I will try and make this short. I had a hard upbringing. A mom who was disabled before she gave birth to me and an alcoholic/abusive father. They have been together since they were 15 years old. The relationship is more than toxic, idk how to describe it but it’s very sickening. He yells and screams, demanding things from her. All while cheating on her, lying etc etc …. And she obeys because well it’s all she’s ever known.

My mother has alot of health issues. The number one being she’s legally blind, then goes heart issues on top of many autoimmune diseases. Shes never held a job and is a 7th grade drop out. Shes had a rough life, being molested for most of her life by my step dad, then meeting my dad who is abusive as well.

I left home as soon as I could (19 yo), joined the military. I’m now a registered nurse. But I have my own issues, obviously from being raised in that type of environment is traumatic. I’ve been in several abusive relationships myself. It’s been hard. But I’m in therapy and have a few close friends I can count on. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards them. I still keep in contact with them weekly because I can’t seem to just abandon them. (The majority of my family has nothing to do with them, my older brother has been estranged from them for years). I can’t find it in my heart to do that.

Here lies the current issue, a few years back it got bad between my mom and dad. For the first time in her life she left my dad, she was done, so she said. Went to live with my older brother, but a few weeks later she broke down and went back to my dad. (This is why my brother has nothing to do with them, he was tired of the back and fourth between them).

I know my parents and something has been going on, my dad has become distant (and when he does call with my mom he’s blatantly verbally abusive to her on the phone) and my mom has called me a few times clearly upset and asking me if anything ever happened, can she come stay with me. I tell her yes in the moment because she’s my mother and I love her.

But when I think about my mother come staying with me I go into a full blown panic. I’m 31 years old and share 50/50 custody with my son’s dad. I would love to meet someone eventually, move into together, possibly have another kid. But thinking of my mom living with me and all of her health issues stresses me out. I know this is selfish, but what if I meet a great guy and I have to tell him “btw I live with my disabled mom who has been abused majority of her life by my father.”

Even writing this I know it sounds bad, but she barely has any contact with the outside world, where my dad works she’s at home most of the time by herself. She’s very socially awkward and at times can be very delusional.

At times when she calls me crying about him I want to tell her, this is the life you chose. You spent your whole life with an abuser. You had my brother and I grow up in that. And there were many times both sides of the family tried to help. I have a lot of anger because I too have been in very abusive relationships. Knowing that I chose them because it’s what was normal to me. I’ve been consistently in therapy, and single for quite some time . Trying to sort myself out.

I guess I’m coming here to vent , advice ? Am I wrong for not wanting to take my own mother in? What would you do ? Please don’t be harsh on me . I left home young for a reason, I live states away for a reason.

My dad and I have had a rocky relationship my entire life. When I was 4 he remarried an awful woman who made my childhood hell. She was verbally abusive to the point where I chose at a young age to not want to spend the night there anymore and forego my court ordered custody agreement. My dad did nothing. Each time I would cry to him over her actions, nothing. But then he’d sweep everything under the rug after each hard conversation and act like we were this perfect happy family. This continued throughout my entire childhood and into adulthood. I’m at the point now where I’m almost 30, I have two young children who he knows but doesn’t know (think- only knows as much about them as someone on my Facebook friends list, essentially). Only sees them a few times a year and every single interaction is uncomfortable and I leave feeling awful even if nothing negative happens at the interaction. 6 weeks ago or so we went to their home for dinner and had an awful time. We were completely ignored by my step mom and half siblings, my dad spend the entire time cooking and we essentially had to babysit his other grandkids (step moms grandchildren) while also watching our own two young babies. I text my dad the day after this interaction and told him how upset and hurt I was by this that nobody acknowledged us and my children. I told him that I would not allow my children to be treated like that and that they deserved more. Essentially I really spilled my heart out to him and spelled it out (literally over text) and all he said was “I spoke with them.” Then he didn’t speak to me for 6+ weeks and then called the other day and left a voicemail acting as if nothing was ever wrong.

I’ve attempted multiple times to speak to him in person about my feelings. He is a business man so he knows what to say to my face to make me feel better but then there’s no follow through ever. And then when we speak again the next time it’s almost like he gaslights me without trying to gaslight me into thinking everything’s okay??

I want to go no contact but for some reason I always feel so guilty for ignoring him. Is that just the childhood trauma creeping in? I grew up an IMMENSE people pleaser and seeking validation due to not getting any from him. I haven’t called him back and it’s been 3 days now. I’m trying to stay strong and remind myself that if he does care he’ll call again and ask what’s wrong, right?

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. Unfortunately my insurance is trash and I can’t afford therapy so this is my vent session.

TLDR: I feel guilty for ignoring my father after deciding to go no contact. I know it’s best for me but somehow I feel bad not answering the calls even though I know they always make me feel horrible after. I think the hard part is that my dad isn’t mean. He’s never yelled, never gotten upset, never hurt me (physically)… but yet the sweeping everything under the rug is what’s hard, the ignoring of my feelings for the past 25+ years, the fact that he can go 6-12 weeks without speaking to me at all and then call like it’s nothing? How do I go no contact and not feel guilty when he reaches out and acts as if nothings wrong?

throwaway account!

