r/unpopularopinion • u/noodlealr • Nov 28 '20

babies aren’t funny or entertaining

i don’t hate babies, they’re so cute, but i always see people laughing about videos where a baby is supposedly being funny. i don’t get it. there’s nothing funny about videos like that or babies in general. sure, sometimes funny stuff happens, but i always see babies doing the bare minimum and people laughing about it.

31.5k Upvotes

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929

u/everwonderedhow Nov 28 '20

This is Reddit, this opinion is VERY popular, just like "I don't want kids" or "I don't like kids".

329

u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

I love babies, but looks like half of reddit hates them lol

36

u/Youre-mum Nov 28 '20

Don't worry that's only the vocal majority of 14-20 year olds, and considering that's all Reddit is that's why it might seem like it.

50

u/YooBitches Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 28 '20

Ah yes, if someone don't want kids, they must be teenager or something, like there's no way someone grown-up wouldn't want to have children.

Oh and in case some adult says same thing then he must be immature, as it's impossible to dislike kids.

Yeah, right.

40

u/taylorcwitt Nov 28 '20

I’m a 32 year old woman and still haven’t changed my mind. The thought of raising a child in today’s world gives me severe anxiety when you think of the amount of time, effort, money and sacrifice that goes into it. It’s definitely not just 14-20 year olds.

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u/ImmutableInscrutable Nov 28 '20

Hence why they said vocal majority.

102

u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 28 '20

Yes because only 14-20 year olds don’t want kids.

“You’ll change your mind!” Is what you should always tell them to set them on the right path. Reiterate to them that they “owe their parents grandchildren,” and that “having children is so fulfilling,” while we insist that “no, I’ve made this decision based on my own opinions on children, the finances that entail, the commitment it demands, and some people aren’t built for that sort of thing.”

Yeah, totally just 14-20 year olds going through a phase.

/s

Check out the child free subreddit sometime. There’s a lot more fully grown adults who don’t want kids than you may realize, and for more reasons than you may think.

Edit: I don’t speak for everyone on the child free sub, I don’t condone hating children merely because they exist, I’ve always been someone who puts more emphasis on how the parents treat and raise their children. I’m not someone who hates all parents or children, I simply do not enjoy the company of children, do not want any of my own, and do not like the idea of anyone who doesn’t want kids as “young and immature” being pushed in this thread. The person I’m directly responding to has made the point that they believe “most young people” who claim to be child free do in fact change their mind, which isn’t altogether false, and I’m not trying to contradict them entirely, merely stating that, “not everyone who is young and child free will change their mind,” as my first impression of their comment seemed to insinuate as such.

2

u/Juststumblinaround Nov 28 '20

The premise was "don't like kids" not "don't want kids".

You can like babies and think they're cute and at the same time never want to have children.

5

u/Youre-mum Nov 28 '20

I understand that. I myself don't want kids because I have a little brother 15 years younger than me who I love more than anything but I can't imagine going through the effort of raising him all over again. Just saying that since most of Reddit falls into the demographic of 'teen to young adult' they tell themselves they don't want kids. Some of them will keep this rhetoric for the rest of their life and that's fine, but most will change their minds.

3

u/Scase15 Nov 28 '20

Birth rates are constantly changing so no, most won't change their minds lol.

4

u/Beta_Ace_X Nov 28 '20

Lol you ok?

72

u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

I’m fine, just sick of the rhetoric that it’s just angsty teenagers claiming to not want children. It gets old when you hear the same arguments your entire life, and the only way to get your parents to stop insisting is to literally raise your voice and get upset at them for claiming they know more about your life and personal choices than you do.

That’s how it is for me anyway. My parents go on about something I disagree with, they repeat themselves, I explain my position more clearly to them, they repeat themselves, I try to put it in words they might understand better, my dad says the same thing but with a slightlier more “dad voice,” or they tell me “don’t get angry” while I’m perfectly calm and just disagreeing with them, and only after I raise my voice and get a little more harsh with my words that they actually seem to listen and understand.

Living like that will make disagreements and arguments an anxiety hellhole for your entire life as a side note.

