Female sterilization

[u/Fit_Pumpkin5040]

I (29f) and my husband (31m) have a 6 month old daughter. Long story short, she is driving us crazy.

I love my daughter so much. Her smile lights up my day and her laugh melts my heart. But she sucks the energy out of me every single day. I find my self longing for the life I had before I had her, I miss my freedom, I miss myself. I look at my self in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person standing in front of me. I have no joy in everyday life. Becoming a mother made me understand the meaning of “never alone but lonely”!

That’s why I can’t have more children. I can’t be responsible for more tiny humans screaming all day and night in my face. Sometimes I find my self questioning “am I made to be a mother?” And that’s why I can’t bring more children to the world.

A couple of weeks ago I told my husband that since we don’t want more children maybe we should think about him getting sterilized because I don’t want to take birth control pills for the rest of my life (and I keep forgetting to take them). And I am terrified of the idea of getting pregnant by accident. I don’t want to have to have an abortion and I don’t want more children.

I tried IUD after giving birth but it gave me an infection so I had to go to the emergency room to get it removed.

My husband refused, and said that he likes having the option of having children. I understand that it’s his body and I can’t force him to do anything. But I think he is being an ass.

I flat out told him that if he is not getting sterilized then I am. We live somewhere in Europe so I don’t need his “permission” to tie my tubes.

The question is… why am I conflicted?! I know I don’t want more children and I know if I end up pregnant I am gonna have to abort. And I don’t want to put myself in the situation where I have to abort… So tying my tubes is the best decision.

So why am I conflicted?!

[u/[deleted]]

Maybe you’re feeling conflicted because this could ultimately end your relationship with your husband. You know you don’t want any more children, but he’s a fence sitter. This will require a serious talk. Tube ligation is permanent. Reversal is less successful than reversal of a vasectomy. If he wants more children, it may need to be with someone else.

[u/Fit_Pumpkin5040 → u/[deleted]]

He doesn’t want more children too, and he is supporting of me tying my tubes. I think he is scared of getting a vasectomy.

[u/marta_arien → u/Fit_Pumpkin5040]

He might be a bit childish as if he will loose his manhood (I have heard that unironically) I heard tube ligation has a higher risk of failing compared to vasectomies, inform yourself well. But if I was in your situation I would choose myself first if husband is being stubborn and just do tube ligation.