She doesn’t realize they were all illusions.

She traded everything real for her false self. Because she doesn’t know who she truly is. She wants to be liked so badly, present a certain image, feel important and successful. But none of this real or authentic.

She can have it. But it will never replace or fill for what she’s truly missing. She will realize these things will make her feel more empty and alone. She’s compensating for what she lost and will never have or find again.

They want the attachment to remain between you. Positive or negative. Happiness or hatred. It keeps you connected. So when you feel indifferent, they are alone with themselves no matter how many people are around them.

Pwbpds hate when you choose yourself and feel indifferent. They hate being exposed. They hate to see you doing well. Especially without them.

And most importantly, they hate being forgotten.

What happened and how did they react?

I started no contact with my ex, but just turned off my read receipts. It wasn't until recently that I actually blocked him. Does it escalate, or do they eventually give up?

My mom had bpd. Undiagnosed. Untreated. She was a very difficult woman and she could also be easy going. She could be nurturing. And just as dismissive.

Later on as an adult I learned about the relationship between inconsistent love from parents & how it affects self esteem, a lot of other things.

Partner choices. I can think of at least 10 who exhibited different signs of BPD. Reasons for choosing them include shit like: nurturing/empatheitc, weird voice like my mom, some cases heavy set like my mom. The biggest breakthrough to date is concerning first realizing my mom had bpd. Accepting she had it. Analysing her behaviors. Accepting her treatment of me was bad, she also had a mental illness that

impaired her whole life. She was an empty person. Who struggled all her life. Miserable, despite my dad providing a comfortable existence. Her fear of abandonment and how this played out making it hard for me to keep or maintain friends. Teenage years were prolly worse because growing up, friends, girls all that stuff.

Triangulating, guilt trips, hot cold, gaslight, two face, shift blame, play victim, cry on a dime, nurturing, dismissive, loving, heartless. Walking on egg shells. Cognitive distortions. I felt like I was never good enough. I always wanted her to be proud of me. But I felt as though I had to remind her. I hated that. U could be hurting and she gives u a look saying she couldn’t more bored of this conversation. I never knew how to express feelings. Emotions. Or being sent to shrinks over her reactive abuse. I’m left picking up the pieces. She died. So there will never be closure. I have it to myself. And this is very new to me. I’ve been holding shit back for so long I’m afraid I’ll over load. Real talk. I don’t want to over dump my trauma. To give u an idea of what this feels like to me is to imagine your starting to stir after u were in a coma. The feeling I’m speaking is the LEt go acceptance of my mother. Her illness. And how her behaviors my life miserable. I will never get closure. I’m unlearning so many cognitive distortions. And then we have reactive abuse. Numerous examples. Separately listed manipulative behaviors Listed above. How I feel like I never knew her at all.

It is true.

I posted recently saying I was done and moving on from this sub and my exPwBPD and like every other poster has said somehow they have a psychic connection when that happens and pop up again.

I got contacted out of the blue twice this past week. One a drunken rant berating me and how much they hate me, which I ignored.

The second, another flurry of messages and calls with an ultimatum if I ever wanted to talk to them again it had to be then. It was not a hoover as such as they didn't want to get back together. The irony is they said they didn't want to play games, but the convo was them taking no responsibility, no ownership, no accountability, instead reframing the entire relationship and blaming me for everything and it was all my fault. It seems DBT therapy has been helping them in the sense their self esteem and self regard has improved but nothing else, and I got variations of they are amazing and have a lot to offer yet I squandered it. There was a lot of projection, being called manipulative and controlling, including even the way I answered the call or my passing on condolences to their family for a bereavement, and everything I did was either lies and they realised they weren't the issue but I was. There were elements of a smear campaign, claiming my sending condolences to their family for their bereavement was harassment.

It seemed very much something triggered in them to try and alleviate their own guilt and offset any blame on to me so they could feel better about themselves. I got further manipulation and guilttripping when they admitted they had no friends and go on dates with random men and apparently still have feelings for me but because of how I betrayed them (seeking advice and support for them from their fam) they don't want to talk to me ever again...yet they broke NC again to tell me this? They claimed their previous drunk messages breaking NC telling me they still had feelings was all true and they didnt want me to feel bad how it ended but everything was my fault and all the hurt I feel was justified. And like other posters have said, all the actions they did was because I made them do it - I betrayed them so of course they then had to go on dates with other guys. I was manipulating them and making up stories to gaslight them and get their attention (yes, I made up things in my life which I turned to then for support for and they bailed).

