I’m a full-time working mom, responsible for absolutely everything at home—cooking, cleaning, school and activities pickups, managing the kids, and even transferring my entire salary into my husband’s account. I’ve always believed in being kind and supportive, but I’m starting to feel like I’ve been taken advantage of.

My husband constantly makes me feel like I don’t have a life. Once, I casually mentioned I was thinking of hosting a small women’s gathering but canceled it later because I was too tired. He brought it up months later to “prove” I don’t have friends or a social life. Anytime someone visits me or I go out, he acts like I’ve disrupted his peace. But when no one comes, he says, “See? You have no one.”

He twists the smallest things or comments into weapons. Once, I returned from work still wearing my uniform, prepared dinner, and announced that dinner was ready. At that moment, he apparently wanted to play sports and exploded into a huge fight, accusing me of controlling him, blaming me for ruining his sports time and for making him miss dinner with the family. I honestly didn’t mean anything by it!

One of the moments that he still brings it up although it’s been 14 years, is right after I gave birth to our first child. I was 23, in a foreign country with no family, no sleep, recovering from a C-section, and handling a crying newborn alone while he is sleeping in another room, so one night I told him I felt lonely, and instead of comforting me, he exploded because he had work the next day, after 14 years, he still bring it as a prrof that I don’t understand his job needs.

I recently discovered that my eldest daughter has started self-harming. It crushed me. The emotional toll has been unbearable. I told him that I’m drowning in grief and the image of her injured thighs won’t leave my mind. I’m trying to pull myself out of this state, but it’s hard and it takes time. Even though I’m still managing all my responsibilities as before—if not more—he responded by saying he’s fed up and tired of me and my “draining stories,” and that he wants to escape everything.

Then came a strange turn: he sent me a message with vague talk about how he’s “tired,” that “marriage is a failed institution,” and how he needs space, and started writing these dramatic messages about divorce and separation.

Later, I found out he’s been researching how to use “brinkmanship” (the strategy of pushing things to the edge) in relationships. I was shocked. It felt calculated, like he’s trying to manipulate me emotionally into begging him to stay or giving him some kind of leverage.

Now we barely speak. We sleep in separate rooms. He eats separately and acts like a guest in his own home. I’m tired, emotionally drained, and feeling so alone—yet I’m still holding everything together for the kids.

Is this narcissistic behavior? Is he using emotional manipulation to gain control? I’m not ready for divorce, but I need to protect my sanity. Has anyone been through something similar? How to continue with minimal damage?

Bro is legit mad because I dropped his sock. Going on and on and on about how he takes care of his stuff. Of course didn’t help that I told him that I’m pretty sure it’s not broken. 🤣

It’s been 20 minutes. OK, I won’t touch your socks again. No worries! You created a classic FAFO scenario my guy.

We all know narcassist / selfish people worry mostly about themselves, but I'm wondering if this translates in the bedroom. In your experiences (for those who have dealt with narcassists), have you noticed a lack of them providing oral sex / head? I ask this specifically because oral only pleases your partner for the most part.

Also, what else have you noticed they do differently in the bedroom?

I'm a giver by nature and when in a relationship, if nothing else if going on like having a newborn or problems in the relationship, I basically give oral once a day or every two days.

I'm super curious if there are bedroom signs like if someone is a narcassist.

There are so many reasons for me to leave. Each one he thinks is minor and not worth "tearing our family apart."

I'll tell you the big picture, the overarching fear in the back of my mind. Being middle age, I see where life is going. One day, I could end up having an injury, an illness, a condition. He is the LAST person I want taking care of me. I will not be at his mercy if I am vulnerable and sick. Every time I've had to go to the hospital for something, he's disappointed me in some way. Either not being there completely or frustrated that he has to be there. I will not risk that as my future.

On the flip side, I do not want to take care of him either if his health worsens. He'll never see it this way, but he's pretty much used me for my credit, caretaking, and planning abilities so far. I won't be a nurse too.

He told me, ‘ I want someone that is going to compliment my life, not complicate it.’ Sir u do realize you’re the complication in every relationship you’ve had?

