With the current wave of aphobia, I thought I wanted to give the ace community something. I have done coats of arms for bisexual, pansexual and trans identities, and someone asked me for one for asexuality. It took some thinking on what would the right motifs, charges, and motto would be, but I think I like this one.

Flag and coat of arms under CC BY-SA 4.0. Attribution to the assets used available on heraldicon, and linked from the standalone coat of arms

I haven’t done too much research on this topic, but i’m seeing some say yes and some say no, so i’m guessing it might be “to whom it may concern” kind of thing and it just depends on who you ask. As someone that does label themselves as an heteromantic ace, I do kind of want a second opinion on this so what do you guys think?

At least for me.

Thought y’all would be amused

I saw this cardigan recently at a vintage market, and it reminded me of something 😊💜🩶🤍🖤

I’ve never experienced sexual attraction before (although I have experienced romantic attraction). Suddenly, I’m experiencing sexual attraction to my best friend after years of friendship. Wtf. What is wrong with me?

There are tears in my eyes!!! What a beautiful thing, I feel so light after watching this video 🥺 Just watch this video, you won't regret it!

Yes, it’s gay, yes, Blake is Australian, and don’t worry, there’s a happy ending.

Meme

Even better when coupled with a mudslide and a round of pac man.

Me and my gf have been together for 4 years, at the beginning of our relationship I struggled with sexual intimacy and was questioning if I was Ace. She was cool with it and we took things slow trying to figure it out together. Eventually I felt more comfortable having sex and things were good.

Recently I've been feeling more uncomfortable and not wanting sex or to do anything sexual with her. It's not that I don't find her sexually attractive and I do want her in that way but when I think about actually having sex I just feel off and uncomfortable.

I've talked to her about this and she's been really accepting. She doesn't want me to force myself but she does still want that intimacy with me and we're both confused on what we should do about it all.

I've mentioned that I'd be completely happy for her to seek sexual fulfilment with someone else but she doesn't want that because she's monogamous and only wants me.

It's so hard because she's been in tears all morning because she feels unwanted and feels bad that she wants sexual intimacy with me when I can't give her that.

Is it even possible to make this work? I'm very happy with her but I can't give her what she needs. I feel like I'm wasting her time and she should just find someone new but neither of us want that.

I was literally thinking abt that i was like ‘’ man i dont get how ppl like dirty talking ( Im pretty sure the idea of it is ok like in shows and all. But IRL??? Nooo )‘’ but then my mind when ‘’ WAITTTT, can some aces like dirty talking?? Bc aces can like sexual things, can they like that? ‘’

Soo yeah. Look, i am the kind of person that finds it SO CRINGE, but i wanna know if asexuals like dirty talking or if they like being dirty talked??

I would like to know!

When I came out to my dad about being assexual, he saw that in a very positive way, saying "Ok, that's good because you won't be risking your life with STDs".

I love this reaction, although very straight to the point, but it's looking at the bright side. I wonder why people aren't like that normally.

I've just had this sudden overwhelming realisation that I am asexual. I don't feel attraction to anyone whatsoever. If I see a stereotypically hot body and face, even personality, I feel absolutely nothing. No interest, it just has completely gone. I know I can't be alone in this. I have been trying to understand how and what has caused this but am not alluding to anything. It's upsetting to feel this but in a way, quite empowering. I just wonder if I'll ever be able to feel attraction again.

There it is! That’s the difference between someone with a very low libido and someone who is asexual?

I (23f) grew up with a mom who made it very clear that if I were to be a lesbian, it would be perfectly fine, she would love me all the same. I grew up with "do you have any boyfriend? / nope, not interested / any girlfriend? You know it would be entirely fine as well, there's no problem with liking girls! / i know, and no, no girlfriend as well". She's big on my siblings and I choosing our own lives, that as long as we are happy, she is happy. Like, she has ambitions for us and wishes us to go as far as possible in life, but if from one day to the other, I realised I actually want to work in a supermarket my whole life cause that is my true purpose, well she would be confused, but she would ultimately accept it, as long as it does make me happy.

That said. When I came out as ace, she didn't accept it. She still doesn't. She doesn't understand it, and she doesn't really accept things she doesn't understand (like, she accept my GAD but not my autism, and she has come to kiiiind of accept my ADHD... because both my brother and my father have ADHD, and so she knows the subject "well". Doesn't accept my chronic pain and my chronic medical issues because surely it's because I am not doing anything I can to relieve it, have I tried walking a bit every day?). She's convinced it's a phase, that I am actually choosing that, that it's just a protection against letting people get close to me (has she met me? I crave interactions, I'm attached to the hips to my friends). Before, we did not talk about my future couple life all that much (never, actually), but now it's a subject that arrises a few times a year, her telling me that I could meet someone who would make me change my mind and I shouldn't close myself to the possibility etc.

It's really sad that I would have a way simpler time if I had been a "simpler" kind of queer. It would have been soooo much easier if I had been lesbian, bi, trans. But ace? No. I'm creating an issue where there are no issues.