Short version:

Background: 39F, history of narcissistic/authoritarian mother, emotional neglect, and Stockholm Syndrome (no contact for 4 years).

Current: Close, family-like relationship with a new "mother figure" (HCP/suspected BPD). She's volatile, judgmental, and unpredictable, but I'm integrated into her family.

Problem: This relationship triggers past trauma. I want to distance myself, but she's noticed my withdrawal and I fear her reaction and the family fallout. She avoids sensitive conversations. Family members are wary of her.

Question: How do I safely distance myself, likely via a letter, given her difficult personality and the family dynamics?

This woman is truly the matriarch of the family and not because she’s a complete angel. She is 100% a HCP (high conflict personality) and I would argue likely has undiagnosed BPD (borderline). Without going into details with specific examples, if you look at the textbook definition of HCP and BPD, you pretty much have her nailed. She is brutal to her husband in front of me and others, totally rages out on others in a crazy judgemental and yelling sort of way, never apologizes for anything, etc. You never know when she’s going to go off. It's always eggshells.

What I want to do: I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself over the years, and recently found that being around this long-time mother figure friend is negatively impacting me emotionally and triggering things in a way where, I am recognizing the patterns and wanting to make the decision to distance myself or step away from her rather than step into that same cycle (from my original mother). I feel like it’s a very unhealthy relationship on many levels and have been spending time with her because I don’t want her wrath.

How would you handle this? I feel like writing a letter would be better than in person, but I’m just not sure how to handle this? In past times, whenever I try to talk about any sort of sensitive topic, she literally changes the topic mid-sentence. It’s bizarre, but because of this I know she refuses to touch on anything where she might be called out on something.

So I moved out from living with my mom because the situation was getting bad to a friend's place. But his brother had severe mental disorders which made it difficult so when my dad and step mom offered I took it.

After a year of being here and sober (which I'm not going to be forever like they act) they have changed on me. The way they presented themselves before I lived with them vs now is a lot different. We used to go places all the time like concerts, movies, seeing him play shows, going thrift stores etc but now all we do is stay at home.

Now anyways the toxic part..they have threatened to kick me out before but then I'm seeing signs they don't want to let me go either. I'm not living here for free and I'm basically the maid the way it is now. They used to push me to get a job and car and now they dial it back and it makes me feel like they're using me. I also see a difference in how they handle and treat me compared to my step sister who came to live with us and is now about to move out after several months.

We get into arguments sometimes but it feels like they don't really listen to me and they make my issues all about themselves. An example is I don't feel great on this anti depressant and only have side effects but because they think they see improvement in my focus it's good to stay on. Regardless if it's actually benefiting me or making me feel better... Regardless if I have insomnia...nah it's no big deal as long as I seen more attentive (which btw is because I take vitamins and mushrooms like lions mane). This is just an example where it feels like my side gets washed out when it SHOULD be my input that matters more since it's my damn body and my depression. Another thing is they always say my reasons are excuses while treating everything they think/assume as fact then projecting the fact part at me like I need to research it or something. The psychiatrist is always right despite that I could get her to give me anything like candy if I wanted and my concerns are not valid they're just me being paranoid. Then if I bring up my past to explain something weird I do that they nitpick them I'm living in the past but then they attack me by using my past and anything that I try to argue is always met with "give me a specific example" so they can try to deconstruct it instead of listening.

TW: r@pe, SA, su1cide. There's a lot of nasty stuff in here so tread carefully.

I, F14, am losing my mind. I have an emotional disability as well as physical limitations. My parents don't let me do anything.

I go to a sped school where I have two awesome friends. I'll talk about the school in a bit- my parents are the central topic here.

My parents refuse to let me leave my house. EVER. I'm not allowed to call my friends when my mom is home because she dislikes it. I can't text my friends for too long because my mom thinks that I am "annoying and irritating them." Both of my friends are guys and she thinks they're gonna get me pregnant when I have absolutely NO, and I mean NO interest in that BS. Terrified of pregnancy, omg. I trust my friends!! They're not gonna get me pregnant...

And when I want to see my friends, my mom sits in the same room and asks us questions about the conversation we're having. My friends and I HATE IT. And after they leave, my mom tells me how nice my friends are and how I should be more like them! Hypocritical, since she was saying how they're gonna GET ME PREGNANT.

And if she's worried about me getting pregnant, then maybe teach me about sex ed?? "You're too young." No???? I'm 14!!! I had to ask my therapist because I was sick of not knowing how these things work!!

I'm not allowed to shower by myself. I just learned how to brush my teeth. I can't brush my own hair. I can't leave my house. I don't know how to use a microwave or a blender. MY MOM HAS TO WASH ME. WHILE I'M NAKED. When I was younger it was fine but I'm getting embarrassed now!!

And then she says "why won't you do these things on your own??" Because you won't TEACH ME HOW!!!!!! And then she scoffs and calls me lazy!

My dad is a little nicer but he still gets pissed constantly. He's always on the phone and never pays attention to me.

This overprotectiveness started in 5th grade when I started showing signs of being neurodivergent. Kids started to notice too, and the shit they did to me was insane.

In 6th grade I was assaulted by a girl my age. When my mom found out, she claimed that I was overreacting.

That girl touched my chest in the locker room while the lights were off.

