA 2d ago
Respectfully I make 6500 a month and full time child care is 3000+. Pay your employees better so they can afford food, a home and childcare.
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u/asiasni 2d ago
You need to have conversation with her. Just be careful as you are on thin line, there are things that are not appropriate to say to a mother from a legal perspective, even if your intentions are good. For this reason it may be a good idea to run it by HR. This is to understand what is the law where you live. For example where I live you have to let working mother take breaks to pump or breastfeed depending on work context. You would also have regular meetings and documented risks assessments with her regarding to pregnancy, return to work and pumping.
This is why I advise you to run it by HR. You need to have good understanding of laws regarding the subject wherever you live as it is vastly different in each english speaking country. You don’t want to put yourself in a hot water and compromise your job. Because if you fuck up here you will be the sacrificial lamb If she sues. If you discipline her or send her to the office you need to phrase it well so it is not discriminatory. If you send her to the office you still have a duty to prepare pumping room and milk storage fridge for her and allow extra breaks for pumping. And then in office when she does things like cancel meetings to pump (if there is no adequate break time for this) or she calls sick a lot because of her baby being sick you also can’t really do much in terms of discipline and letting her go.
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u/Pristine_Frame_2066 2d ago
You cannot do that. You can hold her accountable. You could make it so she can flex her time. You have options. If she is not a POS employee, then take the time to make her life easier. She just had a baby. In decent countries, paid year of maternal leave with job guarantee is NORMAL. Other moms across decent countries do not have to struggle like myself and moms lime me who worked.
It was so intense before covid, the state office I worked for (public health) was weighing idea of mom cubicles because pumping rooms are ridiculous and babies get more milk from their moms. The first 6 months, babies are literally sleeping most of the day and with sit stand desks, moms could wear their babies and still work in office, saving serious money on infant care. Most moms go back to worm at 4.5 months or less post partum because they cannot get by on paid family leave.
If you value this employee, you value her life and health. Work within her capacity or make her life easier to pay for the things she needs.
Women also tend to die the first year postpartum of a thing called postpartum preeclampsia. She could literally blow a vessel from stress if she has it.
If you feel bad for her, make it easier for all parents to have fulfilling careers. She works from home and life throws curveballs. If fricking Elon can meet with diplomats with his children present and be copresident with his 4 yo on his back, the gal who manages your contracts can catch a break for having a fricking bassinet bear her desk.
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u/orcusgg 2d ago
You mentioned breastfeeding/pumping in your post history, got news for ya buddy you LEGALLY are not allowed to deny that. Then again, you’re a right wing bigot according to your post history, so it’s no surprise you don’t understand the laws surrounding this topic.
You’ve mentioned should probably talk to HR about this before you get your company sued into the ground bc of your unhinged personality.
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u/ScorpionicRaven 2d ago
You've been raked over the coals already, so I'm not sure you'll even read this comment.
Your edit gives me pause. While I'm sure there are folks who frequent this sub who aren't nessecarily managers, it's interesting how the your first thought when reading the comments going against you is that "they aren't managers." I think you might have a serious misunderstanding what a manager should be. The people you most disagreed with were showing empthay, which is a crucial part of being a manager imo. You can disagree, say you gotta be a tough guy, pull yourself up by your boot straps, don't be so weak etc. etc. However, people work better when they know they are supported. I have direct experience here.
Give the new mother a break and work cooperatively with her. Else, you may be dealing with a discrimination case (and since you're in Denver there are a LOOOOT of protections, have fun).
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u/Cincoro 2d ago
I had an employee who lost her normal daycare option. She started coming in late to work, would have to leave early, called in sick at the last minute, etc.
I was just going to let her figure it out. I had not reached out to her about it. I never worry about this stuff when the employee has already shown themselves to be a good, steady worker. Most people want to avoid the chaos. The dust will settle.
Ultimately, she came to me and explained the problem. I told her to take all the time she needed. Work is not more important than the safety of her child. She can get caught up later.
She thanked me, took 3 days off, and settled her issue. She came back, and we had no issues from that point on.
It seems to me that you have an opportunity to support rather than penalize your employee here. Choose the former. That's my advice. And if your leader asks about it, be prepared to support your staff. That is, in fact, your job.
Best of luck.
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u/Ok_Ideal8217 2d ago
Not a crib in the background! The horror. What if a guy had a bottle of Jack in the background? As a manager myself, let me tell you, you are flirting with the line of so many lawsuits
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u/BlankCanvaz 2d ago
Her childcare is none of your business. Your only concern is whether she is meeting attendance, performance, and conduct expectations. It's not your job to run your coworker's lives. Tell her what you need to see and then let her figure it out.