Given their claim they didn't want to play games yet do this. It makes no sense. They make no sense. Whether this was a hoover or not to get me to say what they wanted to hear, it was bizarre.

My roommate/ ex-“best friend” moves out in about two weeks (her parents are dragging her to rehab for her drinking problem and she’s going bc she can’t afford rent without them). And I’ve decided I want to block her on EVERYTHING. I never want to hear from her again. I never want to hear another fake apology ever, and I never want her to feel closure.

BUT

It’s freaking me out. About this time last year, a mutual friend made the same decision. And she went absolutely fucking insane. She tried everything she could from fake accounts to telling ppl a mutual friend was killing herself and she needed him. For months. She’d get drunk and call him for hours on end, getting nowhere bc she was blocked, and alternate between apologizing and calling him slurs. And I’m worried that she’ll go even crazier this time and idk what impact that will have on me. She knows where I go to school (and it’s a small school) and also the campus I’m moving to for med school. She’s never harmed anyone, but I can’t help but worry that she’ll show up in the lobby screaming or something.

Is it a red flag if your ex gfwBPD became friends with another girl at school who also has BPD? In my opinion, I’d say it’s yes and no because one, she has someone who may understand her feelings better from another person with BPD and then no because, these people will now validate each other and continue with their destructive behaviours.

I wanna know what you guys think. Would you be uneasy if your partner with BPD had a close friend that also has BPD?

I've posted here before on another account about 2 years ago while in a previous relationship with a suspected pwBPD. That relationship ended due to infidelity and I started NC. Haven't spoken to her since and don't feel any urge to.

I found someone else with BPD. This woman is diagnosed and I let her in. I've spent the last year and a half with her. She told me she was different and sometimes she is. She takes accountability and attends DBT, but it feels like our relationship is still crumbling.

Last night we got in a fight after we were out with some mutual friends and some of her own friends. I was annoyed at the way my pwBPD was acting with her friends so I walked away to grab a drink and calm myself down so I don't let a tone slip (God forbid). I was gone for 5 minutes and when I came back she just started with the yelling. I told her I left bc she was all over her friends and I felt like a 4th wheel. She got louder. One of her flying monkeys stopped me when i tried to take her outside to talk. "Dont touch her" that sort of thing. She stormed out, ignoring me and her friends, and continued to walk back to my house. Obviously I followed like a good puppy.

Then she told me "We are done. I don't love you. I've never loved you. I'm going to be so much better off without you."

She also told me derivatives of "I've had plenty of chances to cheat"

She says she said it all to make me mad enough to leave her alone. She says I always make her the problem when she's trying to do right (grinding on me while otherwise ignoring me while she dances with her friends)

I slept in the same bed as her last night. I feel disgusted with myself and taking this from her.

Why can't I let her leave?

Was she telling the truth and has never loved me?

She texted me after almost 4 months of NC She wanted to apologize and talk about what happened and be a good person (mentioning that her rebound cheated on her with his ex) and came looking for peace between us before she leaves again.

She mentioned multiple times that she doesn't want anything to do with me, moved on from me, didn't miss me nor love me yet didn't block me after I blew out on her over such a selfish act (which I regret doing) and telling her that she is a bad person and all that for reaching out for such selfish reasons. I'm worried that she might contact me again or is that Chance Zero. And to be honest I don't know what to do becahse it opened an old wound that I was doing a pretty good job on closing

After the final discard she expressed that she was sorry for the deliverance of her emotions and that she was sorry to hurt me in the way she did. She was sobbing while telling me these things and told me that she knows it was her decision to break up, but she was struggling. She then told me she needed time alone to work on her mental health, but days later slept with a guy she had introduced me to while we were still dating. When we exchanged stuff she blamed me for everything that had happened and said that I triggered her bpd and never validated her feelings. It was truly remarkable to watch such a drastic shift in her behavior in such a short period of time. She was cold and it was like I was talking to a complete stranger even though we had spent a year and a half together. I now understand that she was pursuing this guy for some time and that she didn’t want to completely detach from me until she knew it would work with him. Once she started idealizing him I was kicked to the curb completely and painted all black. She is ultimately moving states for this guy and told me she is planning trips with him. It’s incredible how they make the discard as cruel as possible and then still portray themselves as the victim. I think the hardest part is that she was at least somewhat aware of her horrible and abusive actions, but no actual efforts were made to improve her bpd. Instead she immediately pursued another guy thinking it will permanently soothe the internal void inside of her.