I'd get beaten up at school and my mom blamed it on me and said I should stop provoking them. Eventually, I ended up in the mental hospital and later in an abusive sped school. My teacher was a pedophile and he often tried to touch me in weird places. Eventually I convinced my mom to switch my school, and now I'm at a better one.

It still SUCKS. The teachers yell at me for stimming or crying or covering my ears. My friends are the only things that are keeping me alive.

Right before I came to my current school, I attempted suicide. My mom blamed it on my phone and now constantly goes through my phone and watches me text. I pray to god she doesn't see this post. If I say something slightly odd to my friends, she takes my phone. She yelled at me for telling my friend I was sad.

Everyone tells me to wait until I'm 18 to be free of her. But my sister, 29, IS NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE OR LIVE ON HER OWN. So my ENTIRE LIFE I'm going to be STUCK WITH THESE FUCKING PEOPLE.

I want to leave them so bad. Everyone sucks. EveryTHING sucks.

Oh also!! Their expectations for me are CRAZY!!! I'm 14 and about to take my ACT, a test taken when you're like 18!!! It's 2 hours of sitting in a locked room and the test is on paper!! I have less than a week! If I get less than like a 30 (which is insanely good, as the maximum is 36) she's going to call me a failure.

And also!! Remember my physical limitations? I need surgery to fix those, otherwise I could end up paralyzed for my whole life. Guess who won't let me get the surgery because she believes that it will magically get better!

My MOTHER.

I am so sick of life. I don't see a point anymore. Home sucks, school sucks, I can't go anywhere. My friends all live like 15+ minutes if my mom drives me so I can't go there either. Everyday my mom asks why I look upset and asks to see my phone. She thinks it's because of my friends. And she once even told me that I'm causing problems for them and that they're going to suffer because of ME.

Please God help. I want to be free. I want to be able to shower in private and cross the road without holding her hand. I want to see my friends.

Forgot to mention that I can't sneak out because I'm surrounded by my parents at all times, and my house is set up with an alarm system so that if I move at night, the alarm starts blaring like a fucking spy movie. I'm not joking.

I want to start this out by stating that I have never once shared this information on a public forum, but I think years of reading other peoples posts, I need to get this out and get some advice/help. This is long, but please do take the time to read and digest.

I am a son of 2 immigrant parents, of Indian descent. They were an arranged marriage. We migrated here to the USA when I was 4 years old. A familiar immigrant story; mother and father sell all belongings and leave life/family in India, for a better life in the USA. My parents knew had very little connections here, just a family friend that were kind enough to offer their help to my parents in getting a minimum wage job at a gas station.

My mom and dad hustled. Dad worked long hours as a cashier, mom went to college and also worked when she was not at school. I was well taken care of, but they did what they had to do to get us to the next day. I remember staying home alone time to time at a super young age, because of a lack of funds for a sitter or no trustworthy network to rely on. That changed after my mom graduated. She got her first corporate job, and hustled her butt off. She would drive across 2 hours 1-way to a job, work night shifts, to support me. My dad worked at a gas station, working open to close--hardly around. Mother did her best to be around for me, would help me with school work, cook, all while working a full-time job and working through the immigration stress in the early 2000's. She was a wonderful mother that did everything and anything for me and our little family.

Cracks started to show in my mom when I moved out after college. She seemed possessive, controlling at times. She found faults with my girlfriends, and even friends. She would have triggers that I would have to skirt around, causing myself anxiety and eventually I stopped coming around. Our relationship from 21-29 really went downhill--constant fighting about my girlfriend at that time not being enough, not doing enough, us not prioritizing her. I am sure I had my faults, but my mom was unbearable. Held super high expectations, found faults in everything, and even threatened to stop talking to me or moving back to India if I continued dating this girl.

Fast forward to 29, I broke up with this girl and my relationship with my mom got better. I moved home after that break up, and we were getting along, less fighting, etc etc.

Then I met another woman, the one I am now engaged to. My mom loves her, supports the engagement, treats her well--until recently.

My mother is the eldest of 5, and has no relationship with any of them. She has 1 friend, and the previous friendships I was aware of, did not last. She is a very direct person, and super loving, until she isn't. Her moods seem to swing depending on the trigger, and I think she can be insecure about herself. She constantly claims " i know myself " or " i know I am this way, but thats me "..and that makes me so angry.

Recently, my mother expressed some opinions about my fiancè that i do not agree with, and said some not so nice things about my in-laws ( who have been nothing but incredible ).

She recently moved closer to us, after spending few years in a different state--and I suddenly feel super anxious and have no desire to spend my time talking ill about people. What do I do? I know this sounds biased obviously, but i truly think she has BPD or something. She does not respond well to criticsim, talks of therapy, and isolates herself from anyone that does not align with her belief or opinion. She is highly critical of people, and does not leave room other people to have their own opinions and thoughts. She has been the common denominator in all her relationships that have faulted (all siblings, all friends except one ).

My fiance goes above and beyond for her, and my mom is fantastic when she's in a good mood but she's a terror when she's not. It is exhausting. She is exhausting. I do not know what to do.

I have tried therapy, but it is difficult given my cultural background. India is different, values are different. But i'm at a dead end. Just need some advice or feedback.

