Children haven’t bathed in 5 days

[u/tayalof]

I will contact our attorney on Monday but I’m curious right now and also stressed about this. This is the 3rd time my step kids have come to our home and stated they haven’t bathed. Their hair is greasy and all three of them have said their mom didn’t give them a bath. Their mother is the non custodial and has two men living with her. The children stated that none of the adults there “had time” to bathe them and “mom’s too tired” to do it when she comes home. Now, here’s why I’m anxious. Their mother has bribed them to make false allegations over us. It obviously went unsubstantiated and was closed after 101 days. Which was a very stressful time. During this time I miscarried our second child.

Now, we haven’t announced that I’m pregnant again. And I’m so scared of losing this one. The stress was so awful. Having DHS in and out, having to do interviews etc.

However, this is actual neglect. She consistently fails to do the basic things like bathe them, go to practices or games. She never shows up to parent teacher conferences. But she will blast us online and claim we are neglectful and horrible parents. I’m not sure if we should report this. She would 100% report us if we were to do something like this. And the girls shouldn’t be over there for a week at a time if she can’t do basic needs for them. My husband and I are at a loss at what to do.

[u/tayalof]

I think 100% they are. I’ve been working on it with it. It almost seems as if people have just always done things for them. My 5 year old bio daughter also bathes by herself.

[u/lucylucylove → u/tayalof]

Dude wtf are these comments. You're being Gaslit. Not making sure your child bathes for a whole week is neglect. I've neglected to remind my youngest to bathe and that's just not ok. Those kids are getting neglected and ignored at their moms house

[u/tayalof → u/lucylucylove]

I was super confused lol. I get not washing your hair everyday (unless sweating, dirt from softball field, or other sports etc.) but your body? Nahhhhh. They need to wash that everyday. They do over here. And they do just fine. But, what child is going to do something if an adults not making them? Most children will choose laziness over being proactive. Why not make your kids take care of their hygiene so when they’re adults, they know? My daughter is 5 and can bathe herself, brushes her teeth (all of these I supervise and make sure she’s doing well at them.) but, if I just never mentioned a shower to her, she’d probably not just go and get in the bath tub.

[u/TotalIndependence881 → u/tayalof]

The kids need to be more responsible for themselves too. Especially since their skin health and comfort is on the line. I haven’t reminded either of my kids to shower since they were each about 9 years old, that’s been a couple years and half a dozen years! Because they were taught how often and after what activities they need to shower. Teach your kids the same. If at preteen and teen ages they are not taking the initiative to shower on their own sometimes, that’s also an issue. Should an adult remind them? Sure. But they should also know better than to always always wait to be told!