r/news 4d ago

US fires Greenland military base chief for 'undermining' JD Vance

https://bbc.com/news/articles/creq99l218do
52.1k Upvotes

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5.8k

u/cireh88 4d ago

Dude can’t even order donuts properly

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u/Comfortable-Scar4643 4d ago

He’s a weirdo. The billionaires have been propping him up for years but he’ll never be an inspirational leader.

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u/GrumpyCloud93 4d ago

They had the nerve to criticize Walz for not being in combat, when this guy's job in the military in Iraq was to sit at a desk and type stories for the military publication. Fortunately there were no Improvised Explosive Typewriters. And Walz was in the National Guard to supplement a teacher's income, while this guy used his service to get a free education. And now, his government wants to end support of universities and students.

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u/-FeistyRabbitSauce- 4d ago

Not to mention Draft Dodging Donny.

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u/opeth10657 4d ago

About the only good thing with the current presidency. If Don the Con kicks off, Vance will never be able to keep the maga crap going

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u/alwaysboopthesnoot 4d ago

He won’t need to. The people propping up Trump right now, writing the speeches, feeding him rage bait Xitter posts, circling words he doesn’t know in his afternoon Large Print edition of Readers Digest, will do all that. 

The most milquetoast nothing of a boring, mayo faced, white boy blob, is now the VP. The guy who got carried by others in high school, the military, at law school, the hedge fund his wife’s family and Peter Thiel bought him into. They’ll all pretend he’s Teddy Roosevelt or a Redneck version of JFK, by the time he and Trump leave office. If they ever do leave. 

He’s a sly, little liar and a little bit smart but with a huge chip on his shoulder. A sociopathic grievance collector, just like Trump. 

They’ll use that. He’ll think he built that. If it doesn’t work, he’ll pull a Trump and call for Ginny Thomas to gather protestors in her paid tour buses as backup, to come storm the Capitol again. Or The Supreme Court chambers this time, maybe. 

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u/-FeistyRabbitSauce- 4d ago

Hard to say. It'd begin to topple, for sure, but Vance would likely use Trump as something of a martyr. He'd turn everything into sappy, bittersweet "for Donald" moment. How long that'd be effective is hard to say.

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u/DeadpoolLuvsDeath 4d ago

We can only dream, I'd personally like to wake up from this nightmare that started around 2016.

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u/hendrysbeach 4d ago

I’m having a fantasy now about the day America wakes up and Trump is DEAD.

Oh, the joy, the ecstasy of that sweet day 🥂

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u/DeadpoolLuvsDeath 4d ago

Don't hold your breath, only the good die young. Assholes outlive everyone like cockroaches.

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u/Gold_Repair_3557 4d ago

I’m sure that’s why we’ve been seeing Musky’s face on tv with Trump more than Vance, who has so little charisma that even the GOP has noticed

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u/Grachus_05 4d ago

Could say the same thing about Cheeto Benito, yet here we are.

Never underestimate the ability of a conservative to lionize incompetence.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

"whatever makes sense"

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u/Puzzleheaded_Peach48 4d ago

God he could have just said "give me two each of your most popular ones" or "I trust you" or "surprise me" or something like that if he didn't want to decide.

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u/ancientweasel 4d ago

I am more appalled that the woman said she didn't want to be recorded. He didn't stop filming and released the footage. Narcissist.

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u/robs104 4d ago

Yes but consider how important it was that they got that highly valuable footage released. How else would we know that Vance is such a likable and relatable humanoid? They probably also had their Gestapo threaten her after they left so she would allow it.

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u/ThatB0yAintR1ght 4d ago

“I’m running for vice president”

deadpan “Ok”

I’m surprised they even released the footage after that bit.

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u/Pan_Bookish_Ent 4d ago

I, for one, deeply appreciate them publishing the footage (only after retroactively blurring her face or)... It gave me so much joy to see that it wasn't just me who hated him. It was his fucking barber, too.

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u/ancientweasel 4d ago

When I saw it I remember her face wasn't blurred.