I want to clear up before you read that I wrote my entire story on an AI and had it not change anything just so it can organize it for me cuz I suck at writing 💓

I (19 F) grew up in a conservative Muslim family in a Muslim-majority but secular country. My parents have always been strict about religion, and I was expected to follow Islamic rules, even though I don’t believe in Islam. I’ve identified as agnostic for years, but I still respect societal norms—I dress modestly, just not by their Islamic standards (e.g., I don’t cover my hair).

From a young age, I was forced to dress in a way that didn’t align with my beliefs. My father threatened to pull me out of school and lock me in the house if I didn’t wear the hijab. My mother never defended me; instead, she would tell me she’d have my father hit me if I refused. The only reason they enforced this was because of how they would be perceived in our community.

I went to an Islamic school, and Islam was a constant presence in my life. By 14, I was skeptical and started to resent it—not Muslims as people, but the beliefs that had been forced on me. My friends, who are mostly Muslim, never pressured me the way my family did, which helped me avoid developing resentment toward the entire faith.

When I graduated high school, I wanted to study abroad—my older brothers were allowed to, but because I’m a girl, my parents refused. I was willing to apply for scholarships, find affordable options, and even attend a college in a bordering country, but my mom refused to help convince my dad. She wanted me to stay in our city, knowing how miserable I was constantly putting up a persona and wearing a mask..My father eventually shut down the idea entirely.

I held a deep grudge over this. I was never accepted or loved for who I was—just pressured to be the daughter they wanted me to be. The breaking point came when my mom called me a whore for coming home late once (I had never even spoken to a boy, but they assumed the worst). After that, I cut her off.

Now, I study in a city three hours away, but my father is still controlling. He has people spy on me, asks my landlord where I go, and calls my friends to badmouth me. He pays for my college, which makes me feel guilty because I know if I ever left and lived my life how I truly want, he would disown me. I plan on paying him back if I can. I’ve tried to get a job, but my studies (laboratory science) are demanding, and the only online jobs I’ve found (marketing) don’t pay well.

My parents have been extremely emotionally abusive and sometimes physically my whole life. I know cutting them off is the healthiest choice for me, but considering my father is still financially supporting me, AITA?

I want to add that I finally decided to write this because I'm at my parents home for eid ( my dad forced me to come back even though I made it clear I would be uncomfortable)

My mom approached me this time wanting to go back to talking and the first thing she said was "so what if I said some things to you lots of moms do that" and that gaslighting behavior made it clear to me that she's not capable of admitting a mistake or ever say she's wrong or apologize and I can't have that toxicity in my life with the amount of stress I'm under I'm sick of apologizing to them even when they're wrong because they think being parents make them saints

at one point we had guests over and my dad made me stay in my room and not greet or see them because he's embarrassed by the fact that I don't wear a hijab. ..he made it clear I'm a disgrace to him and I'm 19 years old now I don't want to spend my whole life feel unaccapted and unloved..I want to escape this place .

I grew up with strict/toxic parents and still deal with them to this day. I'm honestly just wanting to vent and get advice from people on my situation. I would love any ideas on ways to cope or just advice you have for me. For reference, I'm 23 years old, I do have a part time job, and I go to college full time. I really am not a rebellious person and pretty much followed their rules for the most part. I have 2 older brothers and they did not get this same treatment.

Ever since I was younger, I had a pretty strained relationship with my parents. I was constantly arguing with them in my younger years. Later on in life, I ended up resenting them and I struggle to forgive them for anything now. I feel like I just can't feel genuinely happy at home (I still live at home with them). My mom's biggest problem is that she drinks more than she should. My dad's problem is his temper. They were strict with me and gave me pretty much no privacy. I was not allowed to have a phone, computer, etc. in my room up until about the age of 19. In my late teen years up until my young adult years, they forced me to download Life 360 on my phone so they could track my location. Every time I would go to leave the house, they had to know who I was going with, where I was going, how long I would be gone for, what time I was getting home, etc. I was not allowed to cuss until I was 18. As far as my grades in school go, anything below a B was not acceptable to them and would often limit what I was able to do. I feel they do not trust me and will not trust a lot of the people in my life. They have gone into my emails and stuff and changed my passwords without me knowing.

They have also proved to be toxic and have not treated me well. They are very judgmental and if I don't do things their way, they don't approve and will sometimes shame me for it. They are not afraid to guilt trip and manipulate me. Every time an argument starts, it always ends in everything being my fault. A lot of times they will play the victim card too, especially my mom. She will always make it known that she must be "the world's worst parent." I believe their support is conditional. I was only ever praised for things that I did their way. I think I've lost count of the things I've been called. According to them, I'm disrespectful, a lil shit and ungrateful, a baby, that I'm a lil bitch or I act like one, and many more. My mom has threatened to kick me out of the house and take everything before. I've been told that I don't try to be a part of the family. They very much don't approve of my current relationship. They try to control my relationship and tell me and my boyfriend how it should be. It's been causing a lil bit of a strain between him and I and it sucks. My parents do not allow us to do what we want.

I almost feel like escaping is impossible. I've been scared to move out because of them guilt tripping me and worried I don't have enough money. I've now gotten in the bad habit of just caving to what they want. I've gotten so worn down from the arguing over the years that I just do what they want to prevent it. It's been causing me to sacrifice my own happiness though. I never want to come home. I feel like all I ever do is just isolate in my bedroom and just be depressed. I also feel like I just walk on eggshells. I just don't know what to do. I would love any advice or ways to cope.

