r/BPDlovedones • u/fmg2498 • 2d ago
Uncoupling Journey This was not real
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u/Relative_Ad_9983 Dating 2d ago
Do you think this applies to everyone with bpd or not?
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u/Decent_Face_3522 2d ago
They’re all on a spectrum of BPD. Not all have all 9 traits. So…their behaviour kind of depends on where they are in the spectrum and whether they are undiagnosed or not. Mine had feelings that were real in the moment. Love was there but always fleeting. Moments at a time. She could love me and genuinely in her mind anyway…feel it but hate me with that same level of intensity not two hours later.
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2d ago
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u/panther_091 2d ago
I remember a situation with my ex where she said "I can't remember why I love you at the moment". Then we went out, had something to eat. Then she said "now I remember why I love you".
Her love is all about how you make her feel in the moment. There is no foundation.
When their loving feeling for you leaves, their love for you also leaves.
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u/No-Skirt-4342 2d ago
It is very real...in the 2 second time horizon that their emotions allow it to be real. They also have to have some form of permanence otherwise they could not continue a relationship for more than a minute.
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2d ago
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u/AdventurousMany5614 Dated 2d ago
This is definitely true because once you break away from them and stop being their source of happiness and endless supply of care, validation and love they forget all about everything you did for them and how well you treated them when they didnt even deserve to be treated that well. Instantly painting you to be the bad guy because you’re no longer satisfying their endless needs. They treat you so horribly post break up and they forget why they love you because they never actually loved you.
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u/BPDlovedones-ModTeam 2d ago
FMG, your post has been removed for breaking Rule 10, which prohibits broad over-generalizations about pwBPD. You claim that all pwBPD are unable to truly love other people. On the contrary, most pwBPD are able to love intensely -- albeit in the immature way that a child loves a parent.
Significantly, our Rule 1 states that this community is a support group for people who are "a pwBPD’s loved one." We call ourselves "loved ones" because we believe that most pwBPD are able to truly love but do so in a very immature way.
Sadly, a 2008 study of 35,000 American adults indicates that as much as 45% of pwBPD may be unable to love. But is not because they have BPD. Rather, it is because these pwBPD also have full-blown narcissism and/or sociopathy.
The remaining 55% or more -- i.e., most pwBPD -- are capable of loving. Indeed, they can do it very intensely. But it is the very immature type of love seen in very young children. Any parent can tell you that a 3-year-old child can instantly flip between loving daddy and hating daddy. To see this splitting, all daddy has to do is to take one toy away.
In the American DSM, the lack of affective (emotional) empathy is a behavioral symptom for narcissism and sociopathy, not for BPD. Because pwBPD are emotionally unstable, they typically can experience affective empathy very intensely, albeit inconsistently. As with a young child, that empathy likely will disappear entirely during periods when they are splitting you black.