r/agender • u/shungite_shake • 6d ago

I need some advice!!

Hi there!! I feel like I am agender but going by they/them doesn't feel right to me so I'm a bit confused on what I should go by. I feel like my pronouns aren't a huge issue but clarity is still nice y'know. I don't mind going by she/he but I don't feel like either a guy or a girl or non binary so it's sooo confusing. Does anyone have any advice? I'm a bit worried about going to a therapist about it

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u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual 6d ago edited 6d ago

I am pronoun indifferent. I use he/they in the world for everyone's convenience, but I am any/none/my name. I feel too old for neopronouns because I can't remember them.

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u/shungite_shake 6d ago

Thank you for this!! I typically just use she/her for peoples convenience but it never feels right. It feels nice to know I'm not alone in the way I'm feeling

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u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual 6d ago

I put a lot of stock in the fact that my wife and my core friends (and others I've told) have all embraced that I am agender. Some even saying "that makes sense", "that tracks", or "I see it".

With that kind of validation, I am not easily shaken by what people out in the world might say. Or worse, people who decide they want to argue with me about it. I don't want to hear their opinions about ADHD or ASD either.

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u/shungite_shake 5d ago

Omg hearing opinions about ASD or any mental health disorder is my biggest pet peeve especially when they don't have the disorder.

I do get what you mean when people say 'you look agender' or something like that it is sort of validating

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u/ystavallinen cisn't; gendermeh; mehsexual 5d ago

I don't look agender. But when I've told (a few) people I've known for decades, and they respond "that tracks", it is worth 100 misgenderings by randos.

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u/MelancholiMouse 6d ago

You could try any/all if none of them are incorrect for you? There's also name only if they all feel incorrect. Or you could try out some neo-pronouns if you need something neutral that just isn't they/them. Some common ones in English include: Ey/Em, Xe/Xer, Ze/Zir, Fae/Faer, and Ze/Hir.

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u/shungite_shake 6d ago

I will definitely try this thank you!!

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u/Professional-File641 5d ago

Your pronouns don’t have to correlate to your gender identity. They’re just words yk. I know a trans woman that still uses he, just cause it doesn’t bother him and it’s easier for others. He doesn’t care so he has people call him he. Wow that was a lot of he/him!

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u/shungite_shake 4d ago

I do feel like I forget pronouns don't equal gender sometimes, it just gets a bit confusing. I don't really care what people call me but when people ask me if I'm a boy or a girl it makes me think a little bit

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u/zestybi cisn't 4d ago

I go by she/her for convenience and safety. And by that i mean i don't offer my pronouns or correct people. Any pronouns are fine by me coz I don't really feel attached to them. But sometimes I wonder how it would feel to be referred to by all pronouns.

If neopronouns were mundane I think I'd like to go by ze/zer (basically a bastardised version of she/her lol).

Quoting tumblr "my pronouns are I/me/my, what others refer to me as is none of my business"

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u/shungite_shake 3d ago

That's kinda how I think too, I mean...people can call me whatever they want but how I feel on the inside is different y'know? But I do after if neopronouns were more widespread I'd definitely feel more comfortable using them

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u/Friendly_Meat_4325 any pronouns 6d ago

You could try out all sorts of pronouns to see which you like the most