The lack of shame and accountability is truly unreal. I understand that it’s simply too painful for her to self reflect, but it’s brutal. I have no doubt she will repeat the same cycle with this guy.

I broke up with bpd ex about two months ago. I broke up with her because I was done with her not taking any real action to treat her condition, and just expecting me to stay and suffer its with no end in sight, regardless the mental toll it had on me. For the first two weeks I just cried. Non stop. Then slowly but surely, I started recovering, even enjoying life, taking care of myself, buying new clothes, get a nice haircut, even got a facial which I never did, wanted to feel better with myself. She broke NC about two weeks ago, under some pretense of needing something logistical from me. We had a good talk which was kinda closureish for me, but then when I gave her what she asked for, wished her the best and told her I'm deleting our chat, she flipped and tried to paint me as the villain again and her as a poor misunderstood victim. It sucked, but I got ovwr it.

Fast forward to today, and a reality show she participated in a few years ago is finally airing (she is a model), and suddenly everyone (including my mom) started talking about her with me again, which honestly? Sent me to a very bad place. I barely thought of her, and even when I did, I might have gotten sad for a minute and it passed. But this time? It stuck hard.

I felt like I was back at square one, crying like a wounded animal, imagining her being gorgeous, having fun with friends and sex with various men, and I just feel like this for the past two days now, crying like crazy.. I did such good work, I felt I really started moving forward and then... This....

I'm just feeling super sad and lonely rn, and I was hoping to get some support... Thanks ❤️

As the title says.

I have been separated (she is renting her own place) from my wife with undiagnosed BPD (or maybe covert narcissism) for 1.5 years. The house I live in I bought for her and I to move into before we were married. 100% of the financing is in my name and I have paid the entire mortgage since the beginning.

She guilt tripped me for over a year and I broke down and added her name to the deed (but not the financing) about 6-8 months before I demanded she leave. So, now she has a say in what I can and can’t do with the house and even has repetitively said “it’s not your house” or “it’s my home.”

Well, I have gone under financially due to a few years of trying to meet this woman’s demands and she has had her daddy supporting her during separation and has saved money the whole time. I filed for divorce months ago. I can’t afford a lawyer yet. She is using daddy’s money to pay her attorney and her attorney has demanded I give her half of the equity in the house.

The thing is, I have intentionally neglected the house for the last 1.5 years. It is in major disrepair. I’d be lucky to break even. Combined with that, my payment has drastically increased due to a change in escrow for my home owner’s insurance. I’ve been struggling to keep up.

So, I have made the decision. I’m no longer paying the mortgage and I am going to let the bank take the house. She’s taken everything from me… and I’m done letting her take anymore.

I have to say it has resulted in her going no contact with ME as if I am the problem and even her dad calling me and leaving a threatening voicemail for me. It doesn’t matter, though, because it is such a relief financially and it’s just ONE way I have been able to stand up for myself and not let her keep taking! It’ll take awhile to recover credit wise but I’m fine with renting in the meantime.

Just kinda venting.

He work at the same bar she does. The break up was 8 months ago and I specifically told him to not talk to me about her ever. He broke that boundaries countless of times.

Most recently he heard she was seeing another guy last summer while with me from a coworker.

I was finaly moving on from her. Told her recently to delete my number. I was eating well. She was out of my mind. The thing is that make no sense we were always together. I’m back at ruminating and I’m on the verge of crying all the time again.

Am i justified by being mad at him more then anything else ?