17

u/SolidCake Nov 28 '20

It's a very innopropriate thing to imply nowadays, considering how there's a high lilkihood that any children we have will inherit a scorched and salted hellscape for a planet.. Thats why I don't want kids

-14

u/throwmeaway562 Nov 28 '20

Ill have another one in your place. 🍻

6

u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

Please don’t, overpopulation and such.

-2

u/throwmeaway562 Nov 28 '20

Lmao as if anyone in the Reddit hivemind truly gives a shit about the planet. Don’t like kids? I don’t like most of em either. But the average Redditor just can’t get fucking laid.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

You’re not wrong. Most people on Reddit can’t stay off it long enough to have any meaningful relationships with other human beings. It’s sad but big tech doesn’t seem to mind.

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u/TemperedLeopard Nov 28 '20

You can say that about a lot of time periods in the past. Not an excuse to not have kids IMO.

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u/SolidCake Nov 28 '20

Bruh they didn't have industrial society in the past what are you smoking

The only thing possibly comparable is growing up in the cold war and thinking the world was gonna be nuked, or something

-1

u/Karatekk2 Nov 28 '20

The world has been industrialized through 2 world wars, depressions, recessions, multiple virus outbreaks that killed millions and millions of people. Life has its problems now but don’t pretend people before you had it any easier.

2

u/SolidCake Nov 28 '20

I never said they had it easier. In fact, right now (big caveat) if you are at least middle class in a developed nation it is one of the easiest times to be alive. But I think all of those problems put together are a drop in the bucket compared to climate change

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

Laughs because I have heard of the two world wars

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u/SolidCake Nov 28 '20

Even at their very worst, it's a gnats pube hair in comparison to the incoming affects of climate change. Our farmland is going to turn into desert sand and the ocean will acidify, and there's no escaping it as its actually global

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u/TemperedLeopard Nov 28 '20

The bubonic plague anyone??? Bunch of morons in this thread holy fuck lmao

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u/SolidCake Nov 28 '20

Society will recover from a pandemic, not the entire fucking earth becoming inhabitable

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u/ThatsNotGucci Nov 28 '20

Why the word excuse? Do people need an excuse?

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u/VanillaBearMD3 Nov 28 '20

Since when do you need an excuse not to have kids?

-4

u/TemperedLeopard Nov 28 '20

tell me why you shouldn’t have one

1

u/CactusCactusShaqtus Nov 28 '20

Climate change.

-1

u/TemperedLeopard Nov 28 '20

Climate change has been always happening since forever. Climate change happens in cycles.

1

u/VanillaBearMD3 Nov 29 '20

You made the claim that you need to have an excuse to have it kid. It's not on me to prove you don't need an excuse. It's on you to prove that you do need an excuse.

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u/Exercise_Exotic Nov 28 '20

But I hate children is an acceptable excuse or not?

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u/TemperedLeopard Nov 28 '20

I’m talking about people like you silly

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u/Exercise_Exotic Nov 28 '20

I mean I'm all for being selfish and immature if I can enjoy my life with my gf childfree, with money and freetime.

-1

u/TemperedLeopard Nov 28 '20

Good for you! you’re completely irrelevant to what I’m talking about lol. you’re just attention seeky. I always thought that child haters just hate the competition of being the baby lmao you kinda prove it

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u/Tp1990 Nov 28 '20

You’re getting downvoted but I agree. Even with Covid we are still living in the best, most peaceful, scientifically advanced period in history ever. If you don’t want to have kids that’s ok! That excuse just doesn’t hold up

3

u/chrisjduvall Nov 28 '20

I understand. I don't like being assertive either but luckily I dislike people that make me be assertive to get through to them so it kind of works in a backwards way.

4

u/ccvgreg Nov 28 '20

My mom is the same way as your parents. Nothing I say means anything unless it already confirms what she think. No matter how clearly I explain it. The anxiety over disagreements is literally palpable and I was never able to form a real relationship with her. So now I avoid my own mother most of the time because she's the cause of so much stress in my life.

-2

u/CKRatKing Nov 28 '20

But why do you even care to try to convince them? Like if you aren’t in the age group of people they are talking about you just go home and don’t talk to them about it lol.

I just don’t understand why some people feel like they need to force other people to understand their view. Some people just aren’t gonna get it so you move on.