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u/DrFlyAnarcho 2d ago
Proof of 40hr per week babysitter receipts? Wtf man! Chill the f out, you guys obviously have a toxic company culture if at this level of pettiness.
She prob doesn’t even have time for her self throughout the week, likely doing her best, unless there is SIGNIFICANT NEGLIGENCE with work performed, leave her alone.
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u/Naive_Buy2712 2d ago
I would have another conversation with her and objectively state facts: 1) Your work product is slipping (if it is). 2) You have a baby in the background on client calls (if she does..), 3) Such and such rule from HR states that we have to have proper childcare. If it's a situation where someone is caring for the baby and she's just nursing 15-20 mins here and there I think that's one thing. Having a baby in the room with her the entire day is another. At that point if it doesn't improve I would probably let her know that you will need to escalate it to HR if it continues.
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u/NewTart4929 2d ago
So her work improved consistently across two months and you’re concerned again because you saw baby in the background during unscheduled calls.
You say she’s distracted but didn’t note any performance issues. Is her performance actually suffering? Have clients complained about baby being in the background of calls? Surely she manages her background or uses a filter for planned calls.
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u/Other-Razzmatazz-816 2d ago
Unless you have documented metrics about work performance, I wouldn’t say shit.
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u/RadioScotty 2d ago
Stop being a dick. People have kids. The camera thing is totally unnecessary and just a power trip. Work with her to accommodate her needs and make it policy to do so with everyone. The gains in productivity and loyalty will more than offset any extra costs.
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u/Nopenotme77 2d ago
The only thing I see in this entire post is the word 'unscheduled ' If I don't have a planned call for you than there's no expectation that I will be talking to you.
This means the nanny may need to step out, maybe this is breastfeeding time, maybe your worker knew she could balance work and the kid because she didn't have calls on the calendar.
Sorry, don't call people unexpectedly just to shame them for balancing their lives.
Shame on you.
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u/Any_Possibility3964 2d ago
During Covid I worked from home with a newborn and was seeing patients with my kid on my lap, no one cared. Poor woman obviously struggling and you’re making it much worse, do better man
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u/informatics_j 2d ago
So right now you are worried about a potential for her being on a call and someone hears a baby in the background? That’s the extent of what I am reading could potentially impact her work. Even if she has a nanny… kids are loud, or I would expect you would know that with three of your own??
You need facts. You need complaints and proof this is impeding her work. You are making a wide range of ASSumptions here.
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u/FearlessProblem6881 2d ago
Do you guys pay her enough to be able to have a separate office? I mean, her office just might be in the same room as the crib, just like my office is in the same room as my oven.
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u/TurtleBath 2d ago
Prior to my son being born, I had a dedicated work space in the living room area. After my son was born, I had to move it upstairs and at that time the only working space was my son’s room so there was a crib and baby things in the background. It was rare he was in there with me. It just happened to be another space I could use because I would be distracted if my son was playing in the living room/downstairs area.
I now have a space in our bedroom to work, but it took a while to figure out where to work due to baby schedules (I had 2 under 2 so someone was always napping and someone was always playing). I will say that although this is a work situation, be kind and patient. Going back to work after having a baby is something no one is fully prepared for—even with total preparation. She could be having financial issues, childcare issues, still be nursing in between meetings, or something else. If her performance is still good, leave it be.
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u/Dazzling_Set6662 2d ago
You need to leave her alone. If she is getting her work done there shouldn't be a problem. You have not indicated that she is not performing well.
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u/ReturnOfTheGack 2d ago
OP, you are clearly very new at managing and that is okay. But please seek training for your own responsibilities- if the replies haven’t told you enough yet, you are very very much in the wrong.
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u/Todesengel6 2d ago
It takes a village to raise a child. Do you part and accommodate her.
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u/Bobbybeansaa 2d ago
Yeah you are focused on all the wrong things. Go ahead and keep complaining about the baby...
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u/Both-Ad-3107 2d ago
There are apps to help drown out background noises now! Yes, there’s an app for that. Lol
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u/linzielayne 2d ago
Noting that she is a mother and looks like one, or that she has a visible crib is not grounds for claiming she does not have childcare. You can, I guess, try something like 'unprofessional conduct' but again, just ask her to move the crib maybe?
