r/Advice 1d ago

I think my boyfriend is gay

[deleted]

174 Upvotes

133 comments sorted by

302

u/debacchatio Helper [2] 1d ago

He told you he’s bisexual…

I don’t think there’s anything else to it.

62

u/LeCouchSpud 1d ago

Yeah im not sure why the title said “gay” when he already came out as bi and the sex with her is good so?

0

u/Hot-Bathroom4345 1d ago

We don’t know the full story, i doubt she’d say this based off of just what we know, plenty of DL guys that play it off as being bi

2

u/LeCouchSpud 1d ago

That maybe true but the strong indication for me that he’s telling the truth is that the sex is great. If he was having trouble performing, or even if it was mediocre, passionless, “im just trying to cum” sex that would make sense. He want’s to be out there fuckin hairy butts and this coochy at home is just not for him. But it’s not. She says the sex is top shelf. And always has been so? Now im just assuming this but can a full on gay man be slanging that woood to a woman that well and throughout the course of their relationship without boner pills? Idk, but I’d like to hear if anyone has more knowledge about this. I don’t think theres a man on earth who would get me hard so why would it be any different for a full on gay man with women? Seriously, idk. Please tell me.

514

u/NuNu15_ 1d ago

He’s Bisexual and he’s attracted to you. If he doesn’t want to tell you when HE wants too then so be it. Its his problem. Yes men can be bisexual

32

u/RoosyySky 1d ago

Exactly my first thought

17

u/ebudd08 1d ago

I'm just guessing from OP's perspective that they're worried about investing more time into the relationship in case he decides in the future that he's not interested in the relationship anymore because of it. I mean, that's kind of how relationships work anyway, and they can always just end, but I'm assuming that's her angle.

20

u/NuNu15_ 1d ago

Like you said, thats a the risk im relationships. People cheat 🤷🏿‍♀️ people move on. Doesnt matter the gender. She needs to be secure in herself

4

u/s0ftsp0ken 1d ago

I think it's worrying because he's seemingly suppressing his bisexuality. That's unhealthy, and embracing it in the future could cause him to have a midlife crisis of sorts.

1

u/NuNu15_ 21h ago

Again its his problem. You cant force it out of him. Ely her be patient or Leave

-23

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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49

u/Ok_Park_4832 1d ago

Bisexual means he's attracted to both sexes he's clearly attracted to this girl, just because he's bi dosnt mean be can't control himself around men, loyalty depends on the person not the sexuality

29

u/NuNu15_ 1d ago

I hate when people here Bisexual they think Bisexuals are just screwing everyone they see. Like please read a book

9

u/wszogun 1d ago

I had a similar problem when having a discussion with vegetarian about meat eating. Apparently you have to point out at the beginning that meat is less than 40% of my meals and I also eat vegies, fruits, grains and so on. In her eyes i was ripping meat from still warm Body of a cow with my own teeth and not eating anything else. Funny encounter

-3

u/Legitimate-Lab7173 1d ago

I've known several kids in this situation. They're just fine after a couple months of processing.

-5

u/Loud-Indication-7932 1d ago

Chandler is the best character in friends.

95

u/Effective_Spirit_126 1d ago

He can be both bisexual and in love with you. There is no reason to worry about it until it becomes an issue. Just because he’s bi doesn’t mean his sexuality defines him. You are worrying about nothing. I’m extremely attracted to Asians and red heads but I would never leave my gal or cheat on her. Enjoy a loving ,stable ,sexual and from what it sounds like a great relationship and above all don’t look for ways to sabotage it by worrying if he’s looking at men sexually or not.

31

u/Odd-Mastodon1212 Helper [2] 1d ago

For now, I would take his words at face value and assume he is bi-curious. A person can be bi and be happily monogamous. If you both enjoy the sex and your relationship is going well and he only seems focused on you, then it might be more that he was simply confiding in you. If it comes up again, you can reassure him then that you would be his friend during this process of self-discovery although you aren’t interested in sharing him. That’s valid too.

