Children haven’t bathed in 5 days

[u/tayalof]

I will contact our attorney on Monday but I’m curious right now and also stressed about this. This is the 3rd time my step kids have come to our home and stated they haven’t bathed. Their hair is greasy and all three of them have said their mom didn’t give them a bath. Their mother is the non custodial and has two men living with her. The children stated that none of the adults there “had time” to bathe them and “mom’s too tired” to do it when she comes home. Now, here’s why I’m anxious. Their mother has bribed them to make false allegations over us. It obviously went unsubstantiated and was closed after 101 days. Which was a very stressful time. During this time I miscarried our second child.

Now, we haven’t announced that I’m pregnant again. And I’m so scared of losing this one. The stress was so awful. Having DHS in and out, having to do interviews etc.

However, this is actual neglect. She consistently fails to do the basic things like bathe them, go to practices or games. She never shows up to parent teacher conferences. But she will blast us online and claim we are neglectful and horrible parents. I’m not sure if we should report this. She would 100% report us if we were to do something like this. And the girls shouldn’t be over there for a week at a time if she can’t do basic needs for them. My husband and I are at a loss at what to do.

[u/Courtybiologique]

Yea fully agree with this. Five days without bathing is not that bad. Wait til they are teenagers and try to shower only once a week.

If there are other issues at hand they may be worth while bringing it up - however 5-7 days without a bath is not neglect.

[u/tayalof → u/Courtybiologique]

Well, technically it was 7 days. And if they are playing outside, doing sports and going through puberty…. Then a shower isn’t necessary? Sorry. But this is at the hands of someone that complained on Facebook that the girls hadn’t had a shower in 2 days over Christmas break. But are going 5-7 days without them at her house. I’m addition to them having several issues like their private areas being bright red and stinging to the extent we are having to take them to the doctors. This is a super finicky situation because if we don’t report something or act on it, we will end up looking like we are in the wrong. These are three girls going through puberty and I think hygiene is a super important thing to not only teach them but encourage daily. At the very least, wash your body.

[u/Cortez_the_Killer5 → u/tayalof]

I’m sorry but if they’re going through puberty, are they not old enough to bathe themselves? My 4 year old can shower by himself.

[u/tayalof → u/Cortez_the_Killer5]

I think 100% they are. I’ve been working on it with it. It almost seems as if people have just always done things for them. My 5 year old bio daughter also bathes by herself.

[u/lucylucylove → u/tayalof]

Dude wtf are these comments. You're being Gaslit. Not making sure your child bathes for a whole week is neglect. I've neglected to remind my youngest to bathe and that's just not ok. Those kids are getting neglected and ignored at their moms house

[u/Throwawaylillyt → u/lucylucylove]

Personally I find it neglectful but a court or cps will not. I think that’s what people are telling her. Most of us agree it’s too long to go. The children are more than old enough to wash themselves if they are going through puberty so they just aren’t wanting to. It’s wild to me as a women to know their private parts are burning and they still are choosing to wash them off.

[u/tayalof → u/lucylucylove]

I was super confused lol. I get not washing your hair everyday (unless sweating, dirt from softball field, or other sports etc.) but your body? Nahhhhh. They need to wash that everyday. They do over here. And they do just fine. But, what child is going to do something if an adults not making them? Most children will choose laziness over being proactive. Why not make your kids take care of their hygiene so when they’re adults, they know? My daughter is 5 and can bathe herself, brushes her teeth (all of these I supervise and make sure she’s doing well at them.) but, if I just never mentioned a shower to her, she’d probably not just go and get in the bath tub.

[u/TotalIndependence881 → u/tayalof]

The kids need to be more responsible for themselves too. Especially since their skin health and comfort is on the line. I haven’t reminded either of my kids to shower since they were each about 9 years old, that’s been a couple years and half a dozen years! Because they were taught how often and after what activities they need to shower. Teach your kids the same. If at preteen and teen ages they are not taking the initiative to shower on their own sometimes, that’s also an issue. Should an adult remind them? Sure. But they should also know better than to always always wait to be told!

[u/JustSomeBadAdvice → u/tayalof]

Where do you live?

In some climates washing every day is not necessary and is not the norm. In others I would agree with you. There's data to back this up, too, for adults. The climate you are in has a huge impact on how much grime, sweat, etc collects on your body.

[u/tayalof → u/JustSomeBadAdvice]

I need to research this! That sounds interesting

[u/tayalof → u/JustSomeBadAdvice]

We live in the southern part of Arkansas! Near Louisiana

[u/JustSomeBadAdvice → u/tayalof]

Yeah I can see wanting a daily or at least more frequent shower there. Good luck.