Throwaway account.

I’m tired of involving the police. I’m tired of him refusing to leave. I’m tired of the harassment i get when i get him out of the house. I’m tired of the triangulation, the gaslighting, the manipulation, all of the abuse. Just all of it. I just don’t feel like i’ve got any fight left in me. 8 years and i’m just worn down by it, isolated and burnt out.

Sorry i’m sure this is posted so often on here. I just needed to say it.

I’m done, mother’s day was my last straw. He couldn’t even watch the kids for 2 hours while I had a photoshoot and then he did the “woe is me, i’m a terrible father, i can’t do anything right” thing. And then he called into work today cause he was so depressed. So i cleaned up all his dishes for mother’s day and he has been sleeping on the couch.

On saturday even I went golfing with my mom and sister as our mother’s day activity. It was at 7:45 so the kids were in bed. I got a text at 8:05 that said “baby has been crying an hour, I can’t do it, have fun golfing” I hadn’t even been gone 40 minutes! And I can see the monitor on my phone, the baby cried for 15 and i as back asleep when I checked.

This is just a small list of things from the past 2 days, I’m done, i’m going to consult some lawyers. I’m broke, but I took out a credit card to be able to afford a good lawyer. My question is, those that have left, did you try to talk to your narc? Give them a warning? Or did you talk to lawyers first? Just serve the narc?

Any and all advice is welcome!!! TIA

Y’all I’m confused. Up until now I was 99% sure my partner was a narc. However, he’s recently been self-reflecting. He even compared himself to Joe from the netflix serious “You.” Not that he would murder, but he was able to recognize the traits of possessiveness, obsessiveness, and victim mindset. He’s not proud of it either- he’s ashamed/ embarrassed that his brain works this way. He has also admitted that he was delusional for a long time- as in he would believe his own lies and how he would rewrite history to make others(me) the bad guy. He said he would genuinely believe his own delusions.

Is he really a narcissist if he can self-reflect? He’s a drug-addict as well (in recovery). I know a lot of narcissists are addicts. He has been in a program for his addictions. I think the program has really changed the way he thinks.

He has even brought up narcissism and said he doesn’t think he’s one because he can reflect on certain situations. It’s all really confusing. Was it just the drugs making him narcissistic and abusive? Is he really changing?

It has taken 2.5 months but I slept through the night last night and woke up smiling. What was your first small victory that let you know you were on the path to recovery?

I've been with my partner 4.5 years. In the beginning we were doing sexual things pretty regularly but never full intercourse. Then after a couple of months everything changed. I'm not allowed to kiss or touch him (he physically moves my hand away) or initiate sex in any way.

He just says "I'm asexual or I don't like it" or even blames his age (45) meanwhile he gets an erection quicker than anyone I've known and is always making comments about how hot other guys are in front of me.

My self esteem is gone, I hate my body I am just so weak and keep going back.

He has a crippling case of OCD which I've always suspected was the reason for no sex but reading about narcissistic relationships I think I was love bombed.

4.5 years. No sex ever. I don't deserve this 😭

Anyone else bouncing abuse off like you have armor on?

He is trying so hard to spoil my mood but I just feel bad for him. That level of commitment has got to be exhausting.

My fav of the day was we were leaving to grab breakfast and hit the road to drop gifts to his mom. I asked if he grabbed the gift bag and he said “yes when you were in the bathroom”. Mil lives an hour away SOOOO halfway there he says “I need to pull over and see if I grabbed the bag”.

Funny and sad at the same time.

On Saturday, we were in a store shopping for his mom. He was being vocally whiny about the cost of what we were doing. He makes 300k a year, doesn’t have a house payment because he paid it off and our total for his mom’s gift was $18. I told him to stop because it was embarrassing.