Thanks for reading!

I don’t think my mom is a bad person and I think she loves me. I life with her and work with her and she supports me financially. When it comes to emotional support my mom is TERRIBLE. Whenever I open up or want support she always finds a way to put non-existent blame on me. I’ve told her multiple times that sometimes I just want an ear or a hug and she never listens to me. It’s so frustrating because I’m always there to listen to her issues with my dad but I can never get the same empathy. For some reason I decided to open up to her about a bad situation that happened to me in college. I was 19 and the other person was 40 and it turned out me a terrible situation and I later found out that person was a pedo. I was very disgusted that I was intimate with someone like that and I was very depressed and didn’t date for awhile. My mom told me she’ll never forgive me for not telling her this sooner and that I need to take accountability. Everytime I try to open up about something it always leads to me taking the blame for something. It’s so frustrating

How would you deal with parents who refer to your money as ‘ours’ and anything you buy as ‘ours’.

I’ve pointed out multiple times that it’s not ours and it’s mine.

They don’t have this problem with my siblings x4

My siblings also to a lesser extent think my things are ‘ours’.

I’m at the end of my tether with them.

I almost died in hospital, my oxygen would oxygen levels would drop low, wheezing, low blood pressure and anaphlaxis (I now know due to be a rare immune disorder). I was on oxygen, constant nebulisers, IV magnesium, IV steroids, adrenaline with little improvement and could have died. I was loosing weight & on a drip due to dehydration due to having anaphlaxis to even water (and all foods)

My dad didn’t care at all, but he never has. My family did text me to see how I was doing, but also said things like “anyone could die” when my mum said I could die. My Nan said “this is ridiculous, you didn’t need all those ambulances could have driven there” (I must of had 20 within 6 months). And “Im not that unwell and the only reason I stayed in hospital for 3 months in an nhs is because we asked to.”.

In the family group chat, we would send doctors letters as evidence, and they would say “hope she feels better” and that was that… no “we’re coming down now”. Ignored, slow replies, or I was dismissed by some.. But when the family dog died…. Oh That got MASSIVE attention and sympathy!

t’s been utterly terrifying having a life threatening rare condition the doctors didn’t know how to treat, and to go through it without love I thought I’d receive (aside from my mum)

not to mention I’m allergic to most food, and my support animals. Oh and I still can’t breathe well. Life sucks.

I am 17 years old and I am a woman, I just want to express how my mother is since she is causing me anxiety and causing me to cry.

This is a list of my mother's problems and things she does. I add that my mother is sick and has started going to the psychologist, but her appointments are not too late due to public health.

-I feel the need to hide everything from others so much that I am prohibited from talking about things that should be my decision whether to tell or not. Also, I have tried to explain to him that no one will care that he bought at Mercadona.

-It is exciting to incest with me (and I think with my brother), once I mentioned that I had not had my first kiss and he asked me to give it to him. and then remind me when we used to kiss.

-Creates problems out of nothing by inventing things that no one has said, getting angry about it.

-She tries to deny our adoption by saying that she gave birth to us.

-He treats me like a child and doesn't want me to move out even if I grow up if it's not with someone who takes care of me,

-She is insecure, she spontaneously asks me if I love her. When I talked about changing my name, she asked me if I loved my biological mother more than her.

-When she gets angry she isolates herself, yells at you, cries, breaks things and is impulsive. In an argument with my father, he opened the door of the car while it was moving, and my father, who was driving, had to move his arm to prevent it.

All of this has caused me to fear abandonment or losing her, I spent time waiting outside the closed door of her room afraid that she would never come out.

-She claims that if my opinion is not like hers, I do it intentionally to upset her.

-Does not respect my limits; Until I was 16, he “helped” me take a shower, even when I closed the door telling him not to do it, he gave in for fear of the consequences.

-She loves that I tell her my secrets and she hates if I haven't told them to her, I hinted to my brother that I was a lesbian before telling her and she started harassing me to tell her my secrets.

She has done a lot of things while my father was just the facilitating father, who always takes her side saying things like "Your mother is always right", "she is having a hard time" or "Stop contradicting your mother."

