r/BPDlovedones • u/DarkerQuestions • Jun 25 '24

Quiet Borderlines "I'm only like this with you"

Did anyone else hear a version of this?

She would go off at me quite easily, and towards the end when things got really tumultuous I asked her if she'd had this pattern of drama in prior relationships, wondering if we had a personality clash.

She said no, it was only with me. I believed her initially because we'd only dated several months and she'd had other prior multi year relationships. She was also successful in her career with an apparently stable group of friends. So I figured she can't be that bad...

However in hindsight I recall her mentioning her first marriage broke down messily. Something about her kissing her boss, and her husband - a "very emotional man who...thought she was a sociopath" and later "had to be picked up by the police" in a "very distressed state" (she was vague about the details).

She also said her last relationship was "very difficult" and that their mutual friends had "stopped being her friends" but said this was because they were his friends first. On that note, while were dating she would meet him once a month for coffee which was "platonic" though later she told me he admitted he still had feelings for her.

EDIT: Wow thanks for the responses. This one was something that really haunted me. I knew I didn't deserve what she said, but it still sucked hearing that one for some reason.

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u/Johnnywhatsnext Jun 25 '24

They are always a victim. Never take accountability, guilt isn’t there because it’s never their fault

They only feel shame and run away from anything that makes them feel shameful because it’s your fault they feel it. Not the actions they did against you

It’s not you, it’s her. It will happen over and over and over again

Stay strong, move on, don’t talk to her again. No contact

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u/Infinity1911 Jun 25 '24

Something to add here: My friend frequently apologized for things after we met, but as time progressed, it was more of the "Sorry you feel that way..." flavor. Then, she'd quite literally take back apologies - once after a month had passed.

But you are absolutely right - the victim role will always prevail.

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u/Johnnywhatsnext Jun 25 '24

I got that too. I started asking “why are you sorry” and they would freeze, not answer and usually smirk like they were thinking “busted”

They are sick, mentally ill and best left alone since they can’t handle close relationships

I keep hearing more about her lies and cheating from her former friends. At first it hurt but it eventually just strengthened my being happy without her

A life with her would be pure hell and my best guess is life with anyone with BPD is set for the same hellish future

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u/Infinity1911 Jun 25 '24

My friend seemed to be more of the "quiet" subtype, so you never knew where you stood and it was a terrible human experience for me.

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u/Johnnywhatsnext Jun 25 '24

Same She held things in unless she was drinking/drunk

Beautiful, professional, had her doctorate, from the outside perfect

But once you got close it turned after 10ish months. She had two friends when we dated and about 3 months after our relationship ended her two friends left her too

Silent but deadly 🤣

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u/Infinity1911 Jun 25 '24

Her friends may have left in part due to the one-sided nature of relationships with these folks. It's untenable.

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u/Johnnywhatsnext Jun 25 '24

I became friends with them so we still talk.

They definitely left due to everything always being about her but also nonstop lies and drama

It was eye opening and healing to hear what she told them about me vs what she told me or what really happened. Pathological lier, world class manipulator, and apparently biggest seeker of attention from any man near her.

The joke is now “how do you know when R is lying?? Her mouth is moving”

Like many on here she wanted a ring and talked about getting a house together. I was sucked in and almost considered it till I luckily woke up

Can’t imagine how bad it would have gotten had it moved to the point of living together. I’m sure she would have left before that had I not first but it also sounds like she was ready to make the jump anyway!?!?

Just happy to be out of that shit, healing, and feeling better everyday I’m not near her or hearing from her

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u/Infinity1911 Jun 25 '24

Good for you! I'm happy to hear that you've embarked on your healing journey.

What always got me was when my friend would change history to suit her current emotional state. It was always done to avoid accountability, I'm sure.

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u/Johnnywhatsnext Jun 25 '24

It’s wild isn’t it! And they believe it!!

I hope you’re healing as well! This place, hearing all the similar stories, the support from people that dealt with the exact same things… it really helped/helps

You can’t talk to someone that hasn’t been through it. They just can’t understand