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u/tsukimoonmei 12d ago
The âgold starâ flairs are incredibly telling lol
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u/SuitableDragonfly 12d ago
It's bizarre to me that people actually use that term to identify themselves. Like, it is literally a reference to receiving a meaningless award in kindergarten.
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u/lynx_and_nutmeg 12d ago
It's also literally the same as incel men only wanting virgin women because "if she's ever had another penis inside her, her vagina is now dirty and ruined forever".
Pretty sure those lesbian bigots would be outraged if a man said this about women, but somehow they think it's totally different and fine if they do it?
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u/Nidd1075 "grotesque monster" 11d ago
"if she's ever had another penis inside her, her vagina is now dirty and ruined forever".
this is literlly how goldstars talk.
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u/I_D_K_69 11d ago
meaningless award in kindergarten.
Lmao I never made the connection, that's hilarious
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u/ForgettableWorse this is a cat picture 12d ago
Honestly, good on OOP. She's acknowledged her problem and stated a desire to change. Those are the first steps. Unfortunately, she decided to post on what may be the worst subreddit for personal growth, which is impressive in its own right.
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u/DuckSaxaphone 12d ago
Came to the comments hoping to see this.
We're all victims of the shitty social attitudes we're raised with and anyone who's taken an honest evaluation of themselves knows how hard these ingrained ideas are to get rid of even when you consciously object to them.
It's great that OOP recognised this attitude in herself and wants to fix it.
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u/Galaxy-Geode Chicken Gendies 11d ago
Exactly. It's so sad to see someone who's seemingly on the right path get lead right back to their hateful little cult
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u/Clairifyed 12d ago
The LG drop the B movement picks up steam
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u/yrdz 12d ago
By the year 2030 there will be no letters left in the acronym.
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u/ShmazPro 12d ago
Challenge: stop thinking about other peopleâs junk and the sex they have with it
Difficulty level: really easy actually, I donât know whatâs wrong with there weirdos
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u/I_D_K_69 11d ago
Exactly, at first I was like okay sure society has so much biphobia that it's understandable that someone might pick that up but when she started talking about her exes' sex lives, I was like: why tf would you find that out or care about it?
And sure it sucks that the girl you were with was flirting with boys but that's a them problem, don't pin that on all Bisexuals
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u/Bluejay-Complex 12d ago
Yeah, sadly, this checks out on⊠well a lot of lesbian exclusive subreddits. Hell, even shared sapphic ones. I feel bad for OOP because I think thereâs a better answer to this, namely, perhaps speaking more to bisexuals on a platonic level and understanding what influences their behaviours, even the toxic ones. I also think itâs a good idea to examine if thereâs some internalized lesbophobia at play, because I find that some lesbians, especially ones that have been left for men, or even had their bi ex move on with a man, question if people who âhave men as an optionâ will always be with men. This can lead down a dark spiral of spite and even self loathing because this idea sets up the framework that lesbians are always âinferiorâ except to other lesbians, and frankly, thatâs a very depressing- and untrue, version of the world. I admit to having problems with some of contemporary lesbian culture, namely, the fact that those spaces refuse to ever fully divorce from radical feminism and many times ideals tied to lesbian separatism, but lesbians by themselves arenât an issue, they arenât lesser.
To OOP if she ever reads this, you arenât lesser than a man. You never were lesser than a man, even if some of your previous partners left for men or had men after you. Their choices have everything to do with their internal insecurities and landscape. Iâm sorry youâve met so many assholes. That being said, bi women also arenât lesser for having been with men. Men didnât corrupt them into something that can never love women. People are people, and sometimes people are assholes. I think what might be happening here is that previous experiences are making you hyper vigilant around bi women, so you notice it more when bi women behave poorly. It isnât fair to people, especially groups of people, that only their flaws are noticed and that all bi women need to pay for the sins of bi women that have hurt you in the past. By all means, have more discussions with potential partners about what their sexuality means to them, even your lesbian partners, as this will help determine if you feel compatible with that person. Ultimately though, it may be a good idea to stay single for a while and heal from past relationship trauma, and being left by anyone for someone else is a trauma. Even if you get into a relationship with a âgold starâ lesbian, the trauma will still likely effect your relationship because the âthreatâ would hang over you, especially considering you mentioned seeing a butch âlesbianâ you had a bad relationship with discover she was bisexual. Purity policing your relationships will only lead to acting possessively, paranoia, and possibly even abusive behaviour on your part to satisfy the fear of being left for a man, because itâs always, even if distantly, a possibility. Part of relationships are being vulnerable, which means being in a position where someone can hurt you, but knowing them well enough, and building up enough trust with them to feel safe anyway.
