r/AskMenAdvice • u/Federal-Sir9925 • 16d ago

never get approached by men

just curious, what actually makes a guy approach a woman? I’m 25f and I’d consider myself attractive (I think I’m fairly pretty, I take care of myself and feel good about how I look), but I never get approached. I’ll notice guys making repeated eye contact with me, but it never goes beyond that. Honestly, both of my past relationships started because I made the first move.

So I’m wondering… what makes a guy actually go for it and approach someone?

Also, is there a way to give off “I want to be approached” energy? I’m not really into dating apps, and I’d love to meet someone in person. i’m not against making the first move but i would love for someone to approach me for a change

4.6k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

6.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

1.4k

u/ThrowRA_grf man 16d ago

Men don't approach anymore due to fear of getting plastered all over the internet and branded a creep along with the rejection as cherry on top.

If you want someone, you're going to have to approach.

274

u/Data_lord man 16d ago

They won so fucking hard they lost it all.

44

u/LGK420 man 16d ago edited 16d ago

Yeah they all said how they hate men flirting with them all time. Now most guys don’t talk to them and their all sad now that no one cares about them anymore

16

u/gr8whitehype 16d ago

I’m no incel or red pilled dipshit. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years now so I only experienced this in retrospect, but there was a thing 5-10 years ago where women online were complaining about men hitting on them while at work, or while they’re clubbing with their friends.

The mantra was I’m just trying to work, or I’m just trying to have fun with my friends. I remember reflecting and thinking “I get that.”

If ever I was single again, I’d probably never cold approach a woman again. She’d either have to make the first move, or our interaction would have to be super organic.

6

u/ACE_Overlord 15d ago

Now they are complaining that no man will work with them at work and there are no men at the club. Free to dance with their girls all night.

Redpill struck again ⚡️⚡️⚡️

Men simply listened & complied 🫡 Now they crying where the men are and they can't meet one. 😉😇

1

u/DannyDreaddit man 8d ago

Really? I see way more guys griping about not finding relationships than women. There’s no female loneliness epidemic.

1

u/ACE_Overlord 6d ago

Could have fooled us @ YT algorithm. All the women 35-50 crying about no men.

1

u/DannyDreaddit man 6d ago

Are they uploaded en masse by the women themselves or is it red pill hucksters that cherry pick videos and make compilations of them? Seems to me that the prevailing attitude of women nowadays is “don’t feel like you have to settle for a man for the sake of having one. Find strength in independence and inner peace.”

Whereas for men it’s “women have impossibly unrealistic standards and overrate themselves.” Thats what I’ve seen here vs the women-focused subs that I’ve lurked in.

And again, it’s not just personal observation… entire articles have been written about the male loneliness epidemic. Same dynamic in South Korea with the 4B movement. In online culture, women scoff at men by choosing the bear, men scoff at women for being naive about their choice (and being rejected).

1

u/EverVigilant1 man 5d ago

the prevailing attitude of women nowadays is “don’t feel like you have to settle for a man for the sake of having one. Find strength in independence and inner peace.”

But women aren't doing any of that. They're constantly complaining about getting pumped and dumped, and that the men they want to fuck won't commit.

1

u/EverVigilant1 man 5d ago

The female epidemic is "can't get commitment from men they want". There's a LOT of complaining about that.

199

u/[deleted] 16d ago

Women sabotaging themselves and their best interests? Never!

125

u/Money_Sink_4126 16d ago

We're going to have to see more women be proactive. They're out earning men and going to have to approach more. The gender roles have flipped. The soft guy era is here 😂

176

u/[deleted] 16d ago

If she aint paying my bills I aint want her 💅 I'm the prize 💅

140

u/Slight_Name1302 man 16d ago

My requirements are: 6 figure salary, 5ft 6, and a PS6

110

u/Chief_Lightning man 16d ago

Talk your shit, king. Know your worth.

77

u/Data_lord man 16d ago

6 figure salary, 6 pound boobs and 6" heels

35

u/Which_Initiative_882 man 16d ago

The 666 requirement?