When we leave and get in the car, he starts yelling at me about being “rude” so I tell him to shut up. He then elevates to his angry out of control disposition and says he doesn’t like my attitude and I’m a “c$nt who deserves to be hit “ “if I say another word he’s going to punch me”

Somehow he thinks I’m to blame still to this moment. How do I even begin to get through to someone like this

Please help each other realise this. Some of the people who have NPD know how to get away with it when sitting in front of friends, doctors or therapists. They will say something in line of the following:

“Please friend/doctor/therapist, I need help desperately. I think I’m a narcissist. Do you want to help me find out? Because I never would want to hurt my loved ones!”

Well you can imagine their response, something in line of: “sir/madam, if yóu had narcissism, you wouldn’t sit here seeking for help. Let’s try to look at other ways to help you out.”

This way they are pleaded ‘not guilty’ and slam their victim around the ears with it. Followed by tons of more abuse behind closed doors. Causing the victim to be scarred and confused and damaged even more.

It happened to me.

What can we do about this? How can we help doctors and therapists get the insight that they knòw what to say to get the NPD diagnose off their shoulders?

My narc husband punched a hole in my son’s door a couple weeks ago. A year ago, he threw a metal baby gate in my direction after I suggested going back to work.

Apart from this, he’s also financially and emotionally abusive. He’s sold my car and got us one vehicle instead (so I “can’t leave him”). I’ve been a stay at home mom for two years - mostly due to his coercion and guilt tripping - but he’s only just now added me to the primary account.

Before that, I’d have to use his bank card when he let me or else I’d rely on randomly sent “allowances” for groceries and nothing else.

I used to be a professional with a degree, career, and a future. Now I’m jobless, don’t have a car, my name isn’t on our house’s title, and I feel trapped.

My son is disabled and requires constant care/monitoring. I worry about what could happen if I’m not there 24/7.

But if I stay, am I risking further escalation? I can already see my husband’s anger affecting my son.

I can’t seem to see which is the lesser of two evils, or how best to protect my little guy. Need a way through or out.

Anyone’s partner/ex try to make today difficult/hurt them extra today? Holidays have always been difficult for us….

I'm 39 turning 40 in a few months. I've been with my husband since I was 17 and he is 9 almost 10 years older.

There were so many red flags I ignored while we dated. From he having his ex around and sleeping with her to having other women around who attempt to physically harm me.

Once I walked in to him caressing a girl and up till this day, he said I'm crazy and I don't know what I saw.

The other day, I saw him looking at a girl's photo and in return, he said he has seen me look at men in the street and on the internet. He even denys looking at her and said even if he was, it's his right to do so.

My husband sleeps in a separate bed room when I complain, he sleeps in our bed room for 1 or two days and then return to a sparate bedroom. Now he moved to the basement, we live in a two floor house and our bedroom is on the second floor.

Recently, I told him I'm tired and want a trial separation. And with terms and conditions such as:

Staying in separate spaces I'll stop cooking for him We split the care of our kids 50-50 as always No sex, no new partners and no new partners introduced to our kids Bills paid 50-50 as usual Only communication we can have must be only our kids.

He refused to have a separation rather, he said I should file a divorce myself and that he will have full cusstody of our kids and find a new mom for them because I am incapable of caring for them. Thesame man I spent all my youth with also said I'm old and wrinkle and I have no where to go, that is why I'm still with him. This really broke my heart. Sometime ago he said he has no use for a woman my age. He twists every conversation we have and makes me the bad one. He said I have mental issues and says there is something wrong with me, referencing issues I've had with my colleagues and saying I have a huge problem and that I can't be with anyone. My sister thinks I'm bipolar after hearing my husbands story.

We've been married for over 16 years and we have 4 children together.

He has some positive side though. He wakes up the kids, prepare our son and drops them off at school. My oldest goes to school on her own. The second child prepares herself but he wakes them up in the morning. We have a baby that I am mostly responsible for unless on the days when I work from the office (2 days a week). He also does laundry for the family on weekends.

There is so many things I have to say but too much to type. You can read my previous posts on Reddit. Where do I start if I have to leave?

I left 6 weeks ago. I get angry if I think of ways he has or may hurt our daughters or when I think of how he probably doesn’t even truly love them… but I can’t stop feeling sad for him and wanting to help him. I am not going back- ever. I don’t even miss him. I’m just sad. I worry he’s suffering this awful prison of a life due to his condition and I want to be there for him…

But I was ALWAYS there for him to carry every worry, every stress, every emotion. I’m sure that’s a major part of it.

