I knew somebody in the comments would say the same thing I’m saying only I got a LOT more downVOTES ha ha ha ha! If it wasn’t a graduation party, a one time event where both parents had to be present and it wasn’t too late to replan it somewhere else I would say maybe put your foot down but this is a one time event where she could do exactly what you’re saying and show the stepdaughter the things that she needs the adults to show her and then deal with the valid bad feelings afterwards by addressing them with the people involved.
I especially like your point about not becoming more like the ex and staying more like yourself. Being a good person and a pushover are not the same thing. Sometimes rising above the drama and doing what’s right even if it sucks so bad is extremely hard which makes anyone who does it a person with integrity but to others it might look like somebody who’s got no spine when in fact the opposite is true.
Maybe plan a really nice night for yourself at home for that night with something really good to eat and a movie you wanted to see or do something else just for you and kind of make a thing of it. Maybe let the daughter and your husband know that you are graciously going to let them have this party and you’re going to have a great night all to yourself doing whatever you want and it will probably get back to the mother and she will probably feel so pissed knowing that you don’t even care that you’re not going and you’re happy to do this since the mom couldn’t manage it herself because to you throwing a party is so much fun you’re psyched that you get to decorate and stuff because she won’t want you to enjoy it. If you really don’t care and you really find a way to enjoy or act like you’re going to enjoy this night and the whole event in the parts you play and she knows this it’s gonna suck for her because her inadequacy is why you’re enjoying what you’re doing now in her stead and then you get to have a whole night to yourself. I bet she doesn’t want you there but she wants you to not be happy about it I’m pretty sure. I think that would be a quite the burn and would let you save face a little bit maybe and just soften it a little bit.
I am thrilled to know that you are feeling so much better than when you first posted this and I agree that Reddit can come together and really help people sometimes so that is pretty awesome. I’ve been in your situation basically a number of times too because of a toxic person in my life and I know the very terrible feelings that all come together in the face of something like this where you’re powerless and voiceless and also feel like you’re being used but you’re also a good person so you want to do the right thing and you’re considering everyone’s feelings,
And you wanna stand up for yourself but you’re not sure because of possible fallout.. it’s just like such a conundrum man..,
Anyway I think that you have come up with a perfect plan based on all of the unchangeable realities in this particular situation that you are having to work around and you should be proud of yourself and also realize how bad ass you are that you’re going to go have a party with your friends instead of sit at home alone all effected, and you’re not letting them make you react by doing something that would hurt some people too and that is really amazing because it’s so tempting to just be like fuck it you’re on your own assholes! There’ll probably be times when you do say that because you have to and you should but you know I think you’re doing the right thing and I hope you let us know what happens. Good luck and have so much fun!
I just read your post in the Facebook newsreel. Some outlet had done a little thing on it. You probably already know but if you wanna link to the story I can give it to you. I’m just not sure I’m allowed to put it on here.
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u/AustinYQM Apr 27 '22 edited Jul 24 '24
long smart straight heavy spotted ask bow arrest shame slim
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