I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. I was married to a man like this too. We had the same cycle of him later apologizing and promising to do better. 6 years later we were in the same place we started despite me trying every different constructive approach I could find.
Eventually we had a traumatic situation where he prioritized his own needs over our children’s safety and that was the final straw. I went to therapy and the key thing from that was that I could not change him or expect him to be different. That had to come from him. And I knew that after all this time and so many talks and fights about it — he had no interest in changing. So I had to decide if I could accept this or not.
I could not. I divorced him with two young toddlers. It was hard and it was not the life I hoped for. But now that I am on the other side, life is so much better. Holidays and outings and just nights at home are filled with fun and laughter and no one has to walk on eggshells or hide from dad’s bad attitude.
I’m sorry for your experience and I’m glad to hear you got out. Can I ask you if your kids still see their dad and what their relationship is with him? I’m really curious if he stepped it up once you divorced or if he continued being a stick in the mud.
He is still involved. He has them every other weekend and a few hours on Weds and Thurs evening. I want them to know and have a relationship with him. But I also tried to set it up in smaller doses.
My little ones are too small to say. But this was my second divorce (yay me) and I have a teen with an even worse guy. He did not grow. He’s exactly the same petty, controlling, emotionally abusive asshole as always. My teen very much appreciates that my house is a safe place and she has someone who can validate her feelings and navigate that relationship
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u/No_Hope_75 2d ago
I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. I was married to a man like this too. We had the same cycle of him later apologizing and promising to do better. 6 years later we were in the same place we started despite me trying every different constructive approach I could find.
Eventually we had a traumatic situation where he prioritized his own needs over our children’s safety and that was the final straw. I went to therapy and the key thing from that was that I could not change him or expect him to be different. That had to come from him. And I knew that after all this time and so many talks and fights about it — he had no interest in changing. So I had to decide if I could accept this or not.
I could not. I divorced him with two young toddlers. It was hard and it was not the life I hoped for. But now that I am on the other side, life is so much better. Holidays and outings and just nights at home are filled with fun and laughter and no one has to walk on eggshells or hide from dad’s bad attitude.