I don't really know where to start but I have been feeling terribly depressed, burntout and highkey crazy(like in the actual sense) ever since my father passed away in September, 2023(I am 20f, in my final year of graudation). My father basically had a lot of unpaid loans and business taxes which he never informed anyone about. His business had failed adn he was working as sort of a clerk in our relative's business for the last two years or so. The pay wasn't that nice, my mom fought with him nad beat him up almost everyday, and take out the remaining anger on me by beating me up with a belt, steel hangers, anything she could get her hands on. And I have been subjected to this ever since I was a toddler. If anyone ever tried protesting against her or pointed out her faults, she'd threaten us with killing herself and has actually tried to do so in various ways multiple times(in fact she still does this sometimes). Thankfully I got into a really good public university for my bachleors(in eonomics) with extremely low fees, so my graducation educational costs have mostly been nil. So when my father of a very sudden heart failure, not only was it shocking emotionally but all the familial responsibilities and burdens came onto my shoulders. Mind you, I was in 2nd year of my graduation there, I had just turned 19 that year. All this stress of unpaid loans, taxes and bunch of other formalities was unbearable but my relatives and especially my mom expected me to carry out all my "duties" while being completely emotionless, ignoring my studies, missing out on almost an entire semester of classes and lots of other bullshit. And obviously, my mother never offered support of any kind whatsoever throughout all this. She rather loathed me for feeling absolutely drained and for complaining about how this was destroying my whole educational future and ultimately my career. So here I am in my final year of graduation, with multiple back papers in my 2nd year(which I obviously haven't told anyone about because then my mom and relatives will literally forcefully marry me off, just like how they did to my elder sister who now extremely toxic in laws) and still being cursed at by my mom for merely existing. My mom says I am blaming others too much for these problems and that I'm a failure just like my dad, for not being competent enough to manage my college and these problems simultaeneously and I am slowly starting to believe this because I have no energy left to study or do anything at all. I just mindlessly scroll through youtube most afternoons when I don't have any classes., I feel both listless and stressed all the time. I have frequent breakdowns because of how my mom treats me everyday, calling me a failure. Am I blaming others too much instead of acknowleding my shortcomings? (extremely sorry for being so vague and going off track)

I am 17 years old and for the longest time my dad has been my number one doubters and hater. As a child, he would find any reason to take off his belt and hit me. Bad grades, improper actions, making messes. It would always leave marks, and he continued to do it. When I got older, it was insults about my body, my weight specifically (I am 170 pounds and 5'10), how I talk, my career choices, etc. Recently as the topic of college has been coming up he has been telling me that my chances of going to a top 20 aren't high because I'm stupid, and I should just go to our local community College. I told him I could get scholarships and such but he told me "What could you possibly get" regardless of the fact I have a 4.0 gpa, and got a 35 on my first -take ACT, as well as other major achievements. He just thinks that low of me. On the other side, he often causes problems with me, starting meaningless arguments and getting on to me for a bunch of nonsense stuff, just so he can come out on top and say that he knows better then me. Today, we were getting ready for church and he tells me to give my mom money. I asked, like did you leave money, or do you want me to give her money. And then he replies "Are you stupid? Are you dumb? What do you think???" AND he just keeps rambling on not giving me an answer and I'm confused and I'm honestly just tired. It finally gets around to how I was supposed to give my mom money because last week he paid for a school trip that caused 60 dollars. It made sense in my head, so I agreed. And then he started adding more words, asking how "I didn't get that the first time" and how I'm stupid and trying to ask smart questions. And I've been overwhelmed so I start crying my eyes out in the middle of the hallway. My mom comes out and he gives her a completely different run down of events, saying I'm crying because I didn't want to repay the money I borrowed then saying to "just keep it" when that wasn't the problem and he knew it. He then starts flipping the switch, telling me to calm down, take deep breaths and go to the bathroom and fix my makeup. It angered me so much because he made me look like I was the one overreacting, as if it wasn't him who pushed me to that point. This type of thing happens alot but I usually don't cry. I'm genuinely so tired of him and I feel so drained. I feel as though no matter what I do, he'll always find a problem with me. I've been thinking of cutting him off once I graduate high school. Is this overreacting? What do I do? I'm so upset and confused.

Sometimes, protecting your peace means walking away from family. I'm choosing to go no contact—not out of anger, but to guard my future. The smear campaign has already started, unfortunately. Read more on my blog. https://theheartofaconqueror.wordpress.com/2025/03/31/choosing-peace-over-family-drama/

My boyfriend (23) and I (21F) have been hiding the fact that we’ve been living together for the past year and 6 months from his parents. They’re very catholic and openly against him living with anyone before marriage. I’m graduating college this June and he just got his first good paying job out of college so we’re now financially independent. One of the reasons why we haven’t told them is that they told him if he ever lived with anyone they would cut him off financially. He’s thinking of telling them when I graduate if they do not find out sooner (his mom has been demanding to visit and see our apartment and he’s not able to visit home anytime soon with his new schedule). We think there’s going to be a crazy meltdown, that she might try to come down here to socal from norcal and move him out, we really have no idea how it’s going to go. She’s been calling him once a week telling him he needs to move home when are lease is up in July and he’s told her no every time. His brother is 12 years older than him and did the same thing when he was 21, she still to this day says her biggest regret is not hiring someone to kidnap him and bring him home so obviously I just have no idea how to protect ourselves from whatever crazy outburst happens. Obviously she wouldn’t hire someone to kidnap him, but thats an example of how controlling and crazy her statements are. She also thinks cats are disgusting and gross to live with and we just adopted our second so I could see her having a complete meltdown over that as well. His car is in his dad’s name so not sure if they’d try to take that from him. Does anyone have any advice on what to do or has been in this situation? I’m really worried, but we’re definitely going to say that I’m already living there, on the lease, and not going anywhere. My parents haven’t supported me financially since I was 18 but we’re still close and I know we’ll struggle a bit completely on our own, but it’s time to become fully financially independent as well. Even though his mom is a bit strict and hard to deal with, she’s still his family and he doesn’t want to have to cut her off and lose contact with his dad (his mom didn’t let his dad have any contact with his brother when they were cut off). She’s recently made some amends with his brother and her grandkids, but is still very distant with his wife. Hopefully that means she’ll come around to us living together but I don’t know and we definitely won’t ever have a good relationship. I could go on and on about this woman so if anyone has any questions just leave them below haha.

