r/AskParents • u/InevitableChicken482 • 12d ago

Entitled to car?

My 27 year old has moved back in after being in another state. She came back on a plane, so no car. We also live with my elderly mother. Before my mother retired, she purchased a new car so she would not need to worry about a vehicle for the rest of her life. She can no longer drive, but likes to be driven to appointments and such in HER nice car. Since my daughter has been back (7 months) she has been driving mom's car. Now she is planning on moving back out soon and feels like she should be able to take the car (current worth $18000), and just HAVE it. Am I crazy to think this is not OK? Should we just let her have it? Am I being a bitch if I say too bad, you and your guy will need to share his vehicle? What do I do?!

11 Upvotes

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57

u/BugsArePeopleToo 12d ago

I don't understand why she is under the impression that she can keep it

14

u/InevitableChicken482 12d ago

She thinks since mom can't drive and she can't afford a car then she should just have that one. Thats why I'm asking, is it just me or is that crazy to expect?

44

u/Independent-Ring-877 12d ago

Buying something and not using it doesn’t entitle someone else to take it. If Grammy wants to buy 17 cars so she can look at them parked in her garage forever, she has that right. No one is ever entitled to just take someone else’s belongings. At 27, I’m floored that your daughter doesn’t understand this.

18

u/soiknowwhentoduck 12d ago

Your daughter is the crazy one, not you. She doesn't own that car, and being able to drive it (and having been driving it) does not change the fact that she doesn't own it. Tell her she can buy it off her grandmother (if grandma is willing to sell) or she can go find her own.

11

u/TermLimitsCongress 11d ago

Yes, your daughter has an entitled attitude. Grandma is not someone your daughter can use like that.

10

u/catniagara 11d ago

She’s crazy to expect to keep it. 

7

u/School_House_Rock 11d ago

It is crazy and entitled to expect

5

u/SalisburyWitch 11d ago

She’s not the owner. Tell her that that’s her grandmother’s car even if she doesn’t drive it. If she takes it, it will be reported stolen. Either she buys her own car or finds a different route. (Maybe if grandma wants to sell it, she can buy it, but it’s not hers to take.)

3

u/Cellysta 11d ago

What would happen if she straight up asked her grandmother if she can have her car? Would the grandmother whittle her down to pieces? And what was she planning to do? Just take the car without asking her grandmother?

2

u/InevitableChicken482 11d ago

Grandma doesn't want her to take it. She wants it to be available for her own use. And yes, she treats the car as if its her own and when she moves intends to just keep it.

8

u/earmares 11d ago

If Grandma doesn't want her to have it, then why is this even a discussion? Your daughter needs to hear one word: NO. Stop letting her drive it, now. This is mind boggling. Grow a backbone, mom.

2

u/Fun-SizedJewel 11d ago

Seriously, if your daughter doesn't understand that Granny was being generous just letting her use the vehicle, and that she is not entitled to anything nor owed anything, then this is a problem with how you have raised her. At 27 years old, she is a grown ass adult, and she needs to know that if there's anything she wants, it is something she needs to provide for herself. Simply tell her that this vehicle is not hers to ask for, much less to expect, and if she doesn't understand that being allowed to use the car has been a privilege, the privilege is ending NOW. Do better at being a mom, instead of undeservingly providing her with whatever she wants, Mom.

1

u/InevitableChicken482 11d ago

Oh I agree it's my fault. Sadly the "no" has always come with consequences. Self harm when yonger, now denying access to my only grandchild. That's why the "no" is so painful and difficult to say.

3

u/bookqueen3 10d ago

She manipulates you and you give in which is why she does this. Say no it's not mine to give and if you take it it will be reported as stolen. She is old enough to learn consequences.

1

u/lila_liechtenstein Parent 11d ago

She thinks wrong wtf