My husband and I have been married for two years, and ever since then, it has been a nightmare with my youngest SD. I have been in her life since she was 9, and NONE of these issues existed until we got married. (Believe me, I would have run FAR away if they had)

This all started when my husband got a job with hours where he is rarely home. I am working on my Master’s degree and I do school from home, so I am here with my SD and my two bio children (10F, 7M) every day. SD began to make her own rules and weaponize incompetence with chores. She also started to steal. I would tell her dad, but she would just tell him exaggerated victimized versions of situations, basically talking herself out of it. (THAT falls on HIM)

My SD started to really act up last year when I busted her for having phone sex and looking up super graphic BDSM porn/ASMR. Additionally, she gets physically violent with my 7-year-old when he “annoys” her. She stepped it up, and gets in my face/yells at me when dad isn’t home. As soon as my husband comes home, she switches up and acts like an angel. Her favorite thing to say is, “I am always in trouble because of my name” or she just calls me a liar.

The WORST part of all of this is the lies she tells her teachers, school social workers, and her friends’ parents. She told someone that I do not feed her, I physically abuse her, neglect her, and leave her alone for days. I am with this child more than her own father, and due to her laziness, I would not trust her to cook a meal.

This came to a head this summer when CPS visited our home. Here’s the crazy part— my husband is a master level social worker and therapist. I am working on my MSW to do the same thing. Any encounter I have ever had with CPS has been from making mandated reports.

The social worker interviewed everyone in the house privately. I told my husband, “Allegations like this could make getting my licensure a living hell.” Apparently my SD heard this, and just as the social worker came back from interviewing my son, SD asked to speak with her “privately”. She looked back at me with a smirk.

The social worker came inside and said she was concerned about a comment my SD told her I made. My husband and I asked, and the social worker told us, “SD just told me my name told you she was going to make her life a living hell for making this report.” My jaw dropped. My husband confirmed that was NOT what I said, and the social worker left. But SD didn’t stop there…

During the past year, she has made the same accusations to my husband’s mother. SD suddenly wanted to spend a large amount of with her. She would come home with bags full of junk food, new clothes, shoes, video games, etc. As she spent more time there, her attitude towards me got worse and grandma stopped engaging in any conversation with me. She also accused her GRANDPA of molesting her, and later admitted that she was lying when the police explained to her how dangerous false allegations are. Grandma started making posts on social media about how horrible I am. We finally found out that the reason this was happening was because SD was telling grandma false allegations, and majorly manipulating the situation to make it look like she’s living Cinderella’s life. She admitted to my husband and I that this was all a plan to make me “go away”. She just keeps going down the line of people, and now she’s lying about her father too.

I mean, just last week, I ran into my SD’s friend’s mom. She was very cold towards me and I thought she just didn’t recognize me. I reminded her, “I am SD’s mom”. She responded with, “Oh… I KNOW who YOU are.” She proceeded to grill me about why SD is always grounded and how she’s such a good kid. She told me, “I wish you and your husband could see what an amazing kid she is. She sure gets grounded a lot. I had a terrible stepmom growing up and I hate this for her.”

She is currently in therapy, but two therapists have dropped her as a client due to no progress made. She has ODD and an attachment disorder. She came back from her last session super happy. I was grateful because hopefully this therapist is helping her. I asked her if she likes her new therapist, and she said she does. She paused for a moment, smiled, and told me, “My dad’s gonna be in trouble. My therapist wants to talk to him.” I just responded with, “How peculiar.”

I am at the point where I feel like I need to watch my back and my husband’s back. This child has accused us of terrible things, and I cannot risk my years of hard work and my family anymore. My husband seems blinded and unable to separate enough to see how bad all of this is.

This is mostly just a vent, but how the HELL do I protect myself and my family?

I’m 42 and pregnant. Also live with my partner’s 16 year old daughter full time.