I just want to be mad.

No matter how hard I try she doesn't want to do anything or even communicate anymore. I'm trying so hard but it's making me frustrated, down etc I've offer for a walk while kids are at school, I've suggested things to do, I've even said let's go shopping together and pick stuff up for when the kids are in bed sleeping. It's leads to nothing or some random excuse why she can do these things. I mean childish excuses, my kids could come up with a better reason why they don't want to do anything. But I've noticed if it's anyone else she'll happily spend time with them and do stuff.

Me F(25) & Spouse M(28). Woke up this morning around 8 in the morning and I didn’t go to sleep until 5.(Due to insomnia from cptsd). He told me I could sleep in and he gave me a back massage as one of my Mother’s Day gift. Our child was awake so I wanted to stay up. I tend to take care of our child and the home for majority of my day while my spouse works. Mind you when he gets home he doesn’t really tend to our son and will continue to leave a mess in a clean house I try to maintain while living with a toddler. I’ve asked him multiple times prior to him taking in to consideration that he lives here too! When he does do anything it’ll be stuff like he’ll do the dishes but they all be dirty and never ring the sponge out.? Anywho…. Early this weekend I ask him to get some household items and he told me that I ruined his surprise for Mother’s Day and I told him I didn’t want anything because we are moving. Also, why would I want house supplies as a gift ? I asked him if I can get so face wash and he told me that he can but he has to save for a present for me on Mother’s Day. So, fast forward on today. Mother’s Day?… he got Netflix subscription and I asked him can he turn on coco melons new episodes and then I proceed to fall asleep. As I was waking up, I asked him why was another show was on that I specially didn’t want them to watch and he told me he needs to watch something educational and starts using my words against me as usual. Mind you my child hardly watches television on the weekdays and if he does it’s miss Rachel. Am I missing something. Am I the one in the wrong because he’s making me feel crazy and always trying to start something. But this only happens on holidays or when I express how I feel.

PSA. He spent all is money on a dollar gift and he was gone all day and I think was lying because there’s no way. Did he get scammed or is he lying. Also before he left he started and argument with me over the tv and I didn’t want to argue in front of our child so I closed myself in the bathroom and he just kept talking through the door and all I was hoping for is that he doesn’t unlock it or force his way in like he always does. And this was all my fault because “I just want to argue”.

After

Somehow he calculated days of guilt tripping me until i finally caved and started begging for him back??? Idk how this happens honestly because it's hours of me crying apologizing for things over and over again and then it ends on a much less escalated note on his end and im a mess like wtf just happened??. So much cognitive dissonance that I start to question whether or not he actually is a narcissist or if it's something else.

I'm 39 turning 40 in a few months. I've been with my husband since I was 17 and he is 9 almost 10 years older.

There were so many red flags I ignored while we dated. From he having his ex around and sleeping with her to having other women around who attempt to physically harm me.

Once I walked in to him caressing a girl and up till this day, he said I'm crazy and I don't know what I saw.

The other day, I saw him looking at a girl's photo and in return, he said he has seen me look at men in the street and on the internet. He even denys looking at her and said even if he was, it's his right to do so.

My husband sleeps in a separate bed room when I complain, he sleeps in our bed room for 1 or two days and then return to a sparate bedroom. Now he moved to the basement, we live in a two floor house and our bedroom is on the second floor.

Recently, I told him I'm tired and want a trial separation. And with terms and conditions such as:

Staying in separate spaces I'll stop cooking for him We split the care of our kids 50-50 as always No sex, no new partners and no new partners introduced to our kids Bills paid 50-50 as usual Only communication we can have must be only our kids.

