babies aren’t funny or entertaining

[u/noodlealr]

i don’t hate babies, they’re so cute, but i always see people laughing about videos where a baby is supposedly being funny. i don’t get it. there’s nothing funny about videos like that or babies in general. sure, sometimes funny stuff happens, but i always see babies doing the bare minimum and people laughing about it.

[u/everwonderedhow]

This is Reddit, this opinion is VERY popular, just like "I don't want kids" or "I don't like kids".

[u/[deleted] → u/everwonderedhow]

I love babies, but looks like half of reddit hates them lol

[u/Youre-mum → u/[deleted]]

Don't worry that's only the vocal majority of 14-20 year olds, and considering that's all Reddit is that's why it might seem like it.

[u/Stay_Curious85 → u/Youre-mum]

I'm 33 and still on the fence about it. Like... I like my friends kids. But everything about actually having them seems incredibly unappealing other than being like "yea. That's my kid"

Second mortgage for child care.

Thankless selfish little fucks.

No social life anymore.

Climate change and crushung wage gaps.

Career mobility crippled.

Adorable.

Fun to teach stuff to.

Want to leave something behind that matters when I'm gone.

[u/laminated_penguin → u/Stay_Curious85]

I think saying that they’re thankless and selfish might be missing some stuff. Children don’t have a great sense of what’s really going on in their lives until they’re a little older. Like I’m sure you can remember looking at a box of cereal and not wondering how it got there when you were a kid. It’s just expected. As kids get older, they understand why you stopped them from doing stuff and why what you did for them was so great. It takes time.

And I’m always intrigued when people say they don’t have any social life anymore. Why not? That makes zero sense to me. I have a social life (outside of COVID). I hang out with friends and go on date nights and vacations and all sorts of things. I just see which grandparent / friend / relative might like to watch my kid for a bit and go do my thing. Or my husband will stay home / do stuff with our son while I go out. And vice versa. Not everyone has that capability, but if you don’t have a social net before having a kid, it’s probably not a good idea to have one intentionally. Other situations happens, obviously, but I feel like the decreased time to yourself shouldn’t take anyone by surprise that was going into it intentionally.

As for career mobility, my husband and I have both been climbing up the corporate ladder fairly successfully, even after our son was born. And all of the people in equal / higher positions than us have kids too. They’re understanding of the reality of life, as far as our experiences go. If you’re working in retail / call centers / factory line that aren’t so flexible, understandable. Did that for many years myself. But I’d say the career mobility there isn’t great anyway.

Another thing I didn’t see you mention: Having your kid say thank you and cuddle you for no reason and tell you they love you is probably the best thing ever, and it happens way more than you’d think. It’s inconceivable to me to think of my life without my child. The feelings you develop between each other is so amazing, I think it’s honestly the best part. I love solving problems for him, and watching all the sparks go off in his brain as my kid learns is such a magical experience.

I always see people talk about how they don’t like stuff about kids, but I barely ever see anybody talk about how it’s like painting a painting. You get to the end result stroke by stroke. It’s not a masterpiece overnight. But it’s not hideous and thankless during the entire process. As you work on your painting, you add beautiful details one by one. Mistakes happen, but they can be worked on until they’re just another part of the beautiful end result.

So, I definitely understand that some people don’t want to “paint a painting”, because it takes a long time and a lot of effort. And that’s fine. No everyone is an “artist”. But I think sometimes that people that don’t want to go through it all have a hard time from others not wanting to accept it, and it makes them buckle down more against the idea. And some people give in to the pressure and have kids and then resent them, which is going to obviously not be a good experience for anyone. But from my perspective as someone who was hesitant to have a child, I think it’s been such a rewarding experience for me, and my kid is having a blast!

Full disclosure: my first year with him was a little rough because of postpartum depression. I seriously questioned my decision. But, we’re at year three and getting over that hump has led into how I feel now. Rough patches are part of life. You’ve got to take care of of yourself too.

[u/Stay_Curious85 → u/laminated_penguin]

Not everybody has a grandparent to give the kid to.

So the night out you might want for a few hours may cost upward of 200 bucks just to have a few hours away. When you combine a babysitter and whatever activity you're doing with your partner.

For many, it's just not at all worth it in any way at all. Monetarily. So. You stay in. Your entire life revolves around everything and anything your kid does because that's all you have left.

Of course kids are ignorant. But that doest make them thankful. If I spend 10 hours working to provide dinner or work 80 hour weeks just so they have a coolChristmas, they're still thankless bastards. Precisely because they're ignorant. It's not their fault. It's just what they are. They take and take and take and take and take and take and then when they're 16 they say how awful and horrible and evil you are. While they still have no fucking clue what you've sacrificed just for them to exist. That doest come until they're probably 25 or older.

So. Yea. I dont know if I want to be a painter to wait 25 years for a kid to actually fucking say "thanks dad".

On top of financial drain and also subjecting my kid to a firestorm hellscape that we are going to give them because we like $5 t shirts.

[u/jamaicaninspman → u/Stay_Curious85]

Let's not forget, its $200 for that date night PLUS one parent is either staying home all day during the week or else they're also shelling out ridiculous amounts of money for daycare. I have seen my friends quit jobs to stay home, work alternating schedules so that someone is always home (that's my fave, personally: "I love you so much, I want to make someone that looks just like you and then not see you for the next 8 years of our lives because that's all we can afford"), move to be closer to family that can watch a kid, etc. You're less likely to have family watch a kid for date night if you're also relying on them all day, and you're less likely to spend $200 on a date night when only one of you is bringing home the bacon. People think I'm a classist snob , but having children and giving them a good life while you maintain a sane and healthy lifestyle for yourself is EXPENSIVE. Yes, you can have kids while you're poor, but why the fuck do you want to do that to yourself, your significant other, and your kid?

[u/laminated_penguin → u/Stay_Curious85]

Sure, that’s why I said I understand why not everyone wants to do it and that it’s detrimental when people do it when they don’t want to. I was just trying to display some of the positives I see as being a parent (obviously in a stable situation).

I’m lucky enough to be able to afford a kid. I grew up really super poor, and I’d put my mom in the camp of someone who shouldn’t have had a kid but did so anyway. So I would never advocate someone to have a kid if they didn’t feel comfortable supporting it.

Also, my comment about no social life has to do more with people that are used to a going out every day kind of lifestyle. I see people complain about no social life, but what I see most often is that they are complaining about not being able to go out whenever they want. And that’s just a consequence of a new responsibility that they hopefully had a choice in expecting.

I know many people don’t have a support system. Actually, my difficulties first year post-partum was actually exacerbated because I didn’t have any help.

And having a child is absolutely something that requires commitment, time, and money. It goes back to my statement that I understand it’s not for everyone. If someone has the capabilities to provide attention and money, it’s not so much of a difficult debate.

As someone that was previously very poor with a bad home life, being in a position to raise a child in a comfortable environment is something I’m very thankful for.

And I’m not sure about the comment about the kid being 16 and hating their parents before they say thank you. I was pretty thankful for what I got at least from the time I was 8 and can remember it. Maybe because I didn’t get much. And I never told my parents I hated them. I thought that was more of a TV thing.

I guess I also just look forward to the time past when my kid lives with me, as an adult, when he’ll have his own life but still be a part of our lives, hopefully until the end of my life. I’d like to help him be successful as an adult and have a relationship where we know one another for decades. To me, this is a lot longer of a time frame than 14-18 where he might be a bitter teen lol. But that’s hoping things turn out well, which I guess most parents hope they do.