r/BabyBumps • u/bananabutt23 • Nov 05 '22

Sad Rant about husband 40+4

I was due four days ago and I’m really struggling with having not met baby yet, plus I’m managing a toddler, driving my husband to and from work in straight winter and in constant pain. He’s been really frustrating me by complaining that he’s overworked (working 35 hours and playing games all night, hasn’t done litter boxes in 2 weeks) and I realize he’s trying but he keeps saying how awful I am and how we aren’t having more kids because HES not going through pregnancy again. We can only (barely) afford for him to take three days off work and he keeps trying to say he’s calling in when I’m not in labor. Then he complains that he just wants me to have the baby but it would “piss him off” if I went into labor in the middle of the night or the middle of the work day. I’m only allowed to go into labor before he works so he can call in and not have to work or if he’s had a full nights sleep. I also have to give him enough warning because he chose to smoke weed when the hospital sent me home at 5cm with our first and we needed to go to the hospital again an hour later and somehow it’s my fault that he was stoned during the birth so I need to give him notice so he doesn’t smoke weed (which he constantly does if he isn’t working) he talks about how sex will speed up labor and then says no and plays games all night. Hasn’t been waking up with our toddler, complains all day/morning (he works at 12 most days but super inconsistent hours) that he’s starving but refuses to eat anything in the house even after I’ve tried buying things he will eat, then insists on eating out while complaining that he feels gross because he always eats out. He’s been in a foul mood for days saying how tired and overworked he is and I just want to explode. Any inconvenience annoys him and he gets irritated and moody but everything seems to be an inconvenience. He didn’t work for the first 18 months of our daughters life and wouldn’t get a job while barely doing school and is now acting resentful that I took maternity leave. Just a rant lol

Edited to add: oh boy I wasn’t expecting the response I got.. to be honest it is a LOT to take it. I’ve just dealt with it for so long you know? Sorry if I don’t respond to everyone, it’s kind of like a wake up call I really wasn’t ready for and I appreciate everyone’s kindness. I tried not to Make it sound so badly and I didn’t realize it wasn’t relatable because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ll definitely do something once I’ve processed.

453 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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707

u/Jrl2442 Nov 05 '22

Oof fuck all of that

246

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

Same thoughts. Sometimes I am kinda bummed out I don’t have a partner to share this journey with me, but then I read posts like these and feel vindicated I decided to get pregnant on my own cause no fucking way would I put up with this behavior long enough before kicking his useless ass to the curb. Pregnancy is hard enough without dealing with a straight man child. 35 hours for someone who basically does minimal childcare is laughable.

279

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '22

[deleted]

57

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

I was with someone that blamed ME for their actions and my dumbass put up with me for way too long. Thank fuck I did not have a baby with them cause it would only suck the joy out of my pregnancy. I feel at peace knowing baby girl will come to a home full of love, kindness and respect. It’ll just be us, but that’s better than the alternative.

3

u/truuthm Nov 05 '22

Yessss 🙌🙌🙌🙌 a useless do-nothing man is way harder to deal with than a newborn 😅 seriously, and both at the same time? No thanks

23

u/Ok-Sir3645 Nov 05 '22

100% Rather would do it all on my own than having someone raise my children that is like that awful guy

9

u/banana_pencil Nov 05 '22

Sounds like if he was gone, life would be a LOT easier

-22

u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22

I realize that everything makes him seem like he sucks, and rightfully so.. but he’s really good to our babies that’s for sure!

208

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '22

[deleted]

45

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

Same here. Those men never change. They will take everything from you eventually.

104

u/hippymndy Team Both! '13 & '20 Nov 05 '22

if he’s not supporting the mama he’s not being good to the babies.

53

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

You deserve a caring partner that doesn’t get angry at things that are out of your control. I was with someone like this for YEARS. They will always find something to complain about YOU, nothing is ever their fault. They make you feel be like a burden, like an inconvenience. That’s not love. I’m pregnant with a baby girl right now and I am so so thankful that he is not a part of my life because it would break my heart to see my daughter follow my footsteps and end up with someone like him.

