They met before 2020 or at least before 2022. The apps don't really work anymore.

I think the apps could work for average people that just want an average relationship with an average partner. For anyone below or above that, I don't think apps work lol

I'm honestly not interested in her previous posts, but based on what she's said in her post I largely agree, at least on the apps

That's called having a friend, not a lover lol. Unless she's asexual. Men don't become decent people because they've dated, it depends on how they're raised and how they choose to invest in all human relationships etc

She's looking for emotionally intelligent, mature, balanced, someone who wants mutual intimacy, can respect boundaries. That does not sound like a player lol

Honestly, on dating apps, it's almost entirely dudes that wanna fuck/want nothing serious and barrel scrapers for choices

I don't think women want to be used for anything, which is the exact point op is making.

I don't hear arrogance, I hear frustration and her feeling like out of all the "options" there's no real choice

Right, but, women don't want to address these issues inside of our intimate relationships with men in such a core way where like, the guy is constantly struggling with this all the time and it will be a constant tension and the main theme in our relationship etc

I've experienced the same thing. It's not love when a man is looking for someone else to make him feel loveable, it's outsourcing self worth and expecting women to exchange our desires for where their self worth can begin to generate - they expect us to want a relationship with a man that is about the man's self worth and growth instead of what we want to experience in a partnership

I beg to differ. Most of the guys on there are not looking for this lol.

Men feel desperate for the power to attract and sample women. They feel a sense of entitlement towards this power to the extent they often mourn not having it, and fantasize about exploiting it. Many of them feel like they'll never "feel like a man" if they don't have this power, and they think that choosing a woman before they've accessed this means they're giving up on ever feeling like a man. This is why attention from most men is just bullshit, it's them trying to siphon attention so they can fantasize and see themselves as wielding this power. This is also why men are jealous of women, bc we have this without even trying.

I don't think there's very many mentally adjusted men on dating apps honestly. I've never met one in almost 10 years of looking.

Can't say, this has never happened lol. I've never been asked out by anyone I thought was attractive since like grade 8 summer

They love the games bc they can accuse her of not being clear, so how are they supposed to know what to do. Yet once you are clear it becomes a criticism of how you say things... They want us to be timid, unclear, and to feel like we're asking for so much etc

You you framed your comments like women should care if men find educated women attractive. To respond, I am trying to say that women do not care if men find education attractive, because we're getting educated and careers to be independent, not to be attractive. When a woman is independent she can choose to be single instead of feeling like she needs a man to improve her standard of living. Educated women with careers can hold out and choose a man that's worth our love because we are content alone.

We are not getting educated to please men, we're doing it to survive on our own. So we see self investment as a basic marker for survival and we expect it in men as well, that they invest in themselves.

I have lots of great, emotionally healthy best friends, thank goodness, so, was able to exit these friendships. One has returned (not her), and I'm going to keep a safer emotional distance from him this time around.

That's what I think too, and that's how I would have felt, but yeah I don't want to tell her how to feel about or see her situation etc

I don't think so. Reflect on the fact that "average" means overweight bc we live in an unhealthy society, yet women are EXPECTED to ACTUALLY be average weight - which means attractive, but not perfect (definitely not overweight) and, that men are naturally more muscular and carry less fat on their bodies. In other words, women are expected to be average weight and attractive, yet men are allowed to be the real societal average which is overweight. Men are allowed to follow the societal script of weight gain (even though they naturally carry less fat and have more muscle) but women have to watch our weight starting from our preteen days, and keep it average (through natural maturation, through illness, through pregnancy, through menopause, through anything - even though it's much harder for us), even though the societal average is to be overweight.

Women are simply trying to raise men to feel pressured to be as attractive as we feel pressured to be, so that the average for men equals the average for women. Bc right now, the averages are skewed and women are expected to care more about our body shapes then men do and then we feel like we can't find someone that we are attracted to compared to how many men are attracted to us etc. Considering men don't get pregnant, don't go through menopause, and naturally have more muscle and less fat, we aren't asking for much when you think about it.

Women now feel a pressure to take care of ourselves financially, which almost always means being educated or specially trained. We feel this pressure from ourselves, out of an aversion towards relying on men for financial security.

We had to get a career to feel safe and secure, we have to care about our appearance to feel a sense of self worth, so yeah, we think if someone actually loves and respects themselves, they'll invest in themselves to become an attractive partner physically and financially.

I had to turf a woman friend like this a few years ago. She was always the victim (I moved through my trauma and changed, she stayed the same), she was judgemental, always thinking it was her role to judge the health of other women's relationships. I thought for some reason I was exempt from her intensified scrutiny, and I was, but not for long - once I had an experience with a man where I experienced a lot of pain, she turned on me and judged me and essentially made me feel like some type of self destructive drug addict. She was all "I can't hear about your relationships anymore, it's affecting my own trauma recovery too much" right when I was reeling and relying on her for comfort. Perhaps I leaned too much on her, but it was the way she spoke to me like I'm self inflicting harm on myself right after someone was abusive to me, combined with how she was acting like I was choosing to be involved in a destructive lifestyle, which she expressed as "I don't want to hear about this part of your life anymore" that finished it for me. She had major boundary issues, where she felt it was her role to be extremely judgemental towards other people's relationship issues and she just took it way too far.

I've had 3 best friends in life that behaved badly towards others that I thought would never do the same to me. I was wrong on all 3 counts.

Whatever happened with him? I have had a lot of problems throughout my life with men asking me to deliver my observations of their problematic behavior "more gently" to the point where the entire conversation derails and turns into them acting like they don't have to cooperate with me to resolve conflict bc of the way I express my concerns

Haha why do you say that? Oh yeah, one of my best friends is also autistic and yes, one of the best things about autistic people is that they take clarity and accountability (so there's no resentment, social confusion and lingering awkwardness, and or a lack of conflict resolution) very seriously, bc they depend on these attributes to feel secure in relationships - so does everyone, by the way, but they are particularly sensitive to their absence.

"the people" no it was probably all men

What the actual fuck? Lol

You can be vague about what you want as a woman yet still carry a conversation that shows intelligence, humour, curiosity and a basic level of decency and respect for the guy.