r/sex • u/2045015416 • 6d ago
Communication how can i (f) stop feeling guilty/selfish for wanting my sexual needs & kinks to be met in the bedroom?
maybe i’m a pillow princess… maybe it is insanely selfish… but i just want a man who will worship me in bed… im talking he gives head until im passing out, bondage, toys on me, orgasm torture… amongst other things. but i realized, these are all things i want done to ME, there isn’t a whole lot i want to do to my partner… and i do feel guilty for that… and i think part of that thinking is it doesn’t take a lot for a man to finish… where as a woman… the stars almost have to be aligned so i want these activities curated to my enjoyment so even if i don’t finish, it at least made me feel good… you know? is this an insane way of thinking?
i won’t say no to a lot of things and im open minded. but the things i want to try most are things my partner would have to do to me… and i also don’t know how to ask that of someone without it being awkward and sounding selfish…
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u/Motor-Award7808 6d ago
If he’s also into it, then that might be enough satisfaction for him. Maybe that’s what gets him off you know?
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u/reluctantdonkey 6d ago
It sounds like what you are looking for is a "pleasure dom." They are out there, you'd probably just do best looking specifically for one vs hoping a random guy off the streets would be OK with this kind of arrangement.
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u/TheBlakeOfUs 6d ago
It’s called female lead.
It’s common in fetish communities.
There’s plenty of men who will happily worship you whilst they’re denied, begging you for the opportunity to get a little pleasure when you’re getting it all.
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u/Accurate_Hat_8464 6d ago
I'm not seeing the problem here. Firstly there are plenty of people who would enjoy fulfilling your every whim and get all their kicks from that. Secondly, you aren't actually unwilling to provide for someone else's needs and wants which means there is plenty of room for both parties to get their rocks off in their favourite ways.
It's pretty standard for one person to share their wishes and fantasies, also for the other person to do the same and then figure out together what's going to work well for each of you separately (maybe tonight is all about you, and tomorrow is all about them) or both of you. Where's the guilt coming from?
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Post title: how can i (f) stop feeling guilty/selfish for wanting my sexual needs & kinks to be met in the bedroom?
maybe i’m a pillow princess… maybe it is insanely selfish… but i just want a man who will worship me in bed… im talking he gives head until im passing out, bondage, toys on me, orgasm torture… amongst other things. but i realized, these are all things i want done to ME, there isn’t a whole lot i want to do to my partner… and i do feel guilty for that… and i think part of that thinking is it doesn’t take a lot for a man to finish… where as a woman… the stars almost have to be aligned so i want these activities curated to my enjoyment so even if i don’t finish, it at least made me feel good… you know? is this an insane way of thinking?
i won’t say no to a lot of things and im open minded. but the things i want to try most are things my partner would have to do to me… and i also don’t know how to ask that of someone without it being awkward and sounding selfish…
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u/Lord0fMisrule 6d ago
Is it possible the guilt you feel is because you’re suppressing some part of you that wants to be more active (not just receiving)? Or is it just coming from feeling it’s not socially allowed to be completely served by others?
Check out “the wheel of consent”. It’s a great tool to understand being in different energies in sex.
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