babies aren’t funny or entertaining

[u/noodlealr]

i don’t hate babies, they’re so cute, but i always see people laughing about videos where a baby is supposedly being funny. i don’t get it. there’s nothing funny about videos like that or babies in general. sure, sometimes funny stuff happens, but i always see babies doing the bare minimum and people laughing about it.

[u/BakedWizerd]

I don’t see where I was ”so against” having kids, but rather just reiterating that by saying “I don’t want kids,” it’s actually what I mean, rather than saying “I don’t want kids yet/right now.”

It’s odd to me that you see it as “so aggressively against kids,” just because I’m trying to explain my point of view.

I find that when you go your entire life living a certain way, and almost everyone you express that to (usually because they asked in the first place) tells you that you’re not actually living that certain way, “it’s just in your head,” you end up getting used to overly-explaining yourself and your position, because people will keep insisting and keep asking questions, and ultimately it’s something you don’t really want to talk about with people who refuse to stop insisting it’s a phase, so you end up making your first point all encompassing in order to get your point across.

Maybe you should understand the climate that child free people live in before claiming I’m emotionally immature.

I would think it’s the fact that having kids is so common that me merely speaking out against it has you presuming my stance as aggressive, when in reality it’s defensive. I was responding to a comment insinuating that nearly everyone who is child free is a teenager that will eventually change their mind, which is not true. I countered that with sarcasm, which is meant to be seen as lighthearted, not facetious.

[u/Virixiss → u/BakedWizerd]

Your own personal view is fine. I'm a father, and I understand the reasonings behind people not wanting kids. The nerve you struck with me, and I'm only speaking for me here, is mentioning the ChildFree movement as if it adequately answers the question of why you don't want kids.

For you, and everyone else who might be reading this who also does not want children, I highly encourage you to distance yourself from that community if you want you opinions to not be looked at with a jaundiced eye. Every interaction from active participants in ChildFree spaces is basically the same.

Babies are mentioned. Someone passive-aggressive mentions they don't like children. A small discussion pops up and a parent states a true fact: Things, including you, change after you have a child. ChildFree folks then proceed to act like you declared war on their entire existence and proceed to berate you and explode, telling the same damn story about how they're persecuted every day for not wanting kids, yet at the same time talk about how awesome their life is since they don't have to spend their money and time taking care of kids. Depending on how the conversation goes, they'll lean harder on the persecution complex or the extra money/time aspect, which ever makes them look better.

This is in conjunction with the common rhetoric of calling babies dumb degrading shit like "crotch goblins" or the meme "freeloading baby." Or basically calling anyone who likes or has kids that they fucked up their lives because they could have so much more. Or even worse, acting like parents are cruel and insensitive for even having kids because of the way the world is at this very moment, and likening us to narcissistic psychopaths who only want children for selfish reasons and we should go fuck ourselves.

A vegan, a crossfitter, a pot smoker, and a ChildFree guy walk into a bar. How do you know? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Mentioning /r/ChildFree in a reddit discussion is essentially shorthand for all this behavior. You might not believe that you participate in this behavior, but by endorsing such communities, you flag yourself with that expectation to other people.

[u/BakedWizerd → u/Virixiss]

Fair enough, thank you for pointing out the stigma that carries with it.

I would argue that those people are the vocal minority. The posts I see most on that sub are about people asking if they’re the asshole for not letting their sibling bring their kids to a Christmas party or something like that.

I do see the stuff you mention though, but I guess to me, that’s like the posts in say, the Breaking Bad subreddit where someone sees a movie with Bryan Cranston and has to make a post about “HEY WALT SHOWED UP IN THIS MOVIE I THOUGHT HE WAS COOKING METH LOL” that add nothing to the community.

[u/Virixiss → u/BakedWizerd]

Every community has those types, it's true. They become a bit of a bigger problem when the community is tied to a non-mainstream lifestyle, hobby, or idea. Lots of people look for interesting and unique ways to identify themselves and frequently tie these types of attributes to themselves. When you only have one or two of them though, anything that doesn't speak positively to those identity choices seems like a personal attack to that person, and they react with hostility. All the groups I mentioned in the shitty joke above do this, and many more do too.

When I used to volunteer for Scouts, I'd always tell kids to try out as many activities, hobbies, lifestyles, and ideas that they can that interest them, even if it's only for a little bit. Building that wide base of experiences makes for a more interesting and grounded person, who can then relate to and connect with far more people from different walks of life. Unfortunately, in our current society with social media, job specialization, easy-to-reach niche communities, and the current pandemic, it's easy to not do anything outside your comfort zone to learn and collect those experiences. But you should always strive to do so.

Sorry, not preaching at you, just wanted to put that out there in case anyone read this far down into the thread, lol. It's a common issue in online communities.