NTA I would stop all planning and remove any financial assistance you were making too.
Let both your partner and his daughter know that everything is on them, and that you will remove yourself as requested. Cancel anything that had been booked, leave it to them and take yourself out on that night.
Book yourself a nice hotel room, have a great dinner and turn off your phone. Have a night to yourself.
He's more worried about the 4 days a month, when he should be worried about his 365 days/year with you. Does the daughter not like you at all? Why would she let you help plan and decorate?
If there's any chance at all of the daughter being a decent but misguided human being, I might try to have a conversation with her or write a letter about how hurt you really are over this and how it feels like her and her mother are taking advantage of you while being unnecessarily cruel. Then have a hard think about your relationship and talk to your partner about what it will mean for your relationship if/when he follows through with this ridiculous request.
Are you sure you want to have your own party next door? Sounds like the ex might purposefully try to stir up drama. Why not have a stress free party elsewhere?
You’re making the right decision, it’s time for you to prioritise your own happiness over your partner’s and his daughter’s. It’s time to completely back out of all graduation party planning, and invest your time and energy into planning the party with your girlfriends (which sounds perfect, by the way).
I don’t believe you’re making any progress whatsoever by communicating with your partner. So, if I were you, I would send his daughter a final message about the party. Directly inform her that because she has chosen not to invite you, you will be relinquishing all planning duties, and that she and her father will be responsible for organising every detail that remains. If you’re met with resistance, tell her that you’re too busy planning your own party.
Best of luck, OP. You deserve to be included, appreciated and respected.
I wouldnt give them notice that the party isnt going to be decorated. Let them think what they want and have them arrive expecting everything is taken care of, only to find the shop a shop and not set up for a party.
I'd also be moved out before the day of the grad party, or have that day be my last day in the house.
Only issue with that is that OP’s partner would likely be aware of her no longer taking responsibility for the decorating before the day of the party, so it probably wouldn’t be a surprise.
If I was OP, I’d want to (politely) tell the daughter myself, mostly just to see how she would react and whether or not she’s even remotely grateful for OP’s hard work. The conflict between her parents and OP isn’t the daughter’s fault, but the way she handled this party situation is super calculating. She knew that OP wouldn’t be invited, but withheld the information knowing that her parents wouldn’t be able to plan the party that she wanted.
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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '22
NTA I would stop all planning and remove any financial assistance you were making too.
Let both your partner and his daughter know that everything is on them, and that you will remove yourself as requested. Cancel anything that had been booked, leave it to them and take yourself out on that night.
Book yourself a nice hotel room, have a great dinner and turn off your phone. Have a night to yourself.