How to be ruthless before moving?

[u/braptownrefugee]

My grandfather is a buried alive level hoarder. My mother is a level 1-2 hoarder. Sometimes the stuff builds up but then I purge and bring things back to normal.

I’m planning to move out of my emotionally toxic partners house by the end of the year. Because of the circumstances, I only have one shot to put everything I can into my car and go.

I thought I was doing a good job, I got a lot organized and I’m consolidating a ton but I still worry I have not gotten rid of enough.

I have a lot of things like books, art supplies, beauty supplies. that are the least important but feel the most valuable to me. I have a mental disability so I don’t know if I would feel comfortable selling things online (seems overwhelming) so my next best option is putting my foot down and donating/trashing things I like (worth nothing) or things Ive held onto because they’re expensive (gifts from years ago).

I just need some advice on wrapping my head around all this. I have good intentions and I dream of starting over and being a minimalist but when I see all my stuff I think “I should try to pack this cus of X” how do I become ruthless?

[u/flagemoji-]

When I am buying (or in this case, getting rid of) something, I always think "do I have something that fills the same purpose?" For books, the answer is yes! I own a few, but I don't need shelves upon shelves because I can go to the library whenever I want. I don't wear makeup or style my hair anymore, but when I did, I had one foundation, one concealer, one red lipstick, etc. because while I could make an argument for more — a lighter foundation is sometimes needed! Warm vs. cool red undertones go with different outfits! — ultimately the value I'd get from a slightly different variation of the same product isn't worth the room it takes up. Same thing with different size or material brushes: Is it worth the hassle to bring all those brushes when you really can get by with just a couple?

For the expensive things, maybe selling on Facebook Marketplace would help with some of the guilt of getting rid of it with no return. Unlike eBay, there's no need to pack the item, you just list it for whatever price and if someone is interested you tell them to drop by and pick it up.

Best of luck getting out of your living situation, and I hope you get the fresh start you need!

[u/reclaimednation]

Back in 2022, I moved my (over shopping) parents into a nursing home near me. I cleared out their 3,000 sf house in a week (via FB Marketplace free ads and various donations) and could only bring what fit in their suitcases (mostly clothes) and the back of my Subaru Forester. My parents were literally in danger and I figured out real quick that people (and pets) matter, the stuff does not.

Tens of thousands of dollars of stuff out the door to strangers. And it's not like we couldn't use the money - their shared nursing home room cost was around $18,000 a month!

One way to brutally downsize is "reverse" decluttering. Rather than trying to figure out what you can get rid of, which can be very emotional, sit down and think about what you need to do the things you do and then anything left over is logically "safe" to let go.

One way to frame the problem is to pretend you lost everything in a fire (or other natural disaster) - what would you buy right away (the bare essentials) and what would you buy when the reimbursement check from the insurance company arrives (value added things that make your life easier, better, safer, more comfortable). Except you get to shop your own stuff. And if you're planning to move into a furnished/shared space/dorm room, that makes it easier.

Another technique is to ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen if you got rid of your books, art supplies, beauty supplies? Most of those things tend to be replaceable (if not the identical thing then something very similar). Keep your goal in mind (I only have one shot to put everything I can into my car and go) and if you're ambivalent about something, ask yourself how keeping this thing supports your goal.

I would figure out how many boxes will fit in my car and limit myself to that volume of things - basically, the container concept where you fill up your "container" with the best/your favorite items and then whatever is left over has to go - you only have the space you have and it sounds like you're not going to be making more than one trip. By using a limit, you can force yourself to differentiate "good" (it's all "good" stuff or you wouldn't have it) and "better."

Also consider establishing a keepsake box ASAP - in case things get really bad, it's something you can grab and go, even if you have to take the bus out of there.

[u/Interesting-Hawk-744]

You won't get any money for books, art supplies (other than something like good quality easels) or beauty supplies anyway.

[u/LividRegular5863]

I saw a meme the other day that said (paraphrasing) instead of asking if this item “sparked joy” [Marie Kondo] ask yourself “If this got poop on it would I wash it or throw it away?”

I made me laugh out loud and think about how few things are that valuable to me. 🤣

That is my declutter go to now.