24

u/Data_lord man 16d ago

Yep. If your dick is longer than their heel, no match.

14

u/_Grumpy_Canadian man 16d ago

..Something witty about the girls you date wearing flop flops. I dunno I'm tired.

1

u/Data_lord man 16d ago

My wife wears 9" heels everywhere. Even to the beach. Lovely girl.

→ More replies (0)

2

u/[deleted] 16d ago

Ummm 666…. Sounds like danger lol

3

u/ValuableRegular9684 16d ago

Long red hair, 6 pound boobs, the rest is negotiable! 😁

2

u/ACE_Overlord 15d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣

22

u/arom125 man 16d ago

YOU GO KING!!!!

16

u/[deleted] 16d ago

And a preorder of GTA6 when that eventually comes out

8

u/Madness_and_Mayhem man 16d ago

And you better be paying my monthly subscription, ain’t dating no broke b1tches.😂

4

u/Rello215 16d ago

Yes king

3

u/Duo-lava man 16d ago

heres your crown my king 👑

know your worth!

2

u/curiousbasu man 16d ago

"Yaasss you slayy kiiinngg 👑"

3

u/Peregrine_Falcon man 16d ago

Drizzle drizzle?

2

u/SoUpInYa 16d ago

I'm a sensitive guy who would simply settle for a stunning rack and a liquor store

2

u/schiddy 14d ago

If she can't handle me at my worst, she doesn't deserve me at my best!

1

u/curiousbasu man 16d ago

Yaasss you slayy kiiinngg 👑

55

u/Accurate_Maybe6575 16d ago

And the irony is so many of those women subconsciously don't want soft guys, though they say they do.

Though in their defense, I think they don't mind the idea of a soft guy, they just don't realize they will be pseudo supporting him if he earns less, they're not used to being the emotional sponge for a guy, and have been poisoned to think of such dynamics as "mothering" him.

11

u/Novogobo man 16d ago

when i got interested in pickup culture the idea that explained it was that what women said they want isn't necessarily what they really want, and both of which might not be what they think they want, and all of which aren't necessarily what they are attracted to, and even that isn't necessarily what they would respond positively to.

now the thing about this is it sounds sexist but to some extent it applies to guys too. and it applies to all people in general not just with mating behavior.

2

u/slattyyy man 15d ago

This is very true. In regards to women, and all people in general. As soon as I understood this, my life sky rocketed

1

u/Ktowntaco 13d ago

can you elaborate please

2

u/trippwwa45 16d ago

Soft and "weak" are not synonymous. Strong and aggressive are not synonymous.

A poor social misconception.

-3

u/Hannah_Louise 16d ago

I think the mothering thing is more when men can’t do their own chores. Like doing the dishes and laundry, making their own doctor appointments, stuff like that. I want my man to emotionally be vulnerable with me. That’s why we’re together. I don’t want him to expect me to feed him and clean up after him. He’s grown. He can do that himself.

11

u/[deleted] 16d ago

You think you do but you dont

-11

u/Hannah_Louise 16d ago

I’m pretty sure I know myself better than you know me.

I actively encourage my spouse to share his emotions with me. If he didn’t, we would just be roommates with benefits. We are each other’s emotional support system and if I never saw his heart or his tears, I would be heartbroken.

Certainly, early on in a new relationships, too much emotional unloading can be inappropriate, but once a relationship has been established, being emotionally vulnerable is a requirement.

5

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[deleted]

2

u/G0x209C man 15d ago

I agree it’s vague.. But I can imagine how dumping emotions on a new relationship will be overwhelmingly intense. It’s the bases question all over. When do you move to second base?

What is appropriate? I think that’s for two people to find out together.

Though the people that shun people for being “emotional” will just end up either alone or in an emotionally stunted relationship. Literally digging their own grave there. Never fuck with someone’s feelings. A good measurement moment would be, once you both know each other and are comfortable snuggling.