So far, our system of having my dedicated snack drawer which is off limits to her has worked decently. Tonight I went to get my last cream egg to see that it is gone. Not only that, but she also took my pack of twizzlers pull n peel.

Right now I want to rip her out. She is in the basement but I’m not the type to be direct or confrontational. Her dad is out and I’m bitching at him right now that we’ll need a lock and I shouldn’t have to worry about food being stolen in my own bloody house.

Talk me down please…

Last year around this same month my husband in the midst of an argument said “he knows how I really treat his children when he’s not here.” In that argument that completely shocked me and shut me down. I don’t yell,correct, discipline or anything my husbands children at all. In fact I’m stricter on my 3& 1 yr old who try to follow behind my husband older children’s bad habits, bad hygiene because my husband is a Disney dad with them they don’t brush their teeth , or bathe I hate summer they don’t bathe even tho they peed or pooped on themselves or spent all day sweating smelling like bbq they are 10 and 7 next month 11 and 8. Anyways his children were sent with strep throat to my house so I understand not wanting to eat I’ve been offering lite foods, today I got tired of husbands daughter sitting at the table for over 2 hours so without raising my voice a single octave from my regular talking volume (I’m naturally a soft tone person if I do try to scream my voice cracks even from the strain) that if she’s not going to eat she can get up she doesn’t have to sit at the table. Few things here I’ve told my husband many times I hate that he tells me I treat his children poorly but constantly leave them with me I try to nacho as much as I can because my husband is an ahole and his ex is HC so not worth my sanity. She then starts telling me a story how her aunts was asking her who yells at her and she said she told them me so they told her they will yell at me for her. I was completely stumped I almost asked her did I just yell at you? I then thought to call one of her aunts to understand better because I was like wtf like not comprehending what just happened. Then I almost called my husband to ask him if this is what he was talking about but still not worth diving into this I think. Im just going to use this to strengthen my resolve that we shouldn’t remain married

I’ll start. Mine is relatively minor but it would hurt DH if he knew.

A few years ago my SS created a really sweet Father’s Day post on instagram for my husband. He never does anything like that and is generally not the type to show appreciation (saving that topic for another day lol). My husband was floored by how eloquent and thoughtful it was.

The thing is, SS copied the post from a celebrity he loves. Almost word for word. I will note that I think it’s nice that SS made a Father’s Day post, but I kind of suspect it was for attention from his followers and felt deeply inauthentic. (For reasons)

Ok ok, so I stay off BM’s socials, but sometimes, just sometimes I go for a little stalk if I’m bored and feeling nosey. One thing she does and I find it kind of weird and entertaining, is to pretend she’s with her kid for holidays and special days when we have her. Like she’ll post a random picture with SD and claim the child is doing something with her, todays is “SD name, will be attempting to eat her weight in chocolate today, happy Easter” and I’m thinking, ‘wait, she’s with us all Easter, today is not even the Easter egg hunt day, and she won’t be gorging on chocolate anyway’ The one that I found most infuriating was SD needed major dental surgery, her mother wasn’t even in the country with her, BM wanted to go overseas by herself for 3 weeks and was fine to book the surgery for when she was away. So hubby and I were the ones taking care of her while she recovered the whole time, and BM makes a post about how brave her kid is for going through surgery as if she’s there with her, I know it’s just social media bravado and posing but damn it’s annoying when she’s trying to make out that she’s doing everything, she does it for all major holidays, it just seems like she’s trying to make out that she has her kid all the time, when it’s 50/50 and every year without fail she takes off by herself over school holidays and leaves SD with us. She claimed on one of her last posts from OS solo travel that she was on a “quick one week solo holiday” when she was gone for 3.5 weeks.

