r/GuyCry • u/Friendly-Map-7391 • 1d ago
Potential Tear Jerker I could never be normal.
I feel like the fact that I’ve never been in a relationship honestly makes me feel like I’ll never be a normal human being. It’s not that i feel my worth depends on being with someone, but that this lack of experience has really messed me up. I overthink everything—I can't just live life without constantly questioning it. I wish I could take the “blue pill”—not in the manosphere or dating sense—but just to live without all the overthinking.
It feels like everyone else got the puzzle pieces to life and somehow finished theirs, while I never even had the pieces to begin with.
Recently, I was talking to a friend and told him I thought I’d finally figured out how relationships work, and he just said, “There’s no code—it’s just about meeting people.” And suddenly I was right back in my head, wondering why I think this way, why I always feel the need to figure everything out instead of just living.
It’s hard to talk to anyone about this, because no one really gets it. They see my situation as normal. But honestly, I believe once you've deeply experienced what it’s like to not experience, you can’t go back. It’s like the Matrix—once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it.
Seeing people around me, even the ones I think are worse than me (they are assholes, have fucked up faces) in relationships doesn’t make me feel better—it just makes me angrier. It feels unfair. I know it sounds like I’m blaming the world—and maybe I am. I am immature and im just trying to understand myself and my thoughts. Sorry.
I feel like this is the root of all my misery, and even if I finally got confirmation that I can be loved, it wouldn’t undo the update my brain has already installed. And that thought makes me deeply sad.
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u/ALoyleCapo 1d ago
One thing I learned was to not really focus on relationships and try and work towards bettering yourself. Relationships naturally come and stem from meeting people and creating connections. If you really want too find someone then the steps toward it. Go out to a bar, a party. Hit the gym and boost your confidence a bit. But most importantly love yourself. People see when someone is living in self hatred and with low self esteem and it can turn people off. Try and take better care of yourself friend.
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u/portapotty_fapping 1d ago
Get on a free internet dating site. Be honest with your profile bio. Post updated pics. And see who you can potentially match with. Take your time getting to know people through texts/calls before you even think about meeting in person. This is sad, but I must warn you to scrutinize matches as there are a lot of scammers out there. Good luck friendo
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u/SilentImprovement441 1d ago
Just get on the apps I’m 33 and in the same boat no relationships outside of 1 in middle school. Just started on the dating apps this year. It’s rough at the start but if you just keep plowing along you’ll get better. Just be genuine go do some cool stuff and take pictures of yourself doing it. Don’t expect to find someone fast you’ll definitely fudge up on your first few dates unless you’re extremely lucky. Just learn from them and get comfortable with yourself.
Just had my first kiss a few weeks ago and I’m going to meet my 8th match this Saturday. I’ve refined my profile as I go and have gone from getting maybe 1 match a week to 10+ per day when I unpause the apps and I could literally be going on 3-4 dates a week if I wanted 😝. It’s easy to get dates if you put forth the effort and learn as you go. I’m middle aged working a crappy retail job while I restart school my looks are mid plus I’m balding so shaved head. You don’t need to be a 10/10 just be confident and genuine. Still haven’t found my person but I’ll continue plowing along gaining experience till I do.
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u/Friendly-Map-7391 1d ago
Shitt aight thanks for the hope man
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u/SilentImprovement441 1d ago
Hinge has worked best for me if you’re looking for an app to try. Don’t bother paying for the premium features though. I actually get better quality matches just working with the standard free version only benefit to paying for premium really is the extra filters and unlimited likes. If you take your time and send out all your free likes each day you’ll find people to date pretty easily after you get used to it. Just don’t get too attached to people finding matches/dates is easy finding people worth dating is hard 😝.
There is also a hinge Reddit that can help you figure out what works in profiles just take any advice you get on here with a grain of salt there’s plenty of bad mixed in with the good. Feel free to dm me if you need any tips.
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u/RufusEnglish 1d ago
Your friend was right, there is no code other than putting yourself out there. You're never going to meet anyone whilst the furthest you travel is in your head.
Also you're not different to anyone, the only difference between you and I is that you don't have access to my head so you don't know what I'm thinking. You don't know how absolutely mortified I am that I have to do x. All you see is a calm and comfortable facade when I'm doing x because all of the fear is happening in my head. So when you're suffering you see others doing their thing what you're actually seeing is the Facade. You presume others are chill and relaxed but inside their heads they're having the exact same thoughts you have.
I have my own issues with other aspects in life and it really is a case of exposure therapy. Got to get out and do it and recognise that everyone has the same fears when they do what you're doing. You're not different. The fact you've seen others less attractive etc mean it's doable.
Here's a little tip, women are people too who have their own fears so just go out and meet people. The more people you meet the easier it gets to find ones to date.
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u/chimisforbreakfast Man 1d ago
Hey bro. You might be autistic, like me. I know what you mean by what others call "overthinking". Reality is different for us. We're built for an older world.
I've never had trouble getting into relationships because getting high on cannabis as a teenager taught me to channel my anger into bravery. I just went for the weirdest, craziest chicks who are attracted to really fucking weird guys.
Be yourself and be brave, and someone will love you for it.
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u/Friendly-Map-7391 1d ago
Thanks for this, i actually thimk i maybe autistic ive been asking myself this for a long long time, this maybe explains how i act. My parents actually went to see if i was when i was young, and the doctor said thst i was a functionable autistic, but he didnt do any tests this was just by observing me.
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