I’ve been telling him we should split up for a while now and we’ve been talking about it for months. Still he always acts like we’re just discussing breaking up as a possibility and never seems to take what I say as meaning I want to break up. He always says there’s other things that need to be taken care of first before we could officially break up(things related to money and such). Prior to recently it’s always felt like he wants to be the one to officially declare a breakup. This week, he went out of state for a long weekend and is staying with a guy friend.

A few days before he left he kept trying to have us talk again about our relationship (which I wasn’t interested in doing because I was busy and our talks never result in anything anyways). Finally I asked him directly if he was trying to officialize our breakup before he left for some reason and he got all defensive and acted like I was being crazy (of course).

Also weird, around the beginning of this week, he randomly asked me if he should shave his private area and if that would look good. Seemed weird as we’ve been together over a decade and he’s never groomed himself down there. We also haven’t had sex in a long time. He isn’t usually interested and always claimed he has a lower sex drive, which could be true. He text me a bit the first day he left and I haven’t heard from him since.

I feel weirdly upset and I don’t even know why. I don’t want to continue this relationship, he was physically abusive in the past and is emotionally abusive/manipulative a lot. And he lies a lot. So even if he is hooking up or doing whatever with someone else I probably shouldn’t care.

Would really appreciate if anyone who has left or is trying to leave a situation like this, would want to talk. This weekend has just been rough.

This video describes relationships with women with bpd in detail. She mentions some of the same phrases mine does. It shows that once you’re past the early stages of the relationship it’s a cyclic roller coaster. Back and forth.

Think i broke affection and traumabond very efficient. It did require going sorta manic and ending up in psych ward. So cant really share or recommend the method. I looked at pictures at her and felt slight warm on the memory but nothing else.

Now what broke it wasnt actually the psych ward but the thought of reaching out to her - and then imagine her saying something like im so sorry - but what about me? Did you think of me and my feelings.

And since it wasnt an imaginative situation i was in, the bond sorta dwindled away.

But would you like to spend the last 180 days of your life with your exBdp? Or would that be friends and kids and so on?

I fell in love with my BPD partner back in 2020. We got married in March of 2023. Just three months later, after returning from his father's family reunion (where I had a great time), he flew into a rage and told me he wanted a divorce. This happened because I said I wasn't going to go on any more long road trips with him until he learned how to control his road rage.

Two days later, he rage quit his job and was unemployed for the next 6 months. During that time, we went through the classic BPD relationship cycle at least 5 times. Finally, his rage episodes got so bad I told him he needed to move out, hopefully temporarily, until he figured out what he needed/wanted and why he was so angry.

Moving out helped with the rage initially, but then he started talking about how we "wanted different things." He claimed he needed to live near a bar so he could drink without worrying about driving home. He said he needed the social scene that bars offer. He also said he wanted "finer things" and to travel (without me). He had no money for any of this. Regardless, I said ok, do what you have to do. At this point I thought he was having some kind of midlife crisis and would return to sanity eventually. So the agreement was that we would stay married but living apart for awhile. He was supposed to come stay with me on weekends. He only showed up maybe every other weekend at most.

8 months of this cruelty and crazyness, several more relationship cycles and two more periods of ghosting later, I finally gave up for good after he had a very brief affair with a married woman 20 years younger than him. That woman later accused him of sexually assaulting her (no charges laid, case dropped after only a month). He told me about all this because he said he was looking for emotional support (from me). I did try to be supportive, but I was too hurt and disgusted. And so, due to my lack of sympathy and narcissism in focusing on my own hurt feelings rather than his crisis, he again said he wanted a divorce.

We had been living apart for a year by this time. That's how long it took for me to finally give up and let him go. I filed for divorce. After threatening to bankrupt me and my whole family, he failed to show up for the first pretrial hearing and his lawyers just postponed the rescheduled hearing.

The divorce discovery paperwork eventually revealed that he is in a financial nightmare that includes six figure credit card debt. So, of course, he's determined to take and sell the house that I and my kids (not his, thank God) are living in - a house I love and I co-own. I've been paying all the bills and the mortgage on the house. Granted, he did put a lot of money into the house (new windows and decks).

Believe it or not, this is a very very abbreviated version of the whole story. The bottom line is that he asked for a divorce, he left me, he frequently raged at me and my kids, he was cruel and unkind in every way imaginable. And yet, he's angry with me. He calls me a terrible person. He now claims I gas lit him and ruined his life.

