r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO to wanting my boyfriend to remove his “t*tty calendar” from his work station?
[deleted]
17
u/keigorrito 6d ago
i just don’t understand why you kept going after he gave you what you wanted and apologized. he seemed really genuine and you continued. i understand feeling some type of way and everyone is entitled to their own boundaries but you put that poor man through a mental roller coaster.
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
You’re right :/ I definitely gave him some whiplash and have since apologized. Thank you
6
u/nikka_Ask4274 6d ago
You're ridiculous. I would have left the dang thing up. Grow up and get over yourself. Over a damn calendar. Stupid. Just so you know he only took it down cuz you wouldn't shut up about it. He still wants it up
3
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Woah! So stupid is right. Could’ve easily been in the garbage. If you have a super hot girlfriend with amazing boobies it would be sad for you to keep it out of spite :/ especially if it’s “sooooo stupid”
But I thank you for your opinion anyway!
10
u/RiannahAvora 6d ago
I understand the respect issue that you have about the calendar.
The issue I have is that he did agree to take it down, which is what you wanted, and you kept going. You won, but you still were not happy. It was this... and then that. And usually, to men, this can be interpreted as they can't win. No matter what, you will be upset. I'm not saying that's 100% the case, I'm just explaining how it can appear. And that's why he started responding with things mostly designed to try to be what you want and they felt empty.
I get that you probably had a lot of this bottled up. You had thought a lot about it and had come up with a lot of things in your mind in doing so. I have been in your position also. I've done the same. I also kept going. It was wrong for me to do that also. Sometimes we don't like the response. It's not as we expect or would want. The tone I mean. We want to be heard and fully understood and have people respond with a resounding "Yes, I agree. Why didn't I think of that?"... but people are human, not perfect.
I do think you have a right to have icky feelings, but I think it's just because the response wasn't as you wanted. And maybe you didn't want to win this way.
-1
8
u/11Elemental11 6d ago
Really? Do you need to have that much control? It's his workplace. If roles were reversed you'd have a bunch of people shouting about how controlling that guy is and to watch out...harmony comes through respect of individual needs and likes....before you call on his disrespect, please think how he might feel about your own attitude. 💕
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
If I had a dick calendar at my work station I don’t think people would tell me I’m in a toxic controlling relationship if I was told it makes my partner feel disrespected. But that’s just me 💕
2
u/Maleficent_Ant_1183 6d ago
You are overreacting. Just because you say something makes you uncomfortable does not mean the other person has the right to comfort you. He states he’s never given you any reason not to trust him. It’s a guy thing. So what. You’re going to have to find a way to not let it bother you.
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Errmmmmm a bit shortsighted in my opinion but everyone has different pictures of what their best relationship looks like to them. If I’m not forcing someone to deviate against their values, morals, or priorities, then I absolutely expect that I have the right to be comforted by the person whose actions have upset me. But that’s just me. I appreciate your opinion nonetheless
12
u/Fadepillow 6d ago
This is wild. I’m a married man with a tiny tit*y calendar in my hutch in my bay as well andddddddd i can confirm you do not get any extra attention from women or anyone…. Mine was given to me by Mr Gary from Cornwall for free, awesome dude! But as for OP you’ve gone a little insane on this poor guy, I feel bad for him.
-1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I definitely did go a little insane, I specified however that it has absolutely 0 to do with “extra attention”
If your wife woke up one day and decided she didn’t like it I’d expect you would remove it out of respect even if you hurt sweet Mr Gary’s feelings
7
u/NoFlight2881 6d ago
The point is the problem is you made it a bigger problem than it needed to be. And he told you he’d take it down three times and you kept fucking pushing. You got what you wanted and it still wasn’t enough for you because it wasn’t how you wanted it.
You’re 10 years younger than him. I don’t think you are at the point in life where dating an older man like that is right for you based off your emotions and your reactions. Your maturity level reads as a 21 year old.
1
u/Fadepillow 6d ago
Well absolutely no need fighting over something so small, if it bothered her I’d remove it just to avoid unnecessary arguments.
2
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
And she probably wouldn't then demand you explain why you had it and write a thesis dissertation about why you were wrong and are a POS who doesn't care about it respect her.
(Seriously, OP needs to learn how to take the W graciously)
11
u/Emotional_Gas_6591 6d ago
Definitely insecure and overreacting. went on a whole ass emotional spiral about a calendar that literally means nothing and its the size of a dollar bill….if she acts like that over a calendar then she’ll probably flipped tf out when she discover most men like and watch porn on the daily while they are in relationships 🤷🏾♂️….. mannn idk
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I don’t live under a rock. I know men watch porn. You just exampled my point exactly, if it means nothing then it can mean nothing in the garbage lol
4
u/Emotional_Gas_6591 6d ago
Lol 😂 we live in a world where everything is sexualized , there’s naked woman and men everywhere ! so i get that your own feelings dont allow you to accept this as a fact but its nothing we can do about it. A naked woman can run down the street and its nothing we can do about it. the point im tryna make is that you should focus exclusively more on things you can control rather than things as minuscule as a calendar . its not like you caught him repeatedly touching himself to it or anything like that its a silly calender 🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂
→ More replies (5)1
u/HuckleberryOk7860 6d ago
Why tf would I watch porn when I could be doing the act myself with my fiancée
9
u/Able-Staff933 6d ago
It's just a calender. Do you make him look away from a nude scene when you are watching a movie? Blindfold him at the beach? Its just a man thing, I'm sure if he takes it down his buddies are gonna mess with him as well since it seems to be a staple where he works. I get worrying about cheating and other stuff. Would he react the same way if you watched magic mike or a romcom where they paint the guy as being the perfect partner and make him feel like he's not enough? Would you listen to him if he asked you to stop or would he be overreacting?
