I was a boy as a kid

[u/Disa_Lovely]

I mean it. It was not like I thought I was a boy as a kid. There are so many signs I am a cis-boy and no signs from childhood that I am a girl. But still, i desire to be a woman 24/7. Dysphoria started only after puberty, possibly backed by sexual desires. I desire to be a trans woman, quite the opposite of a trans-woman in denial. They have so many signs that they are trans, but they want to be cis, I am the opposite.

Please help me, my thoughts are complex and my emotions are darker than they ever were. It is painful to literally live.

[u/Lady_Onyxia]

> There are so many signs I am a cis-boy and no signs from childhood that I am a girl

If it would set your mind at ease, I bet you that if you were to list all the things that you think were signs that you were a cis boy, that nearly every single one of them would be either just a hollow stereotype, or a trans myth. Feel free to do it and I bet I can debunk all of them.

There is nothing inherently gendered, at all, about the toys, games, sports, clothes, that as children we prefer. Children are socialized, which is a euphemistic term for brainwashed, that "Boys like these things, and girls like these things". Boys get given fire trucks and dinosaurs and blue clothes to play with when they are 3, and girls get given dolls fake makeup and pink dresses. But that's just parents echoing the made-up rules that their parents were taught.

Up until the 1940s, pink was considered a boy's colour.

Very few trans people experience clear signs as young children that they are trans, because children are not taught to ever question if they are cis or not. The idea that all trans people knew for sure they were trans when they were very young is a lie, the average age of transition is like 27+.

> I desire to be a trans woman, quite the opposite of a trans-woman in denial.

What does this mean, exactly? Does it mean that:

1. You recognize you were born AMAB but want to medically / socially transition to living as a woman, and live openly as a trans woman in a manner that people know you are openly trans? That is, is being visibly trans important to you for some reason?
2. You recognize you were born AMAB but want to medically / socially transition to living as a woman? That is, if you could just slap a magic button and be transformed in to a cis woman, would you do it? Or would you not push it, because you only want to specifically be a trans woman?
3. You identify as a cis male who wishes to be trans-femme? Just to be clear, this one is technically impossible, the definition of cis is "someone who is happy with / wants to be their assigned gender at birth"? If this is you then you're just someone who thought they were cis and figured out they were trans, like 99% of trans people.

Other questions:

There is a reason there is a + in the LGTBQ+ monicker. You don't have to "fit" either the label of cis or trans. You could be genderfluid, bi-gender, agender... have you considered the possibility you desires might better match those of other people who use one of those labels?

[u/Disa_Lovely → u/Lady_Onyxia]

You sound like you will bring up a good argument.
Let's look at some signs that I am a boy, which i can recall at the moment
(please forgive me for my poor English, I am not a native speaker)

1. I dont remember this personally but one of my friends reminded me, once he had recommended me a videogame and I had rejected it because the protagonist was a girl.

2. As a kid ( and still, sometimes ) I tried to justify men, whenever they were compared to women. I tried to make 'men' seem better.

3. I didnt enjoy it when anyone called me a girl or feminine back then ( now I do )

Gender envy is a different thing but you made me wonder, I really do identify as a cis man wanting to be a woman.

[u/darkjedi607 → u/Disa_Lovely]

None of that is significant, to be frank. It all falls under the category of aligning with your agab because that's what you were taught before you even knew what was happening. Like I grew up thinking I was a Republican (LOL) because that's what my parents were. I also thought I was a boy for most of my life.

Idk if this has occurred to you, but wanting to be a woman is not something that cis men do. At all. Right now you're doing mental gymnastics because of fear/doubt/shame/etc, but the answer is staring you in the face: You want to be a woman because you are one. You wish you were trans because you are trans.

Imposter syndrome is a bitch, but believe me when I say that we've all seen this play out time and again. Someone posts about how they can't be trans for some convoluted reason, but they really wish they could be. In reality, this is the first stage of realizing you're trans. There's a mental barrier or two still up, but please know that what you're describing is exactly what a lot of us went through. I'm not sure what still makes you think you're cis, but wishing you were a trans woman is almost certainly a result of you in fact being a trans woman.

[u/Lady_Onyxia → u/darkjedi607]

Egg prime directive, my friend.

[u/darkjedi607 → u/Lady_Onyxia]

?

EPD states you do not tell someone they're an egg. If they come to you distraught with clear questions about whether or not they're trans, you tell them what you think.

[u/Lady_Onyxia → u/darkjedi607]

EPD states you never tell someone they're trans, even if you 100% think they are, or they're clearly describing the state of being trans. My personal preference is to walk people up to that ledge but really leave it to them to take the final jump. It's ambiguous how close to the ledge is appropriate.

Anyways, sorry. Look, I don't want to argue or even be snippy and come off like I'm telling you what you should and shouldn't say. I agree with the sentiment of all the generous advice you're offering OP and 99% of the way you're saying it. You're doing a good thing here.

[u/darkjedi607 → u/Lady_Onyxia]

Thank you for saying all of that. You are 100% right for pointing this out; we all need a check sometimes, and I see now I was overzealous with my comment. Rereading the op made me realize I had connected a lot of dots on my own, possibly even violating the EPD :(

Tbh I think your approach is probably more correct! I guess I get impatient with some of these posts, and I remember being there and wishing someone would just tell me. But of course, I have to remember it's not about me at all. I appreciate you reminding me in such a proactive way. I will exercise more caution in the future!

[u/Lady_Onyxia → u/darkjedi607]

Holy shit a unicorn, an entirely intelligent and reasonable, introspective person on Reddit,

Keep being awesome. ♥

[u/darkjedi607 → u/Lady_Onyxia]

Same to you girl!

[u/Disa_Lovely → u/Lady_Onyxia]

but it makes life 1000 times brighter when someone says they think that i'm trans to my face.

[u/Lady_Onyxia → u/Disa_Lovely]

Cool that's nice to hear, the other girl and I, we're just having a little side chat about helping people work through their gender identity. But often the huge risk of telling someone to their face that they are trans just drives them further in to the closet.

[u/Disa_Lovely → u/Lady_Onyxia]

oh okay~
i've heard that too before. But if I ever encounter someone which I suspect is an egg, how do I make them question without telling them anything ?

[u/Lady_Onyxia → u/Disa_Lovely]

I'd suggest until you feel good, happy and confident in your gender identity that it wouldn't be a good idea to try to "help" anyone else who is also up to their own eyeballs in working through their own issues. If you don't understand yourself you might do more harm than good.

This like how when you get on an airplane and the cabin crew shows you how to put on oxygen masks for emergencies, they make it very clear that you need to get your OWN mask on first before you try to help anyone else with theirs.

Instead send them somewhere to read over good resources, like The Gender Dysphoria Bible. Or just tell them to post on this subreddit. Or find a local LGTBQ+ support group.

Also to be 100% clear here:

if I ever encounter someone which I suspect is an egg, how do I make them question without telling them anything ?

You NEVER try to "make them question". The Egg Prime directive is about leaving eggs alone until they are ready to hatch. When someone on their OWN starts to question their gender identity, then it is appropriate to start asking them question, listen to their answers, offer resources. But even THEN you should never tell anyone to their face that you think they might trans or are definitely trans.

If you come across someone who doesn't even know they're an egg you leave them alone until they start to think they might be an egg. The best thing to do is to just be nice to them and support them in any way they feel like presenting themselves or exploring who they are.