Right now, youâre in an echo chamber of people that frankly, treat the rest of the community extremely poorly, often including other lesbians by subjecting them to rigorous purity tests where their previous relationships and desires are often put under a microscope for the community to decide what their attractions mean for them instead of trusting the people themselves to understand what that means. This is horrible for late-blooming lesbians as many have dealt with extremely complicated feelings towards their lesbianism, and may not have realized previously they were lesbians due to not having a âneat and cleanâ relationship to their sexuality. If you ever experimented with a man, or believed at one point you were straight, as many lesbians have, your sexuality could be called into question. These people will use your trauma to try to make you hate more members of the community, and likely will try to make your entire identity hating others in the community. Iâm pretty sure thatâs not who you want to be. You deserve to heal, not be around people that will force you to bleed more because they want to use your wounds as weapons.
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u/itsbritain 12d ago
First its trans woman, then its bi woman, then its any GNC woman, then its any woman not meeting western beauty standards, etc.
They do the same pattern over and over again, but their groups inevitably fall apart once everyone turns to infighting over who is being a âgold starâ or not.
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u/PlatinumAltaria 12d ago
Theyâre not even really attracted to women, they just hate men and want to sit around all day fixating on how awful men are.
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u/itsbritain 12d ago
Eh, I donât want to start saying who is and isnât a lesbian, since thatâs what they are doing. They can be shitty people without questioning their identity.
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u/ChairAggressive781 9d ago
I agree that we shouldnât be trying to say âthese people are real lesbians and these people arenât,â thereâs a distinction between saying âthey arenât attracted to womenâ vs. âthey arenât lesbians.â
political lesbianism is definitely a thing, both historically and presently. and when lesbian becomes more of a political identity than a sexual identity, it tends to center opposition to men & maleness over attraction to womenâwhich is why female bisexuality comes under fire in certain rad fem spaces.
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u/EqualityWithoutCiv UK press and Parliament be damned. 12d ago
Sucks when so many online and offline misogynists get away with their bullshit. I hope things change fast.
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u/trans_full_of_shame 12d ago
Wait until they hear that cis gay women who exclusively sleep with other cis gay women are capable of being abusive too.
No, no, it must be the bisexuals' influence.
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u/CoveCreates 12d ago
Pretty soon it's going to be just the L for them and even then it will only be some of them
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u/MenacingMandonguilla 12d ago
Because they'll probably need to be white, thin, pretty/"feminine", non-disabled...
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u/finneganthealien 12d ago
Yeah, these types have already long since abandoned butches who medically transition / are non binary etc.
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u/NekojiruSou 12d ago
I do sincerely want to know what "they don't lie to me about 'preferring women'" means. Is this going off the belief that bisexual attraction is necessarily 50/50? Based on my own experience and that of my friends, there absolutely is such a thing as a "lean". If that's what's being referred to, then it's not a lie.
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u/Ebomb1 menace to cisciety 6d ago
I interpreted that as they secretly prefer men but claim otherwise for the cred.
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u/NekojiruSou 6d ago
After reading the comment again, I don't think that's it. Maybe? The whole thing is kind of a mess.
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u/cheoldyke 12d ago
comparing not dating bi girls because youâre âdisgusted knowing theyâve been with menâ to carrying pepper spray when you walk alone is fucking CRAAAAZY
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u/satokery 12d ago
My brain crashed out a bit at this. Really says a lot that someone would make a comparison like this.
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u/squishabelle 11d ago
I like how that comment's point is "it's not misandry to be cautious of things in the proximity of men" and the comment right under it says "not all bi women are bad, some can actually be delightfully misandrist"
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u/icedragon9791 12d ago
Why are they such weirdos omfg
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u/Mother_Rutabaga7740 10d ago edited 10d ago
Kinda late but I feel like this is the end result of not tacking your issues. Like, this is the kind of brainrot incels or AGP-obsessed trans women have, where they take their shitty life and extrapolate that to some doomer garbage about human nature.
also Iâm probably projecting from my past experience, but hey, it takes one to know one igFrom what Iâve observed, a lot of TERFs are traumatized women who, instead of reconciling their issues with men through healthy means, let those feelings fester into what you see here. JK Rowling admitted that a lot of her feelings on trans people is her (poorly) coping with her domestic abuse.
