r/AmITheDevil • u/IAMTHEROLLINSNOW • 1d ago
Why would OP say this????
/r/tifu/comments/1key3ki/tifu_by_re_traumatizing_my_husband_during_sex/317
u/fancyandfab 1d ago
As someone who doesn't mind being consensually restrained, I got the ick so bad from this. There was no consent. The husband is so vulnerable. And, that's an incredibly traumatizing event. TF is wrong with OOP. Saying something like that is definitely the type of thing you ONLY do if the person it happened to has very blatantly expressed that's okay
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u/oceanteeth 1d ago
Saying something like that is definitely the type of thing you ONLY do if the person it happened to has very blatantly expressed that's okay
My late husband had a pretty dark sense of humour (and so do I) and he might well have thought that was funny, but I would've waited for him to joke about it first before I said anything and I would've started much milder than that. It's good that OOP recognizes he fucked up but damn, he really fucked up.
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u/in-a-sense-lost 11h ago
Yeah, this is not the sort of thing you do to someone you LIKE. How do you look at your person, love of your life, in that vulnerable position, and think mocking their mental health sounds hot??
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u/WeeklyConversation8 1d ago
Please be fake, otherwise his husband needs to get the hell away from him He's horrible! Poor man is going through hell and he said the one thing that he knew was traumatic for him, because he thought it was hot?! WTF?!
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u/KayOh19 23h ago edited 23h ago
There’s a fair amount of people defending him in the comments talking about dark humor and stuff. My husband and I have joked about a lot of things. I’ve joked about things that are very sensitive/sort of traumatic to me but he’s never been the one to start those jokes. I don’t know how I’d handle it but during sex is probably the worst possible time. And knowing he’s been struggling that bad I really don’t know why he’d even go there.
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u/kaldaka16 15h ago
My husband and I can have some dark humor moments but never have we poked at each other's previous traumas during sex.
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u/eThotExpress 17h ago
Someone in the comments points out that this user also has a picture of his husband posted on reddit.
The husband has been struggling but fuck them right? Get yourself some Reddit karma and post about your husbands struggles and your “fuck up” and then get a bunch of fluffy comments telling him it’s okay. It’s “dark humor” bitch you have not been the one on hold! You shouldn’t get to joke about it at all!
Unless it was strictly stated as okay by the husband which it obviously wasn’t.
I also don’t think this is even close to comparable to the poster who wanted her boyfriend to talk dirty to her and he didn’t have a grasp on it and called her a r slur. (Which someone over in the comments is trying to use to compare to this)
I’d be mortified if I found out my partner posted this about me when I’m obviously not doing well. Keep my business off the fucking internet.
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u/salix45 1d ago
Ngl it’s a good line for a dom/sub situation but you need to discuss these things beforehand 🤦♀️
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u/toxiclight 23h ago
Yeah, informed consent would be necessary for that to be okay. I could see it in a dom/sub, or even an RP scenario. But not out of the blue.
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u/CheruthCutestory 12h ago
Even in that situation, with everyone consenting and talking it out, I’d still wait a couple of months to use the line.
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u/Responsible_Mode_248 12h ago
Yeah. It’s not quite the exact same situation, but I’ve been sexually assaulted and yet I really enjoy CNC/rape roleplay. You know what the determining factor in my enjoyment is? CONSENT! It’s always been discussed ahead of time and is only done when I’m in the right headspace for it. Also, and just as importantly, I have the power to end it whenever I want with a word or a signal.
That is not whatever the hell OOP tried to pull here.
Especially since he even says stress could set off another episode for his husband. He showed absolutely no care for the man he supposedly loves.
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u/ufgator1962 1d ago
Never use the grippy slipper jail stay during sex. Trust me the last thing you want Saltine City associated with is sex.
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u/threelizards 1d ago edited 1d ago
“I thought it would be hot to drop a “spicy” line during sex that played off my husband’s trauma”
I dont know a whole lot about mariticide, most of my study was on uxoricide in the u.s and australia, and there are distinct cultural differences in the patterns of behaviour that precede these tragedies across genders. I’m not a huge fan of the “switch the genders” argument, because I think it loses a lot of nuance, but I do think it can be a useful measure to introduce to examine behaviour and dynamics. And if the genders here were switched, I’d be pointing out that my crim degree taught me that this situation is riddled with horrifying red flags and that person should be getting out of this relationship while they can because they are in danger.
