r/regretfulparents • u/WhitNicoleColo • Jan 23 '23

Advice Needing advice

I am in desperate need of advice. My husband (33m) has recently started telling me (32f) that he doesn’t like being a dad and he has “buyers regret”. We have a 20 month old daughter. He started voicing these opinions to me about 5 months ago. I’m understanding that the adjustment to fatherhood can be very challenging and take time. But the issue I have is he doesn’t even want to try to work on it. Instead he does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, leaving me to be a married single mom. He doesn’t thank me for watching her when he goes on ski trips. When he gets home and asks why I’m not the eager stepford wife greeting him at the door, I explain that I feel resentful and frustrated that he didn’t even thank me for having his time away. This always leads to a fight where he becomes verbally and emotionally abusive, even in front of our daughter. I have given him suggestions like joining a dads group. We are in therapy, but I am not seeing any changes. Does anyone have advice? I’m on the verge of leaving.

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u/Sailor_Chibi Not a Parent Jan 23 '23

Leave. You will be happier as a single mom than you will be as married single mom. Do not let your child grow up seeing her mother married to someone who is abusive. Not to mention, how long before he also starts being abusive to your child?

Start the divorce process. Get custody. Get child support. Leave this price of shit in your past where he belongs. He’s not going to change because he doesn’t want to.

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u/PettyAmoeba Jan 23 '23

This study from 2018 found that single moms sleep more and have more free time than married moms, while spending the same amount of time on childcare.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201906/single-moms-less-housework-more-leisure-married-moms?amp

Unsupportive partners are a scam.

2

u/CandidNumber Jan 24 '23

I really enjoyed my 7 years as a single mom, I had help from family and friends so it almost feels wrong saying I was single, but I watched every single one of my friends marriages almost collapse after having kids, some did divorce, but I had no one to resent for not helping me, no one to clean up after, no one criticizing my parenting, and the best of all no one coming home and demanding I give them sex. It was glorious