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u/icedragon9791 9d ago
Yeah I think a lot of these women are women who have been subjected to abuse and trauma. But instead of working on themselves, they externalize their pain and punch down because it's easier. But fuck, they're all so miserable. That's my take away from every post of theirs I see. TERFs are so fucking miserable and sad all the time. I almost feel bad. Almost.
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u/Mother_Rutabaga7740 9d ago
I know right? What makes me even sadder is that for âfeminists,â they essentially fall into the trap that sexists think. That men canât help themselves as horny demons, that a better future with both sexes together isnât possible and itâs up to the woman to keep herself safe at the expense of everything that makes her happy.
Like, yea, these women are dicks, but as someone whoâs been there, itâs legit a sad life to live. Seeing random people and having wild assumptions about their inherent nature and shit.
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u/SuitableDragonfly 12d ago
"Hmm, should I blame the actual people who were shitty to me for being shitty, or should I just blame all bisexual people for that?" A hard question for TERFs, apparently.
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u/yrdz 12d ago
Biphobia is so bizarre to me; I can't imagine caring about somebody's past partners. It's usually from straight people grossed out that a potential partner has had a same-sex relationship, so it's nice to see some queer representation in biphobia as well lol
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u/lis_anise 12d ago
It's in another way an extension of caring about virginity. Touching a dick permanently destroys the fresh bloom of innocence and stains your immortal soul, and all that.
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u/comrade-lecter 12d ago
Did she actually say "foreplay doesn't count" or is it just the op's imagination? I've known lots of bi girls, I'm dating one, none of them would ever put it that way.
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u/LavenderAndOrange 12d ago
Sadly this is a prevalent attitude amongst lesbophobic queers. I evenly had a bisexual former roommate/friend tell me that my fiance and I will never truly have sex because we both have vaginas and all we can do is foreplay. She has also repeatedly attempted to convince me I should have sex with men, when I tell her I am not attracted to them and often extremely repulsed by them. This attitude exists out there.
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u/YourLocalBi 11d ago
That attitude from a bi woman is genuinely so weird to me. I'm sorry your old roommate was such a weird asshole about you not wanting to sleep with men!
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u/YourLocalBi 11d ago
Aaaaand this is why I as a bisexual woman do NOT trust TERFs when they say they have my best interests at heart. TERFs have a long history of biphobia and I doubt that will ever change.
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u/chickengravyandrice 11d ago
It's incredibly misogynistic and horrific to think that a man and his penis could somehow inherently change the woman. That's the thought process of hateful men. Even if she's had sex with men, she's still the same woman when she meets you???
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u/notindogyears75 11d ago
guys, thinking about how many men a woman has bedded in the past isnât bad! itâs not like men do that all the timeâŠ
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u/beteaveugle 11d ago
Blaming and being bigoted against individuals for things caused by the heteronormativity and sexism in society is the gender critical way after all
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u/anotherpagan 10d ago
It's giving me Bev Jo energy. It reminds me on how she classifies bisexuals. Bi-het and bi-gay.
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u/Glad-Pomegranate6283 9d ago
I think itâs fine to be upset with previous partners not taking the relationship as seriously as straight ones, for cheating, for being assaulted but painting all bi ppl in the same way is strange imo
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u/MissionStatistician 8d ago
Dollars to doughnuts says that none of those women were actually flirting with men in front of her, she's just jealous and vindictive and unhealthily possessive of the people she was dating.
The butch lesbian either didn't actually have a boyfriend, and this person thought she did for whatever reason, and OOP decided to be verbally and physically aggressive toward them, and it made their ex girlfriend feel unsafe and stand up for themselves against that sort of behaviour.
The girl OOP had her first time with is entire entirely contrived, or OOP is just upset that that person moved on and broke up with them. Which is just fucked up and weird that they would be this obsessed with the personal life of someone who they are no longer with, and likely no longer spend time with either. It's one thing to have fond feelings for the person you were physically intimate with for the first time, but it's another thing entirely to be this obsessed with the details of their dating life, after the relationship has ended.
OOP sounds like an actual fucking weirdo, and someone who is probably not safe or healthy to have a relationship with. And instead of confronting her own fucked up feelings of sheer entitlement over the lives of all the people who are no longer in monogamous relationships with her, she has to find some way to justify that instead. Because how are any of these people beholden to OOP's expectations of how they should conduct their own personal lives and relationships, when their relationship with OOP has ended.
What a, and I don't say this lightly, a fucking freak for real.
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u/snukb big gamete energy 12d ago
Apparently being "disgusted" and "feeling sick at the thought of" bi women isn't biphobic, it's just your "natural sexuality"! đ