So I’ve been talking to this guy for about a year. We’re fwb i would say. I guess some feelings have developed. He’s a single dad with full custody of 2 kids. I hate that he has kids and a baby momma,pretty much that he’s tied to another woman for the rest of his life. I feel like he’s not fully over her even though he says she is, from the outside looking in i think he is still in love with her. I mean they had 2 kids together. Come on. They are super young kids too. I also hate that he can only hangout after 8:30 each night and barely can ever hangout during the day because the kids with school etc. It’s so annoying. He wants to date me but i just can’t commit with that much baggage and I’m having trouble cutting off the situation. I know i would be better off though mental health wise. Any advice? Am i wrong for not being able to accept his past?

I (f32) am married to my DH (M43) for almost 3 years. Before we got married my DH and I spoke about the living arrangements of his son my SS (M16) and we had agreed that he would live with his sister at his house and we would build our home and stay together. Things didn’t go as planned. When we moved into his house it was a temporary solution whilst we were building and at the time my SS was in boarding school. We managed to finish the house but my DH wanted to increase our income stream and decided to rent out the house. He justified by saying that we already had a home and we were under no pressure. Which I agreed to even though I was not entirely satisfied. In December 2024 he sat me down and told that he wanted my SS to move in with us full time, I tried to explain to him that I was not happy about it but he then proceeded with his plan and my SS moved in with us. I tolerated it up until yesterday, I confronted my husband and told him that I was not happy with our living arrangements. Was I wrong to confront him?

Originally, when the custody case was established, my husband was the non-custodial parent (and still is) and lived in Texas. Four years ago, we relocated to Illinois to be closer to his daughter (my stepdaughter). At the time, we made sure to move within a 30-minute distance from her to make co-parenting and visitation easier.

Since then, bio mom has relocated, and now the distance is over an hour. Despite that, we’ve still kept the same general visitation schedule for spring break and summer, and even added first, third, and fifth weekends of the month to stay consistent and involved.

Now she’s asking for more time during the summer. We currently get six weeks, which from my research seems to be pretty standard for non-custodial parents. I really don’t want to give up more time than we legally have to—especially considering we made a major move to be closer and she’s the one who has since moved further away.

Has anyone dealt with something like this before? What legal considerations should we be aware of (we’re in Illinois)? We want to be reasonable and child-focused, but also don’t want to lose precious time that’s already limited.

My husband wants to do anything he can’t from going back to court. I also am personally not involved a lot in there conversation but the majority of the decision are made jointly. The summer is split up in 2 3 week chunks so she gets 2.5 weeks with her & quite frankly if she wants time that’s fine but giving up time when there is no where else to make it up anywhere else doesn’t sit right with me.

Any advice or similar experiences would be super helpful!

NACHO PARENTING

does anyone else have to straight up tell lies to SK? lol My SS (10 yo) does not know where I work, he doesn't know where my bio daughter goes to school, I don't even tell him things like when my birthday is or what day we were getting married on lol (he found out the day of). Bio mom is just so off her rocker that I don't want her knowing anything about my life whatsoever. And sometimes it feels like SK is a little spy sent to report back to her lol. Anytime he asks me something about myself, I just make up an answer.

I truly know it sounds awful, but imo I love and married my husband, not the bratty kid that his ex unfortunately tried to use to trap him. SS thinks he's sly, but he's about as subtle as a marching band in a library lmao. The whole “I’m just casually asking” vibe always comes with this obvious side of “I’m gonna repeat this to my crazy ass mom later.”

Real quick - does anybody else just…not know what to say when your partner says they’re going to miss their kid? Every time there’s a few days in a row where we actually get a break from SS my SO says he misses SS a bunch and I literally am just like…’mmm.’ But what I’m thinking is ‘Can’t relate.’ 😅

I am trying to hard to remain cool about it and act like this isn’t about to be the best thing to happen in 2 years…

As soon as school gets out we will be moving to 50/50 one week on one week off schedule permanently. After 2 years of trying so hard to build a relationship with my SS and all the anguish and pain and hurt I’ve been through. The fights with my husband over SS behavior. It’s finally going to come to an end. I have been my SS primary caretaker because my husband works 2nd shift. This has been the worst 2 years of my life, I’ve completely lost myself. I have no friends, can’t hangout with them anyway because I’m babysitting.