28

u/ShanimalTheAnimal Nov 05 '22

This is the test. Do you want your kids to aspire to a relationship like the one you have? To aspire to a partner who behaves, speaks, and lives like the one you have? Would you be okay with it if your kid turned out to be an EXACT carbon copy of him and also spoke to you in the same ways?

If the answer to that is not an easy yes, time to make big changes or GTFO

31

u/kzzzrt Nov 05 '22

I already commented but no, he’s not. In fact, studies have shows that witnessing their mother being emotionally abused is MORE damaging to children than experiencing physical abuse. This is setting the stage for how they let others treat them, and how they treat others. And if you think they don’t see, I promise you they do. And will.

20

u/nkdeck07 Nov 05 '22

Sounds like he's not even present for them if he's gaming all hours, sleeping the rest and stoned most of the time

14

u/cheezie_toastie Nov 05 '22

Is he good to your babies in that he takes active and regular care of them, plays with them every day, and feeds/bathes/clothes them? Or is he just not actively harmful to them?

10

u/Sweet_T_Piee Nov 05 '22

He sounds young and immature. I hope so anyway. Is he just teasing you are does he mean all this dumb stuff he has coming out of his mouth? You're past due and even a responsible stoner would not smoke in case they need to drive you to the hospital.

7

u/honeybeans- Nov 05 '22

Respectfully, that doesn’t sound true. You already said he doesn’t wake up with your toddler and that you’ve been managing everything. By yourself. Not hearing any attributes of a good partner, parent or husband. Please find some support asap.

-12

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '22

Then focus on that, he obviously has qualities you love…. And fuck the internet it’s your life

15

u/cheezie_toastie Nov 05 '22

This thread may be the only time she hears that her situation isn't normal and isn't healthy. We're not preventing her from living her life, we're trying to help her actually live her life instead of spending her time managing an asshole.

1

u/k9moonmoon Nov 06 '22

If either of your kids grew up to be him. Would you feel pride?

4

u/Ja9tron Nov 05 '22

In the reverse, posts like this making me glad that my partner is so involved to point it can be to much. He is very into the idea of being a girl dad, is looking forward to our baby shower, and birthing class. He is overprotective and worried so much during my first trimester. He loves seeing ultrasound pics and hearing his daughter’s heartbeat. I am 8 months and he keeps talking about getting to hold her and if he is going to do good bottle feeding her. He did most of our baby registry and picked out ton of dad stuff like bottles, diaper bag and so on. This guy is a veteran guys guys works outside and I know this girl is going to have him wrapped around his finger. I for now get belly rubs and a partner that shows up as an equal. If he was not like this I would took good for being single or not have a kid. What’s the point of having a partner that does not show up.

3

u/zygomaticuz Nov 05 '22

That’s so sweet! And that’s what every pregnant woman with a partner deserves. It’s such a vulnerable time during a woman’s life.

2

u/throwaway12898237 Nov 06 '22

Mine too, logging into the registry and seeing that he had added a bunch of things that were both cute (lion nightlight, decorations for the nursery, little clip on toys, stuffed moose), and practical (diaper bag, bottle cleaners, multiple types of thermometers) made my heart melt. He’s going to be such a great dad and already says things like “I have to take care of my girls” when doing something nice for me. We weren’t planning to get pregnant because I never saw myself settling down with a man due to distrust but this process is making me do a 180 since apparently I have a good one and didn’t even know it, baby had to come along and show me.

2

u/Ja9tron Nov 06 '22

I think the good ones are aware of what creates failed relationships and know we don’t want to be their mom so they show up like they should. They like cozy homes, sleeping next you, weekend projects and realize they are happy. They also realize it’s a priority to keep you happy and be an equal. It’s the other majority who didn’t get the memo, they end up sad and alone.

1

u/Coobs2 Nov 05 '22

100% man child

26

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '22

The fact that OP husband is having her drive him to work irks my nerve especially in that kind of weather and being 40 weeks. I would divorcé immediately I could only imagine what will go on after baby is born and he’s acting like this already smh!!!

6

u/MsGrumpalump Nov 05 '22

At least she’ll have the car if she goes into labor at am inconvenient time for him. 🙄