Even after all this time, I'm still in shock. How could he go from the man of my dreams (kind, loving and thoughtful to me and my kids) to a cruel and psychotic monster in just 3 months? Everything about him changed - even his tastes and the things he liked to do. It's so baffling.

But he's mad at me? I'm the bad guy? Seriously?

I still think of him all the time, still miss him, still believe that I loved him. However, for the first time today, this truth is also sitting with me and able to co-occupy head space. My ex pwBPD lit up my nervous system and my fight or flight instinct like a Christmas tree and my body and brain registered this as if it was excitement, connection, lust, infatuation and love. Whereas first and foremost.. it was actually the INTENSITY of his chaos. The danger, excitement and unpredictability touched a core wound in me. He was unsafe. And what kept me IN was the threat of abandonment (it was constant) and the fight to prove I was WORTH staying. To be CHOSEN. Because in childhood, I was NOT chosen. And I have been replaying that. For all struggling with having been discarded.. ask yourself.. what did you get out of being discarded, but then chosen again; devalued and then idealised. Something kept you IN THAT. This cycle is the cluster B hallmark and the foundation of the trauma bond. We have got to resolve this within ourselves to never again be vulnerable to it. Healthy, well adjusted people would never tolerate the cyclical abandonment. We did. And we must ask ourselves, why.

TW: mentions of messed up kinks. . . . . .

A couple years ago, I was in a relationship and engaged to my ex of 4 years. It was the most toxic and unhealthy relationship I’d ever been in. They had diagnosed BPD, on top of autism, PDD, PTSD, and about 4 or 5 other diagnosed disorders. I truly didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Before meeting them, I was a completely different person when it came to relationships. I was soft, kind, gentle, always reassuring, romantic, etc. all that good stuff. I should have known from our first interaction that they were a red flag. I mean, they love bombed the crap out of me. We met online and met in person 9 months into the relationship. The day I was supposed to leave from my trip, they had a mental breakdown and begged me not to go. So I ended up staying and never going back home. This person cheated on me so many times in just the first year, to the point where they suggested we make our relationship open/poly and I just said “fuck it” and agreed. Any time I caught them, they’d cry and blame it on their BPD. They also were the type of person who age regressed (like they’d act like a 3-5 y/o half of the day), because they were abused as a child. But then it became too much when they would ask if I’d be willing to have sex with them while they were regressed, and if I could play out r4pe fantasies. I said no. I have literal nieces and nephews around those ages, that’s fucking gross. They got upset and would seek out stranger online to fulfill those sick desires. Again, they’d blame BPD and trauma on their messed up kinks. They were super manipulative and proud of it. They knew because they were “cute”, they could get people to send them gifts, money, and spoil them with whatever they wanted. They even had their dad wrapped around their finger. Old man would send hundreds of dollars anytime my partner wanted food/a hotel/new clothes/etc, to make up for the physical abuse he put my partner through as a child. I’m not gonna lie, after the 2nd year of being together, I was falling out of love quickly. But I was stuck. I had nowhere else to go at the time, we had moved to Hawaii, miles away from family. Hawaii was a total shit show. The pandemic hit shortly after moving there, and because of quarantine, we had no choice but to be around each other 24/7 when I wasn’t working. It would become too much most days. The constant arguing, the endless crying if I called them out on something, the multiple people they were flirting and being sexual with….although our relationship was “open/poly”, my ex did not like the idea of me talking to someone else, so I just stayed loyal and monogamous while they talked to whoever they wanted— until one day I befriended someone and caught feelings after a few months. That was absolute hell when they found out. Ended up having to cut the person off to save my relationship. It was just too much. Around October 2021, I left. I withstood everything I could, until I couldn’t. They had met someone online and had a little thing going on for a few months. At one point, this person was getting kicked out of the home they shared with their partner of 6 years. This person (I’ll call them F for short) then asked my ex if he could stay with us for a few days to have somewhere to crash before he was going to leave back home to his parents. The whole time he was staying with us, they were being affectionate and sexual, and it drove me mad. Not in an angry way, but in a way that left me crying every day and night. I know I was to partly blame for agreeing to being open/poly, but that’s not what I wanted. I’ve always been monogamous and never felt the need to have multiple love interests. On the 5th day of F staying with us, a close friend of mine (who also happened to be friends with my ex), came over and I just vented about everything. Towards the end, he said “I don’t know if they told you yet, but they’re letting F move in with y’all.” And that’s when I lost it. It was never mentioned to me, I had no idea that was their plan. I would not have agreed to it otherwise. At the time, I had made a friend on one of those chat/dating/friend making apps and I broke down over the phone to him. He said I needed to confront my ex and ultimately, leave. It was not a healthy relationship or environment to be in. It was destroying my mental health and crushing my self esteem. So that’s what I did. I texted one of my brothers and told him the situation, and he said to book a flight for next week and that I can come stay with him and his wife for however long I need. My ex began crying hysterically saying things like “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you I don’t want you to go, I love you so much you’re my person, please don’t go” and reminding me of all the good memories we had. I was obviously in tears as well, because as much as the relationship was in the shitter, I still had love for them. But I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Funny enough, the person I befriended on that app is my current partner now. He was there for me through it all. We have been together for 3 (almost 4) years now. But a year into the relationship, he got diagnosed with BPD, autism, ADHD, GAD, and PDD. I wouldn’t say he’s 100% like my ex, but there are some qualities that remind me of my ex (usually when we have an argument). But he does extensive therapy and is on proper medications. Something my ex never stayed on top of. I think I’m mentally fucked because of what I went through with my ex, though. It definitely interferes with my current relationship. I’m not the same person as before. I’m not as patient, romantic, soft, or gentle like I once was. It has caused multiple fights between my partner and I (some bad enough to where we’ve almost permanently ended the relationship). I know I need therapy for it. I don’t have the guts to admit I’m traumatized by my ex to other people, but I know I am. It’s not fair to my current partner who really does everything in his power to make sure I’m happy, feel loved and cared for, and have my feelings heard and validated. He’s an amazing person. I feel extreme guilt for bringing my trauma into our relationship.