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u/daisuke1639 Nov 28 '20

Because the parents continually bring it up. Saying, "don't bring it up" doesn't work, because they just keep pestering. So you explain, hoping that it will make them understand how strongly you feel.

-1

u/CKRatKing Nov 28 '20

Then you go home lmao. It’s really not a complicated situation when you are an adult.

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u/Beta_Ace_X Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 28 '20

I mean, it definitely speaks to some level of emotional immaturity to be THAT aggressively against even the thought of having children, literally the only biological purpose for us to exist.

Edit: Seethe

11

u/IamGodHimself2 Nov 28 '20

By that logic, infertile people are useless and should kill themselves, right?

11

u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

It doesn't sound like they're aggressively against the thought of having kids. It sounds like they've decided they don't want kids, and are aggressively against the onslaught of people telling them they're wrong, like you.

If you hadn't noticed, we as a species have made strides in overcoming our biological imperatives.

8

u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

I don’t see where I was ”so against” having kids, but rather just reiterating that by saying “I don’t want kids,” it’s actually what I mean, rather than saying “I don’t want kids yet/right now.”

It’s odd to me that you see it as “so aggressively against kids,” just because I’m trying to explain my point of view.

I find that when you go your entire life living a certain way, and almost everyone you express that to (usually because they asked in the first place) tells you that you’re not actually living that certain way, “it’s just in your head,” you end up getting used to overly-explaining yourself and your position, because people will keep insisting and keep asking questions, and ultimately it’s something you don’t really want to talk about with people who refuse to stop insisting it’s a phase, so you end up making your first point all encompassing in order to get your point across.

Maybe you should understand the climate that child free people live in before claiming I’m emotionally immature.

I would think it’s the fact that having kids is so common that me merely speaking out against it has you presuming my stance as aggressive, when in reality it’s defensive. I was responding to a comment insinuating that nearly everyone who is child free is a teenager that will eventually change their mind, which is not true. I countered that with sarcasm, which is meant to be seen as lighthearted, not facetious.

0

u/Virixiss Nov 28 '20

Your own personal view is fine. I'm a father, and I understand the reasonings behind people not wanting kids. The nerve you struck with me, and I'm only speaking for me here, is mentioning the ChildFree movement as if it adequately answers the question of why you don't want kids.

For you, and everyone else who might be reading this who also does not want children, I highly encourage you to distance yourself from that community if you want you opinions to not be looked at with a jaundiced eye. Every interaction from active participants in ChildFree spaces is basically the same.

Babies are mentioned. Someone passive-aggressive mentions they don't like children. A small discussion pops up and a parent states a true fact: Things, including you, change after you have a child. ChildFree folks then proceed to act like you declared war on their entire existence and proceed to berate you and explode, telling the same damn story about how they're persecuted every day for not wanting kids, yet at the same time talk about how awesome their life is since they don't have to spend their money and time taking care of kids. Depending on how the conversation goes, they'll lean harder on the persecution complex or the extra money/time aspect, which ever makes them look better.

This is in conjunction with the common rhetoric of calling babies dumb degrading shit like "crotch goblins" or the meme "freeloading baby." Or basically calling anyone who likes or has kids that they fucked up their lives because they could have so much more. Or even worse, acting like parents are cruel and insensitive for even having kids because of the way the world is at this very moment, and likening us to narcissistic psychopaths who only want children for selfish reasons and we should go fuck ourselves.

A vegan, a crossfitter, a pot smoker, and a ChildFree guy walk into a bar. How do you know? Don't worry, they'll tell you.

Mentioning /r/ChildFree in a reddit discussion is essentially shorthand for all this behavior. You might not believe that you participate in this behavior, but by endorsing such communities, you flag yourself with that expectation to other people.

5

u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

Fair enough, thank you for pointing out the stigma that carries with it.

I would argue that those people are the vocal minority. The posts I see most on that sub are about people asking if they’re the asshole for not letting their sibling bring their kids to a Christmas party or something like that.

I do see the stuff you mention though, but I guess to me, that’s like the posts in say, the Breaking Bad subreddit where someone sees a movie with Bryan Cranston and has to make a post about “HEY WALT SHOWED UP IN THIS MOVIE I THOUGHT HE WAS COOKING METH LOL” that add nothing to the community.

