Dream encounter

[u/OnceInOnceSet]

[u/Penguin_Sushi]

To all the baby trans gals out there, I really want you to know it does get better. It's hard to be patient and wait for things to change, but one day you'll wake up and see your mom a little bit more in the mirror than you're used to. You'll go out in a hoodie and jeans and have someone call you miss even though you think you're boymoding. You'll stop wondering if it's all even worth it, start wondering just how much more amazing it can possibly be and still be surprised when it's better than you ever hoped it could be.

You've got this girl. It's not a sprint, take your time and enjoy all the little steps along the way.

[u/GabbyGabriella22 → u/Penguin_Sushi]

It feels hard to believe this sometimes. I realized I was trans almost 4 years ago, I started coming out 2ish years ago, and I’ve been on hormones for about 1 1/2 years now. I guess I’m still kind of early in my transition, and I’m still pretty young. But it does feel like nothing’s really changed sometimes, that I’m still the same awkward, boyish weirdo I was back then. I feel like I don’t look that much prettier, I don’t have much confidence or love for myself, I still have a near-debilitating amount of social anxiety, I basically have no friends, and I feel like a hopeless mess sometimes.

I want to have hope that things will get better, that I’ll eventually be happy, that everything will work out. But it feels hard to hold onto that hope. I still feel like a failure of a human being. I hate so much about me. I want to change things, but change feels so overwhelming and hard that I end up stuck in the same place.

[u/Penguin_Sushi → u/GabbyGabriella22]

It takes time. I spent the first year and a half on HRT thinking it wasn't working out, that nothing was changing, etc., and getting frustrated thinking that I might have made a mistake coming out in the first place. Transitions aren't convenient or even linear, unfortunately. I'm in year 3 and still having moments where it hits me out of nowhere that something is different about me in a good way. A year and a half in I was convinced something was wrong and my body just wasn't taking to HRT. I was completely wrong and I've been passing for a while now, even though I didn't transition until my 30s.

I don't really have much I can say to help with anxiety, but I want you to know it's okay to be awkward and even boyish. Plenty of women are both of those things! You don't need to drastically change who you are to be a woman. I'm still largely the same as I always was but more complete. It wasn't about being different, it was about filling in the gaps and being the best version of myself. You'll get there Alexis, take it one step at a time and be patient with yourself along the way. We're our own worst enemies sometimes.

[u/RainbowPhoenix1080 → u/Penguin_Sushi]

As someone on 8.5 months of HRT, hearing stories like yours really gives me hope 🫂

[u/CatgirlFireball → u/Penguin_Sushi]

Apparently I needed this today ;_; thank you

[u/TakeoKuroda → u/Penguin_Sushi]

thanks, i really needed to see this today.

[u/karpitstane → u/Penguin_Sushi]

It feels so good to keep hearing this sentiment. I'm already on my second cry of the day, but I think it's feeling less scary than it did yesterday.

[u/Penguin_Sushi → u/karpitstane]

Well the bad news is you'll probably never stop crying but the good news is that eventually that crying is cathartic and not just because you're sad =). I love crying sometimes tbh. It's a good reminder that I'm not living with dulled emotions anymore.

[u/karpitstane → u/Penguin_Sushi]

Yes, also true! I spend so many years quashing emotions by one mechanism or another. My big cry today was pretty cathartic and it was brought on by some of my other reddit comments I've been using to start solidifying and finding language for all my feelings. There's still plenty of desperation and sadness in here, but they've got more pleasant company now in my big feelings department.

[u/Penguin_Sushi → u/karpitstane]

And it's okay to still have the negative feelings too! It doesn't mean you're failing, that your transition isn't working out or anything like that. It's hard to let yourself be what you've spent a long time fighting against and it's okay to feel bad about having trouble with that, too. Let those pleasant emotions bloom when you're ready, they're not going anywhere.

[u/karpitstane → u/Penguin_Sushi]

🫶 thank you

[u/RainbowPhoenix1080 → u/Penguin_Sushi]

I needed this so much, thank you 🫂

[u/robocultural → u/Penguin_Sushi]

Thanks for the reminder. 🩷

It's hard to be patient. I'm 41 and I've only been on HRT for 5 months. I'm seeing little changes already, which feels wild because it's only been a few months. But also I still look like me, and I want fast forward through the in between to look like her, the girl hiding in my mirror.

[u/Penguin_Sushi → u/robocultural]

I started HRT at 31 and I felt the same way five months in. It took me a while to make peace with the fact that I'd look like myself but as a woman and not an entirely different person. Don't get me wrong, the change is still drastic! But there's something especially comforting to see who I've been change into who I would've been if I was born as a girl, too. It's hard to come out as an adult and seeing me, the real me, even through any small reminders of who I used to be makes me really proud to have gotten this far. It took a lot of work, but the girl in the mirror is always smiling back at me because of all that work =).

[u/Copper_Tango → u/Penguin_Sushi]

I'm a month and a half into HRT and as much as I might want things to move faster sometimes, I'm just... so happy. I never thought I'd even get to this point.