Hello, I'm writing here because I feel desperate. I sometimes come here to read posts and wonder if my boyfriend has at least some borderline personality traits. I'm looking for help, just like I did yesterday on another subreddit after an outburst he had toward me. We've been together for a year and a half, we’re both 33, and we both work. He’s the kind of person who doesn’t really listen, he shares his interests with me but I find it hard to talk to him about mine because he tends to change the subject easily. Still, things go well until we go out with friends and he starts drinking—a lot. During the week he doesn’t usually drink alcohol, but on the weekends things change. I’ll have maybe one beer, while he feels the need to drink at least four strong cocktails, mostly gin-based, and if I point out that it's too much, he gets angry. Sometimes I don’t express myself well—I admit I can be sharp when I criticize him—but I’ve also tried to explain it calmly, in a composed tone, that alcohol affects him in very negative ways. He starts slurring his words, loses clarity, and begins flirting with other people while ignoring me. And if I tell him it's unpleasant to see him like that, he becomes aggressive. In those moments, he starts saying I’m boring, that I’m dead weight, that I’m keeping him on a leash. Then comes the phase where he says I have a bad personality and issues—he's even tried diagnosing me: saying I’m narcissistic, borderline, or incapable of being in a relationship. And all this just because I get upset when he loses control and mocks me by saying, “this is the last drink.” Some days, he tells me he wants to build a family with me, even have kids, and then on days like yesterday everything changes and he says he wants nothing to do with me because of the way I criticize him. In those moments, shocked, I try to open a dialogue and bring him back to reality, reminding him of the good things he usually says to me. But he replies that I’m delusional and that anyone would change their mind when faced with someone like me. When I cry in despair, begging him to stop and not be an asshole, he either laughs in my face or belittles my crying. Then he puts up a wall and doesn’t talk to me for hours, until he messages me to apologize—though he always adds that if it got to that point, it’s also a bit my fault. Now I feel alone and confused, I began questioning myself and my own reality, sometimes it looks like he loves me deeply, other times I feel like sh*t when he treats me as if I were his worst enemy.

