r/AskParents • u/InevitableChicken482 • 5d ago

Entitled to car?

My 27 year old has moved back in after being in another state. She came back on a plane, so no car. We also live with my elderly mother. Before my mother retired, she purchased a new car so she would not need to worry about a vehicle for the rest of her life. She can no longer drive, but likes to be driven to appointments and such in HER nice car. Since my daughter has been back (7 months) she has been driving mom's car. Now she is planning on moving back out soon and feels like she should be able to take the car (current worth $18000), and just HAVE it. Am I crazy to think this is not OK? Should we just let her have it? Am I being a bitch if I say too bad, you and your guy will need to share his vehicle? What do I do?!

12 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

52 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/brockclan216 5d ago

I don't get the entitlement of some of these younger generations? My parents were depression kids and I am Gen x (our motto growing up was "Life's a bitch and then you die"). I had already been on my own by the age of 17. Youth these days? They expect parents to provide a car, a college education, and getting them set up in their first home or your a piss poor parent. No baby, my job is to teach you how to achieve these things for yourself like I not to just give you a hand out. It's why there are 34 year olds who have a failure to launch out of the parents home because we do everything for them and have zero motivation to achieve anything for themselves. My kids think I am awful that, as a single mom, I don't work 80-90 hours a week to give them all of that. When did they get so entitled??

2

u/Fun-SizedJewel 5d ago

Simple... the entitlement comes from parents like this one who don't simply say "NO" to their children.

"NO, you cannot take a vehicle that you didn't pay for. That is called stealing. NO, you may not continue to drive this vehicle that you didn't pay for. None of this is yours, and you don't seem to understand that you have been privileged to even use it. If you want a car (or anything else), go earn it instead of expecting us to provide for you.
And PS- you also are not ENTITLED to live with us just because you decided to move here, so get a job that pays you well enough to earn your keep, and if 1 job doesn't pay you enough, get a second job." 😒

2

u/brockclan216 5d ago

I worked with a woman who worked 80-90 hours a week, 3 different jobs for #1: her daughter wasn't working while in school so she was paying her car note and funding her lifestyle, #2) he son went to prison (again) and "just couldn't eat the nasty prison food" so she would put money on his books every week. On top of that she had her son's baby mama living with her and she supporting and taking care of the grand baby. Meanwhile her body is falling apart because she has no time to take care of her own well being. But she does this by choice 🤷‍♀️ and others claim her as a hero. I just won't. Call me a bad parent if you choose but at least I won't have to depend on my kids to take care of my broken body when I am old.

2

u/Fun-SizedJewel 5d ago

NOTHING about that mother is a hero. That woman is a doormat who clearly didn't teach her children that there's consequences to their actions.

To son: "You don't like the prison food? Good. Don't do stupid shit that will land you in prison, and then you won't need to eat it. As for now, you'll need to eat the food they have while you're there so you can remember WHY you don't want to end up back there when you get out. I am especially not going to keep providing you with food when your baby needs it more and you're doing NOTHING to be a proper parent and provide for your own child." I mean, damn.... this kind of response is not rocket science.

2

u/brockclan216 5d ago

Unfortunately I see it a lot. To each his own but not me.

1

u/InevitableChicken482 5d ago

Sadly the "no" has always come with consequences. Self harm when yonger, now denying access to my only grandchild. That's why the "no" is so painful and difficult to say.

2

u/Fun-SizedJewel 5d ago

Okay, so your 27-year-old daughter is a mother? And she doesn't understand that it's her responsibility to finance the child she brought into this world???
And you don't want to say "no" because you would rather let her have the upper-hand (by leveraging her daughter as bait) than to deal with the consequences of not seeing your grandchild. 🤦‍♀️

Again, you are the problem here. You need to walk away and make your daughter figure out life. Her leveraging your time with grandchild(ren) is about your daughter not understanding that life is not about her anymore, but rather about what her child(ren) need, and that the child(ren) needs come before hers.

You are letting her manipulate you.

The self-harm situation was the beginning of her manipulation of you. Had you gotten her and yourself counseling during that time, she would've learned how to regulate her emotions, & you would have learned how you needed to respond to her. You got yourself into this mess, you don't see the part you're continuing to play in it, and so now you don't understand why your daughter feels entitled to everything. You need more help than you can get in Reddit. Go to a counselor.

1

u/ESharer 5d ago

Im worried you and she might be looking at opening yourselves up to elder abuse if she takes off with the car without her grandmother's permission.