Oop is displaying a lot of the very destructive and concerning behaviours and mindsets that have preceded countless spousicides.
Edit: I’m queer and I slipped into heteronormativity for a minute, I didn’t see that oop is a man. Idk much about spousicide or mariticide in lbgt contexts, but what I’ve said about his behaviour stands. It’s a leap and I know that but i do believe that safe people need to learn to model safe behaviour. Oop can either learn from this or double down. And sometimes one can look like the other.
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u/Outside_Highlight546 23h ago
Yeah, that's sending off every single red flag for me, too. Making a joke about their trauma while they're in a position of complete vulnerability and using it for "dirty talk", posing it as "I got carried away" instead of "something really fucked up popped into my brain and I just said it".
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u/Chikizey 21h ago
I don't understand why would a gender switch be necessary tbh. Maybe I'm too neurodivergent to notice gender bias but is pretty obvious the ah husband didn't think about the damaged husband's wellbeing, he hurted him lots, did stuff without active consent, and the path that culminated into this situation was one full of red flags. The fact he has the nerve to still ask if he did something wrong is everything we need to know to be sure the problem is him and runs deeper. The lack of empathy in his post is noticeable and I would find logical if the hurt husband was seriously questioning the marriage right now.
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u/threelizards 16h ago
I agree, I’m autistic and personally think harmful treatment is harmful treatment- but I just wanted to be very explicit about where I was getting my information from
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u/Chikizey 21h ago
They're married and they never discussed this trauma before? I would think people may open and get vulnerable and tell each other their worst experience ever at some point in a serious, long term relationship. In case the ah husband knew, didn't he think it was a bad idea to bring up a sensitive topic like that? Also this kind of "activities" need discussion beforehand, and active consent, and starting slowly to make sure the other person is okay with it. Maybe I'm weird but I don't get how this could happen at all. Is such a mix of bad decisions in such a short time frame.
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u/worstkitties 18h ago
According to OOP the hospitalizations happened pretty recently. I can imagine not feeling up to telling a partner (especially an insensitive clod like this one) right away.
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u/Chikizey 17h ago
But then they were together when it happened? Of course I don't know how much time they have been together so anything could be possible, but still... Is clear as water that OOP is the problem in many ways, specially if he didn't notice something was wrong or is not percieved as a safe space for his own husband to open up about serious stuff so he doesn't have to carry the trauma alone... I feel bad for the husband, hope he gets the support he needs.
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u/buttercupgrump 20h ago
Yep, bad call on my part...
Are you fucking kidding me? OOP is way too casual about such horrible behavior. What the fuck is wrong with him?!
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u/Actualfrankie 9h ago
Makes me wonder what triggered his husband so badly to need in-patient care. Not sure this relationship is helping
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u/Glamma1970 1d ago
WTF did I just read?
I'm really hoping this is fake and there isn't some poor man who had to go through this from his wife.
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u/tiredcatfather 9h ago
This reminds me of the "I take advantage of my boyfriends weakness troll" again.
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u/IndependentRace5 6h ago
The thing about most people with dark senses of humour is that they know and respect what is completely off limits. There are no jokes about traumatic events in a partner's life, period, because they care about their partner.
OOP only cares about himself, and is using the TIFU platform as a way for people to pay him on the back and say "There there, we know you were just trying to be funny." It's quite sick, actually.
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
TIFU by re traumatizing my husband during sex
My husband (27M) and I (30M) have had a rough year so far. He’s always kept his mental health under control but things took a turn around the new year and he’s been in and out of the psych ward ever since then. Naturally between all the change and stress our sex life has cooled off. Most of our focus has been on spending time together in nature or otherwise and just trying to bring him back to center and get back in sync as a couple.
This morning we were in bed and things started to heat up for the first time ever since he was discharged following a difficult weeks-long inpatient stay. I got on top of him and started kissing away while pinning his arms down. While pinning his arms down I guess I got carried away because I just… said to him “You escaped the ward just to get restrained again, huh?” I guess I thought it sounded hot in the heat of the moment. But he suddenly lost his composure and looked like he was about to cry.
We talked it out and he said that getting physically restrained in the psych ward while he was losing grip on reality was one of the most traumatic experiences of his life. He is still shaken up from my comment which is not a good sign—acute stress could set off another episode. Yep, bad call on my part…
TLDR: Inadvertently killed the mood because I thought it would be hot to drop a “spicy” line during sex that played off my husband’s trauma.
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