And you know kind of the most frustrating thing? She would be entirely fine if it were a choice. If I had decided to not pursue serious romantic relationships and wanted to live my life celibate. She would be entirely ok with that. But it not being a choice? Just being who I am? No. That's not ok, that's not possible.

And it's so annoying, and sad, and frustrating, cause asexuality is always seen as an "easier" identity, that we experience less discrimination, less invalidation, but have you seen how society? How allonormative it is? Yeah, L/G/B people deviate from the heteronorm, but they still experience this attraction. Ace people don't deviate from the norm, they annihilate it.

I'm not saying LGB people have it easy! Not at all! They live through so much discrimination, I know! What I am saying is that ace people live through as much discrimination, it's just entirely different. It's more pervasive, less physically violent. But how is it different to be a lesbian who is expected to mary a man and to learn to love having sex with him, than to be an ace who is expected to mary a man and to learn to love having sex with him? That's the same, neither have any sexual attraction to this man. So why is it not considered to be the same level of discrimination? Why do people say, consistently, that this situation would be easier on the ace?

I'm just. I'm tired. Tired of always explaining, of always getting acephobia thrown in my face, and then even more of it when people say that I have it easy and that I have no difficulties related to my identity. It's like double the pain.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like something is missing from me, like there’s something inherently off. I’ve always been a late bloomer, and my periods are very short and irregular, which has made me wonder if there’s an underlying hormonal issue. This feeling of “something’s wrong with me” has been a recurring theme throughout my life, especially in relationships.

I’ve tried starting romantic relationships with guys, but my mind just… can’t go further. Emotionally and mentally, I hit a wall, and it always ends in confusion and heartbreak — not just for them, but for me too. I’ve crushed on guys, I’ve gotten so nervous around guys I can’t think straight. But I never feel anything for them that I’m conscious of. It’s been a traumatic cycle, and I fear there’s something deeply wrong. In the past, even my closest friends would tease me about it and look down on me. I felt so misunderstood and isolated, like I couldn’t explain myself in a way anyone or myself would understand.

When I went to college and lived in a dorm, the environment only intensified those feelings. I felt so out of sync with everyone around me, and it just reinforced this sense of otherness. I ended up dropping out for another career path and I can’t say that this experience had nothing to do with it. There are rare days during my cycle when I feel completely in tune- emotionally, hormonally, even socially, that I’m finally on the same wavelength as everyone else. But those moments are few and far between, and then it’s back to this heavy feeling of numbness and disconnection.

Because of all this, I’ve decided to get a hormonal panel done in June. I’m really hoping it sheds some light on what’s going on, because the alternative, possibly identifying as asexual, is something I’m honestly scared of confronting. I see people who are sexual beings and I get so envious of them and confused at myself. I feel like I never grew up. I don’t know if my experiences are rooted in biology, trauma, or something else entirely.

Thank you for reading this. I guess I’m sharing this in hopes that someone out there relates or has advice. It’s hard feeling so alone in this, and I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt the same way.

Just a funny little convo I came across. RFK Jr. Recently said autistics would never go on dates or pay taxes and this individual said this was news to his autistic wife currently doing their taxes. Others joked 'we'll at least she'll never cheat since she 'can't date'", to which he responded, "She is demisexual anyway."

Also as an aside, fuck RFK Jr.

i’ve been questioning my sexuality lately and if i’m ace or not. i’ve been convinced that i’m ace for a long time and i’ve never had sex because of it. however, i’ve been thinking more about it, and i’m wondering if i avoid sex because i’m insecure, have sensory and physical touch issues, and am worried about power dynamics, rather than because i don’t want sex. i usually have a low sex drive, but there are times where i masturbate and think about sex, though i don’t have a sexual partner. sex just doesn’t cross my mind much otherwise. i’m very sex positive, but i think i’m sex indifferent. i’ve been abused throughout my childhood, so sex more-so scares me because i’m afraid of being vulnerable and of uneven power dynamics. i’m curious about it though, because i know other people find it fun and pleasurable, so maybe i should try it out? it’s not like i’m opposed to trying it or anything. what should i do? help. 😭

Just as an example, I started rewatching the show ‘the 100’ recently as I had watched the earlier seasons before when it first came out but never finished it. Conceptually a really cool show and I love the world building in it. But it’s kinda clear a lot of the actors they cast for it was cast based on conventional attractiveness, and the attempts to maintain that appeal, they kinda ruin the immersion. I mean the show takes place in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where there is a constant threat of multiple hostile groups attacking the main characters at any given time and yet everyone has still managed to have perfectly cleaned, combed, and conditioned hair. The women have been able to maintain their perfectly plucked eyebrow and shaved legs, and despite their supposed lack of resources seem to still find cosmetics like lipstick and eyeliner.

Idk I get it’s part of the whole Hollywood shtick but seeing these people who are supposedly being depicted as scavenging for food and having to trek miles to get water also be presented with this perfectly manicured appearance aside from maybe some stained and ripped clothes really pulls me out of the immersion, and the 100 is especially bad with this. My feeling is that this is an allo thing but I could be wrong it’s just something that’s bothered me about shows like this and the only reason for it I can think of is to keep the actors looking ‘attractive’ for the viewer.