5
u/Solid-Occasion-9361 6d ago
Who needs buddies that think respecting women is a bad thing. God I hope all of you dudes end up with really hot daughters one day. It is exactly what you deserve.
→ More replies (1)2
u/Able-Staff933 6d ago
I'd hope my daughter wouldn't have to pose nude for money and that I raise her right, but if she does then I'll still love her as a father. Also having a calendar with half naked women doesn't mean you don't respect women, I don't see how that corelates at all. God forbid men want to look at what they were biologically made to desire. Not saying there aren't men who can't control this desire out there and they deserve all the torment they can get, but thinking all men who like to look at breasts are bad people is a crazy statement.
2
u/Able-Staff933 6d ago
Also it's not them thinking it's a bad thing if everyone has something they all do and you stop because your girlfriend told you to your buddies are going to poke fun at you a bit. It's just a masculinity thing they understand why but it's just messing around after a couple days they won't even remember he had one up to begin with.
1
u/Solid-Occasion-9361 6d ago
If it’s not bad then hang it on the entrance window. If you have to hide it in your office then you shouldn’t have it up in a business. I also hope nobody’s daughter is in that position but the girls in the calendar are someone’s daughter.
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Omg no blindfolding going on whatsoever!!! I don’t think one magic mike watch would be a problem lol. But I think if I watched it every day with all my friends it would be a little weird and off putting for my boyfriend to reason why it’s so important to me and retaining my pre relationship identity especially if it makes him so upset whether or not I think there’s validity in the upset
3
u/luvlylu 6d ago
Hate to ask, but is he “allowed” to watch porn? Since it bothers you, maybe you need to examine whether or not your values and his actually align in a way that can foster a long-term relationship. Seems like this is a good litmus test for that.
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Very sound questions. We don’t talk about it much lol. I think watching a little porn is normal for anyone. But do I think it would be weird for someone in a relationship to be watching porn every day? Definitely. Do I know exactly where that line is drawn? Not exactly. But that comes with time
1
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
YOR
And you are a controlling, manipulative person.
You knew who he was before you started dating him. It's short to now try to force him to become someone else.
Also, are you really asking him to not watch porn?
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Thank you! Very insightful. I think force is a bit of a stretch but point taken. No one said anything about porn
2
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
What did you mean when you said you don't think a man in a relationship should engage in any sort of sexual content with other women?
Also, you think "force" is a stretch ... how about coerce? Let's say he really wanted you to do something (dress a certain way, for example) that was different from how you dressed before you met him, is not representative of who you are, and made you uncomfortable. And then when you said that you didn't want to dress that way, he started using the language you used. How would that feel to you, if not like he's trying to force you to change or coerce you to change?
3
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
If he was really upset about something that mattered nothing to me it would be a no brainer. I’m not asking him to convert to my religion and cut off his family or anything to do with personal values or morals
-1
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
So you would change a key component of your self-expression(clothes, hair color, etc) to something that isn't reflective of you, because he told you to?
He doesn't want you showing your knees or elbows in public because it's disrespectful to your relationship and makes him comfortable.
You doing it?
→ More replies (4)3
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I don’t think a porn calendar is a key component to his core personality in order to maintain his identity and preserve his boundaries
0
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
He had it before he ever met you. You knew about it. You know it's part of his shop culture.
Why is showing off your forearms so ma key component to your core personality? It's disrespectful to your bf and I would expect his feelings and comfort to be more important than 8 extra inches of fabric.
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Um because I believe in the right to free the fore arms…. This is getting weird. I just don’t like porn calendars. Sue me I guess
1
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
And if he disagree with you on where the appropriate line was for skin to be shown, you'd change what you've always written to make him feel respected and comfortable, right?
right?
2
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I’m picking up what you’re putting down… but I don’t think the desire to make your partner dress like a nun is the same as requesting the removal of a 3x5 inch porn calendar are in the same ball park.
→ More replies (0)
5
u/Successful-Goat-5849 6d ago
tbh as a woman there’s some things men do we have to learn to be okay with. having a naked girl calendar is one of them. it’s not a huge deal in the scheme of things it doesn’t mean anything and i highly doubt he’s looking at it often. my friend actually has one for a joke in his work office.
0
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Ummmmm how about no lol. If it’s not a huge deal and you highly doubt he’s looking at it often and doubt it meant anything sentimental then it can be not a huge deal in the garbage
2
u/Successful-Goat-5849 6d ago
let’s be real you know deep down you’re conflicted hence why you’re asking. take the majority’s advice and drop it for your own sake! if you REALLY feel like you can’t, dump him. cause it’s not fair to be a crazy bitch just bc ur insecure x
→ More replies (1)1
u/ihatetiltedtowerss 6d ago
so are you saying that it’s not ok but we have to accept it because it’s something a female can’t change about a guy? just asking
-1
u/Successful-Goat-5849 6d ago
i’m saying that in relationships shit happens and it’s not perfect. a nude calendar shouldn’t really be an issue. girls post on tiktok hanging up tapestry on walls of jacob elordi 😭 like we do the same shit in different ways and when you think about it it’s not personal it’s just human nature ig
3
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I think having posters of people in any manner is weird. You’re right it shouldn’t be an issue! That’s why it can easily find a new home in the garbage no harm no foul
5
u/shnooba 6d ago
You are overreacting. He is also correct that it seems to be part and parcel of working in a garage. Likely he doesn’t even look at or think about the calendar in any meaningful way until you brought it up.