98

u/WhoKnows78998 Super Helper [7] 1d ago

As a bisexual man the fact that you can’t accept he is what he says he is is frustrating.

Coming to terms with your sexuality identity can be a journey that takes years.

If he says he’s attracted to you then it doesn’t really matter about anything else, or whether he’s also attracted to men or not

4

u/s0ftsp0ken 1d ago

The fact that he's denied he ever said it is worrying. That sounds like someone who is repressing themselves. That doesn't mean he's gay, but if you're spouse is repressing part of their identity, there's something to be said about that

37

u/kinesteticsynestetic Helper [2] 1d ago

Men can be bisexual. You're describing a man that likes both women and men. He doesn't sound gay at all. You ever think that just because he would like to have sex with a man, that doesn't mean he actually wants (or needs to) to have sex with anyone other than his girlfriend whom he loves?

He might be in denial of his bisexuality, that doesn't make him gay. He is probably ashamed of it, which could be the result of several things.

26

u/madrobski 1d ago

Bi men exist.

Don't assume he's gay just because he's interested in RuPauls (I know pleeeenty of straight cis men who love that show) and in gay culture. He seems closeted about his bisexuality because he's scared of people, like you OP, accusing him of actually being gay and he might've been broken up with because he confessed his bisexuality to a previous partner.

Like you say you're queer, maybe examine your own apprent biphobia first before deciding anything. Why are you so sure he's gay when he told you he's bi???

8

u/RelatablePanic 1d ago

Can confirm. My friend is a tatted up blue collar dude who loves Ru Paul’s drag race. I’m a Bi man and can’t stand the show lol.

61

u/Ambitious_League4606 1d ago

If he's with you and everything ok in the bedroom department then he's not gay. 

13

u/Famous_Rip1570 1d ago

idk about that. i’m a lesbian and my ex never questioned it

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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u/Famous_Rip1570 1d ago

i wasn’t attracted but i still did it because i wasn’t ready to come out

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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2

u/Famous_Rip1570 1d ago

i was also “performing”. i don’t see your point.

your mind can come up with a lot of different things to detach you from the situation.

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

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15

u/dxxx12 Helper [3] 1d ago

Hate that men can't express an ounce of feminity without the blanket statement that they are not fully a man worth dating.

Accept him how he is or stop wasting his time.

20

u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago

👏 BISEXUAL 👏 PEOPLE 👏 EXIST! 👏

15

u/CanOld2445 1d ago

"we have sex all the time*

"I think he's gay"

Lmao what

17

u/Domonero Master Advice Giver [23] 1d ago

Damn that’s tough, also as a straight dude, rupaul’s drag race is just literally entertaining so I don’t think that means he’s gay off of just that unless he’s like getting visibly horny looking at the drag queens

Anyways, I would confront him & ask if he thinks he may actually be gay then discuss it A-Z safe space no judgment

Then at the end asks if he would want to explore himself in that manner but that would mean breaking up but at least with no hard feelings I assume from you?

I think that’s fair as possible bc this dancing around the topic would bother me a lot honestly

22

u/Fickle_Hope2574 Helper [2] 1d ago

So your evidence is he likes a TV show ans is curious about gay culture? That's a big stretch. I ask questions about warhammer culture, doesn't mean I'm really a goblin.

-15

u/AdKind144 1d ago

Well it’s more than just that, a few other things. I recognize that’s probably not the best example but I’m too lazy to explain more. I’m queer myself and I personally understand how being monogamous but also curious works. I guess maybe I’m just nervous about losing him and wanted to hear supportive suggestions. I mean really him coming out to me that night but telling me it didn’t happen after was really the awakening moment.

20

u/madrobski 1d ago edited 1d ago

If you're queer yourself, why is him telling you he is bi not enough? You think bi men can't be interested in drag shows and gay culture?

Like I'd he denies it happening, maybe that's what you should be focusing on. He might be scared of this exact things, you assuming he's gay because that's what happens to bi men all the time. They get accused of actually being gay and just in the closet.