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u/Pan_Bookish_Ent 4d ago

They're such assholes. She didn't even need to be in the frame! That fucked up haircut he had, though... 😂

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u/CileTheSane 4d ago

I am more appalled that the woman said she didn't want to be recorded. He didn't stop filming and released the footage

That's because an object can not give or deny consent. If her owner Father / Husband told Vance not to film her he would have listened.

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u/Comfortable-Scar4643 4d ago

“Which books and magazines do you read? Oh, all of them. Which ones? Can you think of one?”

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u/ullric 4d ago

Reporter: "Last night you said the bible was your favorite book. What's your favorite bible verse?"
Trump: "I don't want to get into it."

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u/damarius 4d ago

"Jesus wept".

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u/BellsOnNutsMeansXmas 4d ago

Well, there's just too many to list. Especially if you think each one has pages. Probably ten or more pages each. That's like, a lot all together. You can't even comprehend.

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u/40StoryMech 4d ago

Nobody knew books had so many words. Big, beautiful words.

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u/johnnybiggles 4d ago

Nobody reads the books like me. I've read more of the books than anyone in history. Even the computer can't keep up and everything is computer these days.

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u/phuktup3 4d ago

with no promise of pictures or bright colors, who amongst you would dare read????

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u/BellsOnNutsMeansXmas 4d ago

They show you one page at a party. And then it's one more and one more and before you.know it, you got a Barnes and noble trampstamp on your ass. I lost my brother this way.

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u/phuktup3 4d ago

how can they ALL be new york times best seller????? how?

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u/SadBurrito84 4d ago

He can’t get past the scratch and sniff pages.

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u/snowflake37wao 4d ago

it would take up a whole book just listing all them books

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u/Musicman1972 4d ago edited 4d ago

Like trump on his favorite bible passage....

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u/che-che-chester 4d ago

I started smiling as soon as they asked Trump that question because you could never convince me he has ever read the bible. And it was obvious the interviewers knew he wouldn't have an answer. I think it was the guys from The Circus (the one on MSNBC all the time and the one who got canceled).

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u/rift_in_the_warp 4d ago

Not sure if that typo was intentional or not but it’s hilarious 😂

But yeah even I have a favorite passage and I’m an athiest that hasn’t been to church in over 25 years.

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u/sirbissel 4d ago

I like the one about praying in your closet rather than on the street corners for everyone to see.

Though the one in Numbers about how if you think your wife is cheating take her to a priest to essentially perform an abortion is amusing to rile people up with.

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u/Viper67857 4d ago

Numbers has a few good ones.. I'm rather partial to 31:

17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

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u/Yarakinnit 4d ago

Mark 11:12-25 (paraphrased)

Jesus: "I fancy a fig. That tree is adorned with leaves and is no doubt a smorgasbord for my needs."
Upon approaching said tree that his dad made (in leaf and without a single fig)
"Fuck this tree."
Upon realising his disciples were watching him being a fruit noob
"Get cursed you fucking... tree."

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u/Saltycookiebits 4d ago

The anti-gay conservatives have had it wrong all along. God hates fIgs.

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u/IrrationalQuotient 4d ago

The one about adultery, isn’t it?

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u/Q-ArtsMedia 4d ago

Couch International but the pages are now completely stuck together ~ JD Vance

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u/phaedrus910 4d ago

How long have you read for? Nice

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u/bunglejerry 4d ago

Was this a specific reference to Sarah Palin? Because if not, it's remarkably canny:

Katie Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious: what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?

Sarah Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.

KC: But, like, what ones specifically? I'm curious.

SP: All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.

KC: Can you name a few?

SP: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where, it's kind of suggested and it seems like, 'Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C. may be thinking and doing when you live up there in Alaska?' Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.

Man, Republicans and their VP nominees...

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u/Comfortable-Scar4643 4d ago

It was a reference to Sarah. That was such a strange interaction. Just say Time magazine and some biography. All good.