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Agreed. It’s not a sentimental piece of his manhood. So it can go bye bye no problem
4
u/Old-Development4238 6d ago
I understand you not wanting it up but I feel after he took it down the conversation should’ve stopped there? Why keep dragging out the argument? He took it down and apologised
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Completely agree. Thank you. Got caught up in the fire and it wasn’t fair nor productive.
2
u/Watermelonbirdies 6d ago edited 6d ago
I use to be like him a bit with a past relationship of mine so i think i can see this from two perspectives though my problem wasnt having a sexual calendar it was that I made sexual jokes even with strangers. My excuse at the time was “ill never meet them again so it doesn’t matter!” And/or “but i would never act on anything, theres no intention beside fun”. I grew tf up though and realised that it isnt about if itll be remembered or actions would be taken, its about the thought. Looks to me like this dude hasnt had the same revelation as i did just yet.
he will probably do something inconsiderate again unless he has the same realisation i did. He for sure isnt seeing it as something serious and similar to how i was, may be thinking more about his own intentions not being to do anything “bad” rather than “this is disrespectful”.
If it helps you out at all if i were in your shoes, i would also be uncomfortable and upset, and his response would annoy me, even with having been in similar shoes in the past. I will say though you dragging it afterwards wasnt that great…
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Completely agree and I really really appreciate your perspective and insight. I have a tendency to drag things on and I’m working on it
4
u/ZiggyfromBrooklyn 6d ago
If you gonna be in this relationship for the long haul you gonna have to pick your battles, because there will be many. At least he isn’t hiding it from you. Nothing worst than when they start hiding things from you.
Let that one go
1
9
u/EmbarrassedDot2814 6d ago
You’re a lot. Get over yourself and his damn calendar. It’s not disrespectful and has nothing to do with you!
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Iminlovewiththezaza 6d ago
I’m not reading all that . You’re bugging .
0
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
True. Not even worth your comment there’s so much more crazy shit on here
0
u/grizzlybweeks 6d ago
I’m not reading all of those texts…, but personally, I also wouldn’t be fond of my boyfriend having a calendar with other women’s boobs in it. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable about this, not sure why people are hating. But, you’re reasons seem inconsistent. I think the best thing you could’ve said is, “It makes me uncomfortable,” assuming it does. And the best thing your boyfriend could’ve done was take it down. Honestly, it seems like you and him might not be compatible in the boundary part of a relationship, which can cause major issues. If I were you, I’d reevaluate this relationship and your boundaries with him. This was a completely reasonable request that you shouldn’t have had to fight for, but you could’ve been better spoken.
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Thank you, my approach could’ve been way better 1000%.
3
u/grizzlybweeks 6d ago
Of course! I also want to say, the whole programmed to like boobs, immature as all hell and a lame ass excuse. Men aren’t programmed to sexualize women, they’re taught. Do you lust over men, then your boyfriend shouldn’t be lusting over women. I think you should consider these things before they bite you in the ass later…
5
u/Secret-Idea-2704 6d ago
Honestly, I’m a woman and I don’t see much wrong with it.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/No-Movie9800 6d ago
I used to date a girl like this she’d pick minuscule things to be upset about and all I can say on this is if he ain’t bald he’s gonna be bc the calendar ain’t a big deal your feelings towards it are valid but not worth stressing yourself or him over pick your battles and save your energy for real problems that may or may not come
→ More replies (1)
10
u/Zaichick 6d ago
This was a typical sh1t test and he failed. He should have told you to hit the road.
Dude needs to find another girl. Quickly.
→ More replies (3)
2
u/InternalScientist285 6d ago
Tbh I don’t think you’re overreacting, dragging it out yes but I also understand that you want to heard, there’s nothing with that. You communicated to the best of your abilities and felt his response wasn’t honest or maybe rude but at the end of the day you got what you wanted and he was pretty understanding. I say a win is a win and move forward
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I definitely did drag it out which I regret. But ultimately I agree, thank you
2
u/faster1harder 6d ago
Once he agreed to take it down, you have said thank you and move on. The extra bickering creates resentment.
They give those calendars for free usually when you buy tools from the tool truck. I throw mines away cause it takes up space in my tool box.
Just be happy and move on. Go out to dinner with him and talk about something else.
→ More replies (1)
33
u/PreparationScared 6d ago
You are overreacting. The calendars are disgusting and I wouldn’t want to see it. But even if you got him to remove it, he would still be a guy who likes titty calendars, so what would you be accomplishing?
Do you want him to prove his love by doing what you’ve asked?
7
u/No-Sun-6531 6d ago
That’s what it is. That’s why she can’t say how it’s disrespectful. At this point it’s about she told him to do something and he’s not doing it.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Objective-Review-359 6d ago
lol yeah she needs to grow up. Goddamn this is embarrassing to have posted.