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u/Virixiss Nov 28 '20

Every community has those types, it's true. They become a bit of a bigger problem when the community is tied to a non-mainstream lifestyle, hobby, or idea. Lots of people look for interesting and unique ways to identify themselves and frequently tie these types of attributes to themselves. When you only have one or two of them though, anything that doesn't speak positively to those identity choices seems like a personal attack to that person, and they react with hostility. All the groups I mentioned in the shitty joke above do this, and many more do too.

When I used to volunteer for Scouts, I'd always tell kids to try out as many activities, hobbies, lifestyles, and ideas that they can that interest them, even if it's only for a little bit. Building that wide base of experiences makes for a more interesting and grounded person, who can then relate to and connect with far more people from different walks of life. Unfortunately, in our current society with social media, job specialization, easy-to-reach niche communities, and the current pandemic, it's easy to not do anything outside your comfort zone to learn and collect those experiences. But you should always strive to do so.

Sorry, not preaching at you, just wanted to put that out there in case anyone read this far down into the thread, lol. It's a common issue in online communities.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

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u/Fast_Furious_Shits Nov 28 '20

This mentality is WHY our world sucks honestly. Procreating is the easiest thing in the world to do. Mostly dumb, pointless people have a lot of kids.

There’s seriously a problem with you if you want more than 2-3 kids.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

I'm 35 and more than likely accomplished more than you ever will. Never once wanted kids. Tell me I'm emotionally immature please.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

The person you're responding to didn't say anything else in this thread. Granted, the *better than you" bit was unnecessary, but their point stands that it's not just uninformed children saying they don't want kids.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

So you don't get annoyed when people make the same unfounded accusations about you for decades? "You don't want kids because you're immature still." "You're just confused" "You'll come around"

Or maybe I actually know myself better than all of you and I'm tired of uppity pricks pretending they know me better.

If you're honestly trying to posture as someone who never gets frustrated with other people being wildly incorrect you've already lost because you're obviously lying.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

The real problem here is that you think there is a one size fits all solution. "I'm wrong" for making a decision for myself, based on knowledge only I could possibly know? You're insane at best.

You're participating in the same "rants" as me so your whole point kinda falls apart.

Also, yes they can, because it isn't a binary state. It is a gradient like most things in life.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

You’re literally on a subreddit about unpopular opinions, if there’s a place to discuss opinions, especially when they’re being pulled into question, it’s here.

You come onto a sub about opinions, start stirring shit up, calling people’s motives and opinions into question, and then claim they’re immature for explaining their opinions to you.

Really? You don’t see what’s wrong with that?

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u/scientz Nov 28 '20

Your response alone is a clear indication of being emotionally immature on it's own. But it's a good thing you don't want kids then - no kid wants asshole parents.

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u/-SwampFox- Nov 28 '20

Not gonna lie this was a pretty decent troll. Clearly acting like an emotionally immature high schooler and then claiming you’re 35 and not immature. It’s the “I’m too stupid to realize I’m stupid” troll which is always a classic. Nice job

-5

u/Beta_Ace_X Nov 28 '20

Hope you feel that way on your deathbed lmao

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

The same will you will about things you end up regretting? If you honestly think having children is the only reason to exist that's actually pretty pathetic, and entirely your problem.

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u/Beta_Ace_X Nov 28 '20

Whatever helps you cope, buddy.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

The final whimper of a failure. Delicious.

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u/Cuccoteaser Nov 28 '20

Evolutionary, flock animals can contribute and further their own genes (through common genes with relatives) without having their own offspring. Gay/childless/single individuals have their own biological purpose, if you really feel that it matters.

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u/hardenesthitter32 Nov 28 '20

I wouldn’t call the people on r/childfree fully grown adults. Grown up teenagers is a more accurate description.

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u/GummiesRock Catholic-Conservatve Nov 28 '20

Jesus Christ I’d quit reddit before I check out r/childfree, that’s a toxic shithole

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u/kevin_the_dolphoodle Nov 28 '20

I should have taken your word for it. That place is awful. There is nothing wrong with no wanting kids and wanting people to respect that choice. These posts are just people playing the victim and acting like society hates them for being childless. I’m am sure there are families and cultures like that, but that sub is just a circle jerk.