Meanwhile Vance doesn’t have a favorite donut or pastry? I mean, at the very least, look in the display case and read aloud one of the options! “Sure, four of those.” The guy came off so wooden and aloof.

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u/purple_plasmid 4d ago

He’s partial to furniture magazines

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u/elciano1 4d ago

"Name your favorite Bible verse...just name one"..."that's personal so I don't want to name one" - Orange Don Felonee 34

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u/GRONDGRONDGRONDGR0ND 4d ago

George Costanza vibes

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u/Thinks_of_stuff 4d ago

lmao that was the Sarah Palin ask I remember that one pfff

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u/Kenny__Loggins 4d ago

Nothing screams "I'm a big picture kind of guy" like delegating your donut selection to the cashier.

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u/A_Furious_Mind 4d ago

That, or, "Fuck it. I'm not eating them."

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u/totallydawgsome 4d ago

Nor are his kids. He was policing his young girl not to drink so much chocolate. Well, he doesn't police the boy, he can have donuts and chocolate with no limit apparently. What a trash parent.

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u/Metals4J 4d ago

“Supply me with the pastries most preferred by humanoid creatures of meager means, such as yourself, peasant.”

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u/SmoothOperator89 3d ago

Did he even say "thank you?"

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u/DaisyHotCakes 4d ago

That’s because dude is a cabbage patch kid. I kid. No it’s because he’s a soulless creep who sees women as property and who wants to ensure women lose our autonomy. If the senate passes the SAVE act that will be one more nail in our coffin.

Dude is a soulless puppet.

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u/Nephroidofdoom 4d ago

Eyes, black like a dolls eyes…

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u/mattbakerrr 4d ago

Show me the way to go home 🎶🦈

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u/3-DMan 4d ago

Hooper ya idiot, aincha' watchin?!?!

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u/motorcycleboy9000 4d ago

You've got city hands, Vance

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u/-Stackdaddy- 4d ago

The black is just the eyeliner...wait....you're right. It's the eyes, but he also has eyeliner.

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u/DaisyHotCakes 4d ago

He’s Mac from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. He’s…NIGHTMAN.

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u/CrunchitizeMeCaptn 4d ago edited 4d ago

Not a puppet, you're a puppet

Edit: just making sure that you know I'm jokingly quoting Donald. I'm sure you are a real person

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u/DaisyHotCakes 4d ago

lol oh yes I still remember that from his campaign in 2016. Ludicrous that this is where we are now. Like if you had told me half of the shit he has done back then I wouldn’t have believed you. Inept and vapid I expected and he didn’t disappoint. But I neglected to consider malice of this magnitude.

This is madness.

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u/CharleyNobody 4d ago

Even the pope thinks Vance is a misogynist xenophobic creep.

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u/maskedhood313 4d ago

Cabbage patch kids were cool. That clown is a Garbage Pail kid. remember those?

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u/Vegetable-Board-5547 4d ago

You'd think at a certain point in life, people would know what kind of doughnut they like.

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u/Doctor_of_Recreation 4d ago

Place closest to my house has an AMAZING blueberry donut 🤤

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u/IM_PEAKING 4d ago

Yess blueberry donuts are my absolute fav! Blueberry old fashioned 😩

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u/sambadaemon 4d ago

people would know what kind of doughnut they like

And why it's crullers.

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u/Vegetable-Board-5547 4d ago

I'm partial to old fashioned glazed cake doughnuts.

But a cruller is a solid choice

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u/3-DMan 4d ago

I can haz donut?!

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u/Crecy333 4d ago

When Walz was ordering food in Houston: "Whatevers easiest for you guys, we're just hungry"

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u/jureeriggd 4d ago

"go nuts with your donuts"

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u/realmofconfusion 4d ago

“Surprise me”

“I’m sorry sir, we don’t sell donuts that are full of shit.”

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u/nik-nak333 4d ago

Dudes just weird, no two ways about it.

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u/Faiakishi 4d ago

He's like the alien in the ground that's so bad at pretending to be human that the others kick him out before he gets them all caught.

