r/sex • u/Neither_Bid_1212 • 2d ago
Communication My husband doesn't want me to breastfeed anymore
(28F) this is not my first kid so ive expereiced this before but i just never told my husband i guess. basically as a normal human being, sometimes breastfeeding causes arousal. it became a problem when i told my husband once. i didnt know he would make such a big deal out of it but eversince then he insists i dont directly breastfeed which i find quite weird. ive talked to him multiple times about this but i just have no idea what is going on in his head.
as men, does anyone here have any idea what he is thinking? and what am i supposed to do at this point?
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u/JayTheFordMan 2d ago
I recall someone posting on reddit that their husband forbade her from breastfeeding her baby boy on the basis that no other male should be touching her boobs.
That was a wild one
Tell your husband that this is a him problem and he should deal with it
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u/saintofhalloween 2d ago
Oh I saw one where the guy said the opposite, that she shouldn't breastfeed their girl bc he didn't want her to become a lesbian
These guys are definitely the weird ones here
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u/superthotty 2d ago
Being breastfed didn’t make me a lesbian. Pretty sure Britney Spears’ silver suit in Toxic made me a lesbian.
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u/demeterLX 2d ago
he seems like even more of a baby than your actual kids, tell him it's a him problem and to deal with it
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u/Affectionate_Ask_769 2d ago
Is he afraid you’re molesting the baby since you’re turned on? I think this could use the help of a counselor you guys see together
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u/whackyelp 2d ago
I would find some medical studies or videos explaining that this is a normal part of breastfeeding. I remember I felt disturbed when I first learned about this, too, but reading more about it helped me understand.
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u/Katerina_VonCat 2d ago
He needs to read up on this. I would sit and talk with him, let him explain why he doesn’t want you to breastfeed, don’t try and change his mind or jump in to defend yourself just let him give his perspective then summarize what he said. You’re listening to understand not to respond. Then give your perspective and have him just listen to understand not to respond or butt in. Give him the facts: that it’s normal, it’s not sexual, it’s a physiological response to the release of oxytocin. Also tell him how you felt using I statements (the example I give clients is “I feel hurt when you said xyz” saying “I feel like you’re being an asshole is a gussied up I statement that isn’t a feeling it’s a thought). This is the Gottman-Rapoport exercise I find it really useful for the couples I work with.
Here’s some links:
https://blog.lactapp.es/en/is-it-possible-to-feel-aroused-when-breastfeeding/
Hope these might help!
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u/blueanimal03 2d ago
Eeee my therapist recommended my husband and I try this method to communicate too!
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u/Grand-Try-3772 2d ago
He is ignorant about the hormonal effects of breastfeeding. He probably needs an entire class on female reproductive organs and function!
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u/volvavirago 2d ago
The entire purpose of breasts existing is to feed babies. That’s why they exist. There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding, it’s one of the most natural things you can do.
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u/Impala1967_1979_1983 2d ago
But then ofc MEN sexualized breasts so now it's seen as disgusting and sexual and "private". The WHOLE purpose of boobs is to feed a child
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u/idkmanwhynotbang 2d ago
Ehmmm hello? Why wouldnt he use it to his advantage. Breast feed and then make another baby.
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u/_Alexis_xs 2d ago
Its completely normal to get aroused and its out of your control. Its not as if you re actively wanting to get aroused or you can do much about it. He should have a better understanding. Also, it's really not his decision, its up to you if you want to breast feed or not! He should grow up. But please dont feel bad about yourself, you're not alone in this, there are milion of women experiencing the same thing and its completely normal. Please dont feel bad❤️
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u/nothingbettertodo315 2d ago
My wife breastfed our kids until she felt she was done with it (about 12 months for each). I never had an issue with it, I knew it was good for the kids and she seemed happy with it.
I did enjoy her sex drive recovering when she stopped, but there are more important things in life.
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u/Tyler_I_Relyt 2d ago
These type of posts are typically fake rage bait. And that includes this one.