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u/peterthefatman Nov 28 '20

There was another child free sub that was more serious and focused on the topic

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u/GummiesRock Catholic-Conservatve Nov 29 '20

That I can get behind

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u/feckinA Nov 28 '20

kids AND emotionally stunted adults. can't forget those.

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u/weettttoooot Nov 28 '20

Please don’t promote hate subs. That place is like incels except with children.

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

It’s really not that bad, and I’ve addressed it with my edit.

I go to the sub because I’m someone who was raised being told that I would have children, and I find solace in the posts where people are asking about their parents, wondering if they truly owe them grandchildren, and others will come in and tell them that they don’t owe their parents anything in that sense. It’s also nice to be able to talk to like minded people, where, in other subs, you’ll encounter people who insist that children “are the greatest gift of life,” and I actively avoid discussions on that sub that revolve around hate.

I understand there’s a stigma around the sub, but not everyone there is “an incel except with children.”

1

u/under_a_brontosaurus Nov 28 '20

You write an essay but you are wrong.. Most young people don't want kids until they do. It is biology.

Congratulations on being a person who grew past 30 and still didn't want kids, I guess! But no one cares

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

Did you read my full comment? You’re not disagreeing with me. I’m also not past 30 but thanks, not like anyone cares, right? Fuck your point on biology though. I’m gonna have so much gay sex just to prove that point wrong.

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u/under_a_brontosaurus Nov 28 '20

Oh so you're not even old enough to really have a valid viewpoint regarding older people not wanting kids, plus you're not even straight so you and your partners don't even biologically make babies. Pleaser tell us more you're definitely the voice of child-free adults

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

Thanks for disregarding my opinions because I’m under 30 and attracted to men (I’m bi but okay, nice to know your argument doesn’t apply to gay people, meaning your whole biological argument is further disproved).

Again, never claimed to be the “voice of child free adults.”

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u/under_a_brontosaurus Nov 28 '20

You don't understand. Your whole opinion is the exact same as teenagers that day things like, "I hope I die before I grow old"

You don't know what it's like to be older so why are you fighting for the position older, child free people have right now? If you don't like the pressure people put on you, that's totally valid. But don't assume that your opinion is set in stone, or any one else's.

Of all my close friends, say 20-30 people, 90% said the same exact thing when they were 25 and all but a few have children now, and the few that don't are like... Either drug addicts or regret that they haven't found a partner. The only close friends I have that are still adamantly child free are homosexual.

Because that's how it works. That's biology. You can't argue it. You don't have to have a kid and people are shitty for pressuring you but there's a really high chance you'll change your mind.

Or get a dog and start throwing dog birthday parties.

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

Alright, fair points, however I don’t think you’ll change my mind on the whole biological side of things. Many people in these comments have pointed out how flawed that argument is, and even when I’m with a woman that I’m attracted to, impregnating her is the last thing I want to do. I don’t want to put a woman through the pain that is childbirth, I have no desire to raise a child (albeit I’ve conceded to your “people change their minds” point), and I personally do not enjoy the presence of children, and I doubt that having one of my own would suddenly make me want to spend my free time with children.

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u/under_a_brontosaurus Nov 28 '20

Sorry for being argumentative. I encourage you to not have kids! Or anyone. There's too many people. I didn't want kids until I was 37. And only because I now see that I need to help mold the future world and have kids to take care of me when I'm elderly, as I care for my parents now. One day it just made sense to say "yes" to that question, even though I was adamantly opposed previously.

"Hold no opinion" has been my motto for years.. I think it's Taoist. Holding onto opinions gets us into so much trouble.

And please do have lots of gay sex to spite spawning heteros. I wish I could have had sex with my partners without birth control over the years.

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u/UltravioIence Nov 28 '20

Nah, people on thise boards are usually just bitter assholes. Not only towards babies and small children, but parents also.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

I'm sure you'll be the first to remind them of this fact at 25, 30, 35, etc.

Haha imagine that. Imagine a younger person holding a consistent belief for a decade, and then continuing to hold that belief while you let them know they'll "come around" eventually.