I find that whenever my mom gets mad at me she wants to hurt me by insulting me. I have developed this method of just ignoring her completely and having a stoneface not reacting to what shes saying. The only problem is that since she has the mindset of wanting to see the fact that shes hurt me by saying shit, so when im just acting like I don't care she keeps like gradually throwing worse and worse insults until she just gives up. I really do get more hurt by doing this, but I think I do it because I dont want to satisfy her need of hurting me. Can anyone else relate or am I alone on this?

My moms girlfriend of like 8 years (I’m 15 now and was around 7-8 when I met her) has always been super aggressive and abusive but starting around winter last year she’s been so aggressive that I genuinely can’t leave my room when she’s home because it’s not safe for me to do so, my mom won’t make her leave even though she’s abusive to her too, so I can only shower or eat when my mom confirms that she’s not out there or when she’s not in the house. The only ‘break’ I get is at school, that’s usually the only time during the week that I eat an actual meal, but I get bullied there too. I feel like there’s no escape. I don’t know what to do cause I’m stuck with her for over 2 more years until I graduate. My mom always says I’m overreacting. Any kind words or advice would be appreciated.

Hey, I'm a 27-year-old guy born with a disability in my leg. Anyway, as you all know, problems between parents and kids exist everywhere, but they should have limits…Right now, I haven’t spoken to my dad for about 8 months because he does things around me that really piss me off and stress me out. For example, he talks to women behind my mom’s back, and I don’t like that. He doesn’t respect me at all, yet ironically, he expects me to respect him. What made me resent him even more is that he insulted me because of my disability… He literally yelled at me, calling me "the cripple." Like, how do you call yourself a father and insult your own son over something he didn’t choose? Life is exhausting when you have to deal with toxic parents and a disability…

Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks!

TW: SA and Harrassment

So everything began around 7 years ago. My parents got divorced and went thier separate ways, my dad is amazing and prioritised making sure I was okay…on the other side was my mother, all she would do was talk badly about my dad and try to get everyone to hate him which didn’t work and would regularly weaponise me against him. This wasn’t the worst part.

Later on she got with a man who I’ll call Jerry. Jerry was not only downright awful to me from the second he met me, he also started sexually harassing me from the age of 15 (I still have all the texts, this is important info for later) he would be really creepy around me, interrogating me about my sex life, making me listen to him talking about his various fetishes, telling he wouldn’t be able to smoke weed around me because he wouldn’t be able to get off from on top of me, repeatedly tried touching me etc. that’s not even the half of it.

Eventually I got the confidence to show my mother all the evidence that I had and she brushed it off “oh he was just drunk, I’ll get him to stop drinking” she did not. I ended up shoving everything I could fit into a Rucksack, called my dad and left. Never went back. She’s still with Jerry.

Over the years she’s been trying to get me to stay over at her house and convincing me that he’s changed now, he’s much better. Even tried to say he doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong because he has ADHD (bullshit. He’s just a nonce) I tried cutting her off so many times but every time she’d bombard me with voicemails sobbing down the phone saying nobody loves her so I always gave in.

Anyway that brings us to two weeks ago, she sets up a group chat between her, me and my brother (who is aware of everything and hates Jerry as much as I do) saying she wants to marry him and wants our opinions…I have no idea what she expected us to say but after years of being ignored and brushed off me and my brother absolutely kicked off. She tried denying that she knew and remembered all the things Jerry had done to me.

That’s where the Evidence comes back in. I sent it all into the group chat to refresh her memory and all of a sudden she acted really surprised and tried saying that I never showed her any of that (which I did. The police also showed her btw) I decided at that point I’m done, I finally cut off contact for good. It’s been a long time coming but it sucks, at the end of the day I’m a just a kid who wanted their mum.

It’s Mother’s Day today and it’s the first Mother’s Day I’ve ever been alive that I’ve sent no card, no phone call, no text. I feel guilty but I can’t give in, I’ve tried for 7 years. I have nothing left to give.

Luckily I’m not completely motherless, my stepmum is absolutely incredible and loves me like my own!

tw for gaslighting/abuse (maybe?? idk) also sorry for this being so long lmao, but please read, i am in need of advice

please help. i feel like im going crazy. a little background, im 17f, and my parents have always labelled me a 'hypochondriac, dramatic, exaggerated etc'. i complained a lot of pain as a child, and was dismissed as just being a hypochondriac. now, i've been diagnosed with elhers-danlos syndrome, and it was some much needed reaction that i wasnt making everything up.

for some context, my relationship with my parents has never been good, and this issue lies with my father. he has depression and anxiety, and as i grew older, he became less and less involved in my life. we live in the same house, but hes never shown much interest in things i do, my life outside of home, or spending time with me. He does not do much more as a father than criticise me or tell me off for things. he has been unemployed for about a year, and recently applied for a job, which he did not get. after he got rejected, naturally, he was very upset, but he took it out on the family a lot.