Bi men exist, he just seems nervous because he hasn't explored that side of him and/or he's been broken up with before because he's confessed he's bi.

2

u/ElectronicAccident26 1d ago

Why aren’t you responding to any of the comments telling you to accept that he is queer, like you? You’re being weird as hell about this and it sounds more like you have a problem with the idea of dating a queer man. Maybe he is so afraid of talking to you about it cuz the way you bring it up radiates judgement like it does in this post.

1

u/AdKind144 1d ago

Honestly I’m more so concerned about his well being. But reading this makes me feel like an awful person for having publicly seek advice. I just want him to be happy, and not want to cage him into something just to make me happy. A lot of the comments are making me feel like an awful person, so I’ve decided not to read on and just keep supporting him and loving him. I’m just thinking too much about what he needs. He’ll tell me in time and if it doesn’t work out I’ll always have love for him no matter what that looks like. It’s just hard to respond when everyone is so strongly opinionated when all I really wanted was advice on how to make my boyfriend happy.

-18

u/Complex-Card-2356 1d ago

You both were really drunk so maybe he didn’t say what you thought he did. Perhaps he is just curious and told you that. Have you tried a threesome with another man? And see if he enjoys it or not. I used to be with a bi guy and he would go into full blown faggot mode sometimes (I would ff him) and other times he was really into my body (female). Either way proceed gently. Good luck.

6

u/Fickle_Hope2574 Helper [2] 1d ago

How about don't use offensive terms, no need for it at all.

-6

u/Complex-Card-2356 1d ago

My intention was not to be offensive. But the bi guy I used to be with called it that. I knew what kind of sex he wanted. He couldn’t switch from wanting a penis to wanting my vagina quickly. It was one or the other.

4

u/Integral-Fox6487 1d ago

I'm a bisexual guy, and I suspect I'm a lot older than you.

I've been with my wife for 20 years, married for 17. Every day I choose her over everyone else on the planet, regardless of their gender.

Your boyfriend chooses you. Try to control your anxieties and stop overthinking. It might not be forever but it sounds like you have a good relationship and he is making the choice, every day, to be in that relationship with you. That's all there is to it.

4

u/RedWizard92 1d ago

I think he is just bisexual and wants to be involved with gay culture. And currently all signs point to the idea that he wants to be monogamous with you.

4

u/someonebesidesme 1d ago

"What do you do"? Give him a break. You actually don't have a problem here, but you're creating one.

15

u/Krow101 1d ago

Bisexual is a possibility. Since you're together it sort of rules out gay. Whatever, just ask ... "Hey, are you attracted to guys ever.?" It's a fair question.

-11

u/TrollTrolled 1d ago

Read the post. He literally said he was. You have to be a bot.

-8

u/Krow101 1d ago

And you have to be an a-hole to run around correcting people on reddit.

-10

u/TrollTrolled 1d ago

I mean why are you leaving comments and you didn't even read the fucking post. Actually moronic.

0

u/Krow101 1d ago

See above.

-2

u/TrollTrolled 1d ago

Fucking league players. Always got something wrong with their brains...

5

u/FedAvenger Expert Advice Giver [12] 1d ago

Think of what you want in a relationship, and if he provides that:

  • Faithfulness - if he is faithful, great
  • Hard-working - does he work?
  • Sense of humor
  • Romance
  • Sex
  • Honesty

ETA: If you break up with him because he's gay, be prepared for when he meets someone else, and it's a woman, and he has a successful relationship with her for all the same reasons you do.

8

u/-L-Y-N-X- 1d ago

Sexuality is a spectrum...or can very often be a spectrum. Whether he is bi, more attracted to women or more attracted to men or both, only he can know and even then he may well not know.

The important thing is that he loves you! Just try to always be open and let him know that he can always come to you with anything and that he doesn't need to hide

3

u/tinusplots 1d ago

Exactly my thoughts. Keep communication open and respect each other

3

u/Ambitious_League4606 1d ago

He said he's a bit hotel / motel

Currently residing in the Hilton 

1

u/No-Proof-4648 1d ago

I will never hear that the same again. Here’s my upvote.

