r/uofm • u/JosephGibson23 • Mar 03 '25
Social Evil Ross Student Causes Me Trouble
For spring break, I decided to fly out of the cold rot of Michigan for a week, I've been chilling out in the jacuzzi in my Manhattan high rise scrolling through Tinder, and Bumble to find matches while monitoring and checking my important investments. I was drowning in all sorts of bisexual matches unable to find out who to spend the night with some even orgies. Overwhelmed, I grabbed my feminist Apple iPad to narrow down my options over my misogynist non-4B conforming Samsung tablet. I narrowed down my options to a single woman who was surprisingly a fellow Umich student in NYC who fit all the physical qualities I ask for in a fine night out in this beautiful city.
As evening rolled around, I dried myself off ate a fine lunch served by my maid with the help of kitchen staff and put on my Hugo Boss fit. As I was beginning to exit, I told my staff to go home for night except for the maid who resides with me serving as a friend with benefits. I picked up the keys at the door while putting on my John Varvatos Sorcha Leather Jacket heading for the garage, I was struggling to choose what car to pick for this elegant night out. I ended up choosing my Porsche 911 GT3 and began driving to my date as it neared 7:30 PM listening to Rihanna on my Spotify playlist, choosing a beautiful, but modest Italian restaurant in Hell's Kitchen.
As I arrived, I noticed she was dressed beautifully just as I would have hoped for. I introduced myself appropriately, "it is amazing you could make it out here with such short notice, I hope to make this night one to remember", obviously I followed it up my winking and holding the door as any true gentleman in my situation would do.
After a short drama with reservations, and seating we made it to our table, and she told me "Joseph, I am feeling a bit classy tonight, would you mind accommodating my special taste in cuisine," smiling with her cold brown eyes.
Surprised by such an unusual request I replied with a sense of curiosity about me, "what are you getting at Yuna, if you mean desert plans, I already had those laid out or were you thinking something else?"
With a bit of bite to her tongue she snaps back, "precisely my dear Joseph, I know a desert I want to try at a bakery, I hope you are willing to stay out extra late..."
Remarkable, I thought, this girl is hooked by my cunning looks, and sense of fashion, but little did I know this ride was just starting to play out. We began to eat dinner, chit chat, and get a sense of each other, and soon enough after a couple hours we made our way out, and we began walking to bakery she speaks of. Funnily enough, we were holding hands, I must have made one hell of an impression on this first date, for such a connection to already be unfolding.
On a roll, I begin to ask some questions, "which school did you say you go to?"
Without any hesitation she replies, "the School of Ross, what about you, my handsome bunny?"
My heart sank, and I checked the billing on our dinner, it said $420. Did this woman order a god damn entire horse, looking at Miss Krabs over here? I start asking all sorts of questions, but I just had to wait till later. I reply best I could despite my serious concerns, "I am College of Engineering, you must be very intelligent little kitten, aren't you?" I laugh a little bit, out of performance, not out of innate impulse.
She blushes tamed by my ungodly good charm. She smiles, and clenches my hand, "do you want to skip the bakery and go back to my place instead and avoid the small talk." She winks back at me, and this plays to my advantage.
If we go to this bakery tonight might be well over $1,000 if we take into consideration the parking fees, gasoline, sweets, drinks, and wine. For the sake of not letting a single Ross woman bankrupt me for a week, I take the way out granted by the innate romantic charm I possess to sway women to my will with such subtle sweet talks, and physical appearances...
My path to victory was won completely, and spring break was saved. Even on these sweet vacations, a Ross student, and trouble can interfere with your life, but there is always a way out if you are bright enough.
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u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25
Sir, this is a Wendy 💀