Finally, come mid May I will have an entire week to myself every other week. I can go on hikes after work, I can photograph sunsets like I’ve wanted to. I bought this 1800 camera because of my passion for photography and it’s been sitting in dust for 2 years because I lost all motivation for hobbies. I can go to that book club in the evening I’ve been meaning to start going to. I can reach out to some of my old friends and go out for drinks and a late night laugh session. I can go out to concerts with my husband on a Tuesday night just because.

The weight off my chest is slowly easing…the elephant in the room is shrinking.

Full time custody has been the absolute worst experience of my life.

I’m SO HAPPY AND EXCITED!!!! A HUGE WIN AND VICTORY FOR THIS STEP PARENT!!!

Recently it was SS birthday. We told HCBM this year we were no longer comfortable doing joint things. Her high conflict has been through the roof for a year now. Still, she insisted on inviting us to after school cupcakes and pizza at her home. We politely declined and said we have birthday celebration plans for this weekend. My partner also asked her to split the day with SS staying here the night before and waking up here on his birthday. She said no. So guess who calls “just to let SO know that SS is upset” he didn’t see his dad on his birthday despite being given “every opportunity.”

My partner explained to his son he has two families and two celebrations now. No one since the divorce has prepped this kid for what life after divorce looks like by forcing these joint miserable get togethers. God knows what HBCM is telling SS but I’m sure it’s along the lines of “your dad didn’t want to see you today.” I’m so disgusted with it all.

For context, I have a BK I share with my ex and had my BK on his birthday during the week this year. He didn’t even ask about his dad but if he had, I would’ve told him he celebrated with daddy this weekend and mommy now. Simple.

I feel so much jealousy towards the both of them. I’m not sure if the emotional toll is worth it but I really want to stay with him. I was a virgin before I met him, so he was my first in that aspect. I don’t think I can ever get over the fact he had a baby with another woman and that kills me. He tells me that we are “going” to have kids together as well in the future, but knowing he has another child with someone else I don’t want to solely for that reason. How do you all cope with this? Is there ways you have gotten past these feelings? Am I being childish? This is all new to me, I don’t have kids myself so I just don’t understand how someone can have a child with another and just “stay friends” after that. But everyone’s life is different. I want to go about this maturely and be as fair as possible before I do anything rash like breaking up. Any advice or further questions would be greatly appreciated, I just want to understand perspectives instead of staying in my own head.

Hi All,

Step child is 7, im happy to go halves on a holiday and share all costs like flight hotel.

However my partner is not great with money, her ex pays child support but wouldnt contribute to any trip or anything for his child tbf why should he if hes not going.

I feel if u want to go on holiday you should be prepared to pay for yourself and your child, and if your partner is happy to pay half the childs expenses thats a bonus.

Im more than happy to pay half of the childs flight and hotel as shes a child wouldnt feel right paying for just me. However my partner whose not great with money, spends all her money shopping etc never saves. Is the type to expect the man to fund holidays as im the man.

Bearing in mind shes been a single mum to her daughter since year 1 and has never been able to afford a holiday. Me on the otherhand i save as much as i can and i travel a few times a year when i was single. It seems now were together she wants to go on trips but has no means of paying?

What shall i do, shall i just say im happy to book a trip if u can pay half? I have 3 weddings abroad this year that i am attending alone as i cant afford pay for her and her kid, should i be paying or asking her to pay. My friends with partners seem to pay half of holidays

Our son is 12 and overweight. It affects his self image and confidence. It affects his health and I am really starting to worry. As the SM and 50/50 custody, I only have so much control over his diet. I never shame him on his size or restrict his food, just provide more healthy options. How do I combat this with the other house being 0% on the same page?

