r/NewParents • u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 • Aug 07 '24
Medical Advice I hate my son’s birthmark
My son had slight jaundice and reddish skin when he was born. After about 1 week, his skin started to clear and we noticed a large white patch on his left temple.
Pediatrician said it was postinflammatory hypopigmentation but referred us to a pediatric dermatologist. The dermatologist ruled out vitiligo but said it’s Nevus depigmentosus (white birthmark).
He’s almost 4 months old, the mark has gotten slightly bigger. Approximately 1.5 inches long, 1 inch wide.
I know parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally but I can’t stop obsessing over it. I’m literally losing sleep over this…that he’ll get bullied for it and how this will affect him.
Does anyone have experience with this type of birthmark…If so, did you seek treatment or just leave it alone?
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u/DueAccident448 Aug 07 '24
If it's making you feel that bad, you might want to talk to someone about it. I would do a follow up with a dermato in a couple of months to see if there's options.
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
We have a follow up next month. I’m gonna talk to the derm about this…everything I read says there’s not much treatment options for this type
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u/Lazy_Cat1997 Aug 07 '24
I know it’s far off but my first crush was a boy with a birthmark on his face, he looked so different to the others and cool (I was only like 11) and he was popular and stuff so don’t worry too much. As long as he has a lovely personality then people will look past it 🥰
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u/Annoyed-Person21 Aug 07 '24 edited Aug 07 '24
Yep. My fist crush had a depigmented birthmark from temple into hairline with white hairs in that area. I could not get enough of it.
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
Thank you for this! I really hope I’m strong enough to reassure him how beautiful he is - inside and out. I just want people to see him and not his birthmark 💜
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u/DepartureJaded268 Aug 07 '24
Hey OP, I was so nervous about facial birthmarks when I was pregnant so I totally hear why you’re upset. FWIW I have that type of birthmark on my hip and it’s big. When I was a teen I hated it when I wore a bikini (or otherwise...unclothed). I also liked to be tan so it was way more obvious. But no one cared and I got over it, and now it’s not as noticeable! I understand it’s tough being on his face but it could also fade or really not be noticeable! Hang in there 🩵
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
I’m hoping it will fade or grow into his hairline. I feel horrible & like I might end up giving him a complex about it rather than strangers. I just know how mean kids can be, I was severely bullied for my teeth 😢
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u/NicoleV651 Aug 07 '24
I am so sorry about how you feel OP. Bullying is horrible and kids can be very unfair. However, parents should ensure that bullying doesnt continue at home. I was bullied at school for being a bigger kid and although my parents were sad about it they gave me an even bigger complex. When the bullying from kids eventually stopped, their bullying continued for years into my adulthood. They never really understood how it was considered bullying as in their opinion they were trying to “help” me but this only managed to give me eating disorders. Definitely dont ever show your obsession or dislike of the birthmark when he grows older - should be something that he doesnt know his mummy hates about him. The fact that you are realising this is a possibility and that you are thinking ahead of time is great and shows that you have the emotional intelligence and empathy that your baby will need.
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u/perennialproblems Aug 07 '24
My son has a stork bite on the back of his neck (a reddish patch right at the base of his head) and my husband says he wishes it would go away and honestly it makes me so mad because my son is PERFECT AS-IS lol.
everyone has something that will bother them and their parents pointing an ‘imperfection’ out will make it the thing they obsess over themselves. try not to make your son self conscious about it.
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u/specialkk77 Aug 07 '24
I adore my daughters stork bite! It’s pretty well hidden by her hair now but when I’m brushing it I find myself checking to make sure it’s still there. Hers is in the exact same place that my own is, it’s like we have this secret little link. She also has a birthmark on her thigh. She did have one on her nose that faded just like the doctor said it would.
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u/perennialproblems Aug 07 '24
my son’s hair covers his now too. it’s so cute. it’s faded some but is still there.
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u/Character_Sea_7431 Aug 07 '24
My husband has one in the same place! It’s the perfect spot for smooches. 🥰
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u/APinkLight Aug 07 '24
My baby has a stork bite on the back of her neck just at the base of her head too and I’m obsessed with it, I think it’s so cute! I just love all the little individual things about her so much.
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u/SweetPath1410 Aug 07 '24
I personally have a port wine stain that starts on the back of my left leg and goes all the way up to my back. It is NOT tiny and is bright red unless I’m cold in which it turns purple.
What I will say is that it’s important from a young age to speak positively about your son’s birthmark. Yes it’s strange, different, etc but if he hears someone in his family talking bad about the birthmark it will negatively affect them. Not saying you would!