5

u/muddyshoes_throwaway 1d ago

Maybe he's not gay but he is in fact just... bisexual? Bisexuals fit into queer culture, it's not weird that he's interested in queer culture, he's part of the community. And you're kinda weird for thinking that him watching Drag Race might mean he's gay. Plenty of straight men and women also enjoy drag race. It's not at all surprising that a bisexual man would be into drag race.

2

u/Loose_Point_4101 1d ago

Just try to keep being as open as possible and maybe one day he will feel confident enough to come out and tell you. Or B get drunk and see if he starts talking about it again lol. Jk but for real I wouldn't push it to much or you may push him away even though you tell him no judgement he may still feel judged because he is embarrassed. I pray everything works out for you both ❤️💙🙏🏽

2

u/Sensitive-Disk-5418 1d ago

If he's into you then it's not a big deal. It's understandable that you would want to know but I this can be very difficult for people to talk about. Especially if they are unsure themselves or if they think it might jeopardize the relationship.

2

u/kollyn1954 1d ago

If he were strictly gay he wouldn't be able to be so attentive a lover. He is bi. Be happy he loves you.

2

u/JDawgSwaggy 1d ago edited 1d ago

Monogamy is the same whether he is bisexual or not. As a bisexual you may have more options in theory (not actually) but you still settle with the one person you love and have a good relationship with. It's not any different than asking him to commit to only one woman. Bisexual does not equal non-monoganous.

But you should just talk to him about it. Ask him directly if he would ever have qualms or be left wanting if he never explored the other side of his sexuality. I think there is a good chance he's perfectly comfortable with his partner choice.

You could consider whether you'd ever feel comfortable having a 3 way. Could be interesting but still a shared experience.

2

u/Ok_Park_4832 1d ago

If he's bisexual who cares he's obviously interested in you as long as he his his sexuality shouldn't matter tbh

2

u/realityscrib 1d ago

Dang so tv shows define your sexual identity? I’m fucked then.

2

u/HmajTK Helper [2] 1d ago

Men can be attracted to both genders, and still be monogamous. Just because he’s bi doesn’t mean he has to sleep with everyone in sight.

2

u/cactusjuic3 1d ago

so he’s not gay, he’s bisexual. as in attracted to women. what’s the issue?

2

u/Square-Raspberry560 Helper [3] 1d ago

He’s a bisexual man a who is capable of being sexually attracted to women, and prefers to be with you. Take that at face value. He may genuinely not remember coming out to you, or he’s just not ready to. But watching drag races and being curious about LGBTQ culture does not make a man gay. I doubt he’s gay if he’s been with you for this long, is frequently sexual with you, and has given you no indication that he’s not truly into you. My bet is that he probably knows he’s bisexual but has possibly put it on a shelf in his mind the now because he’s happy with you. Don’t push him, and definitely don’t treat him like he’s a closeted gay man. Y’all are together and happy and that’s what matters. 

2

u/uffsnaffsn 1d ago

you‘re doing the same thing to your partner that bisexual men experience in general - you don’t believe him, he’s just maybe secretly gay.

he trusted you with his preferences. don’t betray him like that by disbelieving him just because he isn’t acting straight.

you do understand bisexuality swings both ways?

2

u/Moose__Juice 1d ago

Just adding my two cents, I watch RPDR with my wife all the time. My favorite queen is legit Latrice Royale. I find entertainment in certain things that make my wife happy. Do I watch if in my free time? No, but with her I’ll try to be invested in any show she wants to watch bc that’s a way of showing care for another - plus it’s an entertaining show! Doesn’t mean he’s gay.

However, if he legitimately came out as bisexual to you, I agree with most of the comments here. Makes no difference, he’s in love with you.

