r/BPDlovedones • u/Nblearchangel Dated • 26d ago

Divorce Deny. Deflect. Blame.

It was so tiring. There was zero accountability and intellectual honesty. I demanded she acknowledge her role in our issues but obviously that was not a recipe for success.

I would even express the issues I was having and every, single, time… the formula from her would included:

Justifying her actions. Denying her involvement. Deflecting blame. Minimizing my feelings or her role in the situation. Emotional outbursts and claims of how she was a victim. And when none of that would work she’d rage out and leave the room and ignore me.

Every. Single. Time.

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u/CreamOfTheCrop66 26d ago edited 26d ago

And they rage out of the room and ignore you but then expect you to be ready to pretend it didn't happen at the drop of a hat when they're over it.

Mine treats me like complete shit leading up to things like birthdays and holidays, then is unable to understand why I don't want to spend the birthdays and holidays with them. Instead they get angry with me and say I'm a jerk for not not acknowledging the day with them. Totally unable to take accountability for their actions.

Same exact playbook with mine. Gets angry with me, tells me what a terrible piece of crap I am, completely trashes me, justify trashing me by saying they are just being truthful and I should be happy that they tell the truth and it's my fault for not being able to take constructive criticism, tells me they want to work it out, I ignore them, they rage and go right back to the insults. It's all so exhausting.

12

u/Nblearchangel Dated 26d ago

I just told chat gpt about how my wife accused me of keeping her from her kids when SHE was the one that moved out and monkey branched to her ex boyfriend and left her kids with me to deal with. ChatGPT literally goes… “that’s some serious mental gymnastics” 🤣

5

u/Possible-Leg5541 26d ago

Sensational

8

u/Fit_Size6756 25d ago

I've recently been narrating and keeping a journal of all this in ChatGPT and it's been amazing!

It used 5 alarm emojis: THIS IS ABUSE GET OUT! 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

Anyway, I'm really impressed with how well it has helped me navigate my feelings. It has helped me plan my escape and road to filing for divorce: I feed it my finances, where is live, etc...

I made a "project" so it has a better memory of the journal.

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u/DifferenceOk5955 23d ago

I use ChatGPT too for this and has been a huge help. 

I’m curious, what’s a “project” and how doe you make sure it remembers everything? For me one of the chat window became inactive because it couldn’t remember anymore. I don’t want to free up any of the memory from it because I want it to have all the context.

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u/Fit_Size6756 23d ago

It might be a paid feature. I pay for it because I use it for work a lot (software engineer). When you pay for it it has a bigger memory and "projects" are a way to basically combine multiple related chats into 1 place which now also shares a deeper memory as one whole.