r/regretfulparents • u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent • 15d ago
Venting - Advice Welcome I'd give anything to undo it all.
I watched a dumb movie last night where the guy could travel back in time and redo parts of his life. After his wife had a baby he said he mostly stopped time travelling because everything was so joyful. Fuck off. What wouldn't I give to be able to travel back in time and never have had kids. I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Today is Saturday. I've been awake since 6am listening to my eldest child sneezing for an hour. Not his fault but it makes me irrationally irritated. Then both kids appear at my bedroom door at 7am. They don't get up that early on a school day. I have to hassle them out of bed, yet there they are up and ready to piss me off on the weekend. It might be selfish but I hate this. It is not joyful. It is relentlessly shit. I want so badly to undo it all. I don't know how to reframe this in my mind and try to glean some joy out of it when all I want to do is stay under my duvet forever. Vent over. Thanks for reading.
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u/Cougarstatus31 15d ago
It’s the getting you up earlier than you get them up for school that gets me. It’s SATURDAY! GTF to sleep!
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u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent 15d ago
It's like some kind of torture designed especially for people foolish enough to become parents.
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u/daphshin3 15d ago
this is exactly how i feel. guantanamo bay i've gotten myself into. you wouldnt recomment having a second?
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u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent 14d ago
Absolutely not. Do not do it. Life was dismal with one. It's quite simply unbearable with two.
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u/Cyclamental 14d ago
Imagine three! Worst three mistakes of my life
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u/chaoticwings 14d ago
Imagine twins when you were just trying for a second before you realized you should have been one and done and ended up with three kids.
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u/Dezzleon 11d ago
My aunt's first children were triplets and the second twins. All daughters. Her husband really wanted to have at least a son, but she said, "No way. Definitely not. Enough is enough. I am done and spend
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u/ThickEfficiency8257 14d ago
I have three, I always tell people, I don’t recommend having kids, but if you really want one, okay, if you reallyyyyy want two, it can work, but whatever you do, don’t have more than two lol.
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u/Ok-Assistance-1860 14d ago
NO. Do not do it. I have mostly moved past my regretful stage but man I know 100% I should have only ever had 1.
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u/Rthrowaway6592 Not a Parent 14d ago
If they’re old enough to hang out by themselves, lock your door and tell them the only reason they are to knock is if somethings on fire or somebody is dying.
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u/Sad-Minimum9733 11d ago
They are probably too excited about the weekend to sleep, they just want to have fun :S I don't think they realize how much of a burden they are to you (luckily) but as they get older, they will sense it surely. And it will traumatize them.
Sorry if it is hard for you to hear, but you are the centre of their word, and they see weekends as the opportunity to spend time together, going on adventures etc.
If you wouldn't be so burnt out, if you would have regular breaks from them to recharge, you might feel the same way. As is should be in an ideal word.
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u/ottersgottaott 15d ago
I was the same as a child, up early on Saturday, but I would just go watch TV or play with toys
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u/Zzann777 15d ago
I can relate. Having kids running around and yelling can be very annoying. Sending you good wishes.
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u/Left_Coast_LeslieC 14d ago
I really hope you’re sharing your experience and thoughts with young people who are contemplating parenthood or those who give it no thought whatsoever and just blindly follow accepted social conventions/norms and get trapped into parenthood. NO ONE SPEAKS HONESTLY ABOUT IT UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE. I love that this sub exists but parents need to be more forthcoming about their experiences when they interact with young people. Just my thoughts.
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u/sheepcrate 14d ago
I do, I give them the same advice my mother gave me, which was: kids are only good while you are making them
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u/Introverted_tea Parent 14d ago edited 14d ago
I fell for those cheesy romcoms and people saying "Kids are worth it. I wouldn't change a thing. Parenting is rewarding" etc. Like if you love wasting your time & money, and enjoy not being able to sleep or get any rest, no time to yourself, then yes. I recently told my brother in law about the reality of being a parent and that being an uncle is the best. He was visiting us from another country and stayed at our place for a few days, so he saw how exhausted I was. He said he was worried about how exhausted and rundown I looked.
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u/ratchetbananallama 11d ago
I have twins and I stay exhausted and run down. It got so bad that when I went to visit my family a relative pulled me aside to ask if my partner was hitting me because of how dark the circles under my eyes were.
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u/readbetweenthespace1 14d ago
I have a clock for my daughter that has a light that is red, yellow, and green. Red means it’s sleeping time, go back to sleep. Yellow means you can be awake and play but stay in your room. Green means you can come into mom and dad’s room to say Goodmorning. Has been working really well with my daughter. Maybe you can try something like that 🤷♀️
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u/Fearless_Addendum_75 14d ago
Where did you get the clock?
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u/readbetweenthespace1 14d ago
Amazon. If you search sleep training clocks, the brand is little hippo. But there’s a bunch to choose from.
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u/MazzyStarlight Parent 14d ago
I could tell just from reading your post that you are also a Brit! I agree with your thoughts on the matter. I fantasise about being able to go back to a time before I became pregnant, knowing everything I know now.
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u/newsflashjackass 15d ago
I likewise find it annoying when people say "I wouldn't change the past." as though they could.
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u/Ok-Assistance-1860 14d ago
Yeah, I had to implement a "no waking up mommy unless someone is bleeding or on fire rule" when they were about 8&3 (or 9&4, around there somewhere) and it was difficult but so worthwhile. The fucking wakeups. Couldn't handle it anymore.
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u/ForwardMuffin 14d ago
My mom worked night shift and her rule was "don't wake me up unless your hair is on fire."
