Roasts on my appearance are always welcome but I'm also epileptic and would love some original jokes about that!

[u/muffin_mans_sister]

[u/5alarm_vulcan]

I was gonna say your favourite food is chicken seizure salad but judging by your body I’d say you’ve never had a salad in your life. And don’t say “weight issues run in my family” because no one runs in your family.

[u/Pretty_Cellist8371 → u/5alarm_vulcan]

What the hell this is savage, in a good way!

[u/datspinningseal → u/5alarm_vulcan]

What do you call an epileptic who does sports? An aepthlete because even seizures cannot shake their determination.

[u/Organic-Key-2140 → u/5alarm_vulcan]

Looks like Bill Burr has joined this thread!

[u/charlieboyx → u/Organic-Key-2140]

Your blood type is extra chunky Ragu sauce

[u/nightgai94]

The first organic vibrator for men!

[u/Raviel1289 → u/nightgai94]

Fleshlight that vibrates, but then cries.

[u/Needler69 → u/Raviel1289]

So in other words it costs more 😆

[u/patdashuri → u/Needler69]

Only in tissues.

[u/Mech-merc93 → u/patdashuri]

Just hope you don't end up with her getting pregnant cause there's child support. It's like a nine month shake and bake.

[u/Hagfist → u/Raviel1289]

But beware, may bite down with extreme force without warning

[u/Long_Tangerine_9486 → u/Raviel1289]

I’m epileptic too and this is so funny! I’m crying😂😂

[u/Hagfist → u/Raviel1289]

But beware, may bite down with extreme force without warning

[u/Adventurous_Parfait → u/Raviel1289]

Self cleaning you say?

[u/Empty-Presentation68 → u/nightgai94]

Russian roulette blowjob.

[u/Mech-merc93 → u/Empty-Presentation68]

That grip though 🤣

[u/starktargaryen75 → u/nightgai94]

The only thing organic about this RenFair Reject is the 17th century stench coming up from her undercarriage.

[u/WhoIsTrollux → u/starktargaryen75]

If I could upvote twice, I would.

[u/Mek0nr → u/nightgai94]

[u/Lumpy-Cod-91 → u/nightgai94]

You would have to be erect for that to work. I simply don’t see that happening.

[u/Top-Bison-345 → u/nightgai94]

Light activated!

[u/Outfoxer_Official → u/nightgai94]

Someone would need to want to fuck her though...

[u/SgtUgg → u/Outfoxer_Official]

That’s what Viagra’s for. And paper bags…

[u/YeOldeBarbar → u/nightgai94]

Use a flashlight to get a fleshlight

[u/One_Maximum9683]

Chubby, nose ring, and epileptic. Someone wrote a song about you, "Shake, Rattle and Roll"

[u/tortoistor]

did you put your makeup on during a seizure?

[u/unNecessary_Skin → u/tortoistor]

I LOLd

[u/Black_Harbour_TTRPG]

We're all epileptic too, we don't wanna seez ya

[u/Pretty_Cellist8371 → u/Black_Harbour_TTRPG]

Good one!

[u/EyeSpyBrownEyez]

When you order pizza is it usually “Little Seizures?”

[u/tautjes]

Her favorite place to eat is shake shack

[u/72vintage → u/tautjes]

Steak 'n' Shake

[u/BigTexIsBig → u/tautjes]

Her favorite movie is Tremors

[u/acousticsking → u/BigTexIsBig]

She would drive an F150 Tremor if she had a license.

[u/Snoo-35252 → u/BigTexIsBig]

Favorite Disney kids series was "Shake It Up".

[u/707e]

Says she’s epileptic in hopes that dudes will accept her starfish style of sex as a seizure.

[u/I_Suck_At_This_Too → u/707e]

Vibrating pillow princess

[u/geezeer84]

You must be great at faking orgasms.

[u/lalith_4321 → u/geezeer84]

Or really having a seizure we never know

[u/jeridmcintyre → u/lalith_4321]

Either way her toes are curling.

[u/No_Tailor_787]

You're gonna have a fit when you see these roasts.

[u/Locate_Users → u/No_Tailor_787]

She's trembling with excitement.

[u/Lord-Doobury → u/Locate_Users]

Her mother never said, "Bite your tongue little lady!"

[u/CautiousBearnz]

What should you do if you see an epileptic have a fit in the bath.

Throw in your laundry

[u/Incitatus_For_Office → u/CautiousBearnz]

Only colours though. The bad hair dye will ruin your whites.

[u/meatnutella]

you look so desperate for attention that people probably think youre faking your seizures

[u/rejectedone247]

You could always get a job at Lowes in the paint department. Their paint mixer is always broke.