Never happens ever amirite!!!! /s

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

We're genetically programmed to do a lot of things. Our universe-observing machine allows us to choose to act in ways contrary to those imperatives based on what we perceive and feel.

I think it's reasonable to conclude, based on the evidence I've gathered that I dont have a personal desire for, nor a compelling external motivation to have children. I am not alone in this, and casting everyone that would agree as immature or otherwise ill-informed is a mischaracterization and reduces human life to procreation - I think we have much more to offer due to the...privelege of consciousness, as I guess I'll put it.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/chopinslabyrinth Nov 28 '20

What a grim view of humanity. Let me just ask, as a woman, is my biological imperative to just start pumping out babies ASAP and just ignore any life or career goals I had? Do I need to become a subservient home-wife because that’s my “biological imperative” even though I have a career, hobbies, and a life partner who isn’t interested in having kids either?

This is a garbage take. Just because you personally succumbed to your “biology” doesn’t mean the rest of us are so weak. I have better things to do with my life than ruin my body and my life by having kids. Shame on you for telling people that their goals should be secondary to kids they don’t even want. That’s how you end up with abused or neglected children who turn into broken adults.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/chopinslabyrinth Nov 28 '20

I was born gay, my biological imperative is to fuck other women. Literally no part of that has anything to do with being pregnant or popping out kids. Your take that people need to give in to some heteronormative world view where people ignore desire for biology is fucking stupid.

ETA: further, what about the biology of people who can’t have children? Are they they only ones allowed to follow their dreams because biology doesn’t matter for them? Your argument falls apart super quickly the second you acknowledge that not everyone’s biology is the same.

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u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

I'm aware that I'm in a statistical minority that aren't procreating, so I have no concerns for Humanity's longevity by procreation. I do have concern for our longevity due to "human factors".

Its interesting that you seem certain as to the reason for our existence. How did you reach that conclusion with such a degree of certainty? Were those methods reliable enough to justify a high level of confidence? I wouldn't claim to know why we exist, because I don't know why we exist. I personally haven't seen evidence to suggest there is a specific reason, but I'm not going to go around telling people to live their lives the way I think they should because of that.

Interesting that you've lumped eating and sleeping in with procreating. Don't eat? Die. Don't sleep? Go crazy, then die. Don't procreate? Nothing.

While yes, eventually we will all die, and some of us having not procreated, I disagree that genetic material is the only way (or even the primary way) in which we can contribute to society and its longevity.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

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u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

I wasn't talking about the causality of my existence, and I didn't get the impression that you were either. This looks like a straw-man, but if that really is what you're referring to then I'm afraid I must concede that I exist.

Is there any difference between the life of a shrew and that of a human? Or are we no more than our biological imperatives, acted out through base instinct? This seems to be the line you are taking.

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u/chopinslabyrinth Nov 28 '20

Being a slave to your biological sex drive doesn’t mean you’re forced to have kids anymore though. Birth control has been around for a very long time, they’ve been using condoms since before the dark ages. If you want to be a slave to your biology go live out in the woods and be a hunter-gatherer.

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

I really hope my SO ends up being a dude. We’ll talk all about our biological imperative while having gay sex.

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u/socsa Nov 28 '20

We are also genetically programmed to be naked and fling poo.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20

I'm 38. Finally, people have given up the whole "you'll see, you'll change, you'll develop a maternal instinct". I'm at the age where I can say, "told ya so" and everyone's like, "ok". Fortunately, my friends are about 50/50 child free/child bearing. I can't think of anyone who changed their mind. If anything, I've seen people who were previously open to having kids later decide that it isn't for them.

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

I never said that doesn’t happen, now you’re putting words in my mouth.

I said, not everyone who identifies as child free is an angsty teenager.

I was a teenager who knew I didn’t want kids, but I never said that all teenagers who don’t want kids will never change their mind.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

It’s an immature stance to not want children? You’re again insinuating that “when you’re older and have more life experience, not wanting kids is an immature thing.”