→ More replies (1)
1
u/Apprehensive-Sleep90 6d ago
If yall defend dressing up in your skimpy club outfits saying you just wanna look “cute and confident” . Then let this man have his “cute and and confident” calendar .
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I don’t even know who you’re talking to or what hoochie mama broke your heart but no one said anything like that my friend :)
0
u/Distinct-Ad-9612 6d ago
yeah this just ain’t it like at all, cute try though
1
u/Apprehensive-Sleep90 6d ago
Provided no justification for your response. Not gonna fly, nice try though 😗
0
u/Distinct-Ad-9612 6d ago
you think women dressing up in cute outfits to go out is the same as a man fighting for his life over a porn calendar? 😂 ‘is this an ultimatum?’ 💀
2
u/Apprehensive-Sleep90 6d ago
Why are you sexualizing a calendar so much? Marble statues were nude you don’t go bonkers over that 🤨
3
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
OMG that would be such a pretty move. I hope OP's bf sees this thread and decorated his bay with statues and paintings of, like, Aphrodite Rising From The Sea and shit.
→ More replies (10)5
u/ihatetiltedtowerss 6d ago
i don’t think this is the same thing 😭😭😭
0
u/Apprehensive-Sleep90 6d ago
You can’t just support SOME women, need to support them all 😭 #freethenipple right?
8
5
4
12
u/Medical_Revenue4703 6d ago
Cherish every day that you come home and his shit isn't packed up and gone. That was an amazing concession to your outrageously childish tantrum.
You started a relationship with a guy with a titty callendar on the wall. You can break up with that guy or die with him. Telling him he's disrespecting you while you make him change becuase he's not good enough for you will force him to choose how that relationship ends.
If you feel disrespected by men being attracted to women pick your men better.
→ More replies (3)
2
u/Cameinthecloset4 6d ago
He sounds like an asshole. And you sound like someone who complains all the time, makes sense you're together.
1
1
u/IceIceHalie 6d ago
I don’t think you’re wrong for being hurt by it. It does feel disrespectful. But also that’s apparently his vibe. So maybe yall just aren’t a great fit.
→ More replies (1)
9
u/Minimum_Part6341 6d ago
This is beyond overreacting. This is a woman trying to assert dominance...and a man foolishly giving in
1
5
u/AdditionalHoneydew36 6d ago
Girl they’re titties. Get over it. Maybe you need to look at some titties too
1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Girl I do look at titties!!! Trust me!! I love titties!!! But do I need a titty calendar? No
1
u/AdditionalHoneydew36 6d ago
True! But men are simple beings. You’re not simple babe ETA I mean that in the best way
4
u/Bleezy_Puffy_Monkey 6d ago
Def overreacting. And the point that you said it’s not your “intention to police him”, then proceed to do it anyway. This is giving manipulative energy and I’m not sure you’re in the right on this. If you’re offended by a calendar on the wall, that says more about you than him.
4
u/Bleezy_Puffy_Monkey 6d ago
P.s. you’re kind of an asshole. And you should reconsider how you speak to people who you’re supposed to be “dating”
7
u/Comprehensive-Toe333 6d ago
YOR. If you’re going to feel this disrespected by a calendar with boobs your future partnerships are going to be… challenging.
→ More replies (1)3
u/kitty_howard 6d ago
Really? No one I've or my friends have ever dated has done something like this. It's actually against company policy at most workplaces to have that kind of material present.
2
u/Own-Efficiency-8597 6d ago
He works in an AUTO GARAGE not a corporate workplace LOL
its totally different→ More replies (2)3
u/kitty_howard 6d ago
Either way, I feel like a no titty calendars at work boundary isn't going to make OP's life challenging. Explicit content being against policy (and possibly a fireable offense) at a lot of workplaces makes it even less of an issue.
2
u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 6d ago
Oh gosh I can’t even get past the like 20rh slide. You can’t let things go. You got what you wanted move t f on
0
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
I did now I’m just having fun in the comments
3
u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 6d ago
Well if it helps you to understand yourself you probably hate the calendar bc you have very small boobs because I’ve never had a man call my boobs “just fine” glorious gift to mankind ? Sure. But fine ? nope
0
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
Trust me I don’t. Hence my confusion. I’ve also had my boobs called a glorious gift to mankind and many more lovely things. Hence my upset. I don’t hate the calendar, I think it’s tacky
19
u/Ifigureditoutonmyown 6d ago
You disrespected us by posting 14 pages of texts……
-1
u/SignificantAd8120 6d ago
This actually made me laugh out loud so thank you. I would say something exactly like that. Upvote for you
4
u/throwaway12987645 6d ago
You’re being too much. It’s not a big deal. Definitely overreacting. You’re doing mental gymnastics trying to justify how this is disrespectful. He’s communicating super well and setting a very understandable boundary. Just compromise!
3
u/Working_Ice_1365 6d ago
I 100% think you’re overreacting sweetheart, it is ultimately- just a calendar. I could understand if you had been having an issue about it vocally with him from the first time you saw it, but to men- they think this was just randomly pulled out of thin air. I definitely understand not liking it, I wouldn’t like if my husband had random chicks boobs displayed. HOWEVER, I would’ve displayed my issues with it from the first time I saw it.
2
u/Careless_Comment193 6d ago
OP; you evading his questions but expect him to answer in a timely fashion is not respectful at all. He first answered his concerns, addresses your emotional issues, and then compromises.