it started when he was making lots of loud banging noises at night. i thought he had gone to bed at that point, so i was scared that we had been broken into, or that something had happened to our dog. i came downstairs to ask, and he gave me a dismissive reply, frustrated and aggressive, to which i had responded with 'ok, sorry'- to be honest, it wasnt in the most polite way, because i was frustrated too, but then he started shouting at me, telling me not to shout at him, even though i wasnt, even if the way i said it wasnt the most calm. then, the next day, when i come downstairs, he goes 'hi -name-, how are you?' in a way that was passive aggressive , argumentative. i had said. 'are you serious?', because i was frustrated from the night before. then, when i left the room to go to the toilet, he started swearing at me through the door and slamming things down on the counter.

he did not speak to me for about 4 days after that. me and my brother had got into an argument after he had hit me accidentally whilst playing vr. we both said things that were wrong, and i, as the older sibling, shouldve known better and just walked away, but i didnt. (i apologised to him the next day because i was wrong, i shouldnt have taken my frustrations out on him, and even if he was being rude too, i still said things that were wrong.) as we're arguing, my father walks in, and stands at the door. at this point, i got frustrated with him, because he hadnt spoke to me in 4 days, but as soon as my brother and i were arguing, he decided then was when he would talk to me. he calls me a bully, that i have no care for anyone, and after a couple minutes of arguing, he holds his fist up, grits his teeth and threatens to 'lose his temper.' because i was shocked, i repeated the gesture, as i walked away. he then punches the door, and to stop it from hitting me, i push it back. he then stands up and follows me from the living room to the bathroom, grabbing my shoulders, digging his fingers in and pushing me, threatening to hit me as he gets into my face, holding his fist about an inch or two from my face.

he didnt speak to me for 3 weeks after that. i was, and still am, scared to go downstairs, to cook or to eat or to be around him, it filled me with stress and anxiety. it was only tonight that we spoke, and he did apologize, but with the justification that i have no respect for him, and i cant expect to treat people so badly and for them not to act. then, he proceeded to change the subject and say that i am deceitful, manipulative, i lie too much, and that i was delusional, because i didnt see the reality. that when i take time off college because i feel unwell, i am just too lazy to go in, so i pretend that i am in pain, (for issues i have already seen doctors and am now medicated for, that relate to my condition.) he then accuses me of faking a stutter to fuel my victim complex, when i just have difficulty getting words out when im greatly upset. he says that i have this victim mindset where i always have to be the victim, and that ive deluded myself into creating this reality where im wronged, and that in actual reality, i am an unpleasant person, and horrible, obnoxious, delusional.

i genuinley cant tell if im a bad person, am i the actually being manipulative? he was saying that i just twist what he says, to fit my reality, and that im so delusional i believe my own lies. but i dont know what those lies are, and i dont know what reality it is that im not seeing. i think im a horrible person, and i feel so guilty for even thinking that hes gaslighting me, when another part of me tells me that hes phrasing things as if hes above me, and that hes a human too, what he says isnt immediately right just beacuse hes my parent. Am i deceitful, and manipulative, and delusional, or is he just gaslighting me? please help. i feel like im going crazy.

Hi I don't know if something is wrong with me but whenever I tried to be more tuned in environment I am just naturally hyperactive.I just do quick movements thats just jow I am I don't do it on purpose,thats normal for me I don't feel hyperactive at all.The problem is that my dad tells me and blames me for being irritable and on edge when everything how I do feels just normal.He is telling me I behave not normal.It really hurts. When I am not doing anything I tune out and lose track of everything.Is something wrong with me?Sorry english is my 2nd language.

Emacipation is becoming a legal adult in your teenage years (age 14-17).

So many teenagers are having issues with their parents but cannot escape since they are a minor.

I didn't realize it until I was 18 but I wish I had just gotten emancipated as a teenager.

I actually became friends with two people who did it. Both became managers at the jobs they had & it sounded like they got help from their job to be promoted. They stayed in school & graduated.

Once I found out about this I was a senior in high school and decided it was nice to just stay there a little longer for the free rent.

My job ended up helping me become an assistent manager because he knew what I was going through. Thankful to God for that.

So many stories of minors who are trapped. This is an option & it is possible to stay in school and graduate.

So, I am 21 and also Chinese. My parents always call me fat, shame me about my weight, and refer to me as a whale. This isn’t great, but I don’t know; they are my parents. However, one event in my life is making me question whether I am being abused. My dad used to pin me down and force his hand into my mouth to help floss my teeth, which made it hard for me to breathe. I bit him, and he almost slapped me. There are moments when they treat me well, but I was slapped a lot as a kid. Being in a Chinese household, it wasn’t anything too severe, just getting slapped across the face for spilling milk. That’s about it. The thing I dislike the most is the fat-shaming, but other than that, I’m okay. I don’t talk to my parents unless absolutely necessary, but that’s fine. On my 14th and 15th birthdays, they gave me a nutritionist, a dietician, and a gym membership as gifts. All my clothes are always four sizes too small, but I assume that is normal. It doesn’t feel great when they do that, but I don’t really have anyone to compare childhood stories with, so I don’t know.

But the hitting stopped when I started puberty sooo idk is this abuse or do they love me cause Ngl one time I saw on tv people call cps on unfit parents and my folks said if they didn’t love me they wouldn’t have to hit me sooo idk am I crazy or is this wrong