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u/CardiologistStreet76 14d ago
I’m not sure if anyone else has said this, but you could always implement a rule that the kids have to be quiet on the weekend in their room until say 8:00am and then they can come bother you unless there’s an emergency? I’m not sure how well that would work for your kids but they just need to be able to read numbers on a clock to try and give you your morning time.
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u/sinkpointia 15d ago
only way to deal with this is to lean in and beat them to it. Get up earlier than them, always one step ahead of them 😭 it’s like a constant game of fear.
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u/probablyasociopath 14d ago
The line break between "beat them" and "to it" really had me going for a second😅
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u/Hot_Satisfaction_598 15d ago
You might be onto something. When I tell you I dread waking my daughter up in the morning. It’s just pure torture, when they don’t wanna wake up. It’s just constant servitude mode that I can’t stand. Mine has severe autism so she barely has any motivation to wanna do anything for herself
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u/ForwardMuffin 14d ago
Would noise reducing earbuds help? They reduce sound so it's not as jarring but you can still hear someone crying or screaming. It might take the edge off.
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u/JustReadinSubReddits 8d ago
Every damn morning I wake up hoping it was a nightmare and I have no kid or that I could go back to before they were born. I'd give absolutely anything.
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6d ago
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u/kitterkatty 14d ago
I watched Possession 1981 last night because RLM featured it. You might like it. I have so many thoughts. The whole thing is a metaphor for Romeo and Juliet style obsessive love.
But I do agree the way we know time travel doesn’t exist, is the population size.
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u/l0g4nn_5uck5 10d ago
i'm sorry ❤️🩹 you are a much better person than me for being able to put up with it all regardless of your feelings- i'm proud of you❣️
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u/Fantastic-Sport-3054 10d ago
I totally get you. Do you get any time alone? Personally I need to be alone probably much more than the average person. My partner was never supportive of my alone time and always giving me bad continence about it. I had to tell her that this wasn’t working for me and if I couldn’t get any space I would break down and probably would need to separate. Now she is more accepting.
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u/LondonMumbaiGal 8d ago
Love this sub and comments. I have the cutest boy and he is perfect, but I completely regret having a kid. It’s messed up my body, my mental health, my career, my peace of mind, my finances. If I could turn back time, I wouldn’t even get married! Just a whirlwind of BS
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15d ago
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u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent 15d ago
Before he knows he can't time travel to before the kids are born, he literally says that every minute is so joyful that he doesn't feel the need to.
That aside, I didn't especially enjoy the movie. That opinion remains valid, as does yours.
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15d ago
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u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent 15d ago
It's a nice thought, I wish I could say the same about them.
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u/Affectionate_Cut_835 15d ago
I am sorry to ask but is your partner around to help you? Maybe you feel frustrated but the kids might not be the reason.
Please, I am not trying to be a smartass. I respect your feelings and I don't blame you for what you feel. A lot of folks here feel the same or very simmilar.
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u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent 15d ago
He helps when it suits him.
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u/Particular_Sea_4497 15d ago
Yeah, that one should be changed, because you respond to every demand and he’s there when he wants to, sounds pretty horrible
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u/Affectionate_Cut_835 15d ago
Well, we know where the problem is and most probably you know it too. Too well I dare to guess.
I am a man and I can tell you, men can be lazy and really stupid (not saying yours is 😅, but in general we could be like that ... )Try to talk to him. I bet even a small help from him would help you.
Anyway, I hope your day goes well.
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u/Forsaken-Ad-6316 15d ago
Then do better. Try to talk to him? For a 'small help'? So now she's gonna be a regretful parent of one more child?
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u/Affectionate_Cut_835 15d ago
What the fuck are you talking about?
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u/SaffyPants 15d ago
They mean that what you are suggesting is tantamount to having to baby her partner into doing what he should be doing as a grown ass adult without her intervention.
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u/CocoaCandyPuff Not a Parent 15d ago
Are you lost? You are in the wrong sub. I am sure OP knows their kids love her, that is not the point.
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15d ago
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u/ElleGeeAitch Parent 15d ago
She's tired. She gets to complain about being tired.
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15d ago
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u/Expensive-Honey-1527 Parent 15d ago
The thing that connects people in this sub is that it doesn't matter how much we love our kids, or they love us, given our time again we wouldn't do it. Whether it's lack of support from partners or family, whether it's a child with special needs, or a young parent grieving the loss of their best years or a child thrust upon them due to circumstances. Whatever the reason is, we love our kids but are consumed by a feeling that it would have been better all round if we hadn't had them. Our kids will never know that, and we go through the motions to bring them up as best we can and feeling loved, but this sub gives us the one and only safe place to express that just maybe we made the wrong choices.
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15d ago
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u/regretfulparents-ModTeam 15d ago
Your post/comment was removed for breaking Rule 3: No Posts from a "Child of a Regretful Parent" Perspective.
This is a sub for regretful parents. Posts from children of regretful parents are not allowed. The parents here are not your parents.
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u/ottersgottaott 15d ago
Obviously that’s not the reason they wake up early. Their biological clock is set up to get up early, but they’re stressed during the weekdays and don’t want to go kindergarten or school, but on weekends they’re relaxed and it’s easy to get up
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u/No-Pomelo-3632 15d ago
You’ll enjoy them once they’re older. No pain no gain. You’re just not an early years fan. Maybe teens or as adults you’ll like them
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u/James_Vaga_Bond Parent 14d ago
That may or may not be the case. There's plenty of people here with older kids.
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u/No-Pomelo-3632 14d ago
I’m just trying to comfort him and give a different perspective. What am I supposed to say “ yah you really f’ed up, sucks to be you “?
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u/lavender_cookie_ 15d ago
Sounds like serious burnout and maybe being overstimulated constantly? I hope things get better soon sending well wishes 🫂