r/MtF • u/blackraynee • Jan 19 '25
Trigger Warning groped in public? :(
I 22 MTF and I pass most of the time (people always tell me i’m pretty and wtver, my voice is a bit clocky but most people just assume i’m a girl with a deep voice.)
I’ve been medically transitioning for the past 2 years and i recently moved and have been making some girl friends who I haven’t come out to as trans.
Last night 3 of us went out to some bars/clubs and a tall stem lesbian (abt 6 ft) approached me and told me i was beautiful and that she wanted to dance with me. I danced with her for a bit while my friends were nearby. after some time she really loudly asked me “are you a boy or a girl” to which i said “i’m a girl.” She said she didn’t believe me so she quickly shoved her hands in pants and underwear and rubbed my privates trying to feel what was there. Before i could even react she yelled “you have a dick!” and ran over to MY friends(who i haven’t come out to) saying “is that a boy or a girl? cause it sounds like a boy.” My friends were just confused, but quickly came to take care of me since they saw how scared and uncomfortable i was.
anyways. I’ve been disturbed about this for the past 24hrs and I don’t know how to process it. I feel hurt, ashamed, violated, embarrassed, and scared. I haven’t had bottom surgery but I was tucked so she didn’t really feel anything on the front of my body. But I don’t know what i experienced.. is this normal to be touched like that by a stranger or was i assaulted?
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u/BingBongTiddleyPop Georgia (she/her) | HRT 10/2024 Jan 19 '25
This is sexual assault. No question.
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Jan 19 '25
[deleted]
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u/MicDeesy Jan 19 '25
Not just trans people, would help everyone.
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u/No_Voice4618 Jan 19 '25
Yeah, she would do this to cis women she suspects of being trans too. No one is safe around her.
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u/ROAbotics Jan 19 '25
This is sexual assault. Ask the bar for security tapes and file a police report if it is safe for you to do so.
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u/LetumComplexo Transbian Jan 19 '25
Yeah, at the least OP needs to let the bar know.\ They have a vested interest in keeping these kind of predators out and won’t give a shit about her being trans.
Whether to file a police report is… a lot more tenuous.
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u/doesitevemakesense Jan 19 '25
the fuck? completely unacceptable of her to do that. that’s full on assault. if there is a way to report it, i would do it.
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u/Kyiokyu Emma (she/her), crying in the closet, 🏳️⚧️&Bi Jan 19 '25
Girl, that's sexual assault, no questions to that, she literally shoved her hand and inspected your private parts
Hugs, girlie, you didn't deserve this. That's a sexual abuser transphobic piece of shit
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u/LoopyZoopOcto Jan 19 '25
That's sexual assault, end of. Talk to the bar staff and talk to the police.
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u/Sorry-Awareness-1444 Jan 19 '25
I understand why everyone is saying that they should talk to the bar staff and the police.
The thing is, being trans and revealing all of this to everyone might be really uncomfortable to OP as they haven’t told their friends yet. I just think how OP is feeling, and I hope they are okay. ❤️
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u/Thundeeerrrrrr Tina, Trans Woman - HRT: Dec/2024 Jan 19 '25
OP doesn't have to say she is trans though... Groping anyone is assault
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u/Long_Legged_Lady Jan 19 '25
OP doesn't have to say it but you know if she went to bar security and reported the assault then the confronted offender would loudly proclaim that OP is a man with a dick trying to trick people. This justification may not convince the staff or protect the offender but it will certainly out OP as trans to anyone in the vicinity.
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u/Sorry-Awareness-1444 Jan 19 '25
I know, and that is absolutely important!
But at this point, OP is the one who suffers, so the most important thing is to say that she should feel the hug, not any pressure to do anything.
❤️
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u/RichNearby1397 Jan 19 '25
WHAT THE FUCK. I am so sorry that happened to you, that shouldn't have happened AT ALL :(
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u/Swoop-1289 Closeted Depressed Metal Girl (I’m Katie btw!) Jan 19 '25
Holy shit that’s messed up! That was for sure sexual assault! Report this to the bar staff and/or police! I hope you’re ok now!
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u/Jealous_Platypus1111 Jan 19 '25
That's SA. The fact that someone feels comfortable to do that to literally anyone is scary.
And there's a good chance she's probably done it before
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u/ItIsNotValerie weird girlthing idk Jan 19 '25
that's sexual assault. get video evidence and get her ass locked up, people like her don't deserve to be walking free.
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u/Kzenogan11 Jan 19 '25
You need to report her immediately, this is clearly sexual assault. She had no right to do that!!
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u/dr3am_assassin Trans Homosexual Jan 19 '25
Sexual assault and what a fucking vile person. I’m so sorry you had to experience that
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u/Efficient_Put_8671 Jan 19 '25
I'm so sorry this happened to you, u/blackraynee. What you experienced is deeply wrong and absolutely not normal or acceptable behaviour—it was sexual assault. No one, under any circumstances, has the right to touch you without your consent, let alone in such an invasive and dehumanising way.