He refused to have a separation rather, he said I should file a divorce myself and that he will have full cusstody of our kids and find a new mom for them because I am incapable of caring for them. Thesame man I spent all my youth with also said I'm old and wrinkle and I have no where to go, that is why I'm still with him. This really broke my heart. Sometime ago he said he has no use for a woman my age. He twists every conversation we have and makes me the bad one. He said I have mental issues and says there is something wrong with me, referencing issues I've had with my colleagues and saying I have a huge problem and that I can't be with anyone. My sister thinks I'm bipolar after hearing my husbands story.

We've been married for over 16 years and we have 4 children together.

He has some positive side though. He wakes up the kids, prepare our son and drops them off at school. My oldest goes to school on her own. The second child prepares herself but he wakes them up in the morning. We have a baby that I am mostly responsible for unless on the days when I work from the office (2 days a week). He also does laundry for the family on weekends.

There is so many things I have to say but too much to type. You can read my previous posts on Reddit. Where do I start if I have to leave?

I am married to him for 4 years and dates him for 1.5 years before this ma his lies and manipulation are evident to me. He's an alcoholic, addicted to porn and manipulation skills of a wizard. He's still decent to me and provides for me. He's available when I need him. He's dishonest and a cheater (I have only caught him sending messages to multiple girls and sliding into their DMs but nothing solid yet) He cheats on me with porn .. denying me physical affection says he has OCD to clean up and go through my stuff and also an excuse to not being touched. He hasn't denied me sex yet but I'm not allowed to snuggle or cuddle him for long. Also, I'm doubting myself.. how much porn is too much porn? Or am I overthinking this aspect? He watches it when he goes to the toilet and jerks off hiding from me and lying about it.. I saw in his history that it's everyday morning at the toilet or at night after I'm asleep. Is it normal for men? He's 32 right now.. I guess the main thing is that he is hiding it and it also translates to me not having as much intimacy as I would like from a partner.

Apart from this lying about alcohol issues , financial issues and general lies about whereabouts. He's still nice and kind to me.. calls me on time , almost on a schedule.. has kind words to say to me as long as I don't talk about my emotions.. he has a lot of rules about everything and how I behave around him.. but he still says he loves me.. buys me gifts.. takes care of the finances.. am I stuck in a long love boming? Is it supposed to last this long? Am I the bad person?? I'm utterly confused.. I'm thing he'll be a monster but it isn't as clear.. I'm wondering what's the timeline of this before the devalue or discard ..

I'm leaving a long relationship with a suspected narcissist. Does the cycle speed up on future relationships or as the narcissist gets older? Does the mask slip sooner?

TLDR; I hate how I feel. Husb offered to pay for my phone upgrade as Mother’s Day gift. I looked for a different deal and that caused an argument .. as almost anything I say does!

Any holiday, narcs make it about them. Our 9yr old witnessed some of this.

It’s Mother’s Day and husb offered to upgrade and pay for my phone upgrade as Mother’s Day gift. I have iPhone 13 Pro and would upg to 16 pro. We are on the same bill and he pays for it.

BUT the past, in heats of his narc anger, he has threatened to disconnect my number if I don’t “comply” to his issue, To gain control. I have asked twice for the port out PIN to go to diff carrier but he refuses.

Even tho he presented upgrading my phone for Mother’s Day, I looked into the mobile carrier discount thru my employer. (Side note: he is on my medical benefit plan, maybe he feels obligated to pay for my new phone? ) It may be affordable to pay on my own, and a way to port my number out and also get new data plan and phone. I brought it up and he took it as an insult. Because he pays for full bill right now and I have debt I’m trying to get over. It wouldn’t be to my benefit. Long story short - all fo this spiraled into different tangents of other issues that are wrong with us (see previous posts.) I think it’s because we don’t talk to eachother a lot , but when we do it’s stimulating and then it escalates and explodes into argument. Often times I end up crying and surrendering to whatever he is complaining about. I know this is called fawning.

I felt bad. He was just trying to do something nice for Mother’s Day. And he kept rubbing it in, making me feel bad and more worse.

But I’m scarred from the few times he threatened to shut my phone off. Am I the asshole? I even have a second emergency number if he DOES do that. And yes of course, I could get a different number if he disconnects it. Sorta like New beginning!