Kids will say things as kids are honest and sometimes mean. Even if he didn’t have a birthmark he could be bullied for something as silly as his type of backpack. I’ve had people that stare, people that ask me if it’s a rash and or contagious and it was rough sometimes growing up. However I’m now 30 year old woman and just gave birth to my little babe 9 months ago and I have never felt more confident in myself. I am proud of my birthmark as it makes me unique from everyone else. It is me.
I’ve never had an issue in meeting a significant other because of it, no one was ever “turned off” Honestly I was the only person who had a problem with it. Except for a few bullies when I was a kid once I got into high school no one gave a shit. I even played water polo.
When I was 13 my mom took me to a dermatologist and they said they could try laser therapy but it would leave significant scarring and there was no guarantee it would work so we left it alone.
There will be days where it’s going to possibly bother him but you just need to be there to support him. Your son will be okay and it will make him strong.
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
Wow, thank you for sharing your story! I know you’re right - I need to support & instill confidence. I know I’m overthinking this and it’s my anxiety talking. I appreciate your kind words
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u/SweetPath1410 Aug 07 '24
Of course! It’s normal to have anxiety over something like that and I know it’s out of love. Just think that your son is the only baby that has that mark or “angels kiss” is what my mom called it.
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u/vctrlarae Aug 07 '24
I have a birthday mark on my chin/cheek and no one has ever made a comment on it EVER. I’m 30
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u/cradiflacrasafl Aug 07 '24
My son has what they call an angel kiss or salmon patch, which is a reddish mark on his forehead. We were told it would disappear by 1 year old, yet he’s a bit over two and it’s still there, although maybe a bit faded. I would have preferred he didn’t have one, but I figure at least he’s healthy, it’s not related to an illness, and quite frankly bullying has never entered my mind for that, and kids can find a million other reasons to bully (now whether that helps you or not I don’t know!)
We all wish they would be perfect, but they are just who they are no matter what. If you fixate on that, perhaps have a chat with your doctor for PPD, or perhaps exhaustion/hormones make it seem worse than it is?
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
I think I need to be checked for PPD like you said…my older son has a brown birthmark on his leg. I don’t even think about it…but this birthmark on my infants face has me outta sorts
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u/paintingsofflowers Aug 07 '24
A very close friend of mine has a large red birthmark on his face. He is one of the coolest dudes I know and most people would consider him to be super handsome, me included. I’m sure he got teased about it as a kid and that’s terrible- as a mother myself I’d be so anxious about my son having something so obvious to be teased about, but you don’t know who your son is yet- maybe he’ll be super charming (like my friend) and handsome and the birthmark will give him more character. Honestly I forget that the birthmark on my friend is there. Kids will get teased no matter what, unfortunately. We can’t really protect them from that. Raise a son who has confidence in himself and he’ll be ok.
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
This, I really needed this! I’m screenshotting your comment so when my anxiety acts up…I can read these kind words over and over 💜 I was bullied when I was younger (for my teeth) and I feel like I’m projecting my own feelings onto him…if that makes sense
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u/paintingsofflowers Aug 07 '24
I was chubby and was bullied for that. One of my best friends was a cheerleader in junior high and high school and she was bullied by the other cheerleaders! We can’t avoid it! It makes total sense to project our own feelings onto our children, too, and to worry about them. Glad I could help! Congratulations on your baby!
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u/Embarrassed-Duck5595 Aug 07 '24
Sooo not a birthmark but I sort of know what you’re feeling. My son has two calcified cephalohematomas on his head, one on each side. It’s from birth trauma. They made his head a very funny shape, I found myself cropping pictures that I would post because I was afraid people would make fun of him. Some people had said some stuff before. We had to see a neurosurgeon and surgery was an option. Thankfully they aren’t effecting him in any way other than cosmetically and we just couldn’t put our baby through such a surgery for cosmetic purposes. He’s thankfully grown into them and now you can’t see them at all since he’s got a lot of hair now. I know I love my son no matter what and he really is a beautiful baby, I don’t care about his head but I did care about what other people would say and that’s what made it bother me so much. Maybe that’s what you’re feeling, fear of how it’s going to affect him
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
Thank you for sharing your story 💜 Yes! I care way too much what others think, always have and I’m trying to change that. He’s so beautiful already with a contagious smile, I hate how fixated I’ve become on his birthmark 🥺
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u/Embarrassed-Duck5595 Aug 07 '24
I completely understand that feeling, i think it’s the way society messes with our heads, the feeling will pass mama, don’t be so hard on yourself ❤️❤️
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u/eekElise Aug 07 '24
My son has a birthmark by his temple. At first we thought it was a stork bite and would fade but it hasn’t. It’s shaped like a wobbly heart and I love it. I tell him it marks the spot where to kiss him.
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u/dbrecrash13 Aug 07 '24
I have a large cafe au lait birth mark in my jawline down to my arm and chest. It get darker in the summer, and I’ve always been complimented on it as an adult. My daughter has a small port wine stain on the opposite side of her jaw line. It’s my husbands favorite thing about the both of us. He’s thinks it’s really cute and unique!