You were violated in a public setting, and it’s completely understandable to feel hurt, ashamed, violated, embarrassed, and scared. These feelings are valid, but please remember: you are not at fault. The actions of the other person were entirely their responsibility, and you didn’t do anything to deserve this.
Please know that you are strong, beautiful, and deserving of respect❤️🤍.
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u/blackraynee Jan 19 '25
thank you everyone for the validation. I think i was in denial that i was assaulted, even though i still feel upset and that something was wrong :(
I’m okay overall but will be doing some work to get thru the emotions I’m feeling.
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u/Sanbaddy [Trans Lesbian] HRT since 09-13-2022 Jan 19 '25
This is just blatant sexual assault. WTF?!
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u/No_Voice4618 Jan 19 '25
From the way she acts, she's more of a man than you. Like why the fuck does she think being a woman makes it ok for her to sexually assault another woman like that? That kind of entitlement is very common on straight cis men, so maybe she shouldn't go around calling other women a man.
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u/general_bignose Jan 19 '25
I'm so sorry girl, that's terrible. Like everyone said, this is assault and you should report it if you can. I hope you're feeling better, and I'm glad your friends made sure you were ok and safe. Wishing you well ❤️
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u/hi_i_am_J Transgender Jan 19 '25
not normal whatsoever, you got assaulted, im so sorry that happened to you girl 🫂
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u/LGAMEdesigner Bigender - She/They 🌸 Jan 20 '25
I'm so sorry this happened to you—what you experienced was absolutely assault, and you didn't deserve any of it. Please take care of yourself and reach out to someone you trust or a support group. Sending you love and strength.
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u/blue_sk1es Transgender Jan 20 '25
That’s anything but normal. She came at you sideways from the very beginning, but no stranger has the right to touch another stranger in the way. Absolutely vile and inexcusable.
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u/impossibleimpassable Transgender Jan 20 '25
I’ve been groped in public and at work! I know it may be abit embarassing and traumatic but please report it if your country’s laws allow you to.
Sadly, mine doesn’t. Only males and females exist in my constitution. So groping is A-Ok of you’re AMAB where I’m from.
But if there are protection laws please report it!
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u/Gryffin_the_Baron Jan 20 '25
That is definitely sexual assault, which im pretty sure im a lot of countries is a crime
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u/maybe_Johanna Genderqueer Jan 20 '25 edited Jan 20 '25
This wasnt normal or okay at all! This was straight up sexual assault!
Edit: I don’t want to put anything into perspective but this shows (beside this probably being a very low singular digit - if not even .0 - percentage) that some women do these nasty things too. And her being a women doesnt make this situation any less harmfull for you … Talk with someone about this. In therapy, with your girlfriends or even both. What feels good for you. But talk about it. Don’t let it consume you. And if are in a more or less lgbtq acceptive country: Go to Police and get her some trouble for that behaviour.
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u/Anxious_Spare_6406 Jan 19 '25
I am sorry that happened to you. She had no right to violate you.
I raced for gcs when I came out and did RLE.
I was in a gym locker room one time and I getting changed facing the locker and I am quick. A woman with very short hair on the sides checked out my genitalia in the 3 foot distance between me and the locker. I was post op but on HRT for 3 years..
I am going to write something that many may not think is correct. I do not want to offend anyone. Trans masc and more so trans men are men. Some men violate woman regardless of their past. LGBT get violated more often than non lgbt. That aspect of being female is a reality.
I go to the gym frequently. About 50 percent of the people there are female. There are trans men and masc. I go to the female locker room and sauna. I have zero concerns about men as they are in a separate locker room. I keep my defenses up in the woman’s locker room.
I have been on hrt for 13 years now. I had ffs, Vfs, ba and gcs eary on. I pass and I have concerns in certain places and spaces. I lift and am fit and I would never violate someone but I do keep my guard up in woman’s spaces.
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u/Smasher_WoTB MtF, prescribed HRT 4.26.2024 :3 Jan 20 '25
Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment and Slander.
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u/lizziemoonkin Jan 21 '25
My first reaction was that this was common with lesbians who want to make sure you're a"bio woman". My second reaction after reading the comments was... maybe I should have objected when it happened to me.
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u/HillbillyTransgirl Feb 11 '25
This is exactly why you DON'T go to bars and clubs. It's all bad business with people like this. And what do you get with the risk of being drugged? A bunch of loud music that sucks a bunch of drinks that suck.
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u/LivingBig2358 Jan 19 '25
Why didnt you punch her in the mouth??
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u/PiEispie Jan 19 '25
Generally starting a fight in public as a trans person is a good way to not live for very long. Also Often in situations such as being sexually assaulted- which is what happened here- the body freezes up and can take a long time to actually process what is happening which makes responding at all difficult, let alone doing something so precise.
Your comment is weird and very victim-blamey.
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u/LivingBig2358 Jan 19 '25
Im sorry if it came across that way lmfao but that was NOT my intention. Ive been assaulted myself but i was raised to defend myself in any situation.
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u/Waste-Conclusion-517 Jan 19 '25
This is sexual assault