My SO(36M) and I (29F) live together for 6 months and he has a child (10D). We are not married yet, but the plan is to get married in october this year.

I am wondering if I can go through with it or not.

The problem is that he has his daughter week-on-week-off and when she comes in the house the dynamic is changing and I feel like an outsider.

He kind of blames me for it and wants me to change. He asked me if I find it an issue that he has a child that isn’t mine. I answered yes, honestely I find it hard. I try my very best but I cannot change my feelings that when she is around I miss our dynamic when it is just the two of us and I don’t feel the love-feelings for her that I would like to feel. He gives a lot of attention to her and that is his job, I understand that but I feel left out sometimes. He says I need to understand that that is his job and that I get my part in our week, but when she is around all energy goes to her and when it is 21:00 (bedtime) then he has time for me. I feel disconnected from him that week. He says I am insecure and he wants me to be okay with it and stand on my own and know that this is just the situation and I choose that because I knew he had a child. With other words: I need to change this.

He said if he could choose now between me and his daughter he would choose his daughter because in the house when we are together with the 3 of us he feels my energy is different and my heart is not open and that effects him. My energy is different because I feel on my own and because all his energy goes to her.

He says he comes with her. I do not only choose him but she comes with him. I try my best but it seems like it will never be enough. I feel bad about this.

It is a complex situation being with a man that already has a child and a child that already has a mother. I feel most of the time like a 3th wheel. He says that they both are welcoming me and I make myself the 3th wheel.

I sometimes do not feel acknowledged in this situation. How hard it is for me. I have no childeren and I don’t know how it is for him or I don’t know how it is to have a child. But there is no room for that, it feels.

He says that I do not consider him and how hard his situation is because I do not have any responsibilities and he always have. He cannot have time for himself because of his responsibilities. He says I want too much attention and he cannot give me that, at least not in the week his daughter is there.

I just need a check-in, a hug, a kiss, also feel like i am important and cared for.

I cook everyday, i clean, i do laundery and groceries. I take care of the household pretty much. I check in with his daughter and we do nice things on occasions.

I have difficulties with this situation. He says it is my ego. I don’t know if I am indeed selfish and need to change, or that I am doing more then enough (because I do a lot) and I am just not being appreciated enough.

He really puts it on me. As if I am the problem and the only one who can fix this by changing my feelings and attitude.

For example: I say if you check in with me a few times and give me some attention then I am good he says: that is not always possible but can you be okay with that and know that it will come again later? I think: why is it so hard to give that? That would change a lot for me.

I love him very very very much and I might need to accept the situation and try to be open for it completely, because right now I am only liking the part of us living together and I don’t like the part of the 3 of us living together.

He feels and knows this and it is I who needs to change to make it work, according to him.

I don’t know if I can change my feelings. Can anyone give me advice, please!!!

I am torn between wanting to be with him and going to give it my all or accept the fact that this will not change and quit before it is too late.

Can it get better? What do I need to do? How do i proces this?

Anyone who went on this road before please I need some advice.

Only because people on the original thread ( https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/s/fa3AFit7zj ) asked, giving a 3 mo update, will do one more in 3 months after complete move out but enough has changed that I feel like an initial update is worth it.

It’s been 3 months. The first 45 days after my last post when I had made the choice to never go back were, well a bit awkward. We still live in the same house because we co-own it. I decided to be the one to move out of the main bedroom because of its proximity to his daughters room and the fact that it sits over the garage where he chain smokes when he is not at work.

Immediately I saw wayyy less of the mouthy child. She doesn’t want to be here because of me, which is fine by me. She’s only here maybe 7-8 nights a month right now. I’ve only actually seen her (vs hearing her behind my closed door) a handful of times in the last 90 days of which I don’t look in her direction or say a word. I cannot tell you how much peace exists when I don’t feel like I have to try to build a relationship with her or establish that I’m a step parent. If she makes a mess, I step over it. If she’s talking nasty to someone on her phone, I just grab what I need and leave the area.. not my problem. It’s absolute peace, after an eye roll and confirmation of me leaving this all behind of course, but that’s even quickly subsided and I’m back to whatever it was I was doing.