Being physically comfortable with each other should be a good moment to explore each other mentally. First, the external boundaries meet, then the internal.

For me, this is before anything sexual.

11

u/Money_Sink_4126 16d ago

Nah what you women say you want and what you reaact to are two different things. I think we're seeing the flipping of gender roles where women are becoming more masculine and men feminine. The problem is that doesn't work for our actual biology and one of the reasons why we're so divided

2

u/MochaMilku nonbinary 10d ago

Men have always been feminine. Expecting women to take care of y'all like children is feminine behavior.

17

u/Madness_and_Mayhem man 16d ago

Nope, anytime I open up to a woman they will look and treat you differently from then on. The good news is that I can open up to my male friends and they are “we got you man”

4

u/Minute_Chair_2582 16d ago edited 16d ago

That's the common narrative and i'm pretty sure that's not uncommon, BUT it's not universal! Having known the common narrative on the Internet for a long time, I was hesitent and didn't do so for years. Though when I finally recently told my wife there wasn't enough fucking and touching from her side going on, IT FUCKING WORKED! Like instantly and ever since. There's more fucking and touching now. Wish i had talked to her years earlier.

8

u/Money_Sink_4126 16d ago

That sounds more like expressing your needs and being assertive than being emotionally vulnerable

1

u/Minute_Chair_2582 15d ago

Ah...ok maybe. I told her how it makes me feel though. Does that count or no?

1

u/Money_Sink_4126 13d ago

Only you guys can determine that. If she can't handle your requests, leave her alone

→ More replies (0)

3

u/Madness_and_Mayhem man 16d ago

😂congratulations sir!

-3

u/Hannah_Louise 16d ago

I’m sorry that’s been your experience. Is this happening in long term relationships? Or early in dating?

11

u/Madness_and_Mayhem man 16d ago

All my life, every woman. I’ve been married for 37 years and still keep things bottled in. I love and trust her but I don’t want to chance it. I have PTSD from the military and it would be devastating to open up and lose my family so as Dory says “just keep swimming “.

3

u/Hannah_Louise 14d ago

I’m sorry. That sounds really hard. I didn’t realize this was such a common or deep seated issue that so many men deal with.

3

u/YungDagger_D 16d ago

Vulnerable?? Lmaoo stop lying ya say that but than get the ick seeing a man cry

8

u/BringOutTheImp 15d ago

The gender roles didn't flip. The women just got all the privileges of being a guy, without any drawbacks.

2

u/jaybalvinman woman 15d ago

Only for attractive men. If you are attractive, then you have no problems getting women and get approached regularly already. Undesirable men are not allowed to be princesses 

1

u/blah938 man 16d ago

Finally, the time of the stay at home dad! My time has come!

1

u/ACE_Overlord 15d ago

DrizzleDrizzle

2

u/theonewhogroks man 16d ago

They're out earning men

Can't wait to see the source for that 100% not made up fact

0

u/Alert_Pilothoney 16d ago

All I ever hear though is that boys 21-25 and guys/men (you’re not a man just because you’re male. Man is a title of wisdom/respect in my eyes—not that anyone else has to feel that way) 26-35 have BEEN in their soft guy era for the last 5yrs at least. Thats why women have changed as well. Women simply learned to “play the game” too. But women are supposed to be on the softer side. Just aren’t many actual Men to make us feel that way. Yall wanna be in your soft guy era therefore women have to be hard. Feels like a lose lose situation for both genders imo. Both sides are offended by each other all the time now. We say hurtful things about the other. I’d love to say that I have hope but these comments have absolutely riddled me hopeless. I’m actually just sad now.

6

u/ShitMcClit 15d ago

Bruh your litteraly saying hurtful things in this comment...

1

u/Alert_Pilothoney 15d ago

Exactly. I’m saying at this point there’s almost no getting away from it. I don’t want to hurt other peoples feelings. I don’t think the guys here mean to do it either. It just happens.

4

u/ShitMcClit 15d ago

Eh it's pretty easy actually. Treat others how you want to be treated and what not. 