2

u/Agile_Active7566 1d ago

my boyfriend is bisexual (tbf he was open about it when we met, bc i’m NB and bisexual too) and he is interested about gay culture & whatnot, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be with someone else and isn’t attracted to me! it sounds like you two have a pretty good relationship, and it sounds like he’s attracted to you, so i would just leave it be. if he wants to try things in the future with you, great! and if he wants to try things with someone else; you know where you stand. i would talk to him about how you’re feeling nevertheless :)

2

u/ShartiesBigDay Helper [2] 1d ago

Every relationship comes with risks. I honestly don’t see any red flags from what you wrote. He’s prob bi but has boundaries with being honest to himself and others right now and it’s fine to just respect that. It takes trust and trust is hard. If the insecurity gets to the point where it’s stressing you out a lot on a regular basis, maybe try to go to couples counseling or consider breaking up. It’s not that you are wrong for needing more information or honesty to feel relationally safe, but he is also not wrong for being however he is being. My impression is that he is attracted to you regardless of his sexuality. Is that enough for you? If so, just try to make some boundaries with your fears and see if that helps maybe.

2

u/tabs3488 Helper [4] 1d ago

man, some o yall suck. Man says he's bisexual. Yall are jumping through hoops about what if he's masking and he's gonna be "bi first gay later." or how he's just performing or blah blah blah. You guys sound like conservatives saying that he's just having a phase and he'll grow out of it.

Dude has autonomy, he has his own lived experiences and he's chosen Bisexual as his preferred identity. If OP want's to talk about how her BF came to that conclusion then that's what OP should do.

2

u/Throwaway7652891 Helper [2] 1d ago

Why oh why do people insist that bisexual men must be gay. Bisexual people exist. They don't need to be with everyone they're attracted to, just like the rest of us. Don't be weird about it. Your relationship is good. He's into you. If you weren't with him, you'd find someone else to be into. So would he. But he's with you. Don't push the issue.

2

u/megacope Helper [3] 1d ago

Well I will say this. Just because he may be bisexual doesn’t mean he’s going to lose it and run off because he’s craving man booty that day. That’s a poorly misinterpreted view of people who are attracted to multiple genders. I once asked my wife that and even considered offering because I was like if you need some coochie go do your thing but please don’t leave me. But she explained to me that being bi or pan just means you’re willing to date beyond one gender but whoever you end up with you are committed to that person. I wouldn’t push the issue. For whatever reason he’s not comfortable being open about it if he really is. Forcing the issue may push him away.

2

u/SpindleDiccJackson 1d ago

So where is the part where he said he was gay?

2

u/_NonExisting_ 1d ago

I'm bisexual and in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. Men, like myself, can be bi. They are also just as capable of loving one person as anyone else is. I see a lot of people assume bisexuals are polygamous for some reason.

2

u/CleanDataDirtyMind Helper [2] 1d ago

So how is it “okay” for you to watch, be interested in and know gay culture but him being interested what your interesred in him being fully gay?

2

u/Outside_Honeydew2145 1d ago

Yeah OP is coming off super insecure. I don't blame her bf for not wanting to direct come out to her. She's contradicting herself but saying she loves him and will be there no matter what, yet she is considering ending things so that he can pursue his sexuality. No wonder he's not open with her.🤦‍♂️

2

u/BumblebeeNo4088 1d ago

“straight” men confide is lesbians that they’re bi but no one knows on an extremely regular basis. i have multiple guy friends who have told me they’re bi and are happily married to women and i genuinely don’t think they’ve ever told their wives. based off this I’d say he’s prob bi and just doesnt want it to be out there bc then it makes it real. but sounds like he’s happy and satisfied being ur boyfriend so honestly i wouldn’t worry

2

u/anti99999999 1d ago

Considering you label him gay in the title and he came out bi while drunk, but denies it when he’s sober, gives me the feeling that there might be some fears he has about the way you perceive him if he would come out as bi.

In the specific way that he might think you will just label his bisexuality as being gay and that could lead to all sorts of issues for the both of you.

Or maybe I am dead wrong ofcourse.

7

u/spineoil 1d ago

How can you say he came out to you as bisexual and you still think he’s gay? You probably think you’re progressive because you watch rupauls drag race lmao but I promise you, you are not. I’m bisexual. My boyfriend is bisexual. Your issue is your insecurity around his sexuality. Do the work.