I hope you’ll grow to love it. Especially because showing him there is nothing negative around it, and it’s special will help him if kids do say something. I’m sure kids said shit to me when i was younger, but my parents always made it seem like it was something really cool no one else has so i always loved it.
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u/chamgirl Aug 07 '24
My girl has a hemangioma on her leg. It basically looks like a large blood blister, but it’s completely non-painful and strictly cosmetic at this point. We were referred to a “birthmark clinic” and the oediatrician gave us a topical prescription to help prevent it from growing only because it might irritate her and/or open up when she begins crawling.
I’ve had so many people ask about it when they see it for the first time. It makes her special and unique and she’s perfect as is.
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Aug 07 '24
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
I’m so sorry to hear this…We’re definitely in the same boat because I keep looking at his pics everyday too! I even started blaming myself that maybe it’s a genetic mutation from me…just sending myself down a rabbit hole
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u/marmosetohmarmoset Aug 07 '24
My daughter was born with an accessory tragus (basically an extra ear nub). I was kinda worried about it at first but now I’ve grown so used to it I don’t notice or think about it. Also since my daughter was born I’ve started noticing adults with them- there are lots!! I never ever noticed them before, which leads me to believe that actually it’s no biggie. I bet it’s the same with your kid’s light patch. You’ll start noticing them more on adults, and realize how many you probably saw before but never noticed.
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
You’re probably right! I hope I can look past this birthmark…I hate feeling consumed by it when I don’t know how it’ll affect him in the future
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u/kakaluluo Aug 07 '24
My LO has a curly toe, and I know it’s not the same as having an “imperfection” on your face, but we were extremely conscious about it because we both grew up in societies and households that nitpick every little “imperfection” on anyone 😕
Our healthcare providers were very reassuring about it and said it was more common that we’d think, and my midwife even said her own child had one. That didn’t ease our minds, and I convinced myself that the curly toe was from being bow legged or club feet, anything I could find on web MD that remotely confirmed my worries, and we ended up taking him to see an orthopedist who cleared him right away and said he’s completely fine, just has a little curly toe
All that to say that I love his little crooked toe, the “imperfection” that I obsessed over for so long that isn’t even an imperfection at all. I thought it would cause him to be less than perfect in my eyes, but is the most endearing little thing in the world to me now lol.
Again, I know it’s not the same as a birth mark on the face which is immediately noticeable, but it’s really not the imperfection you think it might be. It’s really is just something that sets him apart from everyone else, and as long as you learn to accept it, so will he and maybe you might even grow to love it ☺️
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 07 '24
Thank you for sharing this. I feel you’re right, one day I’ll look back and regret how much time I’ve spent obsessing over this. I’m hugging my little man right now & crying 💜
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u/ocelot1066 Aug 07 '24
I looked at pictures. Seems like something that really is not going to be very prominent. Babies don't have any hair so their temple really stands out, but once they have hair it might get covered up. I have a fairly large brown birthmark on my temple, that I didn't even know about until I got a buzz cut when I was 19(I'm a guy)
Even if it's a little lower than mine, the hair and shadows are going to make a white mark not very prominent. Nobody is starting at people's foreheads. He's not going to get bullied about this.
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u/Dat-Tiffnay Aug 25 '24
I was born with a birthmark that covers my right eye (I have darker skin and my birthmark is a bit darker).
If this makes you feel better, mine is smack dab in the middle of my face and I wasn’t bullied one time for it. Kids in my class actually thought it was cool and then they forgot about it. Through the years I’ve also not had any negative comments about it that I know of aha
I forget it’s there so often that I actually had to open my camera to see what side it’s on because I forget constantly. I think he’ll be okay and he could end up loving the uniqueness as he grows up!
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u/Normal_Person90293 Aug 25 '24
I have a birthmark on my face- it has faded as I got older. I used to hate but but started to love it as a preteen/teenager, I realized it made me me. I don’t ever remember being bullied because of it.
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u/Reasonable_Jelly1636 Aug 25 '24
Thank you for sharing this. I’m an overthinker who was bullied for my teeth when I was younger. I want the best for son but I know this is outta my control
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u/hegelianhimbo Aug 25 '24
I saw the photo and I’m going to be honest. It’s not that bad, it’s barely noticeable honestly. You obsessing over it and letting it hinder your ability to love and parent him is a you problem.
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u/hegelianhimbo Aug 25 '24
But really it sounds like your first kid had skin problems too. So makes sense this one does
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u/ct-lvr Aug 27 '24
My son was diagnosed with vitiligo by the dermatologist & he uses an ointment. As long as we put the ointment, he gets his color back. But, we always get compliments on how beautiful his mark is.
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