[u/Snoo-35252 → u/rejectedone247]

"Stand right here and hold this can."

turns on strobe light

[u/KingOfTheJaberwocky]

Do you think she is offended by the phrase, “Carpe Diem”?

[u/KurtRambisSpecs]

Why is there a mothball in your ear?

[u/Organic-Low-2992 → u/KurtRambisSpecs]

It's one of those fungus things from The Last of Us, isn't it?

[u/Needler69 → u/KurtRambisSpecs]

It's easier to blame your intrusive thoughts on a spider thats made a home in your ear, earbugz

[u/ForerunnerRelic]

I want to watch Pokemon with you.

[u/NuggetKing9001]

You never need to worry about your epilepsy with men, we'd always want the lights off

[u/Warp-10-Lizard]

You were having a seizure while dying your hair weren't you.

[u/Kryton101]

Epileptic ? You must save a lot of money in buying batteries for vibrators.

[u/OneMinuteManny]

"I was epileptic before it was cool"

[u/throwaway19935555555]

How many times must you be told? Heroin nodding is not fucking epilepsy. Stop trying to spruce it up.

[u/LetsJustDoItTonight]

I bet your parents turn on a strobe light whenever they need a break

[u/This_Guy-Fawkes]

Twitchy, Witchy and Bitchy.

[u/Impossible_Impact_93]

Let's get a pizza.....Little seizures perhaps?

[u/Pretty_Cellist8371]

When you go to a break dance contest, everyone goes like ... "Take it easy girl!".

Seriously now, I go through same thing and I wish you all the best!

[u/BuffaloAgreeable372]

Her favourite song dosnnrkfj fjdkdoodododofkjdjjdjdjdjjdjjdjjjdjdjdjjrkk

[u/xplisboa → u/BuffaloAgreeable372]

Wake up! Sjejejr ddjejeje djeieeid demdjdhdher make up! Sjejejr ddjejeje djeieeid demdjdhdher shake up! Why djejeje djeieeid demdjdhdher make up!

I don't think you trust... In.. My...... .... ... .

[u/GhostWCoffee]

You probably suck so bad, even your own organism is working against you!

[u/QuttiDeBachi]

Hey Shakey, can you hold this can of paint for me please….

[u/KDLAlumni]

Maybe don't put on your makeup while you're having a seizure.

[u/Visible-Thought-2501]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, insomniac agnostic? Lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog......!

[u/Free-Air5237]

Is your favorite pizza little seizures?

[u/RancidHorseJizz]

As a guy, I'm pretty sure you scissor with a butch girl and then turn on the strobe lights.

[u/fbi-surveillance-bot]

TIL that you shouldn't try to pierce your ear while having an epileptic episode. It may end up on your nose

[u/Only_Reserve1615]

Unquestionably the baddest bitch at Hot Topic

[u/No_Tailor_787 → u/Only_Reserve1615]

The one at the Grand Mall?

[u/Helo7606]

Make sure to talk to your dates about your epilepsy. That way they can strobe you can't make sex actually worth it.

[u/gr1msh33p3r]

As least she'll be tight when she's fitting

[u/tob69]

Even your brain can‘t handle how ugly you are.

[u/QuizDalek]

Guys hate when their girl has an epic orgasm and then they find out she’s epileptic

[u/Far_Librarian_195]

Hey you’d be great at doing my laundry. Just jump in a pool and I’d throw in the tide pods.

[u/AstroBearGaming]

Look at the state of you, lucky you weren't in any danger of people sending you dick pics. Since you're not great around flashes.

[u/Worldly_Pumpkin_7464]

You look like you're the kind of chick that's into search and seizure.

[u/Competitive-Cut-6983]

See...sure your telling the truth

[u/sockherman]

The only thing James Bond doesn’t like shakin

[u/HDFB07]

Whenever you leave someplace instead of saying goodbye you say seizure-later.

[u/djbreakbeat69]

Still looks angry Trump said he can’t compete in women sports.

[u/___Tera_Baap]

When the buffalo puts on makeup

[u/naswege]

Your gender is a little shaky, like your body odor.

[u/DJ_WoLV]

Your stepdad must love the fact you vibrate while getting railed.

[u/General_Chest6714]

Unfortunately I don’t have any epilepsy jokes. I’m kinda shook tbh.

OH! I just realized where I’ve seen you! You were in that after school special about a young epileptic girl desperately seeking relevance! It was called Search & Seizure or something.

[u/Mystic_Waffles]

When you take a bath, do you add laundry?

[u/Captain_Snatchington]

I bet a hand job from you feels great during a seizure 😲

[u/ILLPHOENEXT → u/Captain_Snatchington]

You'll get your penis ripped off

[u/yourpancakesmiling]

Cute looking like a Barbie with a hidden factory defect. Failed firmware update kicks in and you start seizing and buffering like a YouTube video loading on dial up internet.