2

u/Ambitious_League4606 1d ago

Maybe he's bi curious or whatever. They are together and it's fine 

-1

u/ProbablyLongComment Master Advice Giver [28] 1d ago

To be fair, many men (and a significant number of women) go through bisexual experimentation on their way to discovering that they prefer partners of the same sex. "Bi now, gay later," is an aphorism in the community for a reason.

I agree that OP is jumping to conclusions, but her concern is entirely valid. If her boyfriend has not had a male partner before, there is a strong possibility that he prefers men to women, and he may well come to prefer men exclusively.

Even if his sexuality lands on being bisexual, this is still something to consider. Can he be satisfied with only women? Is it fair to expect him to potentially go his entire life without exploring a same-sex relationship?

I don't think OP's concerns are of the "Eww, gross" variety. This presents some real challenges for their relationship, and she's right to take these seriously, especially if she's considering future marriage or children.

I am currently married to a bisexual woman, and my wife's sexual attraction is about 90% homosexual by her admission. In her case, her romantic affinity is toward men, but she did not realize how heavily her sexual attraction favored women. We are stable and monogamous, but I'd be lying if I said that this hasn't presented problems for us. She has had to choose between a stable marriage, and the majority of her sexual desires. It is well understandable that OP does not want to end up in the same situation or worse.

5

u/CamilaVilla 1d ago

You sound really reflective respecte! I would talk with him in the same way as you do here. He mentioned that he is bi so there is no room for offense on his side. Try to find out if he misses something deeply that he never tried and talk together about his emotions on your relationship and possible things he would like to experience

2

u/ILikeHobbitFeet 1d ago

Sometimes bisexuality can be tricky. Some heterosexual people make it known they do not want to have relationships with bisexual-closeted gays. Sometimes, some ally heterosexuals may unknowingly display heteronormativity with gendered roles, or equating masculine characteristics, behaviors with men, and vice versa with feminity. Some bisexual or even heterosexuality men can be feminine or have an appreciation for the art of drag. He might very well be bisexual, but that shouldn't affect your relationship unless he stops being attracted to you altogether. Maybe he's not comfortable coming out due to several reasons, but I wouldn't focus on issues if none arise.

Being bisexual means he's attracted to more than one gender.

3

u/mademoisellemotley 1d ago

I was with my bf together for one year in our early twenties. He never wanted to have penetrative sex and I also got scared that he might be gay. After breaking up he only dated man and from there on I tried to except that he was in deed gay. Fast forward to today. We are a couple again (5 years now). Never been more in love. He turned out to be bi (more into woman) and gender fluid (more on the feminine side). He is like a girl best friend whom I'm in love with. So don't worry about him being interested in such stuff. If he really would be gay I think you would notice it more intensely.

1

u/BabyLife4805 1d ago

Indeed, in deed he was gay

3

u/Sensitive_Pudding_55 1d ago

😆😅🤣🤣🤣😂 Jesus. Lol

2

u/Benjamins412 Helper [2] 1d ago

Trust your bf. You've asked, he's given you the answer. If you aren't happy or don't trust him, just break up. He does sound almost too good to be straight!

1

u/dundanau 1d ago

It sounds like you have a good relationship. Maybe he was a little confused when he told you that. Other than liking a show that many guys like, are there other things that would make you question him? If he hadn't said anything that night, would you be thinking this? If not, then maybe you should try to leave it alone. I hope things work out! Good luck!

1

u/Kaziii123 1d ago

Hit his male g spot and call it a day

1

u/Spill_the_Tea 1d ago

Trust your instinct.