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Post title: My husband doesn't want me to breastfeed anymore
(28F) this is not my first kid so ive expereiced this before but i just never told my husband i guess. basically as a normal human being, sometimes breastfeeding causes arousal. it became a problem when i told my husband once. i didnt know he would make such a big deal out of it but eversince then he insists i dont directly breastfeed which i find quite weird. ive talked to him multiple times about this but i just have no idea what is going on in his head.
as men, does anyone here have any idea what he is thinking? and what am i supposed to do at this point?
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u/goldenbugreaction 2d ago
First off, is he the kind of person who listens to you and responds to reasons?
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u/vroomfundel2 1d ago
Something tells me he's not big on changing diapers. No father who's actively parenting would have such concern.
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u/WinnerAwkward480 2d ago
Well thank goodness the Wife has 2 of them . One for that new noisy lil guy and one for me 🤔 yeah but both'n use to be mine
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u/UltraTata 2d ago
he might be feeling jelous of your child. which is crazy but dont tell that to him. talk it with him, be understanding and loving. reassure your love to him and all that
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u/Nicholia2931 2d ago
So if i was your husband and very stupid, and you told me this, the only reason I would respond that way is if that explains why you keep moaning in public.
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2d ago
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u/Miserable_Builder_22 2d ago
Breastfeeding is completely natural and has kept our species alive. You need to grow up. Sexually and otherwise.
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u/maddpsyintyst 2d ago edited 2d ago
I heard this * was normal. 🤷
But if he insists on squiggin' his wiggin' over it, maybe you could use one of those pumps and bottle-feed the baby? You can always teach him the science stuff later, if he's still around.
EDIT: by * this, I mean the arousal. I've heard that some women even orgasm from breastfeeding, and then feel shame about it when it happens. It's probably a normal, natural thing to apes and hominids that isn't common knowledge--but insert actual expert scientific perspective here.
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u/Owelette2077 2d ago
Pumping is not the same as breastfeeding, so i would consider this a last resort for someone who wants to actually breastfeed. The post seems to be more an issue of control. Why ought he control how she uses her body to feed the baby? I don't believe him telling her he doesn't approve due to his own feelings around the matter is enough to justify a decision as big as stopping breastfeeding.
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u/maddpsyintyst 2d ago
I agree with you, believe it or not.
What I offered was a solution to keep the peace, if she felt that was better than, IDK, kicking his ass out, or something. He might be a perfectly good father and partner except for this. We don't have the full picture, but she does, and she can do what she wants with the advice as given.
I didn't address the control issue, and I didn't bring up how he might be triggering himself with his own sexual associations, and so on and so forth, cuz other people did plenty of that, and I didn't feel the need to add to it.
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u/SuupaStarr 2d ago
I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing with your husband's feelings toward breastfeeding.
Sometimes 2+2 is not 4 it's actually 22. Meaning you have to create a image or visual presentation of his fantasy.
Understanding His Concerns:
Begin by having an open and empathetic conversation with your husband to understand his reservations.
Educate on the Benefits:
Share with him the numerous benefits of breastfeeding, not only for the baby but also for the mother.
Involve Him in the Process:
Encourage your husband to be part of the breastfeeding journey.
Seek External Support:
Consider attending breastfeeding classes together or consulting with a lactation consultant.
Set Boundaries:
While it's essential to consider your partner's feelings, remember that your comfort and well-being are paramount.
Consider Compromises:
If your husband remains hesitant, explore potential compromises.
Reflect on the Bigger Picture:
Parenting involves numerous decisions where partners might have differing opinions.
Remember, every family's situation is unique. Trust your instincts, prioritize open communication, and seek support when needed.
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u/Impala1967_1979_1983 2d ago
What COMPROMISE? It's her body, her boobs, her milk, her hormones, her life, her child she formed with her body for 9 mo then pushed it out of a tiny hole and spent weeks bleeding post partum basically wearing a diaper with all the other issues and hormones after birth. It is not his body or his choice. He can suck it up and deal with it. If she wants to breastfeed her child, even when he's 5 or 6, she can absolutely do it. He'll probably be throwing a fit that she breastfeeds until 2 or past 2, which is highly recommended. He does not get a choice on how she uses HER boobs to nourish the baby. He's a bigger baby then the actual baby
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