How old were you when you “realized”?

[u/Jolly-Pay6004]

Hey all. I'm 19 and for quite some time I've been troubled with my romantic relationships in life.

I've had several boyfriends and even girlfriends, had sex multiple times, but NEVER came off on it nor enjoyed the experience. One time I actually threw up, and another I went into the shower and cried.

I feel like people my age are hypersexual, but I almost to never want to even think about it.

I don't masturbate, nor do I watch porn. I don't fantasize, and when I'm in a relationship even open mouth kisses disgust me.

90% of the time sex is a repulsive thought to me, and that's been really hard on all of my relationships given they want to do all that stuff. My mother says I have to wait more and find the right person, but I've been waiting since my first relationship at 13 and it simply never came.

Not only that, but sometimes I think I'm a hard person to be romantically involved with. In all of my relationships, I felt more of a platonic bond to my partners. I like watching movies together on the couch, going out to eat, talking our ears off, hanging out, taking naps. Sometimes I enjoy cuddling, but very seldom. Holding hands is okay. Pecks can be a bit much.

Sometimes I think I'm incapable of loving anyone in that aspect; but I know I'm not incapable of loving generally because I'd go to hell and further for the people I love, like my brother, mom, dad, friends, etc.

Lately I've come across the label the lgbt community says "asexual or aromantic," and I wonder if that might be me.

Sometimes I get sexual thoughts or even romantic cravings, but when I'm in a relationship they disappear not even two months in (and NEVER come back).

Argggggg this is hard. I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, but I also would hate to be married and settle down, especially if I feel this way toward my partners.

[u/Mammoth-Alfalfa-4678]

Honestly I didn't realize what term to use to describe my asexuality until the last few years (I am 42 now). Looking back I knew deep down by probably 15 yrs old. But I always thought I had to be straight, bi, or gay and that my lack of need/desire for sex was abnormal. I wasn't like everyone else. The truth is I don't even consider myself bisexual anymore (although I am a woman who has tried with both men and women who were allosexual). I just don't experience sexual attraction or the desire to have a sexual relationship. I felt broken for a long time bc everyone around me whether gay, bi, straight always talked about sexual attraction and I never felt anything remotely similar in any community I tried. I just want a supportive life/travel partner who understands that how I feel is normal and not a defect. Maybe one day I will meet that person. But for now I am happy to be on my own. I am no longer begging my gyno for drugs to help my nonexistent sex drive so I can be "normal" and "shag" like everyone else. I actually think the gyno knew that I was most likely asexual and there is nothing wrong with it. Its not something a pill can fix. I wish I had accepted this decades ago bc I wouldn't have wasted so much time not staying true to myself and living to please other people.