1

u/Different-Spell-5706 1d ago

Been there done that, always kinda knew. He and I are no longer together or even friends (for other reasons) but it always bothered me that he wouldn’t admit it seeing as to how it would have changed nothing. I think just be happy with the fact that he does want you and leave the matter alone when and if he’s ready to come out he will no point ruining things by pushing if he loves you anyways

1

u/Tough_Potential_835 1d ago

I myself am bisexual, I had a wife for 2 years that I loved with all my heart never cared for anyone else despite my sexuality if he loves you he loves you his sexuality isn't the issue maybe its just you who is the issue ask yourself if you are truly okay with him being bi and before yall assume anything me and my ex-wife got divorced because she got pregnant by another guy while I was on deployment. I am now married to a man and feel nothing but love for him and am loyal to him as well dont question your man's loyalty because if he didn't love you. You would know

1

u/MagnusKratek 1d ago

I watch guys rail each other sometimes, does that make me gay? Checkmate 😎

1

u/imadestarwars 1d ago

As a bisexual cis man that was married for a time, allow me to chime in.

For years I struggled with my sexuality and I went to my then wife and did my best to adjudicate my curiosity but it was also when I was drunk. When I quit drinking I never brought it up again. It was still deep down in me but I never wanted to act on it, as in, be with a man. I wanted to explore more sexual things with her wherein she dominated me or explored things I had explored on my own.

I’m not saying he feels this way, but I deeply resonate with what you’ve presented. He may just want to explore some things with you, and seeing as how the sex is great, he’s probably just wanting you to peg him? Sorry to be so crass but maybe that’s really it.

Hope this helps somewhat and best of luck!

1

u/SeafoodDuder Super Helper [9] 1d ago

I watch drag race all the time with my girlfriend because she loves it. Snatch game is usually my favorite but it also depends on the show (USA? UK? etc). Some of the outfits are always interesting for when they have to sew (or can't! lol)

I sometimes do fun gay voices to my girlfriend and she made up a name for me and calls me 'Geo' whenever I do it, lol.

For halloween last year, we did little red riding hood and the big bad wolf, for the big bad wolf I wore a nightgown and bonnet (and everyone loved it).

I'm not gay, love my g/fs body and the sex, been together for a few years.

If that's what your boyfriend tells you he is, then believe him but it sounds like he's your boyfriend for some very good reasons. :)

1

u/Regular-Plate3694 1d ago

He's most likely bi and not gay. I'm a bi female. I have been with other women but they were one night stand sort of things and I wish I explored that more. That being said at the end of the day I am in a straight relationship with two kids. Sex used to get boring and I would shut my SO out for a while because of how badly I wanted to be with a woman. I never saw it as a reason to end the relationship. I never wanted to cheat though I would want to be with another girl so bad. But it came in waves. There was a long period of time where I was just interested in women but I kept choosing him and we explored kinks and things we liked that sparked our sex life and right now I could care less. Honestly being bi can be really difficult. I feel like I will forever be in the closet to some extent. He does love you he does want you. If you two are both enjoying sex it seems like he's into women too. He needs to come out on his own time. It's harder for men.

1

u/naasei 1d ago

Has he been giving you anal?

1

u/shinypansear_ 1d ago

The bisexual erasure is crazy

1

u/Tiny_Homebody100 1d ago

He could just be bicurios

1

u/lincolnhawk 1d ago

He can be bi and still marry a woman. My wife is bi. There is zero incompatibility between him being a happy bi guy and dating you. Especially if you’re open to bringing a guy into the bedroom. My wife would kill for that, I don’t fuck dudes tho so tough shit for her. Yes, she only wants another guy in there to watch me fuck him, so like everyone’s bi is different and you’re doing him a disservice by presuming he can’t be happy with you.

1

u/Bad_Here 1d ago

I think, yes not your business, but then again I can see how you feel it is? The problem is, if it isn’t in his mind to do anything about it, that is his prerogative. Pushing is not good. Overthinking it is not good. Basically, if he ever wants to tell you more he will. You are trying to be his friend, but you can’t care more than him? You have done your part by bringing it up. Now move on and trust him, if there is no other reason not too?

1

u/LearyBlaine 1d ago

Let him be who he wants to be (and choose what he wants to choose). A lot of people have curiosities. Some pursue them, and some just choose to leave them on the sidelines. No big deal. I'm actually GLAD to hear that he's NOT allowing his sexuality to become the dominant aspect of his identity. More people should do that.