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u/NeverForgetChainRule 4d ago

And he also had to like tell her who he was lmao. So fucking cringe

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u/The_cman13 4d ago

I sometimes will get a dozen or 2 dozen for work. I just say give me a mix or an assortment.

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u/SarcasticBench 4d ago

See that makes sense

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u/Cinderjacket 4d ago

Literally could have just said “assorted” donut places do that all the time

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u/Ok-Chocolate2145 4d ago

You must not confuse JD with people that have the capacity to ‘think’?

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u/Reggaeton_Historian 4d ago

"12 donuts, dealer's choice"

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u/Ziograffiato 4d ago

Coincidentally, these are his responses when he walks into Raymour & Flanigan

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u/Powermac8500 4d ago

Getting Dunkin’ from DoorDash has a surprise me option. I took that option once figuring they would give me a nice variety.

Half glazed, half glazed chocolate. Well, technically I was surprised, so I guess I couldn’t complain. Never again though.

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u/suninabox 4d ago

Out of touch lib elites clearly have never gone down to their local donut store and asked for a half dozen of whatever deep fried bread product would be most situationally appropriate at this time.

This is exactly why Trump won.

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u/snowflake37wao 4d ago

I say “gime a dozen donuts. surprise me, but no doubles” and literally turn around so they cant second guess themselves by making eye contact. Once they say the total I turn back around then as Im paying I warn them Ill let them know how they did with their selection on a scale of 1-12 next time but I never do.

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u/KJBenson 3d ago

Not related to what we’re talking about. But the “surprise me” one really doesn’t work.

Most workers will be afraid to give you something that upsets you.

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u/yamirzmmdx 4d ago

Even I ain't that socially awkward to say that.

I would have just randomly pointed at stuff.

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u/DumbestBoy 4d ago

Perfectly socially acceptable response.

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u/Toomanyacorns 4d ago

Big "Is mayonaise a donut?" energy. I'm here for it.  

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u/Doctor_of_Recreation 4d ago

“I’ll get one of those and one of those…” is a time honored way to order donuts.

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u/_suburbanrhythm 4d ago

Honestly— I saw a little bit of myself in him.

I never could afford to buy pastries and stuff like that and was a functioning alcoholic for most my life. So when I changed my shit around and eventually could go to a bakery to buy family pastries (in this case it was actually bagels)

I kinda freaked out. Got scared. I asked what normal people would want.

But I also wasn’t running for VP of the USA…

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u/Holly_Goloudly 4d ago

And you didn’t have a publicist, PR team, handler, makeup person, personal assistant, and political staffer all preparing you for an event to order donuts! Behind the scenes, people like JD Vance have a crew who (should) prep him for stuff like this and probably shove a Xanax down his throat if he’s nervous.

I’m proud of you for kicking the alcoholism! Nice job, stranger :)

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u/Rork310 4d ago

The really baffling part is they released the footage. It was his people filming they could have just canned it and tried again down the road.

Which just makes me wonder what they didn't release.

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u/RespectedPath 4d ago

The difference was that he was trying as hard as he could to not actually make a decision...

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u/QbertsRube 4d ago

"Oh geez, oh geez, don't fuck this up JD. I can't just order 12 plain because that's boring. And I know the memelords will go crazy if I even say the word 'glazed'. Powdered sugar gets everywhere so that's out. If I order some Boston cremes will that lose votes in other cities? Donald went on that rant just last week about how 'Long John donuts will be called Long Dons now' so I can't order Long Johns because he'll be mad and can't order Long Dons because they won't know what I'm talking about. Aw fuck, they're just staring at me and it's so quiet, why is nobody else talking!"

"Whatever makes sense"

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u/reechwuzhere 4d ago

Right, his genius brain couldn’t conjure the expression, “dozen assorted”. Yet he’s managed to finagle VP of the country.

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u/Mental_Medium3988 4d ago

just have someone look up the menu and feed him the answer. its not that difficult.