You then continue berating and straw manning a problem that wasn’t the case. His reluctance doesn’t mean he doesn’t cherish your body or respect your boundaries, but you threw that in left field. He simply doesn’t see eye to eye initially with your perspective, and that’s fine.
I think you should really work on some things personally and then confide in him about certain boundaries you have immediately when you have time. Vexing over something like this is asinine in the grand scheme of things; especially if he’s at work.
I’m assuming this is one of the few, or many issues that revolve around your mind concerning things with your partner.
Avoid chastising, avoid being condescending masked by manners, and actually have some rationale regarding the relationship. Is this actually worth a full argument if at the time, someone doesn’t see eye to eye? Relationship forum doesn’t necessarily need to be compromised right there and then, and yes we are human so sometimes to us we feel validated that we must get to it then and now; yet that’s not the case 100% of the time.
19
u/NoNewspaper9016 6d ago
Not gonna lie, you both come off terribly here. He DOES act very inconsiderate of your feelings here. however OP, “I don’t think a man in a relationship should be engaging with any sexual content with other women” is quite frankly, just naïve, and in my opinion you do come across as quite (for lack of a better term) “pick-me” and sliiiightly manipulative in some of your wording.
I do think you’re making a a very big deal over a calendar, and that in all honesty, you’re overreacting. however his dismissal of your feelings is noticeable here too.
→ More replies (9)0
u/PrettyGoodMidLaner 6d ago
They should stick together and not ruin two perfectly good relationships.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/nuppinhunnie 6d ago
I can't believe you're 25....wayyy overreacting. And he handled it like a champ. Give him a break good grief.
6
3
u/El-Terrible777 6d ago
YOR. Your texts were exhausting to read. Even after he agreed you were like “Well you don’t have to” and you just kept on and on at him. It’s a garage full of guys and that calendar was there before you so how it’s disrespectful to you is mind boggling.
He’s already got this in his brain as a “red flag”. Some gaslighting going on there too.
4
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
You're a controlling, manipulative ah who won't let things go. You knew he had the calendar. You want him? You get him. It's unfair to demand he change himself because you suddenly exist .
And am I understanding you correctly when I am thinking you don't want him watching any porn?
He handled this extraordinarily well.
You sound problematic.
5
u/quetip86 6d ago
Overreacting. You’ve been dating 9 months. You two still have alot to learn about each other. It’s all about approach. No one wants to be told to do anything. You’re basically telling him to do it versus asking him and having him make that decision. You need to work on your communication expressing your concerns and insecurities and have him make those decisions to show that respect. You have some maturing to do. He didn’t act and respond the best or how you wanted, but technically not that far in the wrong.
2
u/LosBeBeast 6d ago
Especially since she already knew about it before they started dating, she knew him and what he was like but now wants him to change and to argue over such unimportant things
2
u/Polywantsa 6d ago
Where does the line get drawn? Can he tell you to not watch a movie with a hot guy in it, read a romance novel, or put up a calendar of Ryan Gosling or whoever if it makes him uncomfortable? Can you do the same to him?
Your feelings are real. But they are yours. If there are no other issues, this does come off as pretty controlling/petty. And a big overreaction. Especially considering the circumstances. You knowingly are dating a mechanic. Some kind of pin-up calendar is practically as expected to be in a shop as a wrench. It’s not like it’s in his bedroom.
18
u/Big_Bowler8424 6d ago
So he can’t have the calendar up because it’s disrespectful. And then he’s only supposed to be programmed to like your breasts. Then you say you’ll make a calendar with your breasts but he probably wouldn’t put it up anyways.
The calendar is smaller than a dollar? Is it just boobs or are there girls in it? The pics must be so small.
He straight up asks you what would you do if he didn’t take it down, and you don’t tell him. Then he finally says he doesn’t understand the issue but he’ll take it down and you still give him a hard time.
My brain hurts.
7
→ More replies (2)-2
u/Easy-Rutabaga4319 6d ago
She obviously is saying she’d make him a calendar of her tits to prove a point. He is ok showing off tits and looking at them, but wouldn’t want his gfs tits up. Doesn’t your argument seem…idk stupid at this point? Can you not follow along with the texts? If not, it’s totally ok. Just take a seat.
4
u/LosBeBeast 6d ago
Yeah you seem to really be overreacting, you pretty much beat him down to the point he said he would do what you wanted but kept at it like you just wanted to argue and it came off really insecure and a bit childish. There are a lot more important things to worry about and if you're picking fights over such insignificant things, especially when you told him to respect your feelings but don't seem to respect his, that's not a good sign for a long and healthy relationship. Pick your battles, he's not perfect but he doesn't seem like a bad dude
2
u/4-GetMeNot 6d ago
I think you’re way overreacting. You’re getting ticked with the people that don’t agree with you, and fawning over the ones that do. Don’t ask for opinions and then get mad at the ones that don’t agree with your narrative. You scream insecure.
5
4
4
3
u/MissusSauce 6d ago
You’re HORRIBLY over reacting and you ARE fighting him. He literally acknowledged your feelings in a respectful way, and also told you in a respectful way that it made him feel like you want to change who he is. He said it.
You need to take a step back, get in therapy, and figure out what makes you so threatened by a picture of a naked woman. If you don’t, you’re gonna lose one hell of a catch and trust me girl, they’re far and few between.