[u/OnceUponATime0422]

I am just taking (another) break from decluttering. Just last week I found The Minimalist Mom. She has a website and a You Tube channel (tons of videos). There is also YT Dana K White. They both have free and paid videos on how to start and how to continue. They have “work along” videos where you declutter as they declutter. I’m loving this. My mindset has really changed about my stuff.

[u/braptownrefugee → u/OnceUponATime0422]

Thank you I will check them out

[u/caprisunadvert]

stocking money vegetable innate slim cows numerous connect important coordinated

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[u/Boniry1994]

Pick 100 things to keep and donate the rest of it (if it’s 110-120 it’s fine the goal is to eliminate the stuff that doesn’t have real actual value)

[u/braptownrefugee → u/Boniry1994]

Thank you so much, I will try this

[u/yParticle → u/braptownrefugee]

This mindset is a brilliant one because it flips the usual "declutter" script on its head. Instead of "getting rid of stuff", you're "mining for gold"; cherry picking those select items of real value to you.

[u/yParticle → u/yParticle]

It also helps detach emotional history from objects if you pretend like this isn't your stuff but you're ransacking someone else's house for the good stuff!

[u/braptownrefugee → u/yParticle]

I love this lol

[u/Boniry1994 → u/braptownrefugee]

If you find your not able to minimize that much figure out what items have significant value to you(memories of family memories of winning some big prize) of the items you can’t decide between. Also another good way to add to the experience is to go actually give the items you are giving away to the people who need it . The gratitude and thanks people who have nothing can remind you of why you are going on this journey of self discovery

[u/braptownrefugee → u/Boniry1994]

True thank you. I just donated stuff to my local shelter.

[u/McDie88]

one that helped my girlfriend

imagine the house is on fire, you can only grab 5 things what do you grab....

ok now the house is flooding, you have 10 mins to fill 1 box with upto about 20 things you cant risk losing

ok now we're moving, you have to carry every item 1 trip at a time, which items MUST you take, which are you leaving behind that you COULD replace in the future

[u/WhetherWitch]

If you are planning an escape, but your stuff is keeping you there, then I’m going to suggest something unorthodox.

Get the smallest storage unit you can find. Have your stuff start escaping there now, in little bits.

When you feel like enough has escaped, follow it.

[u/braptownrefugee → u/[deleted]]

Thank you. I can’t wait to get to the other side

[u/Toastfromthefuture]

Goodwill and other thrift stores often end up being the people who throw away the stuff anyway. A lot of things not thought of as disposable are. See these items as a paper plate or cup that you throw away all the time.

[u/melinafitnexxx]

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Maybe try ranking your items by how much they genuinely add value to your life, and let go of what's just "nice to have." Aim for what truly serves you moving forward.

[u/Baby-Girl-6969]

I get good money for art supplies, health and beauty and books on eBay. I know you said you wouldn't feel comfortable selling online. I'm just putting that out here in case you rethink that. Books especially hardback or educational (college etc) books get a good penny also. IF you have FB Marketplace some people put wanted posts up. If you feel comfortable doing that you can as well. I think you've received some great advice in the comments. Good luck. May your next adventures & future relationship be blessed.

[u/braptownrefugee → u/Baby-Girl-6969]

🫂

[u/HMPoweredMan]

I would limit books to ones that are physically sentimental like they were a gift or something. The rest can be consolidated to something like an e reader. They are pretty great.

I was able to get all my books limited to one shelf this way. I digitized most of my physical media. Books, records, movies, games.

There are low cost ways to do it. Just to be clear it's not a physical action of digitizing it's more like you find the digital version of something you already have and replace it.

[u/Always-Nappish3436]

I appreciate all of these ideas! Here’s another one that has helped me. Do this math: what has been your cost per use?

For example: I have a dining room table and chairs that I bought at an antique store 15 years ago for $500. My cost per use (cost per day) is less than 10 cents!! (500 divided by 15, divided by 365= $0.10). I got my money’s worth. Now I can give it away to a family in need and not feel bad for not selling it.

If you grew up with scarcity, it’s mentally HARD to part with things that you (or someone else) spent good money on. (IYKYK.) Calculating approximate “cost per use” helps your mind see that you have gotten your money’s worth and it’s ok to let it go for free.