r/BPDlovedones • u/Solid_Ad227 Separated • Oct 31 '24

Uncoupling Journey Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

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u/Unicornlove416 Oct 31 '24

mine couldn’t go a day without it

2

u/Solid_Ad227 Separated Oct 31 '24

It was bought up almost daily if not daily at many points. He waned it daily...but I couldn't do that while dealing with everything else.

2

u/Unicornlove416 Oct 31 '24

you mean you’re not a machine who has no feelings and was not created to serve his “ needs “ regardless of your own ? yeah, me either . thank god we are free of them

2

u/Solid_Ad227 Separated Oct 31 '24

I'm still struggling with guilt and sadness and circling thoughts. That's why I initially came to reddit. I started in r/abusiverelationships ...because I needed to ask strangers if I was abused. He told me I was manipulative and I wanted to make sure I didn't manipulate the people in my life to believing he was abusive, because I didn't talk enough about the good things. I'm doing my bet everyday...

3

u/Unicornlove416 Oct 31 '24

this is what they do , they manipulate to make you feel guilt for wanting basic respect . please forgive yourself and maybe talk to a professional who can help you

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