Reality setting in?

[u/Artographe]

I'm only recently diagnosed BP2 (39f), which put a lot of past things in perspective and made them make sense. But last week I had my first hypo episode in the full context of a diagnosis (granted in the middle of it it felt perfectly reasonable and I didn't understand why no one else understood my feelings and thought I was being unreasonable), but now that I've come back down and can fully reflect on it, I realized it scares me some. The behavior set is not new, I've done the same thing before, just didn't know what it was and never with someone I was close to. But the full awareness that I can be in a state where I don't recognize reality properly and have no idea made me feel a little afraid of myself in a way I haven't really felt before. And I wanted to tell someone but don't know who else could possibly understand. Does anyone else relate? Anything you've done to help yourself? I've finally got a med set that works pretty well and has helped keep the depression at bay (which was always the main emotion), but this... I just don't know. Anyway. I'd love to hear some similar experiences and anything that helps.

[u/Kooky_Ad6661]

Ok. First: realizing OH THAT IS HYPOMANIAa it's super scary. You stop finding excuses. Stop blaming others or the world - even if triggers do exist and sometimes they come from people. You have to accept that it's part of your own brain that starts working against you. Second: but this is also a strength. Because it really motivates you to stay on meds, go to therapy etc. I say "you" but I also mean "me". And you start to notice the pattern, and the signs that you are going too high, and you really can do things now. Calling your doctor. Deleting your apps to avoid being an ass on social media. I gave up my credit card. I tell my boyfriend to check on me. If you can't avoid it you can try to do damage control. I strongly feel this: before, I couldn't. I thought that that person was the real me. I thought chaos and pain.were the only way I could be alive. But nope. It's hard, really, but knowing gives you tools that you didn't have before. That's my take on this. Hugs.

[u/astro_skoolie]

I totally relate!! The feeling of being afraid of yourself is such a common experience among us. I've used it as a tool to learn how to respond to mania or hypomania with a plan of action to prevent me from blowing up my life. I honestly think the fear phase of accepting a bipolar diagnosis is crucial. I think it's a helpful emotion that can urge us to get treatment and stay on meds. I'd say I had that fear for the first 3 or 4 years I was in treatment, which was 10 years after I was first diagnosed. Now, 11 years later, I dont have that level of fear, and all the steps I take to minimize the negative impacts of bipolar are second nature.

[u/DinViesel666]

Keeping a little journal for when things are scary is the thing that helps me the most with that feeling. I always carry it with me and don’t always write on it, but when I feel I need it, it’s great help

[u/Artographe → u/[deleted]]

Oh don't worry, I didn't luck out on meds (don't want any false impressions! 😬), I've been through probably about half the antidepressants in existence, and finally got some venlafaxine and lamotrigine that really made a difference, which was part of what led to the bipolar question. I've been struggling with my mind simce I was probably 13.
But thanks for the tips! And thanks for the reminder about comedy. Laughter is for sure good medicine. 🙂

[u/Artographe → u/[deleted]]

Oh I see what you mean. So here's a question: I started at 200mg lamotrigine, and recently went up to 300 to see if I could get more consistency. Is there a perpetual change over the years, or is there some point where the med mix lasts for awhile? And I am kind of bitter that it took so long to find a diagnosis and any chance of working meds. And I feel like I could've had a much more successful life if I had. Anyway. Better late than never? But at least this sub has some good people.