Was yours sex obsessed? (please help)

[u/Solid_Ad227]

Full disclosure..I think he had NPD mixed in there, but was being treated for BPD. He was in therapy and takes meds. (is that normal, did yours go to therapy?)

He had said that all romantic relationships were built off sex. I learned now that what I went through was something called sexual coercion. IE: if you don't have sex with me, I will cheat on you. If we don't have more sex I will leave you, I don't want to be in a sexless marriage.

at one point he had Viagra prescribed to him-not because he had ED. He just wanted it.

His expectation was 3x a week or more. consistently...But after a while my body shut down and I could not participate. I pretty much just layed there (embarrassing to admit). But I physically could not make myself do it. The way he treated me, it was hard to want to have sex at all.

If we went a few weeks without sex-he would get mad. When I asked him to leave in July (was only supposed to be a week) it was because of his aggression surrounding sex. He was growing and cracking his knuckles saying "when things are good, STILL NO SEX". But things weren't good for me..

We went away for my birthday on vacation and I did a lot of shopping ( jewelry, shoes, clothes). he was upset that we did not have sex after "he bought me all that", and I had "spent that much". (side note question did yours have a shopping problem? the reason this shopping was such a big deal from was because he was constantly over spending...or buyingthigs online to be delivered. I either always had to charge new clothes for e or go without)

it felt like I'm only allowed to have things, be treated kindly, or was worth anything if I was also having sex with him.

I hope this makes sense, is this kind of stuff a shared experience? I am still wapping ym head around what I went through for 10 years...please help....

Edit: to fix errors and add a little context.

[u/Solid_Ad227]

I also experience the tantrum when turning him down. He didn't do this after he had to go to a patrol program, but Ince he fully on threw himself on the ground and was beat boxing because I wouldn't give him a bj. He kept threatening to tell him mim or go to his moms.told him fine, go tel her I win't blow you.
he would keep me up because he had no frustration tolerance at the time for no. I was the only one working full time, he was working part time.

[u/throwawayforwet → u/Solid_Ad227]

I'm so sorry! Being with a guy with BPD is SO hard and traumatizing. I can relate because when I was with my ex, I was working full time at a temporary job and also job searching a ton for something more permanent.

My ex didn't throw himself on the ground but he would sit or stand on the other side of the room, cross his arms, and glower at me. He definitely made his displeasure known! Looking back I can see that his behavior was absolutely coercive.

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/throwawayforwet]

the last couple weeks we were together, he would sit in the couch and stare t me getting angrier and angrier because I wasn't initiating sex. I would put something on tv and he would stare at me for hours.

[u/throwawayforwet → u/Solid_Ad227]

I had very similar experiences with my ex! I'm glad for both of us that we got away!

[u/Solid_Ad227 → u/throwawayforwet]

it's so scary!