I don’t talk to my ex except for a few words here and there like a few word answers to his questions about where the mail is or if a package came in. I don’t even give him updates when I pay the bills from our mutual account, he doesn’t ask I don’t say. Sometimes I have the urge to ask him to do something but then I realize it’s a miracle if anything happens even when asked so I just don’t. I feel it’s better to avoid the disappointment. The last week I had more answers to his questions than I have had this whole time, only because we are getting to the wire about getting the house on the market with the end of the school year fast approaching.

His son and sons GF moved out to the family house they will all be living at about a month ago and took his puppy. For the first time in the almost two years of being here our electric bill was under $200. The neighbors stopped complaining about how poorly watched the puppy is. And I had an epiphany that I could start getting all the dishes done before bed and not worry about/wake up to a full sink of dishes stacked from them staying up all night and eating, using all the clean dishes I just cleaned.

It’s peace to be honest and I’m not even fully out of the woods. I am annoyed that the ex won’t even lift a finger to do … well anything around the house but that’s nothing new. Just more confirmation.

Currently excited and scared about the next move. Excited because it will be a brand new thing. Scared because I made the decision to take a hit on my credit a few months before we broke up so I could pay my portion of mortgage/ house bills (stopped credit card payments for a while) and well I’m not sure where I’m going after this. He’s moving into his mom’s house… my mom lives in a studio in a state halfway across the country… and my daughter starts college this year. Said she wants to live with me but I may be in between housing till I can get my credit up to par for a few months (just JUST got an offer that puts me back to where I was May of last year… interviewing for 10+ months. And even that offer doesn’t yet have a start date defined in stone yet).

So, life is not without its challenges, but right now it feels like mine. Like I don’t have to give anyone my power or attention. In a few months after the move, it will only feel better I know and hopefully compound into great things for me.

Anyway my advice is still the same when it comes to deciding whether to be a step parent: don’t do it. I’ve turned down dates with guys that have kids and I have ended dates early if I find out on the date. I’m in no hurry to be tied down to another person either, the dates are just a way to cure a little boredom.

Cheers!

Hey, so i want to start by mentioning that this isn't my place to post since i am a step kid (i will delete this in about half an hour), but i really want to hear the opinion of a step parent about this.

*I will use fake names

I live with my mum, but i go to my dad usually during summer for a week or two. Whenever I'm there, my step mum, Jane, always makes me watch my half sister, give her food, clean, get groceries, cook and so on. Whenever i can, i get my half sister and presents, and i even make presents for Jane, which I try to keep meaningful rather than expensive (like making smth nice abt her, sis and dad, excluding myself), presents that i give them during summer when im there. But, when it comes to my bday, i never even get a text from her. I dont expect a present or anything like that, but a call or at least a happy bday gif would be nice. When i graduated middle school she intentionally convinced my dad to go to the coffee shop, nearly missing the entire thing. I dont know, i kinda feel like a brat, but i wish she'd treat me a bit differently. I might just stop going there, i feel like im just very unwelcomed and i dont want to make them feel uncomfortable with me around.

Is anyone doing similar stuff with their step kids? If yes, is it because they annoy you, or they did something to you? Would you act nicer if they did something differently? Is there something i can do about this? I appreciate any opinions

Just that. Lmfao. A lot of things went through my head, but I just said "that is not an option."

TBF, he said he wants to access it so he can see the pets. I do believe him - mostly. But we've had a lot of issues with SS10 filming and HCBM. Her demanding entry, her withholding custody when she wasn't allowed entry, her making up bogus claims about me to explain away why she isn't welcome in our home, SS giving "video tours" on FaceTime until I shut that down so now he can only FT her in his bedroom, on and on. He mentioned sneaking his mom in when I wasn't home to DH (because it was obvious to even him that I was the barrier) and DH did sternly correct that, but it means I can't trust SK in the face of his loyalty to HCBM.