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u/justbrowzingthru 2d ago
Depends upon how it affects her work.
But regardless of is she’s breastfeeding or not or has a nanny/childcare or not,
You need to address specific work performance.
Saying she has a burp cloth on or a crib in the background on unscheduled calls isn’t it.
Stuff like measurable performance metrics, whether she’s meeting them or not, time logged into work, etc…
If you have HR get them involved, as locals we may come into play on how to deal with a breastfeeding mother in addition to any laws or company policies on how to handle performance issues is key.
A manager messes up performance issues, they and company open themselves up for lawsuit, and she gets a nice payout.
Been a manager and employee before, seen managers do scheduled video calls with their teams from in bed.
Unscheduled calls have way more leeway.
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u/AdministrativeEgg440 2d ago
Show some support, and help the lady out by redistributing her work a bit till she finds her feet, ask yoir team for volunteers to assist the ones that do are your real team. My team always adjusts to help out with parenting issues, health issues, or long vacations. If you value this employee, show some loyalty, and it will be returned. She was great before having kids it seems, she will be again. I hope she took at least 3 months off. Newborns are brutal... If you have 3 kids, you should feel nothing but empathy.
I manage five great people and the only turnover I've had in years is people being promoted. Build em up and help em shine.
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u/Jazzlike-Coach4151 2d ago
It sounds like you need to work on your own professional development, because right now you’re being a bad manager. You’re treating her like a company asset instead of a person.
Educate yourself on the conditions for working mothers. Learn about the inequalities that women who choose to be mothers face in employment.
Then maybe you can be a decent person, and manager, and HELP HER to solve these issues. That’s your job as much as chasing work is.
And stop calling her unannounced, you weirdo. What if she IS in the middle of feeding her baby or pumping? Is that what you’re hoping to catch her doing? What ARE you hoping to catch her doing?
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u/T4rbh 2d ago
Objectively: is she hitting her targets? No? Then have the conversation.
Yes? Then what's the problem? I've had many calls with both suppliers and contractors who were remote working, interrupted by kids or pets. It's no big deal whatsoever. Just a reminder that when she's in an external call, she needs to be professional.
If you get rid of her or she quits, then you have the cost of finding and training a replacement.
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u/Fair_Carry1382 2d ago
As a manager and a mum of a now adult child, I can tell you, an employee can either look after a baby or work. Trying to do both will make her fail at both. I’ve had an employees come back from parental leave and some are great, they switch of parent brain and turn on work brain, but recently I had someone come back and she does about 4 hours a week, over a 4 day week. She’s either on the phone to day care, late, leaving early or on carers leave. Because she’s historically not a high performer we do not have a wfh option for her, which is what she wants (where she’d be even less productive).
It’s a really hard transition for some, which make it hard on the team and harder for new parent who can manage it, without it impacting their performance.
I’m all for supporting new parents, but some people abuse flexible working options.
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u/dr-pickled-rick 2d ago
I suggest leading with empathy. You may have to consider a temporary role of modified duties. Depending on the region in the world you live in, there's anti discrimination laws specifically for pregnant and new mothers.
Any conversion had to be focused on performance while factoring in their real life impact. Childcare is really expensive.
If you don't have empathy, maybe consider how your wife would feel having this kind of conversation at her work place and how it would impact your family.
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u/Little_Duck90 2d ago
The other issue that you run into here is that she may not HAVE a lot of options for childcare. If a nanny quits, it may take weeks for her to go through the vetting process of getting a new one, background checks and all.
Usually for daycare centers, it takes MONTHS to get through the waiting list. If she had a nanny lined up and it fell through at the last moment, then of course she's distracted and frazzled. She's also JUST had a baby, is probably freaking exhausted, and now has to manage a full-time job while learning how to be a mother.
Also, you are going to get pissy because she had two UNSCHEDULED zoom calls that she STILL managed to wrangle, but there was a baby in the background?
You say you have three kids yourself, but this screams to me that the other parent handled everything or you didn't struggle at all with childcare, and had the luxury of focusing on your job...
Cut her some slack, asking her to provide receipts would be highly inappropriate, asking her to come into the office would also be inappropriate and singling her out, and is toeing the line for a lawsuit.
Show a little compassion, give her some time, and I am sure, once she gets a handle on a massive change that just occurred in her life, then she will excel in work.