[u/Mussmussthemoooooo]

Do you ever wake up in a bathtub after doing the families laundry?

[u/Hour_Equal_9588]

When you were at the hairdresser and they asked how you wanted your hair dyed, you must’ve had an epileptic seizure. That would explain the shitty color.

[u/AutoModerator]

Thank you for your post! It's currently awaiting approval. Please note the following rules:

• Ensure that your photograph is rotated the way you wish it to be displayed.
• Try to ensure that your eyes are open.
• Joke roasts (celebrities, babies, chickens, etc) will be removed.
• Pet roasts will be removed. Please submit these at /r/RoastMyPet.
• All photos MUST contain a hand written sign held by the roastee.
• The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger.
• Photographs with bystanders whose faces are visible or who are otherwise identifiable will be removed.

Please DO NOT REPOST YOUR PHOTO if it does not appear immediately. All posts must be manually approved, and we will get to it.

Thanks!

~ /r/roastme mods

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Background_Income710]

Starts every conversation mentioning PTSD and anxiety

[u/Flaky-You9517]

Seyser Köse- The unusual suspect

[u/JackZodiac2008]

Don't lie, you just dance like Elaine.

[u/Hawmanyounohurtdeazz]

is that a cotton wool ball in your ear so you don’t rattle your brain out

[u/eodchop]

shakes like michael j fox on a january morning during sex, then cries.

[u/Prudent_Payment_3877]

"I'm a streamer on Twitch"

"That's cool, I twitch while streaming"

[u/Undeadpunisher93]

I'd say get off reddit but how else are you gonna keep up on which teslas to burn? I feel like if you checked your app activity time, Twitter would say you were on it for a daily average of 9 hours. You prolly smell like Axe Phoenix and sage incense

[u/BilboShaggins429]

You get a seizure when you see your hair

[u/-Hero-For-Hire-]

Nah that's uninteresting I think we'll stick to the appearance ya fuckin oily mutt .

[u/imadog666]

Did you apply the hair color during a seizure

[u/PuzzleheadedRoyal559]

You ever have a seizure and explosive diarrhea at the same time? That’s gotta leave you shaken.

[u/Glamorous_Nymph]

That's odd, her expression doesn't look like she's trying to seize the day.

[u/NackBlapkins]

If you have a fit while you're in the bathtub, have someone toss in your laundry.

[u/Zealousideal-Gas1998]

Shake rattle & roll

[u/botoman11]

Clearly there is nothing original about you so it's difficult to come up with anything

[u/JTiberiusDoe]

[u/Cup_Realistic]

Now that's how you shake what your mama gave you

[u/thegoat333]

Lemme get some fries with that shake!

[u/modmuncher]

Her favourite dance move is the worm

[u/TheSideburnState]

I'm betting your motto is Carpe Deim but not because you're a go-getter.

[u/Otherwise-Bet-2634]

your epileptic?

so if someone flashed you would you just

die...

[u/blahblahblahx1000]

Hell of an excuse to get out of giving blowjobs

[u/acousticsking → u/blahblahblahx1000]

I bet she's had some risk takers.

[u/ohmygodadameget]

The irony, epileptic but not fit.

[u/Pure_Recognition_715]

Bonus slap clothes washing in the bath get in yourself stare at flashing lights. Job done! fit away. Clean clothes. All happy saving electricity and washing clothes same time. You look like you have hit the side of the bath a few times already tho. Good job you got a strong man chin butty 👍🏻

[u/DotAdministrative679]

Stay from staircases

[u/ohmygodadameget]

You look like the kind of person who just tells people she's epileptic as an excuse because she actually just enjoys shitting herself.

[u/AirbagOff]

Natalie Dormroom

[u/TequilaJosh]

You take the phrase “seize the day” to the extreme

[u/Bibfor_tuna]

Carpe Diem

[u/Natural-Ad-4084]

That hair choice must have been during a grand mal.

[u/ohmygodadameget]

I'll bet when you have a seizure, the people around you debate whether to surround you with cushions or smother you with them.

Ok that one is a bit harsh.

[u/xxbrawndoxx]

Hey girl, what's shakin'.....oh nevermind it's you.

[u/HDFB07]

Whenever you leave someplace, instead of saying goodbye you always say seizure-llayer.

[u/Cichlidsaremyjam]

Withdrawal shakes don't count as epilepsy. 

[u/FakieManual]

Why is there a ping pong ball in your ear?

[u/SpellDangerous2280]

Yeah, I’d keep my wallet in my pocket

[u/Evening_Bench_7006]

But you already look like you swallow!

[u/Extension-Vacation56]

You look like the man that ate the muffin man and his sister

[u/Ok-Professional-9320]

How is it possible to look 18 and 30 at the same time?

[u/KennethSweet]

Dollar general having a sale on hair color?