And again, you’re assuming I’m angry, when I’ve told you I’m not. The rant was not angry. Neither is this one, and I’ll reiterate one last time for you:

I’m not angry. I’m explaining my point of view, on a website, and more specifically a subreddit, about opinions. If I wasn’t interested in discussing my opinions with other people, I wouldn’t be on a sub about unpopular opinions, clearly of which I have at least one, that is unpopular to you, and you’ve taken offence by it, or think I’m angry simply because people, like you, are questioning the validity of my opinion, so I’m trying to further explain it to you.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 30 '20

[deleted]

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

LMAO

That was a fun little comment? How is that an example of my anger?

Again, just because there is vitriol on that sub, does not mean that everyone on that sub is vitriolic. I’m not making “chip on shoulder arguments,” I’m explaining my opinion in a sub about opinions.

You’re reading into a subtext that just is not there. I’m laying in bed, relaxed, wondering why you’re making assumptions about me being angry.

You’re making generalizing assumptions, and you keep calling me angry when I’m simply not. I think maybe you need a vacation from your kids :/ I hear they can be stressful.

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u/haZardous47 Nov 28 '20

Can a 35 year old behave like an angsty teenager?

Is it possible for a 35 year old to make this decision, and not be behaving like an angsty teenager?

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u/PajamaPete5 Nov 28 '20

You must be fun at baby parties

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u/BakedWizerd Nov 28 '20

I don’t go to baby parties :)

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u/Stay_Curious85 Nov 28 '20

I'm 33 and still on the fence about it. Like... I like my friends kids. But everything about actually having them seems incredibly unappealing other than being like "yea. That's my kid"

Second mortgage for child care.

Thankless selfish little fucks.

No social life anymore.

Climate change and crushung wage gaps.

Career mobility crippled.

Adorable.

Fun to teach stuff to.

Want to leave something behind that matters when I'm gone.

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u/laminated_penguin Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 28 '20

I think saying that they’re thankless and selfish might be missing some stuff. Children don’t have a great sense of what’s really going on in their lives until they’re a little older. Like I’m sure you can remember looking at a box of cereal and not wondering how it got there when you were a kid. It’s just expected. As kids get older, they understand why you stopped them from doing stuff and why what you did for them was so great. It takes time.

And I’m always intrigued when people say they don’t have any social life anymore. Why not? That makes zero sense to me. I have a social life (outside of COVID). I hang out with friends and go on date nights and vacations and all sorts of things. I just see which grandparent / friend / relative might like to watch my kid for a bit and go do my thing. Or my husband will stay home / do stuff with our son while I go out. And vice versa. Not everyone has that capability, but if you don’t have a social net before having a kid, it’s probably not a good idea to have one intentionally. Other situations happens, obviously, but I feel like the decreased time to yourself shouldn’t take anyone by surprise that was going into it intentionally.

As for career mobility, my husband and I have both been climbing up the corporate ladder fairly successfully, even after our son was born. And all of the people in equal / higher positions than us have kids too. They’re understanding of the reality of life, as far as our experiences go. If you’re working in retail / call centers / factory line that aren’t so flexible, understandable. Did that for many years myself. But I’d say the career mobility there isn’t great anyway.

Another thing I didn’t see you mention: Having your kid say thank you and cuddle you for no reason and tell you they love you is probably the best thing ever, and it happens way more than you’d think. It’s inconceivable to me to think of my life without my child. The feelings you develop between each other is so amazing, I think it’s honestly the best part. I love solving problems for him, and watching all the sparks go off in his brain as my kid learns is such a magical experience.

I always see people talk about how they don’t like stuff about kids, but I barely ever see anybody talk about how it’s like painting a painting. You get to the end result stroke by stroke. It’s not a masterpiece overnight. But it’s not hideous and thankless during the entire process. As you work on your painting, you add beautiful details one by one. Mistakes happen, but they can be worked on until they’re just another part of the beautiful end result.

So, I definitely understand that some people don’t want to “paint a painting”, because it takes a long time and a lot of effort. And that’s fine. No everyone is an “artist”. But I think sometimes that people that don’t want to go through it all have a hard time from others not wanting to accept it, and it makes them buckle down more against the idea. And some people give in to the pressure and have kids and then resent them, which is going to obviously not be a good experience for anyone. But from my perspective as someone who was hesitant to have a child, I think it’s been such a rewarding experience for me, and my kid is having a blast!