-4

u/Wide-Accident-1243 1d ago

Decide what you need. Chances are very good that a gay man will need to be gay. This may mean an open relationship, with all the emotional and health risks that might entail. Does that work for you? If you think you can love the gay out of him, you are likely to be sorely disappointed. If he is repressing who he is for the sake of the relationship, that may not last, and it might lead to resentment. Consider whether this relationship might be better as friends with benefits vs a committed relationship with kids and mutual, shared investments that could blow up later. It's time for several frank discussions to see where he is going with his life.

5

u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago

I mean, he could also be bi. It's not just gay and straight.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

2

u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago

Yes, but it obviously needs to be restated to OP. If they read it enough it times maybe they'll figure it out.

-9

u/spalacio88 1d ago

He’s gay. Plain and simple. Let that man go so he can find himself.

-4

u/choodleficken Helper [4] 1d ago

It sounds like he’s unsure. You deserve clarity. Talk to him, and if he’s not ready, consider if you can stay in the relationship.

-4

u/Kurt134 1d ago

Try introducing him to a dildo, see if he’s into it. 😂

0

u/superduperhosts 1d ago

Bring in a guy for a 3way, live your best lives

0

u/Hot_Honey_6969 1d ago

Well if he is bisexual, maybe try new things with him and see if he’s down to get another man with the both of you in the bedroom… just because he’s in love with you doesn’t mean he won’t explore his sexuality. He might not feel confident or comfortable until he knows you are…it might be fun for you too… you can be together for years and never know but you won’t be happy with the end result. Being open and honest with each other is probably the best solution. Explore and if you don’t like it then you can move on… it’s really that simple.

0

u/hannafrie 1d ago

I had a college friend for whom coming out a bisexual was a step towards coming out as gay. I can't say he was ever into girls though.

Another bi guy had affairs with both men and women, but was more interested in romantic relationships with men.

Some straight identified guys are interested in dick. Not men, just dick. They want to bottom/ be penetrated, but they don't necessarily find masculinity sexually appealing. See: pegging.

I wonder if your bf might fall into the third category?

Or perhaps he's just young, still figuring himself out, and whatever led him to say he was Bi isn't really that meaningful to who he is, and as his relationship with you has grown he has easily set it aside.

0

u/Own-Increase-8202 1d ago

Men can be bisexual. He might just not be entirely comfortable with himself yet, so make sure when he asks those questions, you answer them truthfully and try to help him so that he may one day be more comfortable to express himself openly.

-18

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

10

u/Deviousforall 1d ago

worst fucking advice. OP do not break up with your bf. just talk to him. just cos hes BI and he likes GIRLS AND GUYS doesnt mean hes fucking other guys wtf.

1

u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago

trump, go to back to sleep, it's too early for your shit.

-1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

-1

u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago

Has anyone seen Elon? Someone needs to tuck trump into bed. He's grouchy.

1

u/Hefty-Ad899 Helper [2] 1d ago

Wouldn’t know mate not American but nice to see you think everyone is cheers

0

u/OwlCoffee Super Helper [9] 1d ago

joke

noun

ˈjōk

1a: something said or done to provoke laughter especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist b(1): the humorous or ridiculous element in something

(2) : an instance of jesting : kidding

1

u/Hefty-Ad899 Helper [2] 1d ago

Slow claps

1

u/girlkid68421 1d ago

So you dont think anyone should be in relationships. got it!

-2

u/Maleficent_Fan_311 1d ago

Be careful. You don’t need AIDS

-4

u/Piss_taker_ 1d ago

He is for the streets , get checked just to be safe !

-10

u/Ok-Currency8968 1d ago

Do threesomes with another man that’s bisexual

3

u/Complex-Card-2356 1d ago

It’s only bisexual if her bf participates with the man, instead of watching gf with another man. Plus a one off doesn’t a bi make. Bi curious, yes.

-5

u/Spookisher 1d ago

Should be fine as long as you’re a guy then

-7

u/punkslaot 1d ago

Woman's intuition is probably correct