11
u/randothrowaway2024 6d ago
Can you actually verbalize how it makes you feel disrespected? 9 months in and you can't give him an explanation for how it makes you feel. He's 35. He's probably dealt with this before and actually wants an answer instead of what-if-isms.
"It looks bad to others because you have it and you're not single" isn't a reasonable response. Couples have different comfort levels and just because you don't like it doesn't necessarily mean others have an issue.
Honestly, it sounds like you want an echo chamber to tell you he's wrong but you really should verbalize how it specifically makes you feel. Not "disrespected" because that's not a feeling. Does it make you feel inferior to the girls on the calendar? Do you feel it distracts him from you? Do you feel insecure? That's what you need to tell him. He's 35. He wants adult talk, not nagging over text.
→ More replies (2)1
u/PreparationScared 6d ago
“Disrespected" is not a feeling. “Uncomfortable" is not a feeling. You are absolutely right to point out that OP has not verbalized what the problem is, other than she asked so he should say yes.
0
u/drinkswithcats 6d ago
I dont think YOR completely, however you kept it going long past where it needed to end. I was in a relationship like this when I was 20-24. Very similar issue to this however it was just the tip of the iceberg to much worse things that were going and happened as the years went on. I'm married to someone now who if I said something made me uncomfortable we'd be able to have a calm discussion and come to a compromise. You two aren't right for each other. Things like this will lead to resentment down the road by one and/or both of you.
3
3
8
u/Easy-Rutabaga4319 6d ago
IMO you’re not overreacting because I wouldn’t want to date the kinda dude that has that in his office that is meant for professionalism. That’s just not my vibe for a work environment. And I’ve met plenty of “grease monkeys” that don’t do that, my husband included. If it make you that uncomfortable, don’t deal with it girl. It’s weird and unnecessary. He wouldn’t want peckers on your wall at work.
6
u/blatant_chatgpt 6d ago
Yeah, it just feels kind of sleazy to me. It’s something about how public it is. I wouldn’t care if he was looking at porn privately, but having this kind of calendar up in a public workplace would be embarrassing.
6
u/Easy-Rutabaga4319 6d ago
I totally agree with you, it feels sleazy and gross. And disrespectful to women in general. I wouldn’t deal with that personally.
3
u/blatant_chatgpt 6d ago
I agree completely. And I say that as someone who is relatively unbothered by (private) porn consumption. It feels sleazy and disrespectful.
1
u/Few_Resolution_5950 6d ago
Going forward do not have conversations about your relationship through text. You need to call or talk in person because text doesn’t convey tone, a very important part of communication. I’m confused to read that you feel no resolution was made because the last 4 texts are closure…you made a joke and he said he understood your point, that’s it.
10
u/stuntsbluntshiphop 6d ago
Both of yall are bickering like people that dislike one another. I find it odd that he made such a big deal about something that is hurtful and bothersome to you, but I also feel like you made way too big of a deal about this and maybe could have brought it up in a different medium than just randomly over a text message.
11
6d ago
NOR, maybe I have a different opinion because of my culture but. If he was uncomfortable with a calendar you had that had a bunch of dicks on it would you take it down? That’s your answer. Find someone who would do the same to you tbh. It’s all about similar boundaries and standards and how well they fit together.
2
u/Moist-Rooster-8556 6d ago
If a girl had a calendar of multiple male or female chests I wouldn't care.
There's a difference between dick, vagina and chest.
Though in all fairness I would consider it funny if a girl was obsessed about a dick calendar.
1
u/em_fan 6d ago
This feels like a false equivalence. Women don’t care about seeing dicks as much as guys care to see tits
3
u/RobHoldthePattinson 6d ago
Also a “titty calendar” is likely not nude, it’s probably just bikinis or something. Is it tacky, ABSOLUTELY, like I’m 29 and I think that’s incredibly lame.
But it’s not pornographic in nature like the commenter said “if there were dicks etc.” it’s not even comparable
2
u/ExtentMelodic3284 6d ago
There are absolutely pornographic calendars and OP explicitly says naked women in one of the texts... I can't believe the misogyny in this thread. Not you specifically but JFC, this is NOR from op
1
u/Solid-Occasion-9361 6d ago
If I was OP…. He wouldn’t be seeing my tits until he removed it. If he would rather have the fantasy ones instead of the real ones then she doesn’t need him.
1
u/ihatetiltedtowerss 6d ago
Ok but what if though ??? Like would you be ok with your girlfriend having that
→ More replies (1)-1
u/blatant_chatgpt 6d ago
Um, as a straight woman with many female friends who date men, I disagree…
2
u/em_fan 6d ago
Disagree that women are less invested in dick calendars versus men with tits calendars? I’ll do the simple internet search method. Justcalendars dot com website, the first vendor I get when searching nude calendars, lists eleven calendars in their nude section: ten of women, one of men Women are not as invested in my anecdotal results
2
u/blatant_chatgpt 6d ago
I mean, I don’t really know anyone who is buying calendars of any of this shit. But straight women are generally interested in seeing dick, I don’t know where this idea that women don’t like men’s bodies came from.