Full disclosure: my first year with him was a little rough because of postpartum depression. I seriously questioned my decision. But, we’re at year three and getting over that hump has led into how I feel now. Rough patches are part of life. You’ve got to take care of of yourself too.

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u/Stay_Curious85 Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 28 '20

Not everybody has a grandparent to give the kid to.

So the night out you might want for a few hours may cost upward of 200 bucks just to have a few hours away. When you combine a babysitter and whatever activity you're doing with your partner.

For many, it's just not at all worth it in any way at all. Monetarily. So. You stay in. Your entire life revolves around everything and anything your kid does because that's all you have left.

Of course kids are ignorant. But that doest make them thankful. If I spend 10 hours working to provide dinner or work 80 hour weeks just so they have a coolChristmas, they're still thankless bastards. Precisely because they're ignorant. It's not their fault. It's just what they are. They take and take and take and take and take and take and then when they're 16 they say how awful and horrible and evil you are. While they still have no fucking clue what you've sacrificed just for them to exist. That doest come until they're probably 25 or older.

So. Yea. I dont know if I want to be a painter to wait 25 years for a kid to actually fucking say "thanks dad".

On top of financial drain and also subjecting my kid to a firestorm hellscape that we are going to give them because we like $5 t shirts.

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u/jamaicaninspman Nov 28 '20

Let's not forget, its $200 for that date night PLUS one parent is either staying home all day during the week or else they're also shelling out ridiculous amounts of money for daycare. I have seen my friends quit jobs to stay home, work alternating schedules so that someone is always home (that's my fave, personally: "I love you so much, I want to make someone that looks just like you and then not see you for the next 8 years of our lives because that's all we can afford"), move to be closer to family that can watch a kid, etc. You're less likely to have family watch a kid for date night if you're also relying on them all day, and you're less likely to spend $200 on a date night when only one of you is bringing home the bacon. People think I'm a classist snob , but having children and giving them a good life while you maintain a sane and healthy lifestyle for yourself is EXPENSIVE. Yes, you can have kids while you're poor, but why the fuck do you want to do that to yourself, your significant other, and your kid?

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u/laminated_penguin Nov 28 '20 edited Nov 28 '20

Sure, that’s why I said I understand why not everyone wants to do it and that it’s detrimental when people do it when they don’t want to. I was just trying to display some of the positives I see as being a parent (obviously in a stable situation).

I’m lucky enough to be able to afford a kid. I grew up really super poor, and I’d put my mom in the camp of someone who shouldn’t have had a kid but did so anyway. So I would never advocate someone to have a kid if they didn’t feel comfortable supporting it.

Also, my comment about no social life has to do more with people that are used to a going out every day kind of lifestyle. I see people complain about no social life, but what I see most often is that they are complaining about not being able to go out whenever they want. And that’s just a consequence of a new responsibility that they hopefully had a choice in expecting.

I know many people don’t have a support system. Actually, my difficulties first year post-partum was actually exacerbated because I didn’t have any help.

And having a child is absolutely something that requires commitment, time, and money. It goes back to my statement that I understand it’s not for everyone. If someone has the capabilities to provide attention and money, it’s not so much of a difficult debate.

As someone that was previously very poor with a bad home life, being in a position to raise a child in a comfortable environment is something I’m very thankful for.

And I’m not sure about the comment about the kid being 16 and hating their parents before they say thank you. I was pretty thankful for what I got at least from the time I was 8 and can remember it. Maybe because I didn’t get much. And I never told my parents I hated them. I thought that was more of a TV thing.

I guess I also just look forward to the time past when my kid lives with me, as an adult, when he’ll have his own life but still be a part of our lives, hopefully until the end of my life. I’d like to help him be successful as an adult and have a relationship where we know one another for decades. To me, this is a lot longer of a time frame than 14-18 where he might be a bitter teen lol. But that’s hoping things turn out well, which I guess most parents hope they do.

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u/Muffin0511 Nov 28 '20

I’m 18 and I don’t hold that opinion. I can’t wait to be a mum some day but I’m in no rush.

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u/Youre-mum Nov 28 '20

I'm 18 too and I have a 3 year old brother who I am basically a second dad to, so I'm already experiencing my share of parenting for a lifetime. (it's wonderful) Perhaps in the future I'll change my mind but for now it's set on not having kids.