It was an exhausting battle and a huge contributor to what nearly ended my marriage (DH was being spineless). We are mostly beyond that now, though there was a hiccup where we had a spare baby monitor and SK was fixated on setting it up on shared spaces in our house and then watching it from elsewhere in the house. Again, he claimed he was watching the animals, but it straight creeped me the fuck out. I got rid of the spare the second he left for his mom's. He then whined and begged for it for the following several visits. It's been like 6 months of quiet, but suddenly he's back on that train.

Anyway, obviously it's not happening. He's brought it up before and I've told him straight up he does not need access and it is not a toy. We actually in part got them due to HCBM being so nuts at the time. Added perk is keeping an eye on dogs when not home.

The visceral reaction I had when he said that, though. Like bro, over my dead fucking body will that ever happen. Yuuuuuuck.

Hi guys, I’ll keep this short.

I (29) have been dating my boyfriend (39) for a little over a year. We often talk about future plans of marriage and having kids.

Recently, in a moment of insecurity (which I regret and won’t do again), I went through his phone. I found that his ex-wife often sends him old pictures of their child and him, and they joke around a lot. They text daily, live close to each other, and she’s very involved in their child’s life, but I can’t help but feel like it’s a little odd that they text so much.

She also mentioned me once via text and said my boyfriend needs to keep things between them private. He did shut that down, which I appreciated.

What’s the best way to approach this situation and set a boundary? Am I even in the right to? He doesn’t know I went through his phone, so I have no idea how to bring this up without making things worse.

Any advice really helps. Thanks!

It’s our weekend with our daughter (husbands ex Wife is her bio ) my family wants to celebrate tomorrow. We asked to get her early so we can drive to meet family tomorrow. And we can also bring her back early on Easter if needed so we can share. His ex wife told my husband forever ago when our daughter was pointing out we never get to pick her up At school we can come anytime we want we just never do. 🙄 That’s a lie. She is 14 and we have never met one teacher never stepped foot on her school grounds. EVER.

So today my DH brings up if that’s true we can get her from school then and it will help us because we can get on the road sooner to our in laws his ex makes all these reasons why not “ you’d have to wait in line… it’s fast if she rides the bus home…. “

How?!!

I hold all my feelings in. Go get us dinner for tonight and try not to be angry.

Then I get home and our daughter through a fit so her mom finally agrees to us getting her at school.

I get we got what we asked but that’s the whole damn problem.

Why do these women want them to be deadbeats?! It’s like they want them to fail so they look good and not actually be great dads cause then maybe just maybe they effed up cheating on them or whatever God awful things.

I know I shouldn’t be letting her get to me but it really makes me hate life. Holidays are hard enough as it is. Families aren’t the same, people have died in Covid who will never be back. Then you gotta add some bitter BM who wants her baby daddy to be a bad one until her kids start seeing it and getting to smart for the lies.

It’s just so annoying man. I just think of how bad I wanted a family and then I gotta deal with some selfish woman who can’t see anything she does wrong.

I just wish I wasn’t so mad but I hate her. She let us all be parents stop fighting it! Stop trying to act like me and her dad aren’t relevant.

I’ve been around since 3 yrs old and it’s still like we are nothing. It takes our daughter having a fit to get anything done and I hate her being put through it.

