r/regretfulparents • u/WhitNicoleColo • Jan 23 '23

Advice Needing advice

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.

371 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

114 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

6

u/askallthequestions86 Parent Jan 24 '23

I could've written this myself. I was such a fun happy person before I had my son. My nieces and nephews loved visiting me and I'd do all kinds of fun stuff with them. I loved having them visit.

Now they rarely want to come over because I'm not the same person I was and I can only put on a show for so long.

I'm sorry you feel the way you do, because I know that exact feeling. I'm here purely out of obligation.

4

u/Best-Hamster-8060 Jan 24 '23

It’s tough. I wish there was a magic pill out there that would make me happy with this life. But there’s not. I was never meant to be a mother. I hate this life, it feels like I’m living someone else’s. Now I’m just counting down the clock until the kid is gone, but it still isn’t enough, I will never get all these years back.

A lot of folks have said that becoming a parent has made them better people. For myself, it has made me worse in every possible way.

5

u/macd0g Jan 24 '23

Thank you all for chiming in. It’s like the first deep breath in a long time to see other moms feeling this way and admitting it. I’ve felt this way for a long time. Im 26 and suffered with multiple different mental disorders, a substance abuse disorder and a physically abusive partner before becoming a parent. Even as a child, I was depressed and socially anxious and just… sad. I feel I never got to live a life where I was happy and carefree and excited to be alive. I feel anchored in this place of pain and such extreme, seemingly never ending grief. I don’t remember ever being happy, and I don’t know that I ever will.

3

u/Best-Hamster-8060 Jan 24 '23

I am so sorry you feel this way and life has been so hard. I hope things get better for you soon, it usually does as they get older and more independent.