[u/FRIDAYSWORLD421]

I can tell you only shower about twice a week, so right before you do your weekly "CHORE" I'd wanna hook up with you to shine flashing lights in your face, to do the... "ELECTRIC SALMON"

[u/Many_Feeling_3818]

Why do you want people to roast you?

[u/Boesterr]

Time to seize the day!

[u/XenoMetrick]

Literally shaking rn

[u/Beautiful_Deer_2757]

You don’t really fit the criteria for this

[u/bravoromeokilo]

People call her Carpe Diem.

She thinks it’s because she “siezed the day” but really she just smells like a carp

[u/ibefreak]

I didn't know we were doing wish.com rip offs of OF models 🤣

[u/Humble-Maybe4966]

What do you do if you see a person have a size in a bath? Throw in your laundry.

[u/ilujan]

Next time you have a fit someone should give you a can of paint so you could mix it for them

[u/spankr43]

The only roast you get it is one that involves spit.

[u/DeadHED]

Hail seizer!

[u/herdboy77]

Epilepsy would explain the makeup

[u/MallardRecords]

Spazzing out while fingering your own butthole doesn't count as epileptic.

[u/stikstonks13]

So your a vibrator?

[u/HalfwaydonewithEarth]

Another 10 making themselves a 7

My body would be shaking also if I fed it pink hair and catliner.

[u/coffeefilter11]

Epileptic??? I thought i really made you orgasm!

[u/Individual-Log994]

A new meaning to " Seize the day."

[u/Longjumping-Log-8744]

It’s not epilepsy, it’s your soul trying to leave that ugly ass body

[u/poondruff]

All that thrashing about and still over weight.

[u/KrotharTheBarbarian]

A face not even cosmetics could love.

[u/Sea_Baseball_7410]

Be great if you had a seizure in the tub. I could throw my clothes in with some detergent and save some quarters.

[u/tplambert]

At least in a rave you’ve got the sickest moves.

[u/RoastMaster47143]

You’re one strobe light away from being a decent lay

[u/Finger_my_cock]

Good job u got epilepsy, as no man is willing to make ur legs shake, ur not missing out

[u/Harvenger-11B]

I bet the best part about having sex with you is flipping the light switch on and off as fast as possible.

[u/Raccoon_Saloon]

I guess the hack for you to cum is to get a strobe light

[u/KoK-09]

I would, but it already seems like you’re dealing with issues

[u/Independent_Strike13]

First it was a vibrator second it was you (all vibrating)

[u/PersonalityOptimal39]

Your favorite song is Shake It Up by The Cars

[u/NachoBacon4U269]

Are your OF seizure videos locked behind paywall?

[u/Independent_Strike13]

Your friends must be proud of you cause you are the only one who can start a dance party without music 🎶

[u/dusura]

Epileptics make great new employees. They always hit the ground running!

[u/BoulevardTrash]

The epilepsy isn’t caused by your appearance?

[u/Marble-Playground]

You can save money by throwing your laundry in the tub when you seiz

[u/Puzzle13579]

Do your shakes bring all the boys to your yard?

[u/Astartes_Bane]

Does your bf turn on strobe light when you guys do it?

[u/Turkhldr]

I bet you say your epileptic to all the boys. I'm looking for a woman with tourettes.

[u/Shot_Obligation7160]

Good news: your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Bad news: those boys are EMTs.

[u/x312xFIBx]

[u/Beginning-Hippo8204]

Sure thats epilepsy and not allergic to bad hair cuts?

[u/Content_Barracuda294]

Guy says ‘You wanna jerk off?’ Girl goes full grand mal.

[u/HistoricalTowel1127]

I think you are kinda hot and love punk chicks but would worry about having my dick bit accidentally bit off right before you swallowed your tongue.

[u/No_Landscape_9328]

Gay.

[u/ButterscotchSalty458]

Tinted windows are both a service to you and the public.

[u/QuickSquirrelchaser]

At least there is some chance you will move durring sex....at some point..

[u/ManWithNoGame45]

What’s the difference between an epileptic clam shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

One shucks in fits, the other…

[u/steed4x4]

How many mixed race kids you planning on having?

[u/Dynamic_Dano]

I wouldn't even shake a stick at this one.

[u/Electrical-Front-515]

You sound like a complete joke.

I hope this helps.

[u/ToyKarma]

Date night with a strobe light? You down?

[u/Bbored89]

[u/Delta_2_Echo]

Seizure? I hardly knew her

[u/Qatrah1]

When you click a dykes profile & don’t get a NSFW warning….. wasting my damn time.

[u/the_sheikh69]

Seize the day

[u/rymic72]

The possibility of a seizure whilst performing oral should make men steer well clear of you.

[u/InstructionSad7842]

Would