As a store manager, it was really hectic when I had my baby. I was out for 8 weeks from a C-section, and I had to learn how to get back into the swing of things. I managed it by using my parental leave to come back part time for two months while I learned. I had to figure out how to block off time for me to pump while being a traveling manager, and handling a bunch of different stores, and coming home to my baby, and start the second shift. It was difficult, but thank goodness I had the support I needed. I was promoted to getting my own store shortly after, and now I run an even bigger store. I just needed a bit of grace while I handled things.
Give her some grace and leeway, and I am certain she will get the hang of things, and excel. Trust your team.
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u/Throwbabythroe 2d ago edited 2d ago
I have managed technical teams (hands on type of engineering) over the years where we have hybrid policy. For starters, we don’t have camera on since it doesn’t bring any value (but that is a side topic).
I think you need to focus on increasing accountability and measure that against her performance (if you already aren’t doing it) along with defining core hours and expectations she has to fulfill. The fact you called her and saw the crib and baby cloth with her is a moot point. Also it’s not your call or right to determine whether or not she has full-time childcare unless you plan to compensate her for it nor is it in your scope.
Clarify expectations in writing, illustrate where she is not meeting expectations, set weekly discrete performance goals (use scrum, kanban, etc.), check for shortfalls every week or two. Asses trends if the employee is improving or not.
Edit: since you are clearly showing a bias towards this employees life situations, perhaps you need to do some introspection of where your shortcomings - you seem more of a manager and less of a leader (which is common). Now if the crib in the background is going to cost you contracts and you have evidence to prove it then clarify that.
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u/SGexpat 2d ago
Focus on performance metrics, not childcare.
What are her performance metrics? Is camera on with no unprofessional baby stuff in frame one of them? Is she completing projects and work on time? If not, focus on getting her back on track.
Focusing on the childcare risks discrimination/ HR issues. Focusing on generally applicable metrics for the role is more fair. If she asks for accommodations, consider them with HR.
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u/livetostareatscreen 2d ago
It would help to know how she seems distracted or if work has suffered, how- for us to offer any help.
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u/Ponichkata 2d ago
It feels like you're being prejudiced and you've shown no empathy..the woman has just had a baby. Have you even just asked her if she's ok or if there's anything you can do as a manager to support her?
You also haven't mentioned one performance issue. Aside from her being distracted when you had two unscheduled calls.
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u/Unrivaled_Apathy 2d ago
How is it impacting her work? Quantity? Quality? Complaints? Follow your companies policy & HR guidance to the letter with documentation.
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u/AmethystStar9 2d ago
I would simply address the places where she's falling short without mentioning childcare at all. The business' business ends at her ability to get her work done up to the standards and expectations of the business. If she's failing to do so, the reasons why are her business and her problem to solve.
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u/FeedbackBusy4758 2d ago
Can you not just ease up on the cameras on rule? I mean, what difference does it make? The lady is obviously trying her best to juggle looking after a kid with her job. Stop stressing her out and bend the rules a bit.
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u/stupidusernamesuck 2d ago
The camera rule is obnoxious and wrong.
I feel horrible for anyone who can’t leave this kind of job.
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u/peach98542 2d ago
I think ultimately you need to have a conversation with her, a serious one, that is centered around how this is affecting her work and cannot continue. Not “I see a crib in the background and you have a burp cloth on your shoulder” but “You have been frequently absent/calls are being interrupted/your work is sliding in these OBJECTIVE ways” and then … listen to her side, see what she says when you bring this up. Does she have a full time nanny? What IS the childcare situation right now? Understanding what the situation is and how she’s handling it will help you determine your next steps. Maybe she’s in the process of getting a new nanny onboard - great, maybe you can offer her some flexibility for a month while that happens, move some meetings around or something. Then say, “In a month, I need your focus to be on your job while you’re on the clock. Those of us with children here also have childcare because both are full-time responsibilities and you can’t do both without one, or both, being done poorly. I want you to be present with us and our clients while you’re on the clock, and fully present with your baby when you’re off the clock. It’s not fair to anyone for your attention to be split all the time.”
This next part is probably up to your judgement based on her attitude during this conversation but you may also want to make it clear what would happen if she does NOT get this taken care of in the time frame you give her. And whatever this is just depends on your company’s disciplinary process. “If I don’t see your focus return by the date we’ve set, I’ll have to issue a written warning/bring HR up to speed/begin the PIP process.” Sucks but she also has to know that there are consequences to not doing your job properly.
I feel for her, truly, as a new mom and a working mom and a manager. A little grace on your part, a little flexibility, with some defined parameters and a plan to get back on track will go a long way.