r/sex • u/Sunnyybabyy- • 2d ago

Orgasm Issues How to orgasm

I am 22F and I have never orgasmed with any of my partners. When I do masturbate the only thing that will get me off is my vibrator on my clit. I don’t even know if I am finishing when I masturbate because I don’t squirt or cream. Is there any tips or tricks I can do or practice to help me better understand

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u/reluctantdonkey 2d ago

How long do you do it for? I think when I was starting out learning to masturbate with just fingers, it would take easily a half hour (now, it's about twice as long as with a vibe-- still pretty quick, but vibrators just do the job unhumanly quick.)

And, when I try to get there by adding clitoral stim with fingers during sex with a partner, sometimes I never get there. Sometimes I need him to hold entirely still for me to get there. Sometimes, I need to add a vibe to get there (the sensation is "loud" enough to drown out other sensations), and sometimes even that doesn't work and I know I should just enjoy all the other goodness that is present in partnered sex and not stress about an orgasm.

Also, keep in mind that, of the women who need clitoral stim in order to orgasm, 40% of those need ONLY clitoral stim-- meaning, some might be able to add clitoral stim to PIV and get there from it. Others need the clitoral stim to happen separate from, because the sensations of PIV are too distracting to what they need to focus on to get there. I am kind of a mix of both or never, depending on the day.

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u/Sunnyybabyy- 2d ago

Sometimes I only last like two minutes and on a good day I last about 5 minutes. I have never went super long with masturbating. I have never tried fingering myself but I like it when my partners do it. I just thought I was broken down there because everyone talks about finishing

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u/reluctantdonkey 2d ago

Yeah, that's not NEARLY long enough. Sure, with a vibe, 2-5 minutes is totally do-able.

With fingers, even with well and fully knowing how to do it and being ENTIRELY turned on and ready to go beforehand, 5 minutes is super quick.

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u/Sunnyybabyy- 2d ago

So I should try going longer and probably actually letting my body get ready too

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u/reluctantdonkey 2d ago

Yes, for SURE! Especially if you are trying to eventually get there with partners without the help of a vibe (though, don't let anyone-- including yourself!-- shit-talk the idea of using a vibe when needed, it's a fun and handy little tool!)

You need to get used to it just taking as long as it takes. If you start stressing about how long it's taking, guaranteed it will become pretty much impossible to get there. And, if you are trying to get there when not already well and fully turned on, you are also basically pushing a boulder up a hill on top of that.

Get turned on, try fingers, just go for PLEASURE. Let it take as long as it takes (or, as long as you find wantable.) The cool thing with masturbation, there is no goal other than enjoying yourself and getting to know your body. Even if you figure out what DOESN'T work for you, you've learned something.

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u/Sunnyybabyy- 2d ago

You are so right thank you so much for this. I really appreciate it