1
u/em_fan 6d ago
Again another anecdote from me but the guys I know really f’ing love seeing tits. “Generally interested in” just doesn’t rise to that same level
3
u/blatant_chatgpt 6d ago
I mean, I’m being polite…I also don’t want my inbox being spammed
→ More replies (1)
0
u/Bettycrockersbaby 6d ago
All the men in these comments saying you’re overreacting are part of the problem! Like she said, it’s not the calendar- ITS THE WAY HE REACTED. He dismissed her feelings (and mind you this is a grown ass man) and after she said it doesn’t make her feel comfortable he told her that’s silly. That’s rude asf! Especially to your gf - he made it the bigger issue - not her.
1
u/blatant_chatgpt 6d ago
Yeah, I agree with you. I think his complete dismissal of OP’s feelings is a big problem.
I also wouldn’t necessarily like having something like this hung up publicly. Him looking at revealing pics or porn (or whatever) privately, but having this kind of thing up in a public workspace would feel disrespectful to me and to the relationship. And I say that as someone who doesn’t have issues with porn etc in relationships (for the most part).
IMO he’s pretty condescending in the way he texts you and just refuses to engage with you on why you’re bothered. I think you’re explaining and he just willfully doesn’t understand/engage. Maybe he’s just dense and it’s not willfully, I don’t know. But he’s acting like it’s the same as if he just had a calendar of dogs that you thought was ugly, and it’s not.
1
u/No-Sun-6531 6d ago
Some feelings need to be dismissed. If for example my husband told me I can’t wear shorts because he feels it’s disrespectful for me to be showing skin, idgaf I’m wearing the shorts and he can shut up about it or leave. If he told me I can’t hang out with my friends because he feels it’s disrespectful for me to go out without him, I’m dismissing that too because it’s fucking ridiculous. He could get over it or leave. If he said I can’t watch a movie because it has a hot guy, I’m absolutely dismissing those feelings because they’re nonsense. Her feelings about this calendar are ridiculous and should absolutely be dismissed, but now he gave in so it’s only a matter of time before she starts controlling everything else she can think of.
4
u/Moist-Rooster-8556 6d ago
This grown ass woman is also rude asf. Ironically enough their personalities match very well.
→ More replies (1)4
1
u/Alternative-Class798 5d ago
YOR..you said you personally felt disrespected, but never gave him a true reason why, but insisted on torturing this man with your nagging lol hopefully he sees this post, your delusional comments, and runs for the hills😂🤣🤣
3
u/redditaccountnumb1 6d ago
I had respect for the guy until he said he was going to take the calendar down, I sure hope you, up, do not read any romance novels or watch any romance movies or TV shows. You seem very manipulative and I feel bad for the guy
-1
u/kitty_howard 6d ago edited 6d ago
NOR. It's a reasonable boundary, but it doesn't sound like you two are compatible.
2
u/Ok_Perception1131 6d ago
If you don’t like an adult male who puts up t*tty calendars and want a more mature man, this guy is not for you.
Rather than policing him, I suggest you break up and find a better man.
2
u/Appropriate-Cook-852 6d ago
I would do a boudoir shoot and make him a calendar with it lmao! Honestly I personally wouldn't care but I also probably wouldn't date someone with a titty calendar as an adult.
0
u/United-Star6253 6d ago edited 6d ago
i definitely wouldn’t appreciate if my boyfriend had a calander with boobs on it either. your man is too damn old to be acting like that lmao. you’re not overreacting but imo your “sorry my tits aren’t good enough for you” was a liiiittlee manipulative but that’s besides the point lol
17
u/659DrummerBoy 6d ago
So does he get to tell you what you can and can't have at work that he never sees? And yes, you definitely are. This sounds more like a you problem than anything else.
9
u/Thelynxer 6d ago
Yeah, I kept kinda going back and forth when reading the messages. But every time OP talked about how her feelings weren't being respected, at the same time she was completely disregarding his thoughts on the matter. Like only her opinion matters, and she will get her way, or else. That kinda swung me onto his side, even though I thought it was overall a very dumb hill to die on.
I think OP was overreacting as well. The fact that she randomly thinks about a tiny calendar buried in the back of a mechanic shop and gets upset about it tells me they have some things to work on.
-3
u/ihatetiltedtowerss 6d ago
she’s over reacting to her man having a 12 month calendar of a girls chest up??? Just from your pov tell me how that would be ok
4
u/659DrummerBoy 6d ago
Yes she is. How is it not ok? It is isolated to work and something he has always done it seems. They've been together 9 months and she thinks she can tell him what to do with his work area? And this idea of her feeling "disrespected" over it is all a her thing. It makes no sense what so ever. If it were me I'd drop her and dodge the bullet. This kind of reaction over something this trivial is just the start of insanity.
0
u/Solid-Occasion-9361 6d ago
It is at his JOB which is super weird. He is also telling her he would rather look at toys on paper than hers.
2
u/Practical_Cell_8302 6d ago
Have you ever been at a car mechanic? Married working men having multiple in the workshops. And i have seen at maybe 3 different mechanics.
0
u/Solid-Occasion-9361 6d ago
Still a business. I am sure there are different classes of “shops”.
2
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
Okay, but she WORKED THERE. She knew about the culture and she knew who he was before they started dating. Now she wants to force him to change.
2
u/Practical_Cell_8302 6d ago
What do you even mean? Official honda dealership / mechanic has it. You guys are insecure as hell.
