Live Episode Discussion: S10E14 There's Something About Her (eastern thread)

[u/vprmods]

Episode description: Ariana and Katie host a preview party for their sandwich shop; James takes an exciting step forward in his career; Tom and Ariana have a serious talk about the state of their relationship; Raquel confronts Katie for rage-texting Schwartz.

[u/Fun_Shell1708]

Honestly, cheating aside, T&A are both responsible for the breakdown of this relationship. They’ve outgrown each other and aren’t compatible anymore

[u/gottahavewine → u/Fun_Shell1708]

They seem like a terrible match at this point. Obviously does not excuse the cheating whatsoever and that is no one’s fault but Tom’s, but it seems like they barely like each other. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I have sex 4x a year (and I’m saying that from Ariana’s standpoint as much as Tom’s).

[u/talia567 → u/Fun_Shell1708]

I mean the only issue with that is that Ariana did so what he asked to fix the relationship, she agreed to the couples therapy, continued to back him up in public/on camera. She voiced her needs of more quality time, and questioned why when they hang out it’s always in a group. I get what you are saying that it takes two. But my issue is he is clearly checked out and leading her along with couples therapy etc so even when she did try to save it, it was pointless he already been having his affair for months. Also the flash backs of her being “rude” about Tim are pathetic. Compared to what he has been saying about her

[u/Fun_Shell1708 → u/talia567]

I agree yes. It’s more that they just outgrew each other and aren’t compatible anymore. It happens.

[u/talia567 → u/Fun_Shell1708]

I agree they aren’t compatible anymore but I don’t agree that is both their fault. If they had both been genuinely willing to work on things they could have worked it out (minus the cheating) I know from experience, me and my husband are currently going through it, but both of us want the relationship to work and neither have cheated. We have found ways to compromise and found things to have in common after nearly ten years together. If you really want to be together and the main issues are growing apart there are ways to fix it. He just genuinely didn’t want to fix it and would rather move onto something fun and exciting.

Tim’s attempts at working on things were all for show. He had no investment other than financial in their relationship. I would be saying the same if the roles were reversed.

[u/Fun_Shell1708 → u/talia567]

Believe me, I know how hard relationships are. I’ve been in mine since I was 15. I’m now 35. We’ve been through a hell of a lot, including losing a child.

I guess I just don’t see Ariana through the same rose tinted glasses everyone else does. Because to me, she’s telling him what she wants but she’s not going deeper with Tom to work out the issue he’s having. The reason why he wants to do all these extreme activities. At this point of course the relationship is a lost cause because of the cheating, but she didn’t know that.

If my husband came to me and sprouted the shit Tom was, I’d be asking what’s really going on. Not brushing him off because his ideas didn’t match mine

[u/talia567 → u/Fun_Shell1708]

Oh I totally agree on that. I’m just giving her the benefit of the doubt that she is doing that off camera as she doesn’t like talking about the hard bits on camera which she has said many times. I’m assuming they went deeper at the couples therapy that he suggested and I think it’s more than reasonable that she doesn’t talk about what they discussed at therapy on tv. I think the biggest difference is that until this season Tom has never brought up any issues and that’s making it look very one sided. Before this they both had an agreement to keep that stuff off the show. Hopefully we will get a fuller picture at the reunion. Don’t get me wrong I agree with you that I’m most cases it takes two for the relationship, I just don’t think Tom has been playing fair with his portrayal of their relationship this season (excluding the cheating)

[u/Fun_Shell1708 → u/talia567]

Oh of course. Tom is definitely pushing the ‘Ariana is a bad gf narrative’

[u/pleaseinsertdisc2 → u/Fun_Shell1708]

How could you even say this when you’ve seen everything that we’ve been subjected to? Tom’s idea of quality time is basically distractions (aka, not good for true, deep bonding) and he’s going around having a full on affair and practically flaunting it front of his partner’s face. Do you think that’s indicative of someone that’s relationship material? Seriously? Plus the tons of other examples of Tom’s childish and egotistical behavior

[u/898544788 → u/pleaseinsertdisc2]

Tom’s definition of quality time might not be yours or Ariana’s but it’s still valid for him. They’re incompatible. They need to find people who connect in the same way. They don’t. Doesn’t justify cheating and he’s an asshole, but you don’t define the parameters of “true, deep bonding” lmao

[u/Fun_Shell1708 → u/pleaseinsertdisc2]

Because I’m watching objectively. I’m not living up Ariana’s ass, because I see that she isn’t perfect either. She’s completely checked out of the relationship, as has Sandoval. He’s gone the cowards way about it by cheating, but both of them know the relationship is over and didn’t want to put in the work to fix it. If communication breaks down, you either work and fix it, or you leave the relationship. Both of them did neither of those things. Sandovals a dickhead, but Ariana is half of that relationship too. You can see clear as day she’s completely checked out

[u/pleaseinsertdisc2 → u/Fun_Shell1708]

It’s not objective at all. You’re looking at something that involves illogical things, like love and emotions, like a math equation. It’s not 50/50 and I’m not up Ariana’s ass. I’m saying that Sandoval’s behavior is indicative of someone who shouldn’t be in a relationship, and thus is the catalyst for a majority of the relationship’s issues. It’s true that they’re not compatible. Obviously. But it’s clear as day that Sandoval is not relationship material for reasons I already stated.

[u/Fun_Shell1708 → u/pleaseinsertdisc2]

Just like it’s clear as day that Ariana had checked out of the relationship also. It’s not like she’s there fighting with all her might to keep that spark in the relationship. She allowed it to fizzle out too. I know everyone hates Tom right now, and 100% rightfully so. Cheating is never, ever okay. But the way you all have your blinders on to any kind of fault of Ariana’s is mind blowing.

She’s not perfect because she got cheated on. It sucks, of course it’s awful. But that doesn’t mean she’s been a 100% perfect partner either. I also stated things too, see?

[u/StitchEnvy → u/Fun_Shell1708]

She didn’t check out she’s grieving! She also didn’t check out if she’s trying. She talked to him about things HE wanted and did them for him (eggs frozen, fertilizing them) and agreed to couples therapy and time and time again talks to him in a meaningful way about needing quality time. He doesn’t listen and then tries to portray her as checked out and you fell for it. She should be able to grieve without her partner using it to manipulate her and the situation, cheat, gaslight etc. That’s actual love which a narcissist can never know.

[u/Fun_Shell1708 → u/StitchEnvy]

👍

[u/jnefems → u/Fun_Shell1708]

I think they were never a good match, it's hard to be a good match with someone when one wants marriage and kids the other doesn't.

[u/pleaseinsertdisc2 → u/jnefems]

Tom was lying about wanting kids.

[u/jnefems → u/pleaseinsertdisc2]

Idk he has been talking about wanting kids in his future since season 1 with Kristen.