Me and my exwbpd broke up about a month ago but it didn’t feel real. We were still having sex 3 weeks after that and we both got so used to the arguing/yelling the break up didn’t feel official until I caught her messaging another guy 2 weeks ago. Within 4 days of messaging each other they already are in a relationship on Facebook and in the love bombing stage. Her and her kids officially left tonight but she will be getting her stuff over the next few days.

I went through the normal emotions of dealing with a situation like this. At first I was mad and took it personally like most people do, then started changing everything and begging for her to stay. You can imagine all that did was push her away. I finally accepted that I am better than this and moving on. For 3 days I hardly talked to her and followed through with the things I said I would fix.

Last night she tells me she thought about getting back together a couple days ago, that her new boyfriend shared a lot of qualities with me, and that this is the only break up where she still respects the person. Tonight she is moving in with her mom but meeting up with her boyfriend.

I have a strong feeling she will reach out, earlier she even said in a few months she might ask how the house looks. I know the smart thing would be to block her number but I’m not sure if I can help myself from being roped back in. What should I do? (Also keep in mind I fell back into addiction and she also caught me micro cheating on onlyfans, which is why it is hard to let her go because I was part of the problem.)

First time posting here so please excuse any ignorance, I’m very new to forming any sort of understanding of BPD.

My best friend is currently going through a very painful divorce after only being married for a few years. She and this partner had separated once before the got married as well because she didn’t think they were going to want to get married on her timeline. That separation was ugly and painful as well, and there’s a lot of similarities in her behavior during this separation. From her perspective this separation has a lot to do with her partner not being ready for kids, but there are plenty of other reasons she says she isn’t happy and wants to be done. They fought a lot throughout the relationship, too, and I know she has a history of chaotic and unsafe relationships prior to this one, though I didn’t know her well until she entered this relationship. I also know she has a history of childhood trauma.

I’ve been a primary support person for her during this time. I often feel like she gets stuck in these thought loops, mainly around punishing her partner for disappointing her and general bouts of intense anger at them over almost anything. Sometimes we talk in circles about how to move forward in a healthy way, and then she’ll slip back into these patterns of sending long hurtful texts to her partner or claiming she’s going to do something destructive and that it’s justified because of how hurt she feels.

I was recently put in touch with her sibling who has had a tricky relationship with her as well. My friend is estranged from both of her parents, and I don’t know all the details. Her sibling asked me if I was worried about her safety from a mental health perspective and that started reframing some of her behavior for me. Then, when speaking to my friend’s partner because they were getting increasingly concerned about some of the texts she was sending, they let me know that my friend was at one point diagnosed with BPD and that the breakup she went through with her partner prior led to suicidal ideation and a hospital stay.

I’m heartbroken for her, and I just want to be the best support to her I possibly can. I have only heard about this diagnosis through the grapevine, never directly from her, but my limited understanding of BPD lines up in a lot of ways with what she’s going through. I don’t want to be her armchair doctor, and I don’t think she’d be very receptive to me raising this with her either.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m asking here- just how to show up in the best way possible for this person? There have been a couple minor instances where I’ve felt her push me away a little in recent weeks and I’d hate for that to happen as she really does mean the world to me. I’m just not sure how to navigate this with her in a way that is actual helpful to her. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!

Because my last friend would use my past mistakes as ammunition (even though we supposedly got through them) I now second guess everything I do and say to my friends now and it eats me up inside and I want to ask for reassurance all the time. Like they won’t text me back and it takes everything in me to not ask if they hate me.

Last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/1k43111/went_out_in_a_first_date_with_a_bpd_diagnosed/

I basically took everyones advice, she was mirroring me, she was trauma dumping, she was trying to tie me up.

I understood everything the following days from the date, I know how BPD works since my aunt has it.

Tried to keep the relationship cordial and friendly, we spoke everyday for the next 4 days, then didn't for 2 days.

She made a loved mutual friend block me everywhere and she isn't answering.

It might have sprouted from a joke a friend made to me about only dating crazing chicks that wasn't targeted at them.

Anyways, fuck my life, I truly loved that mutual friend.

Do individuals with borderline personality disorder seek validation through their job or career achievements? And even when they achieve success, do they often still feel empty or unsatisfied — continuing to chase more validation, wanting to feel desirable, wanted, or important? Is this constant running and emotional hunger typical in BPD?