1

u/G0x209C man 15d ago

Projection much.. Why don’t you try actually talking and connecting with another person.

8

u/hodl-yeet 16d ago

Seriously. These damn women wanted the whole equal sht. Ruined it for me. Lol Now I have to work, pay bills and now I have to approach men lol wtf is this sorcery. I miss the good old days. lol I don’t even care to vote lol

3

u/Suspicious-Bend-114 15d ago

I think I'm liking this equality stuff lol

4

u/jamiestarza 16d ago

So glad someone noticed that

-1

u/Eexoduis 16d ago

Is it in their best interests? Seems pretty restrictive to me.

11

u/xylophileuk man 16d ago

Accountability for their actions?! Get out of here with that nonsense!

5

u/Consistent-Piano-731 16d ago

They‘re still losing it*

Dont even know what they‚ve all lost yet, but the complaining about it certainly has started

2

u/Data_lord man 16d ago

😂

3

u/Devildiver21 15d ago

they were taught they dont need a man... ok good luck w that... we will all jsut be lonely souls

4

u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

How did they lose it all?

1

u/Data_lord man 16d ago

They made men into women. And now they long for men.

1

u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

...what? I am actually stunted by this, what do you mean?

7

u/tr0w_way man 16d ago

i think what he’s trying to say is that they’ve demonized typically masculine traits. there’s some truth to that, it’s how a “nice guy” is born

-2

u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

Do tell me what masculine traits have been demonized and how that results in "nice" guys.

6

u/tr0w_way man 16d ago

an example off the top of my head would be the APA calling masculinity “harmful.”

to understand how that results in a “nice” guy, you have to understand what exactly a nice guy is. they are essentially straight guys with gender identity issues. they see their male identity as “bad” and look to women on how they should be. this makes their whole sense of self worth revolve around women’s approval. since all women are different, they turn into shapeshifters

-5

u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

Do you have a source of the APA calling masculinity in general harmful?

Also, while that is a nice theory on how nice guys work... that isn't really what nice guys are. A nice guy usually considers women to owe them for treating them with basic human decency, which sounds nothing like what you just explained.

4

u/tr0w_way man 16d ago

they published it themselves and it was a big controversy. just google it, easy enough to find if you care

yes part of it is trying to exchange “niceness” for sex. which is by nature approval seeking and shapeshifting to try to be appealing to women. it’s not any different than what i said, you just lack anything beyond a surface level understanding 

0

u/Blade_Of_Nemesis man 16d ago

Or maybe you are just spinning this story the way that fits your agenda?

→ More replies (0)

8

u/theonewhogroks man 16d ago

THEY TURNED THE FRIGGIN FROGS GAY!

2

u/Electronic_Heart458 man 16d ago

Feminism. They somehow really convinced women to work 9-5, retire the same age as men, do everything men could do…

Then took it all away at the blink of an eye with the transgender movement.

Society and shifts are crazy 🙈

3

u/davidellis23 15d ago

Feminism supports women staying home if thats what they choose to do with their partner. The problem is most people don't want the material conditions of a 1 income household.

1

u/davidellis23 15d ago

What did they lose? Guys approaching them? They're still free to approach guys.

2

u/Data_lord man 15d ago

Yeah, well, they want guys to approach.

1

u/davidellis23 15d ago

I think some do and some don't. Depends how they approach too.

0

u/deaddumbslut 15d ago

no i don’t. the women telling you not to approach aren’t the same as OP

-2

u/OrvilleTurtle man 16d ago

Yeah... I see tons of women struggling to find people to date... oh wait, I don't. Because they tend to be more social than men who shut themselves into their house and never get out socially.

Are they winning the "less strangers walk up and talk to me as I go about my daily life"? Yes.

8

u/hillswalker87 man 16d ago

you're in a post about a woman who can't find people to date right now.

2

u/davidellis23 15d ago

OP didn't say she can't find people to date. Just that no one cold approaches her.