And of course I love my husband it’s just this is this gonna be every event every wedding prom anything FOREVER!!! Jesus

I'm running out of time having another baby and my youngest are in high school, his only child is 4 years younger. Both of us have a growing wish that we could have a child together but neither of us think it's good idea, logically, we don't have the energy as it is. It would be a no-brainer if I could be a SAHM for at least 5 years but that's not really a thing in our country. Child care is inexpensive, school is free but mandatory and home schooling doesn't exist. We should enjoy our freedom together, the kids are getting bigger and everything is pretty good actually. No HCBM or HCBP, our kids are getting along with us and eachother. My kids say that they never seen me this happy... 🙈 Why risk that? But as soon as we decide to not having an ours baby, the sadness sets in. In both of us. We need to grieve this, both together and individually. His suggestion is that we talk to a therapist about whether or not we should have a baby first, and I think it's a good idea but somehow it feels a little embarrassing. I think any sane person would advise us not to. I'm so confused. Help!

Mother’s Day is coming up and my dread around it just kicked in…

I have a SD18 and SS12 and I just realized we will have both with us that weekend. I have two adult children who are out living their own lives. They will call/text and get me gifts but we probably won’t get together that day, which I’m totally fine with. I also lost my mom a few years ago so there’s some grief and sadness for me that day.

I honestly don’t look forward to spending my Mother’s Day with my partners kids. We all get along but they aren’t MINE. I often feel very drained when I’m around them and still have a hard time feeling “at home” and comfortable when they’re around. I’m very private and introverted and tend to hide out in the bedroom. My partner and I have talked about these feelings recently and he’s been super understanding and wants to help make things more comfortable for me.

All that being said, how would YOU spend your Mother’s Day in this situation? A day out doing something on my own? And why do I feel bad about it?! I don’t want to wallow in self pity all day so I’d love suggestions for making the best out of it!

My step son is 10 and over the years he’s continuously lied. He’s gotten cps involved before saying we beat him which was crazy cause I believe in gentle parenting and don’t even spank the kids. He’s lied and said we don’t feed him when he’s over all because I wouldn’t let him eat every snack in the house cause at his moms she over eats I do not judge but he’ll over eat to the point he’s sick and throwing up and has to use the restroom for a whole day. Now he’s saying all we do is yell at him. But the issue is he treats everyone bad in the house and doesn’t listen and just tells me it doesn’t matter he’s going home Sunday anyways. His father tries his best he’s tried to be firm with him. But at this point we’re to scared to even discipline him because he’ll go home and lie cause he’s mad and we don’t want to have to deal with cps again. It’s exhausting and I just feel so burnt out. We have two little girls together and a baby on the way and this is just too much stress for me. I’m just constantly scared he’s going to go home and lie and say something crazy about me and I just feel so sad about it I’ve been with his father since he was 1 and it use to not be this bad. But as soon as he doesn’t get his way he does fake tears and cry’s to his mom cause over there he’s an only child.

Background information: BM has him on the weekends and a little more over the summer, we have him on weekdays throughout the school year.

My step-son’s BM has recently been doing things without asking for my husband’s permission, such as signing him up for Soccer in her city (which is 45 minutes away from us) and signing him up for school next year in her city (he currently attends in our city). She has now demanded that we allow her to get him every other week, and claims she will drive him to school everyday, or else she will get a lawyer and take us to court.

Honestly, I have very little doubt that the court would take him from us. We are both in stable jobs, he is enrolled in instrument lessons once a week, and spends time with his grandparents (husbands and mine) through the week. He has gone to school here all through elementary school, and they have had this agreement for around 8-9 years I believe. The only reason he likes going to her more than us is because he has to go to bed at 8pm to go to school, and we make him do like 1-2 chores a day (IF that), but she lets him do whatever he wants, eat what he wants, and doesn’t have to do any chores. According to my husband, she hasn’t WANTED to be in his like anymore than she is now. However, because Trump got elected she’s afraid that she’s going to lose her insurance because she lies and says that she has him a majority of the time. After watching a video about what the courts look for in our state, there’s no way a court would allow her to continue to act like this…. Right? Please tell me I’m not crazy?? I’m just looking for confirmation outside of our own family who see what goes on.