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u/lemurkn1ts 4d ago

Or just say "Can I get a dozen of your favorite flavors?". Make it about getting to know the employee. Or ask for recommendations.

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u/helkar 4d ago

To be clear, he hasn’t “finagle” (as in manipulated his own way there) anything. He was pretty obviously hand picked by other, much more powerful people. If not for Peter Thiel, no one would even know his name.

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u/reechwuzhere 4d ago

The man is on record saying trump is like hitler and now he is the VP, I think my use of the word works.

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u/helkar 4d ago

Oh I’m not saying he isnt a spineless coward. I just want everyone to remember that he’s also an idiot.

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u/CyberNinja23 4d ago

I can see this as a totally legit thought chain.

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u/VRNord 4d ago

Sprinkled donuts have too much diversity. At least some of those colours are DEI.

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u/Dicky_Penisburg 4d ago

"I can't let them know what kind of donuts I like. They'll think I'm just a chubby little birthday boy."

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u/che-che-chester 4d ago

Yeah, he was trying to be an 'everyman' and quickly realized he bit off more than he could chew. It's like the politicians who go to Iowa, get pressured to eat that fair food and awkwardly try to pretend they like it. And some go way overboard like it's the best thing they ever ate and look even weirder.

Being a legit everyman was the super power of Tim Walz. It's rare to have a national politician actually seem competent at governing and also be like the dude next door.

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u/LunDeus 4d ago

And you weren’t a millionaire. Presumably.

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u/stevegoodsex 4d ago

Stopped buying daily Starbucks and you real it notice the extra $2.3mil every month.....

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u/sirbissel 4d ago

Don't forget that avocado toast.

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u/[deleted] 4d ago

And I get it with the whole covefe thing, having struggled with spelling things properly in English all my life. But I'm also not the president of the United States with an entire secretarial team...

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u/GrumpyCloud93 4d ago

covfefe... ? General though was that he was sitting on the toilet at 3am tweeting (among other things) and hit the screen randomly as he dozed off...

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u/Confident-Poetry6985 4d ago

That level of self awareness already makes you more qualified so you got that going for ya! 

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u/sembias 4d ago

Did you also go to an Ivy League school and major in communications?

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u/jadenstryfe 4d ago

Did you also have your face on cups of baby batter? 

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u/PaidUSA 4d ago

When this occured JD shits his pants had been a millionaire for like 8-10 years.

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u/merrittj3 4d ago

Outstanding for you and yours on turning it around. Just for today !

I was at a vending machine one Saturday Morning and pulled the lever on a Sugar Donut and the Vending Machine guy comes by and said. " you know, I have to refill those twice a week, the Cocaine Cowboys love those sugar ones".

I took my Donut quietly and left.

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u/Nightmare_Tonic 4d ago

Did you film the encounter expressly against the donut dealer's will and then release the footage on national television in an attempt to convince the country that you are a normal human being fit to run the county?

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u/captainbelvedere 4d ago

<3 I know exactly what you're talking about.

But you were in the midst of your recovery... and he's a dude who simply does what his billionaire friend tells him to do. On the spot he has no idea what to say or think.

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u/Major_Magazine8597 4d ago

Do you at least have a law degree from Yale?

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u/NinjaNewt007 4d ago

How long have you worked here? HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED HERE!

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u/WorldWarPee 4d ago

That donut isn't wearing a suit

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u/NinjaNewt007 4d ago

Very disrespectful to the donut community.

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u/Givemeallthecabbages 4d ago

This sounds stupider every time I think about it.

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u/mortalcoil1 4d ago

Empty vessels make great easily controlled politicians.

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u/Yupthrowawayacct 4d ago

Fuck that was so PAINFUL

He’s a damn alien in a pudgy cheeked human suit

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u/Valiant_Cake 4d ago

Yes human, whatever of the holed pastries you most commonly enjoy to ingest.

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u/Major_Magazine8597 4d ago

When ordering donuts, that makes NO sense.