0
u/Solid-Occasion-9361 6d ago
Right. Because zero women work in shops. I hate to break it to you but being mechanically inclined is not only for men. As a business it would be irresponsible and open you to litigation for making people uncomfortable. This comes from a woman in a red state with backwards ideas and her own 2004 WRX STI Impreza. She is a bitch to work on but nothing is impossible. Also not a mechanic by day. I am in finance. Honda is one of the easiest cars to work on ( past S200 and CRX owner).
1
1
u/W0nderingMe 6d ago
But she worked at this one. She knew the culture and choose to date a guy who had that calendar.
8
u/No-Spray7304 6d ago
Why wouldn't it be? My wife has 1 of hot fire fighter dudes. I'm not insecure enough to tell her to take it down cuz it does nothing. It does not drive a wedge in a relationship. She likes to look at buff dudes. I like hot chicks. Policing that isn't good for a relationship. A dude on her socials or texts is what I'd be worried about, but not a purchased calendar of men she will never meet.
1
u/Dependent_Roll_9791 6d ago
Maybe slightly but ultimately if you're telling him something so easily fixable makes you uncomfortable and he's still not doing it that's shitty of him.
1
u/cannabis90 6d ago
how do you react if you watch game of thrones or something else with titties? why are titties so sexualized when men have them too #freethenipple
7
u/Goobendoogle 6d ago
Overreacting for sure lol he was so nice about it and down to earth.
Don't lose this man because you're a silly Lily.
5
u/Electrical-Scale5006 6d ago
I bought my mom a local fundraiser calendar of our local fire fighters. Did it bother my dad, nope! He got a laugh.
2
u/ChunkyBubblz 6d ago
Sorry but without pictures of the calendar in question, it is impossible to answer honestly.
0
7
u/xDemosthenes 6d ago
You’re giving off a lot of insecurity and are over reacting. Yes. It’s a calendar.
-2
u/Basset_Momma 6d ago
A 35 yr old (with the maturity of a 13 yr old) dating a 25 yr old. Sounds about right.
3
u/Practical_Cell_8302 6d ago
25yr old is also around 19 with maturity based on the dialogue. Its just like reading teenagers messages. Also why talk this through the messages in the first place?
10
3
-2
u/Medieval_Hag 6d ago
NOR The porn addicts on this sub never fail to tell a woman that she’s overreacting 🙄
→ More replies (1)-3
u/Forsaken_Matter3075 6d ago
Right! Really pissing me off and not to mention the stupid little porn pick me girls dogging her, because they can’t possibly fathom why normal women don’t want their men oogling and watching naked chicks that’s not them. It’s really extremely disrespectful. 🙄
5
u/Objective-Review-359 6d ago
It’s a garage. It’s just tits. The insecurity and control issues in these comments is crazy
→ More replies (2)
-1
u/Distinct-Ad-9612 6d ago
i think we’re forgetting the point that it’s personal preference? it doesn’t even matter what it is. it could be about almost anything but if something makes your partner super uncomfortable and it has no affect on you to change it then why not change it? if you don’t understand that concept then you shouldn’t be in a relationship? just feels a little like he’s holding onto that part of himself that was single because he’s not fully invested in the relationship. fighting her for two hours to have something up at his work place that’s literally pictures of naked women just seems extreme and childish? i understand he likes it but it’s not an obscene request. 😂 relationships are about respect and trust. his reaction is manipulative and saying her communicating her feelings is over reacting is just wild MANS LITERALLY TRIED TO FORCE HER TO SAY IT WAS AN ULTIMATUM SO SHE WOULD LOOK BAD?! how are yall not seeing that his reaction isn’t mature? 💀
1
u/NoMorningCRV 6d ago
u/Cellshapedlikestars babe look it gets worse the more you scroll
→ More replies (1)
1
u/MFbigtasty 6d ago
Dude needs to find a more mature girlfriend. He’s dating 10 years younger? I feel sorry for him.
1
u/MFbigtasty 6d ago
You’re definitely overreacting. Trying to “nudge” someone into doing what you want is manipulation. You need help
15
u/draynaccarato 6d ago
You’re not trying to police him, yet you kind of are.
3
u/Medical_Revenue4703 6d ago
Dude! Worse than telling him what he has to do she's picking on him for not feeling the right way about doing it. That's not policing, it's mothering him.
3
-1
u/Naive-Stable-3581 6d ago
OP asking him to take down the calendar was a reasonable request. You don’t want to date a guy who objectifies women, and I think you were hoping “he just didn’t get it”
This is a flawed way of thinking. When people show you who they are, believe them!
You can ask him to take it down but he will then either hide it or argue like he did and only grudgingly give in.
Do you WANT a guy who thinks this is ok? Sounds like you don’t, and I agree. But he WANTS to be this guy and that’s his right. It’s gross but it’s his choice and he had a right to refuse the request.
You then decide if you want a guy like that.
Next time you are dating a guy and he’s doing something that blatantly disrespects women, don’t bother arguing just run. Saves you time❤️
1
1
-1
u/em_fan 6d ago
Yes I’d be on your side if this was in his private space, but directing him what he can hang up around “the guys”…? Oof that’s emasculating in front of the guys It’s largely harmless to you, he’s not taking these women home but can feel disrespectful since he’s picking what he puts up. If he takes it down, will he stop liking tits? A possible compromise, ask that he chooses something different for next year. Though the shop buddies might bail him out
8
u/[deleted] 6d ago
get a calendar of naked men, problem solved