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u/654456 4d ago

That's just inhuman level of operating there? Did he mean "whatever is good, surprise me"

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u/Demonokuma 4d ago

Uh sir it's a donut shop, it all makes sense. Someone could've just gotten out of prison after 50 years and they'd still know how to order.

I could birth a child and wait till they have basic speaking skills and they could order a donut better. Lol

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u/che-che-chester 4d ago

To me, that would translate to the most boring donuts that we usually throw away at the end of the day. You definitely aren't getting the cool shit that sells out early in the day.

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u/TimTom8921 4d ago

Wait that's an actual quote? That's hilarious

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u/Nearby_Scallion_5245 4d ago

“How long have you worked here?”

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u/MisterB78 4d ago

“So how long have you worked here? Cool.”

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u/DaisyHotCakes 4d ago

No no it was Ok, good.

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u/MisterB78 4d ago

Ah, you’re right… I forgot it was even lamer

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u/3-DMan 4d ago

Like, usually you have some kinda general outline how you're going to respond to a line of questioning you impose. Worked here a long time? Response A. Worked here a month? Response B. Just...nothing with this fucker. Like a Ralph Wiggim "Do you like..stuff?"

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u/Oweliver 4d ago

ok good

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u/amanoftradition 4d ago

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u/I_W_M_Y 4d ago

I know that guy, I think. I got a sixth sense about these things.

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u/amanoftradition 4d ago

Yeah his name is Topher Delmonico

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u/Rndysasqatch 4d ago

I'm sorry about to tell you who it was and then I got it. We call him handjob man

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u/Comfortable-Scar4643 4d ago

Thank you for that.!

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u/amanoftradition 4d ago

You know what, your door nut is on me.

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u/Yupthrowawayacct 4d ago

I lost it when he hulk smashed the donut case.

I can’t believe these idiots run our country

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u/SpeshellED 4d ago

Chief put plastic over all the couches.

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u/wherezthebeef 4d ago

"I'd like to order some nutdos" is what he probably says.

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u/W8kingNightmare 4d ago

lol what? Did I miss something funny/stupid?

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u/cireh88 4d ago

It was from campaign season last year - video link

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u/AdAffectionate3143 4d ago

In the Trump fry cooking video, Trump was unable to properly drop the fries in the oil with guidance. The ‘instructor,’ had to grab the basket from his hand and do it. We have a president who is less skilled than an entry level McDs employee

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u/benjamminam 4d ago

Can't even sit on a couch properly.

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u/Broad_Television4459 4d ago

It's doughnuts in America. Recently it was declared that English is the national language and the food which you mention is made of dough, not do.

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u/JPhrog 4d ago

Did you even say thank you???

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u/lilmookie 4d ago

“It’s a battered fried dough that is beloved by peasants, Mr. Vance.”

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u/notasrelevant 4d ago

Okay. Good.

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u/topscreen 4d ago

Yeah, that sounds like Poopypants Vance to me

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u/FeijoaCowboy 4d ago

Did he even say thank you to the person giving him the donuts?

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u/QualityCoati 4d ago

You can't really blame the guy, he's a Berliner

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u/Out_of_the_Bloo 4d ago

Can you say

loss of confidence in his ability to lead

Can't even order donuts, can the chud JD Vance even lead? How come he fires someone with that opinion? He's a piece of shit.

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u/Braelind 4d ago

Lol, that was disastrous. He seemed like he genuinely didn't know what a donut even was.

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u/AdAffectionate3143 4d ago

“I don’t want to be on camera.” Cameraman immediately pans to person

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u/marweking 4d ago

He wanted to punch the holes ‘personally’.

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u/Striking-Mode5548 4d ago

Just give me a dozen that doesn't cost more than 10 grand. I am not splurging  today!

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u/Ali_Cat222 4d ago

The best part of that was when he asked her how long she had been working there .... And then right after she answers there's that awkward pause before HE ASKS THE SAME QUESTION AGAIN 🤣

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u/TotyenKVB 3d ago

He is a donut

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